romance-with-a-liminal-space - Tumblr blog

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Ars Poetica in Which the Poet is Not a Cockroach, Jason Myers

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{Words by Anaïs Nin, from The Diary Of Anais Nin, Vol. 4 (1944-1947) / Cynthia Cruz }

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Hello sadness.

I haven’t spoken to you in a while. I was scared of what you might say to me.

I wasn’t sure why you kept turning up and pulling me down.

I shoved you away. I told you not to speak to me.

Every time I saw you, you became the only thing I could see.

I simply didn’t have the time.

I didn’t want to speak so long, so deeply.

I think you were someone I couldn’t control.

Couldn’t understand.

I tried to fix you. People can’t be fixed, they don’t need it in the first place.

You just wanted me to believe you.

Wanted me to include you.

Wanted me to give you time.

You wanted me to see you.

Hello sadness.

I see you now.

I know that we’re alone together in this mess, and that nothing quite seems the answer.

I hear that you grab hold of me to make it known I am not ok.

But I want you to know, that it is ok. We are alone. We do fall short. We are up against a climb we cannot comprehend.

But all those things, they are not without barriers.

You are not a poem to be gawked at, you’re a worried child, a real person.

You just want to be allowed to be exactly as you are.

Hello sadness,

I’m listening.

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what are y’all’s tarot birth cards?

mine are the tower and the chariot

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I think often about quiet.

How it is something we do desperately avoid when it will leave us with our mind,

But how quieting the mind only hurts us in other ways.

For a while now, it’s felt as if my mind is an aquarium only I attend

the walkways are void and cold and lonely, but thousands of fish swim in front of me.

I can point at them and tell the walls the names of each kind, but I will never be there with them. And no one else will ever visit the aquarium.

And every visit, the glass seems to get thicker and thicker.

Some days I come to look at the fish and the walls feel like they’re bending; nearly to breaking. Almost like I were pushing through film.

I thought I could reach the creatures on those days.

But all the others. I was only getting further away.

Some days I would fall into a tank, but it was always the same one.

The creature inside was angry. It smothered you, it’s venom soaking in.

It made you feel afraid.

But most days, I just wandered. Looking at the shifting patterns of water above the glass as the light spat in my eyes. Watching the fish swim by.

Alone. All alone.

I think I’m getting closer to finding a way out. A way to shove all the feelings fish back inside me.

It will be an unpleasant affair.

But I can’t go on watching.

Hoping that maybe, I’ll find just the right kind of quiet.

The kind of quiet that gives me peace.

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from "Our Heartbeats synchronize"

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from "i know you by heart"

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they’re texting while we’re exchanging poetry

we are not the same

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Oh to have this

Carol (2015)

This is why my ask phrase is what it is because I love this scene so much. The desperation and desire to be known by someone, pleading them to ask about you so they know you truly and deeply is why this is one of my favorite scenes from Carol.

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The beginnings were unexpected. I craved love so deeply, and I thought you would never be the person to give that to me.

But then you reached out, you wrapped me in the warmth of a patchwork quilt sewn over years of gentle truths.

Your hand rests on my shoulder, a silent assurance that you trust me. You hear me. You believe me.

You tell me with your warm smile; I'm here, the sky that cradles the moon.

You don't have to speak as we circle the block, but your simple gaze as the silver reflects your smile is enough.

The love I searched for was never the one I needed, and never could have lived up to the one as pure as ours. Dearest Clementine, I hope that as you touch the sky, carried by the wind to lay you in bed, you think with a kindness, the colour of peach and golden syrup, of how loved you are, and know that I would never trade you for a second.

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my shining moon

it was scary at first, i suppose. timid hugs with a face you hadn't seen fully before, intimacies shared over vast distances like messages in bottles.

i didn't know what last year would be, if only i could have known the beauty in the starlight, of love i want to cradle evermore.

i want to do a lap to keep the conversation going, then another, half-moon smiling down upon us in silvery sheen.

i want to cradle your hands in mine, feel your caress over my worn skin and know it'll be okay.

i want to be there when you need me, to be a shoulder and a heart and a love for you to lean deep into and just know what a delight you are.

i want to feel your arms about me, goodbye hugs i'll try not to cry through. i always was so emotional.

i want to drive back late with you to somewhere you feel safe, laying there in a mattress besides you as we drift away. wishing i was drifting my fingers through that queer-ass haircut

but that's already the life we're living, isn't it my dear?

we're going to be apart for longer than is fair, but we'll never really be that far. because all you'll ever need to do is ask if you can rant, and all i'll ever do is say yes and try and show you the light you shine.

and all i'll ever need is to have that connection.

i always seem to fall in love so quickly, but it's never undeserved.

so as i listen to say anything on repeat, know that i'm crying out of love, and that nothing's wrong, i only wish that it could be more right for you.

my shining moon,

i so dearly love you so.

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………… love u siken

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binging lesbian movies while being painfully single is torture but god is it entertaining

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I want someone to send me a playlist in hope that I analyse every part of it and tell them how I see them because of it.

I want to send someone a playlist and have them analyse every part of it so I know they see me and they understand how I feel.

Playlists are letters written in code, playlists are my love language.

Please, send me your playlists.

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that one homoerotic girl friendship that ended horribly is always like, i hate her more than anyone, i will never stop loving her. she made me who i am, i hate the parts of me she helped create. i miss her more than anything, i can't even look her in the eye. i dream about her most nights, i'll cut off my arm before i even consider reaching out to her again. i want us back, i never want to feel that way again.

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love the idea of having a gf who comes up behind me just so she can wrap her arms around my waist to gently sway the both of us

i want to lean back into them and relax into their arms

maybe there’s music playing in the background or maybe we’re swaying in complete silence 

either way we are together and completely at peace <3