ronanlynchusurper

[ronanlynchusurper]

the insane experience of missing a fictional character . like you can always go back and reread the book , replay the game , rewatch the show or movie , you can always go back & see them , but you can never experience them & their story for the first time again . its absurd to miss them because they'll always be there , but you'll miss when there were still new things for them to say .

for a small time they were real & growing and changing and you hung onto every new word, but now all they can do is repeat the same story forever&ever & they're not real anymore because you know everything they're going to do. & you miss them. its fucked man...

[ronanlynchusurper]

nah okay its actually so funny now bc thinking about it how the fuck did Ronan get away with saying his ENTIRE BACK TATTOO was only $900 thank god no one in the group had experience getting a tattoo because they would have called his one percent disposable income ass out ain't no way he got an ENTIRE BACK DONE in ONE FUCKING SESSION and that shit was QUALITY for NINE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS Ronan Lynch you are not just a liar but so full of bullshit and rich kid ignorance there is something so funny about that not even being a believable lie if anyone in that damn group had an idea of what a tattoo should cost/how long something that intricate would take i KNOW they would have clocked Ronan's secret IMMEDIATELY this is potentially the funniest fucking lie ronan ever told "yes I, a sixteen year old, rawdogged an entire back tattoo in one go and yeah it was nine hundred dollars also bananas are fifty cents right?"

[ronanlynchusurper]

first time drawing declan lynch, he looks too happy even after I beat him up.

[ronanlynchusurper]

"to belong somewhere, to go home, to go home, to go home." (The Raven Boys pg. 370)

This internal monologue from Adam absolutely kills me the way he longs so desperately for a home in such a similar way to Ronan ("home, home, home").

[ronanlynchusurper]

so what if they are misplaced forever partners??? i don't care, it didn't alter my brain chemistry at all!!!!!

[ronanlynchusurper]

thinking about adam wanting to watch gansey fall from grace so that he can catch him when he does. him wanting gansey to lose his innocence because he conflates that naivety to the world with privilege.. but also adam wanting to protect gansey from that because he can’t bear to see him hurt..

[ronanlynchusurper]

Blue Ridge Mountain ??????

I keep making up these AUs and never do something about them loooool. also ignore how i already did a brokeback mountain au last summer 😗😗😗

[ronanlynchusurper]

Thinking about how Adam liked Gansey so much and enjoyed spending time with him SO much that he tramped around in the woods fruitlessly in search of magic he didn’t even believe in for EIGHTEEN months before anything supernatural even happened. Even though Ronan was actively hostile and jealous to him (which he’s described as “enduring” to be friends with Gansey 😭) and he was killing himself by working two jobs on top of school and never slept enough and hardly ever did anything for himself at all. Being friends with Gansey was the thing he chose for himself even though it made his other goals harder. Because he was so fond of him. Because he liked him and Gansey liked him back. Because Gansey is the first person to love him in a real way. My god.

[ronanlynchusurper]

i don’t think people understand how much of life is grief. not just people dying, but losing the version of yourself you thought you’d become. grieving the city you had to leave. the friends you lost not in argument, but in silence. the summer that will never come back. the feeling that maybe you peaked at 12 when you were reading books under the covers and believing in forever

[ronanlynchusurper]

people in books and tv shows are always getting so upset they throw an untouched meal in the trash. that would never be me. i'd receive the worst news of my life and still be like Let me put this in the fridge.

[ronanlynchusurper]

I love tags it’s like muttering under your breath on the internet

[ronanlynchusurper]

religious guilt induces a very specific kind of shame, especially when you’re queer. i think we can all agree that ronan lynch never felt the need to conform to heteronormativity or felt ashamed of being gay (at least, i really don’t). but guilt is etched into religious practice. the reason for that is: believing in god is being forever unable to escape him, it’s surveillance, it’s feeling watched and listened to all the time. would you share every thought you’ve ever had out loud? well, you don’t have to, god’s in your head. the privacy of intimate thought is not a thing for religious people. add that to social injunctions pressuring you, being a Teenager, trying to survive your trauma, and you get yourself a nice, ugly, inescapable spiral to fall into

there’s no guilt involved in that scene, but ronan praying for adam when he sees him for the first time is a good example of that, in my opinion. look, god, you’re seeing what i am seeing, right? you know how i feel already, you are omniscient, please, let me (fill in the blank: have him/keep him/understand myself)

sexuality wise, i always write older ronan as an exhibitionist not only because it’s hot but because i think a lot of us who grew up religious are used to performing for a transcendent gaze. sometimes, there’s solace in turning this into something erotic, because it gives you agency over your own wants, and in a way, frees you from the shame (again, especially if you’re queer, and subversion makes your blood run a lil hotter). i think that’s what ethel cain’s perverts is all about, actually

also, on that guilt thing, i really love the idea of ronan lynch feeling guilty for adoring someone other than god, not just loving but adoring; that ought to create crisis… that’s another root of religious guilt, being met with something, or someone, that makes you question your faith: god or being gay? god or being a sexual being? god or losing control? god or adam parrish? making it to that stage of “why would i chose? both give me happiness” is a tedious, solitary and anxiety-inducing process, but i strongly believe that ronan gets there pretty fast, mainly when he figures out that he is, in fact, a god of his own

[ronanlynchusurper]

i feel like crying when i think about declan lynch and that dream moth in a box. a knife to the chest would hurt less tbh.

[ronanlynchusurper]

the lipstick stains in her cigarette smoke

[ronanlynchusurper]

Sex is good and all, but have you guys ever had a fic update while you were re-reading it?

[ronanlynchusurper]

"i saved your life because i love you" hits me EVERY SINGLE TIME. Adam using the word love carefully but saying it SOOO casually here. uGH. i hate gay ppl sm......

[ronanlynchusurper]

'i asked chatgpt' ok well i asked the trees that speak latin and they told me to tell you that you're a cunt