romac-and-cheese

[romac-and-cheese]

DUNGEONS AND DIRECTORATES

Entry 2: THE CALL TO ADVENTURE!

(Profile pic by Vitaly S. Alexius) (Sounds from Soundtrap.com Free Sounds Library)

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"SNIPSTER!" Captain loudly proclaimed, "I AM SENDING YOU ON A MISSION OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE!"

"Mhm." I hadn't been given a proper 'mission' since we returned from the moon. Biomatrix was still somewhere out there, so I was left to defend for myself yet again. I checked if I still had my gun on me. To my surprise, it hadn't been stolen.

"What's the mission?" I asked.

Captain grabbed me by the shoulders and pointed out a distant building.

"YOU MUST JOURNEY TO ZEE STORE AND PURCHASE SOME SNACKAGES! WE WILL NEED ZEE CALORIES IN ZEE COMING DAYS!" Captain boomed.

The practicality of the mission surprised me. Captain slapped some pieces of paper to my chest,

"ZIS SHOULD BE MORE ZHAN ENOUGH PAYMENT FOR ZEE VENDER."

I caught the papers before they fell. It was more 'captainia bucks' of varying colors. I thought it was cute how the different moneys had portraits of not just Captain, but Engie, Pilot and myself. I was on the '5 Captainia cents' bill. No doubt Pilot's handiwork.

"Alright," I said, "Do I get a grocery list, too?"

"NON!" Captain waved zeer hand dismissively, "JUST GET WHATEVER YOUR HEART DESIRES!"

"Okay..." This was actually beginning to concern me, "You didn't fill the store with traps or anything, did you?"

"NO MORE QUESTIONS!" Zee shoved me in the direction of the store, "TIME IS SLIPPERY AND SLIDING AWAY AS WE SPEAK!"

"I WILL SEE U LATER TONIGHT, MEIN MINKSTRUDEL!" Captain called, walking off.

I raised an eyebrow. Captain sending me to find food? At a specific place? With my gun? And no list of random objects?

Something told me this store would either be really good.... or really, really bad.

___

The road to the store was empty, except for the usual skeletons and cars, and an upturned statue lying half-buried in the snow.

'All the monsters must be on holiday,' I mused.

...I still kept my gun at the ready.

As I walked, I wondered what holiday was closest. Maybe Halloween? No, it can't have been that long. Were we in July? I didn't know any holidays in July... Though my birthday was in June. Could my birthday count as a holiday now that society's collapsed? I bet it could be if I asked Captain.

After all, in 'Captainia', every day was a holiday. For all I knew, it was 'Brush Your Teeth Memorial' day, or 'International Hopping' day, or 'Window Blinds Appreciation' day. Okay, I actually liked that last one.

Captain closed the blinds to our current base and everyone slept in. Afterwards, zee forced the rest of us to go around the nearby buildings and open all the blinds on every floor.

At least it wasn't too different from the usual scavenging. I even found a small stash of food! So overall that holiday ranked pretty high on my list.

A faint ringing noise crept into my hearing. Was this tinnitus catching up with me? I listened carefully. It sounded like it was getting louder...

Wait a minute, that's no tinnitus!

That's a telephone!

I broke into a sprint. The sound was coming from the store!

The vast concrete storefront loomed miles above me. The giant 'G-Super-Deluxe-"All-You-Need-And-More"©' store sign had fallen and blocked the many entrances. Luckily, the 'o' in 'You' lined up just right with one of the doorways.

I crawled through the 'o' and paused. The inside of the building was pitch black.

I shouldered my gun and pulled out my flashlight. It was a cheap kid's toy, operated by a bright yellow hand-crank. It was pretty useful considering there weren't many batteries around, and Captain seemed enthusiastic about the 'COMBINATION RENEWABLE ENERGY AND ARM-DAY EXERCISE' aspects of it... But using it did mean I had to put my gun away.

I spun the crank and swung the light around to make sure I wasn't about to dive headfirst into a deadzone worm hive.

The light bounced off of soaked tile floors and metal shelves. No worms, thank g-d.

I dropped to the floor with a splash. The telephone was louder now. Its rings bounced around the vast store, echoing from everywhere in the dark. I listened carefully...

There. The ringing came from somewhere to my right.

I set off towards it. The flashlight began to die, so I spun the crank, but the sound drowned out the ringing. I had to pause and listen again.

Ah-ha! Found you!

A hole punched in the ceiling from miles above streamed light onto an old-timey phone booth. It must have fallen through after the moon incident.

Within the glass walls, the telephone rang.

I raced to it. Who could be calling? Other survivors? No way it was Captain again. My heart pounded. I snatched the phone from the receiver. I held it up-

"Hello?" I gasped.

"HELLO! EEZ THIS UBERDASH?"

...Of course...

"No, this is Snippy." I didn't feel like playing along.

"OKAY, SNUPERDASH! I HAVE AN ORDER FOR YOU AND I NEED IT DELIVERED QUICKLY!"

"Right," I sighed, "What's the order?"

"GET ME SOME O'DEM JIGGLEY BEARS!" I held the phone away from myself as Captain shouted, "AND PILOT WANTS ZEE WORMS!"

"Yep, got it." I said.

I decided not to bring up that gummy bears and gummy worms were the same thing in different shapes. Engie must have had the same thought, because I heard him faintly say something, followed by Pilot shouting, and then Captain boomed directly into the phone: "YOUR PALETTE SIMPLY LACKS ZEE COLORS TO TASTE ZEE DIFFERENCE!"

"Do you want anything else?" I asked, propping an elbow on the receiver box.

"ENGIE WANTS CHIPS!" Captain said, and that was when I noticed a shiny dark hand-thing climbing up the side of the telephone booth.

Dragged behind it was a massive grinning face. The eyes fixed on me.

"SNIPPY? DID YOU GET ALL ZAT?"

"...Call you back," I whispered.

[romac-and-cheese]

DUNGEONS AND DIRECTORATES

Entry 1: HELLO? CAN I SPEAK WITH YOUR MANAGER?

(Profile pic by Vitaly S. Alexius)

___

The air was bitingly cold, as usual. I struggled to run through the snow. Just a moment ago, I had caught sight of Seven entering an old office building. I didn't know where my other 'compatriots' were, but nevermind them. I had to reach Seven!

Zee had just stepped into the manager's office when I reached the building. I clung to the doorway, struggling to catch my breath.

"Capt- I mean, Seven!" I corrected myself, "I must speak with you! Immediately!"

"IF YOU NEED SOMETHING, ASK MY ASSISTANT!" Seven called from the office before slamming the door shut.

To the side, two green lenses slid into view. Pilot was behind a desk, typing rapidly on a keyboard while somehow balancing three phones against his head.

"Y-"

"OOOOOOOONE MOMENT!" Pilot shouted, before pushing a button on one of the old phone receivers, then frantically scribbling something on a piece of paper, all while STILL tapping away at the keyboard.

"This is-"

"SHHH!" Pilot held up a finger, "Uhuh? Mhm?" He spoke into one of the phones, "Sorry, I'm NOT INTERVESTED!" He slammed a different one back onto the reciever. "Your Call is Important to Us, Please Hold." He spoke with a nigh perfect American accent into the third.

This was ridiculous. Why was I waiting on him? I would try to talk to Seven myself, but I had no doubt that zee's lackey would be ordered to manhandle me. He might possibly even throw me out the window. Sure, we were on the ground floor, but broken glass is dangerous! And I didn't want to be thrown.

"Wut are youuu HERE for?" Pilot finally asked, waggling a finger at me.

"I must speak with Seven!"

"Zee's most divine, opulent excellency is busy. Have a nice day!" Pilot waved me off.

"What?! Seven is not busy!" I argued across desk.

"Bup-bup-bup!" Pilot silenced me as he picked one of the phones back up. He then proceeded to go into a long sales pitch for trash can lids as an effective and cheap pie-tin alternative.

I stamped my foot in anger. I HAD to speak with Seven... But it seemed I would first need to distract zeer contemptible second-in-command.

"Pilot!" I shouted, and the man went dead-still. He slowly, eerily turned his head to look at me. I realized that I had gotten ahead of myself. I had no lie prepared.

"There's, ah..."

The green goggles were unwavering, bug-like... There was no telling what went on behind them.

"There's a fire!" I lied, "And all the, ah...puppies and kitties in the building are going to be burned down! Unless you save them!"

Pilot turned to look out the giant, broken glass windows.

"I sees no fire." He muttered.

"It's, ah..." Damnit! This is when having Snippy around would have come in handy. I was loathe to admit it, but that man was much better at improv than I.

"I'll be right back." I left.

___

"PILOT!" I shouted, "There's the fire!" I pointed at the building in view which now had smoke pouring from it's windows.

"Oh noes!!!" Pilot lept up from his seat.

"Yes! There are baby cats and dogs in there! They need your help!" I goaded him on.

"I'll save those cool cats from their melty demise!" Pilot shouted as he lept over the desk in one swift movement, then began to sprint towards the burning building at a frightening pace.

Seeing how quick he was made me think twice about my plan- but no! I had to act now! I steeled myself and marched through the office door.

"Seven!" I called.

"AH, ENGIE!" Seven responded from where zee was reclined in a chair, legs resting on the manager's desk, "HOW GOES PROJECT 'TURN ZEE MOON INTO AN INSIDE-OUT DONUT'?"

"What? I don't know what you're talking about. Now listen to me!" I pulled out a map and held it up, "I have uncovered something dreadful!"

"OHO?" Seven replied interestedly from zeer chair.

I pointed at the map,

"The recent gravitational anomaly caused pieces of the dead zone to fall into the city," I tapped one spot highlighted in yellow, "We are here," I circled the multiple purple spots on the map, "And these are the misplaced deadzones I have discovered!" (-and some that Snippy had reported, but that was extraneous info)

"We must leave this part of the city before we get boxed in by dead zones!" I finished.

"HMMMM." Seven arched zee's fingers, leaning forward in zeer seat, "AN INTRIGUING PROPOSAL."

I lowered the map, anxiously. There was no doubt in my mind that we would all perish if we were trapped by the deadzones... Even if Seven's luck were to extend to those near zee, there was no telling what would happen if we got separated -and that had been happening a lot as of late.

"OKAY!" Seven finally announced. I let out the breath I was holding.

"HOWEVER!" Zee stood up and gingerly took the map from me, "WE MUST FIRST CHART A COURSE! AND I KNOW JUST HOW TO DO IT..."

From above the top edge of the map, purple lenses peered at me, piercing like needles into the very fabric of my being.

"...AND YOU ARE GOING TO HELP :) "

[romac-and-cheese]

Important context:

Dungeons and Directorates is set after the moon arc. I won't go into intense detail about it. For now, all you need to know is this:

The main group is reunited !!!!

Pilot is whole and back to his pilot-y self!

Snippy is retconned to not know about the sentience of inanimate objects or that Pilot is a Dex.

Mug is a mug :)

Gravity is normal again!

The world is the same as before moon arc, save for some misplaced landmarks / buildings / boats, etc.

Biomatrix is still up on the moon for plot convenience

Don't worry about Engie Bee, Butler, Echo, the Door or Annet. It's fine. They're fine. They won't show up here. Don't think too hard about it.

Stalky was killed in a tragic accident involving a bear trap, 20 ft of rope, an axe, and myself :D