ronibartender

[ronibartender]

Tell me what you want

Summary: (Y/N) is a killer AUX agent. When her friend Bryce and boss Ruhn Danaan get tapped to investigate two pieces of the same puzzle she wants in. But that may mean she needs to face more demons than she signed up for.

PS: takes place during CC1

Disclaimer: I give no rights for my work to be replicated, adapted, translated or used for any means. If you have questions please feel free to message me.

A special thanks to @mirandasidefics for allowing me to beta read her amazing writing and supporting me in posting my first fics. Go read her fics on her page, they are to die for!

Reader’s POV

Crescent City was the place everyone wanted to live in, “where dreams came true.” That was all bullshit. Crescent City had more skeletons in its closet than a freakin’ serial killer. Fae royalty was cruel and condescending. Vampyrs were creeps. Nymphs were top manipulators with pretty faces. Wolves were loyal to a fault but brutally violent. Mers were too mysterious to know anything about. The sprites and other lowers such as humans were treated as little more than pests in this city. And the angels rule over it all, claiming they were “enforcers of the law” and “here to serve and protect the city.” That’s bullshit too; they feed off the weak and abuse their power. (Y/N) would know, after dating Micah Domitus for a grand total of a decade, she decided enough was enough when he asked for an open relationship. If he wanted to go around fucking people he could do it without her.

She had no idea how she ended up here; friends with Bryce Quinlan and playing detective with her on a murder case her ex-boyfriend demanded Bryce solve. They’d met at a club years ago, actually. Bryce had fallen off a table while dancing and (Y/N), recently arrived and still sober, helped her onto her feet and shooed away the males trying to get a glimpse up her skin tight dress. Danika had been there too; getting refills when Bryce fell but she was fun. Having lost her and the pack of devils only proved that this city was on its way to shit.

“Since when is the Umbra Mortis your personal body guard?!” (Y/N) strode into the gallery and b-lined it to Bryce.

Bryce chuckled, “since your ex boo thang set him to be my fierce protector as I handle this case.”

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, “don’t call him that. Any new leads though?”

“Uh-uh.” Bryce sighed, shoulders sagging. She needed a break through soon.

“I went to see Ruhn yesterday. Asked him some questions but it was fruitless… except for the fact that I found out the Autumn King is looking for Luna’s horn.”

“What for?!”

“Who fucking knows? Wanna come to Luna’s temple? Ruhn wants me to meet him there, I just came up here to get my shit before leaving.”

“If you wanted info from the AUX you could’ve asked me.”

Bryce waved her off, “you had a hot date… I was impulsive. I kinda regret dragging him into this but who knows? Maybe Prince Danaan can prove himself to me more than ‘daddy’s lap dog,” she said. A look of pain on her face but (Y/N) knew not to push. Knew her history and true relation to Ruhn and she knew to stay well away from it. She wouldn’t touch the subject with a ten foot pole in a hazmat suit.

“I’m here,” (Y/N) held Bryce’s hand. “And I’ll go to the temple with you. It’s not everyday I get to see the Umbra Mortis up close.” She wiggled her eyebrows, causing Bryce to chuckle.

“You’re so bad.”

“Take a picture of Athie him for me!!” A squeal came from the cracked door down the hall. Lehabah’s fiery face now a shade of pink, “he’s dreamy,” she swooned and Bryce rolled her eyes.

“You got it,” (Y/N) winked at the sprite.

(At Luna’s temple)

Ruhn Danaan was not pleased to see that Bryce had not only brought (Y/N) but Hunt Athalar too. After questioning Bryce on Hunt’s attendance he turned his gaze to (Y/N), “shouldn’t you be at work?”

“My boss gave me the day off.”

“I’m your boss.”

“Yes. And you’re giving me the day off,” she smirked, tilting her head.

“And why would I do that?”

“Because this is the biggest fucking case the AUX has right now and whether you want to admit it or not I’m one of the fucking best. The only reason I’m not your right hand is because you favored your fucking buddies over a good agent.”

“We are not doing this right now,” Ruhn’s veil of shadows darkened.

“You know it’s true; I may not hack as well as Dec but you know I can take Flynn on the mat, at the range and in the field.”

“(Y/N).” Ruhn’s voice was warning, “I swear, I will stick you on parking duty.” At that she pursed her lips and turned to Bryce. Conversation over.

“Asshole,” she whispered under her breath, knowing his High Fae ears could pick it up just fine, but Ruhn said nothing.

Ruhn told them of his findings; of the Kristallos and how it could be summoned. (Y/N) sensed Bryce’s unease grow with every moment, every breath. She leaned on her leg, brushing her shoulder with Bryce’s. She knew the red head would resent having a public act of affection right now, Bryce couldn’t stand to appear weak, especially not in front of these males. But a small touch like this… a simple comfort. I am here, the touch seemed to say.

When Hunt walked away to make a phone call (Y/N) was unfortunately stuck in an awkward position, still as the statue beside them, as the two siblings went at each other about their past and their falling out. Bryce had the last word, looping her arm through (Y/N)’s and yanking her out of Ruhn’s shadow bubble. The lights burned their eyes as they blinked their way to Hunt.

(That night at the AUX)

(Y/N) was typing away at another boring report. Yes, she had a squad of her own. Ruhn was AUX head but he had five squad leaders below him; one for each section of the city, excluding the meat market. Flynn was his right hand, Declan his left. Ruhn had chosen two other males he trained with and trusted for the other two positions but (Y/N) was the only female squad lead on his team and they treated her like it.

Her squat at least respected her; they covered Asphodel Meadows. People knew not to get on her bad side, no matter what kind of shifter of fae or whatever you were, there was no one who knew (Y/N) who’d want to see her in a foul mood. They’d all seen her take down criminals three times her size without hesitation; she wouldn't hesitate to knee an alpha-hole In the balls.

“I haven’t seen you work this late since you were an intern,” she’d sensed his presence so she didn’t startle when he placed a cup of coffee on her desk and pulled up a chair, turning it to straddle it.

“It’s only 3 am, I’d say I’m working early,” she didn’t look at him. Didn’t want to. Ruhn Danaan was a fucking ass. They used to be friends; she’d been working at the AUX long before Ruhn had gotten his shit together and decided to make a living for himself instead of living to defy his father. She taught him many things, took him to the mat until he could pose a true match, until they had to work overtime to beat each other in a match. But then she got passed on the promotion of being AUX head. And when she Stood up to the department about it, Ruhn’s predecessor, who’d been such an inspiration to her, looked at her with sad eyes and said. That’s politics for ya… and left.

When Ruhn passed on her to be his right hand he didn’t look at her for weeks, didn’t answer her texts or calls. Soon enough he was nothing but her boss and that was that.

“I’m sorry I was a dick.”

“Which time?” She still didn’t look at him, still typing away on her computer. Ruhn sighed, taking the mouse and pressing the save button, “hey!”

“It’s a report, not a book,” the prince retorted. When (Y/N) took the mouse back and tried opening the report again, Ruhn unplugged the computer entirely. When she opened her mouth to give him the verbal lashing of his life he cut her off. “I want to officially/unofficially put you on this case”

That made her take pause, “what?” Ruhn simply pushed the cup of coffee closer to her. My father tasked me with finding the horn. Micah tasked Bryce with finding the killer. She has fucking Athalar helping her out… I thought we could tag team it.” He offered her a crooked smile, lip ring tilting with the movement.

Her face remained as hard as stone, “cause I’m disposable? You don’t wanna put Dec and Flynn on this, why? Cause they’ll get hurt? Cause you think-”

“They are on the case,” Ruhn growled through his teeth, cutting her off, his patience wearing thin with this female. “They’re helping where they can, all under the table, just like you’d be doing.”

“Why do I suddenly get to sit with the cool kids?”

“Because you’re a fucking good researcher and you know ancient myths and history and magic like no one else I know.” He was close now, too close. It reminded her of the times when they were friends; he’d taken her to one of his father’s events, she didn’t have a dress so he bought her one. Paid for her hair and makeup too. They didn’t match. He was in an all black suit and she was in a red dress; but they had fun. He taught her to dance a few steps and once the ball had turned boring they went to a pizza parlor, still dressed to the nines.

There was only one time when they’d almost crossed that fine line. Only once. A large group had gone to the White Raven to celebrate one closed case or another and after several shots and mixed alcohol, Ruhn had danced her up against the wall and squeezed her hips. “Tell me what you want,” he’d said, voice as smooth as silk. For a moment she couldn’t move, only feel him in her space, filling it in the best of ways.

The moment was ruined by several females tugging Ruhn away, begging for dances and pictures and asking him questions about his tattoos and piercings and if he had either in naughty places. It wasn’t until she spotted him kissing a Nymph of sorts that she decided enough was enough and she would be made a fool of. She left the Raven, stumbling right into Tristan fucking Flynn who was waiting for his requested ride to arrive. He offered to share the car and pay for her ride home once he was dropped off but during the ten minute ride to his place things had happened; maybe it was the copious amounts of alcohol in their systems or it was the jealousy rushing through her veins alongside it but when Flynn offered her a hand out of the car and into his place she didn’t refuse. They never talked about it, he was in the kitchen when she woke up the next morning and she’d left without saying goodbye. They were normal enough after that, coming to a silent understanding that it was a fun night and nothing more.

She doubted Ruhn knew any of it as he looked into her eyes now and told her, “I want you on this case. Tell me what you want.” The same words he’d said that night… he looked at her lips and then at her eyes again, “tell me what you want,” he whispered this time.

She smirked and leaned in a little, “you wanna know what I want, Danaan?” He nodded. After a beat her face turned to stone again, “a raise.” And with that she stood up, grabbed her bag and walked out. Ruhn’s peace offering in the form of coffee still sat untouched and steaming on her desk as she walked away.

[ronibartender]

Out of my mind

Summery: Part 2 of “Out Of My Control”

Disclaimer: I give no rights for my work to be replicated, adapted, translated or used for any means. If you have questions please feel free to message me.

A special thanks to @mirandasidefics for inspiring me with her own writing and her book theories that are just as unhinged as my own. Go read her fics on her page, they are amazing!

Reader POV

My apartment has never felt so quiet. Quiet enough that I can hear the people laughing at the tavern down the street. Quiet enough that I can hear the female playing the piano two stories below and the couple making love three stories above. I sigh and roll over in bed letting the cool night breeze from the open window cool me off.

He’s gone…

He’s gone and I’m the reason. I could’ve done more, I could’ve, should’ve, put up with Vena for us, for him.

I broke things off 10 days ago. For the first week he knocked at my door, came to my work, brought me flowers and begged, begged on his knees, for me to give him another chance. To which I told him that he needed no other chance. I told him he did nothing wrong.

“Vena doesn’t like me, Lucien. Have you thought that maybe that’s a sign? Kids can tell these things; when people aren’t good.”

“And you’re not good?” His eyes shine with tears.

“Maybe I’m not…” my voice cracks and I try to shut the door. He puts his foot in the way.

“I love you, (Y/N). And I’m not letting you go.”

“Please don’t make this harder for me-”

“For you? FOR YOU?! I got on my knees and begged you to stay. I told you I love you and that’s not enough. What do I have to do? What do I have to offer-”

“You’re not the one who has what we need to make this work,” more tears. From me… from him…

“I’ll talk to her-”

“That hasn’t worked the past 12 months.”

“I love you.”

“It’s not enough… not long term” a guttural sob breaks free from him and he leans on my door frame, chest shaking. My hand goes up to reach for his face instinctively but I stop myself.

“If I can make her like you… will- will you come back to me?”

“You can’t make her do anything. And the more you try to force it the more she’ll likely hate me. She’s your sister, she’s your whole world. Do this for her. One day you’ll find someone and she’ll love her too, and you’ll know she’s the one. Vena deserves a big sister that she loves.” It’s the truth. And it hurts, burns my throat like bile as it comes out but still; it’s the truth.

He nods, standing straight and running a hand over his face, pushing both palms onto his tear-lined eyes. “You don’t get it…” he sighs. “She isn’t my whole world anymore,” he looks down and we stand there a second until a sob comes from my lips and I close the door, locking it and sitting down against it. I don’t hear his footsteps walk away by the time I fall asleep on the floor.

I cry at the memory and go use the bathroom.

The first day after I ended things was spent in bed crying. The second, I spend scrubbing away his scent from my apartment; washing beddings and scrubbing down the bathroom and kitchen, even letting the fireplace burn bright despise the warm weather just to attempt at burning the scent away… but it lingers. Maybe it’s a trick of my own mind at this point but I still scent him everywhere.

When I come back I’m startled by something jumping in through my window. I yelp as a dirty, chunky cat looks at me. It has beautiful green eyes and doesn’t seem agitated so I crouch and reach my hand out not too close, allowing it to come to me. The cat takes its time but comes close enough to sniff my hand and that’s when I notice that it’s wet. In the dark room it’s hard to tell what it’s covered in so I take it to the bathroom and find that it’s covered in mud. I take the rugs out of the bathroom and lock the door, I fill the tub as the cat tries to lick itself clean. It’s docile as I trim its nails and only fights when I try to put it in the tub.

After a while of trying to climb out and get away it accepts its fate as I soap up its coat and rinse it off. It behaves besides some pained meows and a displeased look on its face. Once it’s clean I can tell that it’s a female, gray tabby. She sits by the fireplace to dry off as I try to find something it can eat. I put out a bowl with water and defrost some salmon since I’m out of tuna. I lay out some towels but I doubt it’ll know that’s where it’s supposed to release itself. I yawn as I spot the chubby lady by the fireplace, sleeping. She seems so docile… I wonder why it’s out on the streets, no collar but so obviously not an alley cat, not in this court. I decide to make that tomorrow’s problem and head to bed.

The next day I wake up early, curtesy of the big cat deciding to lay down on top of my face and stop my breathing. I go out to buy cat supplies once I decide my attempts to fall back asleep are truly futile, and ultimately deciding to keep the furry thing as my new companion. I get food and cat litter and dishes and I make sure the set up is good enough in my apartment before going to work.

I haven’t seen Lucien in six days when he decides to show up at my work during my lunch. “Lucien-”

He puts a hand up, “I know,” he sits in front of me. “I- I’m running out of things to say, (Y/N).”

“Then stop talking. We both know this won’t work and you coming to see me only hurts us both.”

“I know.”

“Then what do you want?” I mentally kick myself as my voice wavers.

“I want you in my life. I know it’s stupid and it’ll probably do more harm than good but I miss you. Not just because I love you but I miss your personality; the dark humor, the knowledge in that big brain, all your little fun facts and books and crafts and… I can’t quit you cold turkey.”

“What do you want?” I repeat.

“Company. Your company.”

I take a deep breath, weighing the possibility, “no.”

“(Y/N),” he gets ready to make another point but I stop him.

“I have to quit you cold turkey, because if I don’t… I’ll be an addict forever.” First I see sadness, then rage in his eyes as he slams his palm on the table and stands up, leaving. I put my lunch away and head back into the darkness of the library, having lost my appetite.

Lucien POV

I’m so steamed up that all I see is red all the way to the palace. I head to my studies, hoping everyone will leave me alone but as I round a corner Vena is once again running from her governess and towards me, a big smile on her face. “Lushy! You’re back! You’re back! Where’d you go?”

“Not now Vena, I have work to do.”

She looks confused and follows me, “ooo! Can I help? I’m a good helper! You always say so!”

“Not now Vena, I’ll call you later and we can play.”

“Oh! I learned something new today! Did you know that flowers-”

“VENA! I said not now!” I shout and immediately regret it as big, fat tears fill her eyes and her lips wobble. She looks down and runs away down the hall.

Shit.

I rub my face before following after her, “Vena? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to yell.” I keep walking, following the scent of her vanilla shampoo. I hear sniffling coming from a slightly open door.

“He yelled at me, papa! Lushy never yells!” She cries.

“Lucien is under a lot of stress lately, cut him some slack. People do and say things they don’t mean when they have so many negative feelings going on.”

“It’s that witch! She made him sad!”

“(Y/N)?”

“Yeah! Her! She made Lushy sad and now he’s yelling at me.”

“Why do you think she made him sad? She hasn’t been around in weeks.”

“Because… because… because she’s a witch!” Vena huffs and even though I can’t see her I know she’s crossing her arms and pouting.

“Morning Star.” My father, ever soft spoken, says, “why do you think she’s a witch?”

“Because she is.”

“Ok, but besides that?”

There’s a long pause before Vena starts speaking, her voice soft and sad, “because she put a spell on Lushy. She made him not like me anymore.”

“What are you talking about?” My father chuckles, “your brother loves you more than anything!”

“Not more than her. He stopped wanting to play with me and every time we were together he’d talk about her. I just want my big brodda back, papa. I miss Lushy before he met that witch.”

“Your brother loves you both. But in different ways. But that doesn’t mean he loves you any less just because he loves her. And you want to know a secret?”

“What, papa?”

“I promised your mother I wouldn’t tell you so you have to promise me that you’ll be a big girl and understand what I’m about to say, ok?”

“Yes, papa?”

My father sighs, “(Y/N) stopped coming around because her and Lucien aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend anymore.”

“Good. He got rid of her for good.”

“You said you’d be a big girl, Vena.”

“Sowy, papa. Keep going.”

“He didn’t get rid of her. She ended things with him.”

“Why? Lushy’s the best!” She gaps.

“Because she felt like she was getting in between you and him.”

“Well, she was…”

“No, Vena. She wasn’t. And I need you to be a big girl and understand that. You were mean and rude to that young female and you made her feel unwelcome, that’s not what us Spellclevers do. She felt so unwelcome that she left. And now your brother is heart broken.”

She gasps, “she broke his heart?”

“No, Vena. You broke his heart.”

A few seconds pass before she answers, “oh…so… I hurt Lushy by making (Y/N) wanna go away forever?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand?”

“If she’s gone… Why isn’t Lushy back to normal? If she’s not around then he can’t love her. So he should be my best big brodda again.”

“Love doesn’t go away with distance or time, Vena. I loved your mother for more than 500 years. I didn’t speak, write or see her for most of that time, yet my heart belonged to her. And nothing and no one else could or can change that. But just because I love your mother so fiercely, doesn’t mean I don’t love you, or Lucien.”

“So you can split up your love?”

He chuckles again, “no, my dearest. Love can never be split. It can only spread, and there’s no limit how much it can grow.”

“I think I understand, papa. But if that’s true… then I hurt Lushy… real bad.”

“I’m afraid you did, darling.”

She cries, “but I don’t wanna hurt him, papa! How do I make it right?”

“You can start by giving him time to calm down. Then maybe you can draw him one of your beautiful pictures and apologize.”

She didn’t say anything else and all I hear are the crackles of the fire in my father’s study. I silently make my way to my office and think about what I just heard, preparing myself to accept her apology even though I know it will change nothing. It’s done. She’s gone and Vena’s apology won’t change the fact that she doesn’t like (Y/N) one bit.

Reader’s POV

This cat will be the death of me. It’s eating 5 cans of tuna a day and it insists on sleeping in bed with me and I’ll wake up in the middle of the night as it lays on my face and suffocates me. At this point I don’t know if it loves me or if it’s trying to murder me.

I gasp for air, pushing the fur ball off my face. I glare at her and stir, looking outside as the dawn breaks. One year… today would’ve been a year. My vision blurs at the thought and I stare at the ceiling and let my tears flow. It’s my day off anyway, I can sulk today.

A knocking at the door interrupts my sulking and I hold my breath, hoping whoever it is will think I’m either out or sleeping and go away but the knocking continues, rapid and persistent. After about three minutes I give up and go see who it is, “coming!” I roll out of bed and put on my robe, padding to the door and opening it; no one.

“Down here!”

I look down and there stands Venus. Venus?! “What are you doing here?!”

“I need to talk to you,” she shrugs like it’s the most normal thing in the world, the backpack she carries shaking with the movement. She walks in like she owns the place. “Do you know how long it took me to get here? And why do you live so high up? By the way, your front door doesn’t lock; the one downstairs to get into the building.”

“I- I know Venus,” I close the door. “Does anyone know you’re here?”

“No,” she shrugs off her little leather backpack, tossing it up and onto the island then tries climbing up the bar chair, I end up helping her and she huffs.

“How did you find me?” I pour her a glass of water and she takes it with both hands, drinking half of it. She reaches for her backpack and pulls out a large canteen.

“Can you fill this, please?” I comply, filling it and handing it back to her.

“How did you find me?” I repeat.

She smirks, the little devil. “I told my governess I wanted to send you a letter so we walked here this afternoon and I left it in the mailbox. I just wanted to know how to come here so I could come alone.”

“And why did you want to come here, exactly?”

“Because Lushy is sad and I don’t like it! And you have to fix it.”

I sigh. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?!” She demands, pouting and crossing her arms.

“Lucien and I broke up for a good reason. And I can’t go back on it.” She pouts and mumbles something, “what?” She mumbles again, “I don’t know what you’re-”

“I’m sorry, okay?!” She huffs and looks away.

“You’re… sorry? For what?”

“Papa talked to me about why Lushy’s been so angry and sad… I’m sorry I was mean. And I’m sorry I pulled your hair… and pushed you… and put ants in your purse.”

“That was you?!”

“I said sorry!”

I sigh. This changes nothing. She’s here because Helion talked to her, not because she’s ok with me and Lucien being together. “Thank you for apologizing, Venus. I appreciate it. Now let’s get you home.”

“No!” She climbs down from the bar chair and goes to the sofa, climbing up and laying down on it. “I’ve been walking for hours! My legs are tiny still, it took me forever to get here.”

“Don’t you think they’ll be worried about you?”

“I left a-” She gasps and practically rolls off the sofa and makes a bee line for my new furry friend. “I didn’t know you had a kitty!” The cat meows, annoyed as Venus hugs it.

“She wandered in through the window a few days ago.”

Venus pets the cat and pulls it to her lap, her little legs spreading to make room for the cat to lay between them.

“What’s her name?”

“I haven’t thought of one yet…” I get up and make coffee, “you wanna eat something?”

“Yes please! I ate all the cookies I took from the kitchen on my way here.”

I make her a little plate of crackers and cheese and pour her some orange juice. By the time I go to tell her the snack is ready she’s pulled out bows from her own hair and put it on my cat. The furry thing looks at me with an unimpressed expression and meows in a way that feels like it’s begging for help. “Venus, come eat.” She starts to pick up my cat to bring with her, “leave the cat.”

“Aweee,” she puts the cat down and comes to eat, and this time doesn’t fuss when I help her up onto the bar stool.

About an hour later later she falls asleep with a death grip on the cat that still looks the pinnacle of boredom. I untangle her little hands for the kitty and pick her up, gathering her things and slugging her back onto my shoulders. I walk her all the way back to the Day Court Palace. It’s about a mile and a half from my apartment to the palace. I can make it in about thirty minutes at a leisurely pace, but I can’t imagine how long it took Venus and her little legs.

Once I make it to the gates the guards pull Venus off me, taking her pack and my own bag too. They escort me to Helion’s office and I’m sure the only reason they didn’t cuff me was because I complied and they knew my history with Lucien.

(Helion’s office, soon after)

Helion sighs as he sits in his office chair, “what happened?”

“Didn’t your guards tell you?” My eyes are on my feet.

“All they said is they saw you approaching the palace with Vena sleeping on your shoulder. We woke up panicked today when we couldn’t find her.”

“She snuck out and came to my apartment.”

“How-”

“I don’t know. She said she tricked her governess into taking her there today to drop off an apology letter. Once she knew where it was she could go by herself.”

The High Lord rubs his face in desperation, “what did she want?”

“She wanted to say she was sorry for all the things she pulled…. And she wanted me to make Lucien happy again.” I swallow the lump in my throat, eyes down cast.

“(Y/N) I’m so sorry. I think I’m partially to blame for this; I told her she had to make things right and apologize to her brother but… Vena always has her own plans.” I nod and then silence. “You’re free to go, it was truly a pleasure to see you again.”

I nod. I can feel my nose go red and the sight of my shoes blurts as tears fill my eyes.

Helion rises from his chair and hugs me, at the contact I sob, “I’m sorry.”

“For what, my dear?”

“For everything… I had no business going out with your son in the first place and now… there’s this mess.”

“You have every right to date my son. And he has every right to love you,” I sob again and hold his arm as he hugs me while I’m sitting in the chair. “Which he does. Deeply.”

Once I gather my bearings I leave the palace as Helion looks after me with a pained look. I walk quickly through the halls I’ve become so familiar with, hoping I won’t bump into Lucien. I spend the rest of my day off walking through the park, picking up more tuna and eating junk food on the sofa.

The hardest part is the numbness. All emotions just remind me of him, as if my soul has completely intertwined itself with his in the short time we knew each other. But now everything is hollow, and I have no energy left, no strength to feel those things now.

I fall asleep in the tub and only wake up when I hear a thud come from the bedroom, I look out the window and it is pitch black outside. I register the freezing water a second later and get out.

Another thud.

What the fuck? I wrap a towel around myself and curse colorfully at not having brought any clothes into the bathroom with me. I pull the plug on the drain and open the cabinet door under the sink, pulling out a dagger; Lucien insisted on teaching basic self defense and part of that, apparently, was keeping a dagger in easy reach yet hidden in every room. I open the door and try my best to remember everything Lucien taught me, still very aware of the fact that I’m in a towel.

I round the corner and there’s no one in the living room or kitchen.

“In here,” Vena. I hear her voice call me from the bedroom. This little female is going to make me go out of my mind!

I stomp over and turn on the light, “what. Are you doing here?! Do you know that they dragged me to your father this morning? Is this another one of your jokes? Cause if it is this isn’t funny, Venus. I’m not with your brother anymore! Leave me alone!” I stomp off to put the dagger back in its place. I count to five and walk back to the room where Venus is laying down a cat bed and blankets. “What are you doing?”

“Your kitty is pregnant, dum dum!” She doesn’t even look at me and keeps making the bed. Oh… that makes sense.

“How do you know?”

“Don’t you know anything about animals?”

“Some… not really.”

“Papa’s prize Pegasus and his mate are having a baby. Papa’s been teaching me about animals and their babies and cat is showing all the signs of getting ready for having kittens.” She says, matter of factly.

“I appreciate it Venus but you’re not supposed to be here.”

“I wasn’t done this morning,” she crosses her arms. “I just fell asleep. But I brought coffee this time so that won’t happen again.”

“You’re not supposed to drink coffee.”

She simply shrugs and focuses and making the cat bed. “I want a truce.”

“A truce?”

She nods, curls bouncing. “Yep. I’ll try to like you better if you make Lushy happy again by being his lady friend.” She finishes the cat bed and turns to me, hands on hips.

“Why?”

She looks down and wrings her hands together, “cause I love Lushy. And I know that I need to share him now.” The little female closes her eyes, like this confession hurts her. I take a few steps closer and kneel down in front of her.

“Venus?”

“Yeah?” Her eyes still closed, hands still clasped tightly together.

“Can I hug you?” Her eyes shoot open and she looks at me, searching for any evil.

“Ok.” I don’t waste a second, scooping her into my arms and holding her like a babe. I hold her for a while until she hugs me back. I don’t realize she’s crying until I hear her broken voice. “Lushy yelled at me.”

“What?”

“He yelled… he’s been so angry since you went away… so sad. I want my brodda to be happy and I talked to papa, and I know that if I don’t like you then Lushy won’t be happy.” She hiccups over my shoulder, “but I don’t like you. You stole my Lushy away and I don’t like it at all! Papa said that love grows when you love more people but it’s like you stole all his love away! All he would talk about when we played was you!”

I cut in as she takes a breath, “he talked about you to me nonstop too, you know? He would always tell me how smart and kind you were, how you were creative and too clever for your own good. You make him so proud, Venus. And no matter what he’ll always be your brother. I can’t change that as much as I can’t change the stars in the sky.” She cries a while longer, once the smell of salt passes I continue, “I love your brother. And if you’re willing to form a truce then I’ll consider being with him again, but no more pranks, ok?” She simply nods. “Maybe we can find common ground?”

She pulls away and wipes her face, “what’s that?”

I stand to find tissues, “thing we both like. I like to read and paint and do crafts. I like ice cream and breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. Tell me some things you like.”

She sits on the floor in front of me, legs out and hands stretching to grip her covered feet. “Hmmm… my favorite color is purple but I also like green. I like to draw too and I like ice cream; cookie dough. My favorite meal time is dinner and I’m still learning to read but I like it when mama, papa or Lushy reads to me.” She smiles, accomplished.

“What kind of stories do you like?”

“Papa reads to me about animals, Lushy tells me stories of his adventures in the courts but my favorites are mama’s stories! She reads me stories about pirates and sword fights and damsels in distress! About rats the size of dogs and swaps so dangerous no one can pass through!” She vibrates with excitement, “stories about true love! My favorite is the Buttercup story!”

I chuckle, “I don’t think I’ve heard of it.”

“Oooo! Mama will tell ya! She likes telling that one.”

I smile, “wanna hear one of my favorites?” She nods. “It’s a story I heard long ago but never forgot. Let’s get comfy,” we get snacks and I get her settled on the bed with me and then I start. “Once upon a time, in a land long since burned to ash, there lived a young princess, who loved her kingdom… very much….”

(Hours later)

Venus fell asleep deep into the story. She held out longer than I thought she would. But that story is long and I do not blame her. Once I was sure she was in a deep enough sleep, I once again gathered her things and set off to the palace. The guards didn’t drag me to Helion this time, the High Lord was up and simply summoned as they saw my approach.

“Again?” He sighs as he takes Venus and her pack from me.

“Yes, but this time went well… she wants to form a truce.”

“A truce?”

I nod. “I’ll be with Lucien again and she’ll be kind to me. We found some common ground and dare I say we even bonded a little.” I flush, the notion still foreign.

Helion simply smiles and kisses his daughter’s hair. “It’ll be nice having you around again, (Y/N).”

“Thank you,” I smile bright.

“Would you like me to summon Lucien for you? I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to-“

“No!” I cut him off, “no. No… I- I still have to think of what to say. Can I come by tomorrow morning before work?”

The High Lord of the Day Court looks amused as he chuckles and puts a hand on my shoulder, “you can come by at whatever time you’d like, dear.”

It’s no secret where Lucien gets his charm. I smile up at Helion and nod, “I’ll be seeing you real soon then.”

“I hope so, good night.” He takes Venus inside as I wave goodbye and turn to head home. How the Hel am I going to talk to Lucien? How do I unsay all I said? I made it so clear that I wanted nothing more to do with him. Told him to go, that I didn’t even want his company…

Fuck.

I get home, shower off the stress, feed my cat and plop down in bed.

Tags: @stressed-reader @owned-by-tiny-velociraptors @nana-nana2 @fantasydreamer420 @tele86 @havenhavoc @sophia-grace2025 @gamarancianne @browneyedbrunette101 @jaybbygrl

[ronibartender]

Out of my control

Summary:

LoA moves to the Day Court after Beron’s death and her and Helion have a baby; Lucien gets a little sister. Lucien meets Y/N when his sister is about 3 yo and he starts courting the her. It quickly becomes clear that the little female does not like Y/N making her gets more and more discouraged, knowing relationships tend not to work if a family doesn’t like the partner. Lucien always brushes it off and tosses it up to his sister being territorial over the brother who used to spend every second he could spare with her but now needs to teach her to share him.

Disclaimer: I give no rights for my work to be replicated, adapted, translated or used for any means. If you have questions please feel free to message me.

A special thanks to @mirandasidefics for beta reading and inspiring me to finally post. Go read her fics on her page, they are amazing!

Lucien POV

“Centuries ago there was a male and a female who fell in love”

“Ewwww!” She giggles.

“Shhhh. This is the story of a female, a spitfire who was carefree and creative and who fell in love with the sun.”

“The sun?”

“The sun. The sun used to sneak into the female’s family estate when all were away and he’d dance with her. He taught her the dances of all the places he had been to and she taught him about the animals that lived near her estate. Her favorite were the birds, she’d take him to the balcony of her estate and they’d feed the birds, sometimes they’d even fly into her hands.”

“They can do that?” Her small voice is full of wonder.

“Yes, but it takes patience. But the sun and the spitfire female had to keep their love a secret.”

“Why?”

“Because the spitfire was betrothed.”

“Beth- betrou- bu- bu- what?”

“Betrothed, she was engaged,” she gasps at that. “But she didn’t want to be. The spitfire’s father had basically sold her to the most powerful male in the land; a king.”

“She didn’t want to be a queen?”

“Maybe she did… but she knew that true love was more important than any crown.”

“Awww” she coos.

“The day for her to wed came and her betrothed- I mean, her new husband, found out about the sun, about how much she loved the sun and how much the sun loved her back. He threatened to-”

“Thhhhh- thhh- teten?”

“Threatened. He promised to do something really bad if she didn’t stop seeing the sun,” she gasps again.

“What did he promise?”

I shrug, “no one knows. But it was scary enough that the spitfire, sad and crying, told the sun they could no longer see one another. And the sun, fearing for her, agreed. And so the sun was gone. And the spitfire’s life became cloudy and colorless. Slowly, her fire didn’t burn as bright. The days dragged on and on and on… she gave that king six sons. One stronger than the last. Taller. Bigger. But… also dumber.” She giggles. “Then a war broke out and all the surrounding kingdoms got together to fight the bad male trying to take away their freedom. Their lives, their cultures and traditions were all at risk… and the sun was there to help them fight, but the spitfire could only watch from a distance. Until one morning, one of the evil males from the bad side of the war, found her taking a walk in the forest. The spitfire, having gone centuries without her training, fled. The male chased her to a cliff and she knew she wasn’t going to make it. No weapons, her powers, out of practice and dull over the years…”

“Oh no…”

“But then, with a burst of blinding light, the sun appeared in front of her again. He drew no weapon but in seconds the bad male was no more. He turned to the spitfire, who watched him in awe and in thanks, who was crying at their mare proximity, and he held her. And they danced again. They danced like they used to. Like no time had passed at all and for a few days, though they met in secret, her world had color again. The fire in her soul burned so violently she couldn’t sit still. But all good things must end, as the bad ones do. And the king found out they’d been dancing,” she gasps yet again. “He promised more bad things… and the sun had to go away again. Months later the spitfire gave birth to another son. He looked much like the others but he was smaller. More delicate. As he grew, he didn’t want to fight, though he learned to defend himself, but he was drawn to the library, he loved to read. So as his brothers were sent to rule parts of their father’s kingdom, the youngest would read, and learn. But he was always treated poorly by his brothers and his father, and he never knew why. They did terrible things to him, took away things that made him happy, took his friends and his books and everything he held dear…” My voice cracks. “So he ran away and went to live with a friend. He made a life for himself, traveling and seeing new places, making new friends. And things were fine… until they weren’t. A mad queen captured all the kings and queens of the neighboring lands and cast a curse on the youngest son, his friend and their kingdoms. They were cursed for 50 years!”

“15 years?!”

I chuckle, “50, 5-0. But a human came and saved them. She beat all the odds and the youngest son was free… for a while. Many bad things kept happening to him but he got through it all and he found his mate!”

“His mate?”

“Yes. They are very rare, but mates are the Mother’s gifts to the fae. They hold the other half of our souls and some say one is never complete until they find their mate. But his mate did not want him. She was hurt and angry at the world and she did not look at him twice. He was hurt, rejected by the one person who was supposed to love him no matter what. But he made it through, little by little, getting stronger with each challenge he faced and conquered. He moved around different kingdoms, fought in a big war and soon he found himself not quite fitting into the places he once did. So he found a new home, with two new friends; a firebird and a misunderstood warrior. Until one day a little bird came to him and told him the story of the spitfire and the sun. And that’s when he knew; he was no prince. The evil king who raised him was not his father… but the sun? The sun was. And the youngest son was light itself.”

“Wow…”

“Yes… it was not easy. The sun didn’t know his love for the spitfire had such an effect. But when he found out the sun shone brighter than he ever had. Taking his offspring, although a grown male, into his kingdom and teaching him things he didn’t even know he was capable of, powers he didn’t know he had. But the young male’s trouble wasn’t over; his mate rejected their bond and he almost died because of it. His parents and his two friends were the ones to keep him alive and helped him. And then the evil king who had raised the male passed away; the spitfire was free too. And she found refuge in the sun’s kingdom. And they danced again, and laughed again and fed the birds again.”

“And they lived happily ever after?” She asks.

“Not yet. Not a decade later, the spitfire was pregnant again, this time with a morning star, Venus.”

“That’s my name!” She claps.

“That’s right. And the lonely boy who finally had the family he always wanted, got a little sister!” She giggles as I blow raspberries on her belly. “Now, go to bed before mom finds out you’re awake.”

“Noooo!” She whines, “I wanna hear it again! I wanna hear it again!” I put her in bed, catching her by the ankle as she tries to crawl away and putting the covers over her.

“You just heard it!” I smile.

“But I want it again!” I kiss her head.

“Tomorrow night,” I exit her room, turning off the lights, the spinning night light casting little suns around her room. I walk to my office, the one Heli- dad gave me a while after I got settled here and started “High Lord training” as he likes to call it. I finish some paperwork before retiring to my chambers, bathing and sleeping.

The next morning, after breakfast I head over to the library. This one is smaller than most of the grand libraries of the Day Court. This is where most of our ancient texts are stored and I’m running an errand for Helion…dad. I walk in and can’t help but notice how it looks so different from most libraries. There are some shelves, yes but the books are covered and bound, protected. There are chests, no doubt filled with parchment and rolls of ancient text. I walk in, looking at the list of texts I’m supposed to retrieve and start searching for the specific books and scrolls he requested so we can go over them this afternoon but many of the covers and titles are covered to keep them protected. I reach for one and…

“Do not touch the books!” A female voice reprimands and I look around to find the source. A female stands, with a stack of books in her arms, at the end of this book shelf. She peaks over her stack of books, “please wait by the front desk and I’ll be with you in a moment,” she walks off and by the time I reach the spot she stood in, looking both ways, she’s gone.

I wait by the “front desk” which consists of a small desk and an uncomfortable looking bench with a few fae lights floating around. Ten minutes go by before the female speed walks behind her desk, “sorry for the wait, how can I help you?”

“I’m looking for these,” I hand her the list. Her eyebrows scrunch in concentration as she reads through and her lips twitch and purse.

“Some of these are very ancient texts…” she asks, definitely searching for something as she looks in my eyes. Pausing on the left side of my face and I see it; the fight between wanting to look over my scar and being polite and keeping eye contact with my natural eye.

“Yeah… I know…”

“Alright, it’ll take me a while to get these from storage. If you want to you can come back in about an hour-”

“It’s alright. I’ll wait.” I nod to her and give her a tight lipped smile. She bites her lip and sets my list down on her desk.

“These texts aren’t just something you can check out like a library book. I’ll need to call my superior to get clearance to let them leave this library. And even if I do, it’ll only be for a day or two.”

I blink. “Clearance?”

She nods. “Yes.”

This is awkward, I don’t want to tell her Helion is my father, it’d sound like I’m throwing my title around, “alright. I’ll… be back in an hour then?” She nods and I go to a café nearby to wait.

When I return she has everything ready for me on a small cart. She’s at her desk writing and I clear my throat as I approach. She jumps, “oh! I- I’m sorry,” she scrambles up, looking into my eyes for only a second before casting them down and going to the cart behind her. “Here. It’s all there, bring them back whenever you can and just…” she wrings her hands, “be gentle, please.”

Her demeanor has completely changed from just an hour ago and I have a good idea why. “Thank you. I’ll have them back as soon as I can.”

She nods but her eyes dart from her shoes to the cart to my shoes and then back to hers again. “Take your time,” she mumbles. I don’t know what else to say so I take the cart and roll it until it’s outside the wards protecting the library and winnow to Day Court Palace. This is the part of being a High Lord that Tamlin always hated; how people changed completely once they realized who stood before them. Either shaking with fear or bowing with respect. It’s lonely. And I feel it more everyday, yes I have Venous and my mother and a father who cares and loves me but I crave friends to go out drinking with, to flirt with females, to go hunting or fishing or do anything at all for pleasure and to share it with someone, a friend or otherwise. With a sigh I enter my father’s office, rolling the cart with all the texts he requested on them.

“That took you a while,” he lifts a brow, not in anger but in curiosity.

“Yeah,” I start to take things off the cart and place them on the large, round table in the middle of his office. “The librarian said she needed to get clearance and then it would take a while for her to get everything together.”

“Clarence?” He sounds surprised.

I chuckle, “that’s what I said.”

“And I’m guessing you didn’t tell her who you were,” it’s not a question.

I sigh, “no. It feels like bragging… it was never like this in Autumn. They knew me but I was no one, here they-”

“Respect you?” He smirks.

I chuckle, “something like that.”

“Maybe if you were honest but humble they’d warm to you on a personal level, hiding who you are to those who don’t know won’t do you any good. Venus is your only friend and though I love my little morning star, that’s sad.”

As if saying her name summoned her, she busts through the office door, surely running away from her governess again, her crimson curls loose from what looks to be the remnants of a braid.

“Papa! Papa!” She runs in and hides behind his legs as her governess comes in after her, out of breath and apologizing. Helion assures her that it’s alright and he’ll look after his daughter for a while. Venus reaches for one of the books I just placed on the table and I pick her up and bring her away from it. I get one of the other, replaceable, books from a shelf and hand it to her. She opens it to a random page before pretending to read, making up her own story.

(Three Days Later)

I roll the cart into the library and the female is nowhere to be seen. “Hello?” Silence. Eerie silence. I leave the cart near her table and start walking through the stacks. When I’m about to give up I spot the female in the very back balancing on the stool that’s supposed to be behind her desk, reaching for something on the top shelf, her tongue peaks out in concentration. As her fingers brush the object and the stool wobbles. “You want help?” Her head turns so fast I’m sure the stool will tip over but she holds onto the shelf in front of her. She looks like she’s about to give me a scolding until her eyes widen as she meets mine and realization dawns on her face. She turns away and starts to get down.

“No, no. It’s alright the ladder was old and it broke a little while ago. It’s not important, just a little extra organizing.” She bites her lip, facing me, back straight, chin high but eyes avoidant. “Do… you need something… sir- Lord?”

“Lucien.”

“Lord Lucien. Do you need anything?”

I chuckle and walk past her to where the stool is. “Just Lucien is fine. And no, I don’t need anything, I just came to drop off the things I came for a few days ago.” I put my knee on the stool for leverage and push myself up, easily grabbing what she needed from the top shelf.

“Thank you… Lucien,” she bows her head slightly and still won’t look me in the eye as she reaches for the box in my hand. I move it out of her reach, and pick up the stool before she can reach for that too. “I’ve got it,” I start walking back To her desk and she follows, eyeing me and the box like she’s expecting me to drop it. I pretend to and she gasps, desperately taking hold of the box and carrying it the rest of the way, setting it gently on her desk.

“You know… I won’t bite if you look at me.”

“Cause if you did, you’d want seconds,” the smirk comes and goes from her face, replaced by mortification as she scrambles for an apology. “I- I- I don’t know where that came from. I’m sorry, it was a reflex, I’m a bit of a jokester at heart, really I mean no offense.” I put both my hands on the table, leaning on it and chuckle at her flushed cheeks, she once again looks down at her table. It’s not a meek gesture, it’s not out of fear but out of respect, for my title, my station… but it is respect, regardless of what it stems from.

I can feel a smirk growing on my face as I concoct my response, “maybe I would,” she whips her head towards me. A hard expression taking over her features, her chin raised just a centimeter higher than humble. She looks me in the eyes for a second. Two. Three. Eyes flickering between russet and gold until her expression softens, her chin lowers and she goes back to looking at her table.

“Thank you for bringing them back. I’m sure you took great care of them…” she gestures to the cart I brought in, looking like she’s about to say more but doesn’t.

Maybe if you were honest but humble they’d warm to you on a personal level…

My father’s words bounce around in my head and I smirk, feeling remnants of my old, rakish self resurfacing for just a moment. She is a beautiful female as far as I can tell, her dress is modest and the library is dark but I'd take a chance, taking her into the sunny streets of the village nearby to see how she looks in that light. “What time do you get out of here? Maybe you can show me a few good places around here.” As if my father hadn’t shown me every nook and cranny of this court.

She blinks, “I don’t think you’d like the village at the time I get off.”

“Why not?”

“Not many fancy restaurants open at 3 am,” I gape slightly.

“3 am?!” She just nods.

“The other girl comes at 2:30 am and stays until 2:30 pm when I come back.”

“12 hour shifts?” She nods, “why so many hours?”

“These are the most ancient texts in the Day Court. This building is protected with every protection spell known to this Court’s High Lord. But they always want someone to look over the books and the artifacts and make sure they’re being taken care of.”

“So what? You don’t have a life?”

She scowls, “I have a life.”

I smirk, enjoying getting under her skin, “oh yeah? What do you do?” I challenge.

“I cook, and I eat, and I read and sleep, and … I…”

“Do everything that has absolutely nothing to do with having a life?” Another scowl. “When’s your day off?”

“Don’t have one,” she takes her stool and pulls it behind her table, sitting.

“Holidays?”

“I work through them.”

“What?!”

“The female who alternates with me has kids. I work holidays so she can be with them.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

“Mmmm… three years soon. When I first came to the Day Court. They needed someone to fill this position and I was new enough to the Court that I took anything I could get.”

I chuckle, “no wonder you didn’t know who I was, you’ve been living under a rock.”

“Maybe I like my rock,” her eyes narrow again.

“This is the Day Court. When was the last time you went out on a sunny day?”

“I have my lunch outside everyday. We aren’t allowed to eat in here. And I walk to and from work so I see plenty.” There’s no way. She has no idea what she’s missing. Some twisted part of me wants to take this innocent, good little thing and show her every bit of this court, shake up her world and burst this small bubble she’s been living in. To find out what makes her tick…

“I’m picking you up tonight. 3 am sharp.”

“Have you thought that I might have plans?”

“Do you have plans?” I smirk, knowing the answer.

“No, but I could have… had… plans.”

“3 am”

“I’ll be tired.”

“It won’t take long.”

“I’ll be stinky, this place smells of the dead.”

“I’ve stayed here this long, right? Plus, we’ll be outside, I’m sure your stench will be much more tolerable,” I smile and wink. Her hand goes to a mug holding pencils and old ink pens. I’m pretty sure that if we weren’t in such a delicate place and I wasn’t who she knows I am, she’d have thrown it at my head. I smirk and walk out, “see you later!”

I can’t believe I just did that. I haven’t even flirted with a female since the bond snapped with Elain! A weird feeling settles in my chest at the memory of such pain when she outright rejected the bond. I was sure I’d die, and she didn't care, didn’t even seem to feel a fraction of the chest crushing pain I did. I shake the thought away before I chicken out of tonight.

Reader POV

When Marianne walks in I’m ready to bolt out the door, grabbing my bag, hauling it over my shoulder and practically running out the door, hoping to avoid the Day Court heir. Maybe he was right, I have been living under a rock. Maybe I should’ve known who he was. Maybe I should be doing a lot of things. I have a calm, stable job that allows me to work on my own little projects and read my books while on the clock as long as I do everything I need to do for that day. And life is good. I don’t need to get involved with the royalty of this court, especially not for a handsome face. As I’m about to round the building and take the trail to my apartment a body comes into view. “Running away from me, pretty?” He twists a red rose between his fingers.

I roll my eyes, “no. Just a long day.”

“Great. Here,” he hands me the rose with the most feral smirk I’ve ever seen, “to mask your stench.” I bite my tongue to keep my own little come back from making an appearance. Reminding myself that he is Lucien SpellCleaver. He is the High Lord’s son. He is untouchable. “Come,” he speaks softly and extends his elbow for me. I take it, somewhat reluctantly. I take in his clothes; they aren’t usual for the Day Court. People here love wearing loose fitting clothing and as little of it as possible… he wears tight white pants, gold plated boots that raise to his thighs and a loose, cream tunic.

We walk and talk and walk and talk and walk some more. He carries the conversation, quickly catching on that I am not open to sharing. But he is. He tells me about his mother, his father and his sister. He tells me how she’s his world and how she treats him like he hung the moon, the sun and all the stars in the sky. Slowly but surely a smile appears on my face as he talks. Retelling stories of his sister’s shenanigans and how she likes to imitate him. How she is reluctant to go to her lectures and take baths and go to sleep, all because she wants her big brother.

Soon the sound of music fills my ears and I look around, seeing lights ahead. “We’re here,” he says. Earning a grumble from me about how it was about time. We walk closer and see fireflies illuminating the grassy field around a large fire. People are dancing and eating and laughing. Like a little local festival. I smile as kids run around us. “I love this part of the village. They’re not the most well off but the community is so warm and welcoming. They celebrate everything, sometimes nothing at all. I thought someone like you might appreciate it.”

“Someone like me?” I lift a brow.

“You spend your days surrounded by ancient texts that talk about our history. You really want me to believe you’ve never read any of it? It’s an aquired taste… but you learn to find joy in the simple things.”

“So I’m simple?” I say, unimpressed. His eyes narrow, the russet one darkening a shade.

“Stop being a brat and enjoy yourself.” His mechanical eye whirs and the russet one has a fire in it, only for a moment. The demand makes my cheeks heat, a heat that travels down to my core and I clench, hoping to keep the scent from reaching his keen, fae sense of smell. He walks us over to a food stand and they hand us some sort of wrap. I take a bite and moan at the explosion of flavor. “Is that what you sound like in bed?” That smirk again…

Fine. I’ll play along. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“I would.”

“Hasn’t the High Lord taught you that such flirtations can be looked down upon by your subjects?”

“They aren’t my ‘subjects,’ they’re my Court. And my father is a big believer of seizing the moment and enjoying life.” I ponder that while taking another bite of the delicious cuisine.

When we’re done eating he takes me to the dance floor. I hesitate but he pulls and pulls and ends up picking me up and taking me there despite my protests that I don’t dance, especially not the kind of dance they were doing… ”I’ve never been here, I don’t know how to move like they do,”

“They’re all doing their own thing. Ignore everyone and just dance with me!” He smiles, my body is stiff so he picks me up and places my feet atop his boots, doing all the work for me. We get a drink and keep dancing. I let loose after the second drink, feeling the liquid courage like electricity in my veins. The alcohol in the Day Court is much stronger than any other place I’ve been to, but it’s also the most delicious. There is such a variety! Sweet and bitter, spicy and soothing… I want to try it all but decide against it as Lucien spins me around and the world keeps moving even after he’s stopped. “Lightweight, are we?”

“I’m not lightweight! I’ve had more than you!” I playfully hit his arm. We laugh and eat some more, dance some more, drink some more… he walks me home and kisses my cheek.

From then on, everyday Lucien appears at the library during my shifts. Once he learns my schedule he starts to pop in to have lunch with me. And he’ll walk me home at unholy hours of the night, giving me flowers and taking me somewhere special along the way every once in a while. His sarcasm comes with a charm that I don’t think he can help. His little jabs make me roll my eyes and smile at the same time.

(Two months later)

“Go out with me.” It’s not a question.

I smile, “no.”

Every few days he’ll ask again. And again. And… again.

Come to dinner with me

Let me take you on a date

Come on, go out with me… please?

Always followed by a spicy comment and that sly smirk of his.

I’ll make it worth your while

You know you want me

I would treat you so good

Each and every line sends a tendril of pleasure down my spine. And every time…

No

What makes you think I’m interested?

Give up

But he doesn’t, he asks and asks until one night, we’re back at the same place he took me that first night. Fire burning, people dancing, music playing and he spins me around like I’m nothing but a feather in his arms. He sets me down gently and I look up at him. His fiery hair, his mismatched eyes, those perfect, possibly, probably tasty lips, parted as he pants slightly from all the dancing. My eyes land on the scars on the left side of his face. I lift my right hand to it, the other clutching his bicep. “How?” It’s barely a whisper, but he hears it and cringes, realizing what I’m touching, what I’m asking. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.”

“Who?”

“An evil queen,” he smirks.

“Oh… and you’re the knight in shining armor, are you?”

“At the time I was more of the silver tongued best friend of the knight in shining armor,” he smiles down at me, pulling me closer, only slightly. “But I’ll be whatever you want me to be.”

Fuuuuuckkkk! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuckidy fuck fuck…

Fuck it.

I kiss him. hard and deep and full of passion. Would I say the two and a half drinks I had gave me enough courage? Yes. But he’s here, and I’m here and his lips are on mine and it’s heaven. It’s silk and it’s velvet and honey and cinnamon, it’s hot but gentle, firm but oh so sweet. And then he lifts me, wrapping his arms around my thighs, hugging them, not giving me a chance to wrap them around his waist and I’m in heaven, my head is higher than his and I’m in control. He gave me control. I could pull away and be out of his reach but I lean down and move my lips against his. I part my lips for him but he makes to move besides slightly nudging my nose with his. Refusing to take a step he’s not sure I’ll regret. So I take it, I snake my tongue past his parted lips and taste him. And there it is. His appearance screams Autumn Court and even though his scent has the softest hint of aloe vera among the pine and cinnamon and oak, Lucien tastes like Day. It’s inexplicable. He tastes like light. He tastes like all the best things in the world combined, like the land of milk and honey that they pray to the Mother about.

We part and I kiss his scar. I kiss over the marred eyelid and down his cheek, onto his jaw. He lets out a breath. Of arousal? Relief? I don’t know. But the way he says my name…

“(Y/N)”

The sound that comes from me is not appropriate for the current setting so he puts me down and scrambles for my bag, the rose he gave me earlier today poking out the opening. He throws me over his shoulder and runs to my apartment, climbing the stairs until we’re at my door and he puts me down, kissing me again. He doesn’t ask me to open my door. Doesn’t ask me for the keys. He makes no move to go inside and it only makes me want him more.

He pulls away, “go out with me? On a date. A real date.” He presses his forehead to mine. He’s never quite asked those sorts of questions, he’s more so told me to go on a date with him, firm, confident but tonight his voice is borderline begging and through my daze I smirk.

“Will you make it worth my while?”

He smiles and nods, “every second.” He kisses me again but soon we both realize it needs to end. I go into my apartment and he goes back to his palace. I ponder over my night as I bathe and get ready for bed. I can’t do this. The heir of Day? I facepalm and fall down onto my bed, cursing my horny self until I fall asleep.

For our first date Lucien pays the owner of his favorite restaurant to stay open until 4 am. It’s perfect. The soft string music, the food, the bottle of wine he chose and the fae light illuminating the only table occupied. Then he takes me to the observatory and shows me the stars up close.

Dating Lucien is as easy as breathing. He puts great amounts of effort into everything he does and never misses a chance to reassure me and make sure I know that my arms are the ones he wants around his neck, that it’s my lips he wants against his. He never hesitates to kiss me, no matter where we are. He’s playful and lighthearted but also ready and willing to open up and be vulnerable, as hard as it is. Which, in turn, encourages me to do the same.

The first time I let Lucien stay the night I make him promise to behave. Which he does. He showers and changes into sweats and then I shower and change into some modest sleepwear. Besides a few kisses and his hand around my waist, Lucien is the perfect gentlemale. So, in the morning, I decide to surprise him with waffles… wearing his tunic from the night before. I make everything from scratch and as I pour the batter on the hot metal over the fire, warm hands come around my waist.

“It smells delicious,” he kisses my head. Then my temple. Then my cheek and my jaw. Then down my neck and ooohhh… gods.

“You behaved so well last night I thought you deserved a treat!” I smirk.

“Mhmm,” he mumbles as he continues his assault on my neck. He takes one of the cooking waffles and bites into it. “These are amazing!”

“I wasn’t talking about the waffles,” I smirk.

He leans down to my ear and I put away the rest of the batter. “(Y/N)?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t joke like that.”

“Who said it was a jo-ahhhhh!” He slings me over his shoulder and marches to the bedroom like a male on a mission.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes!”

“Are you sure?” The desperation in his voice is prominent and only makes me want him more.

“Yes!” I chuckle. He worships my body, feeling for it like a blind male trying to memorize a line of text. “You… oh! You can be rougher if you want.”

“How rough?” He nips at my ear.

I smirk, “how ever rough you wanna be.” With a growl he only holds back enough to have me pick a safe word before ravaging me in the most delicious ways.

Sex with Lucien is… it simply is. There’s no feeling like it. The fluidity in it. The way he can so effortlessly go from making love with slow, deep strokes to flipping me over and practically breeding me is mind boggling. He’s not afraid to share his kinks and explore my own. And I can never tell what he’ll be in the mood for. Sometimes he’ll want to do nothing but torture and tease me half the night. Others, he’s feral, wanting nothing but to fill me as many times as he can. And some nights, all he wants is to hold my hips tightly as I ride him and call him ‘my good boy.’

Four months into our relationship and I’ve been putting off meeting his family for weeks. I can tell he doesn’t want to push but also doesn’t understand my hesitation. Meeting the parents is a big deal and I’m not ready for the pressure… though putting it off has proven to be more stressful than getting it over with lately. So, here I stand, 8 am, with enchanted flowers in one hand and a book in the other and Lucien’s hand on the small of my back. He refused to let me bring food, stating that his family was hosting breakfast, so I've spent the past week wracking my brain for gifts for his parents. “I can’t.”

“You can!”

“I’m gonna throw up…” and he kisses me.

“You’ll be fine. I’ve got you,” his smile is reassuring and his eyes hold no lies. But my mind, my heart, knows that after everything he’s been through. All the things he was willing to share. He would never choose me over his family, at least… not this one. So his attempt at reassurance, for once, falls flat.

His parents come to meet us at the front steps and my legs shake as I curtsy. His mother clicks her tongue, “oh none of that!” She pulls me into a hug that I hesitate to reciprocate due to the suddenness of it. The High Lord laughs at his High Lady’s excitement and kisses my hand once she lets me go. Now I see where Lucien gets his charm…

“Come,” the High Lord’s voice is warm and inviting, “breakfast is being served on the veranda.” He wraps an arm around his lady’s waist and Lucien does the same to me and guides me around the palace. His parents are incredibly welcoming and I notice neither of them wear their crowns or any other marker that would separate them from the common folk.

“Here…” I hand the enchanted flowers to the High Lady, “they’ll stay in bloom for several years.” Then I turn to the High Lord and offer him the hardcover book, “Lucien mentioned you liked his works and I got my hands on an advanced copy of the next book in the series. It’s yours to keep.” He examines the book, the 15th in a fantasy series that had put many readers in a chokehold. The High Lord lets out an excited chuckle before putting an arm around me and whispering to Lucien something about me ‘being a keeper.’ I smile at the compliment and he leads me the rest of the way to the breakfast table, covered in all kinds of dough and jams and juices… everything looks delicious!

It takes a few minutes but I relax, the High Lady not hesitating to ask me every question that pops into her mind. But I’m happy to oblige until…

“Mommy?” A high pitched, clearly sleepy voice asks from the door. All our heads turn to see the newcomer, “why are you having breakfast so early?!” She whines and rubs her eyes. The Day Court is known for late mornings. The High Lord and Lady, being aware of my schedule, offered an earlier breakfast since they were so eager to meet me.

Lady Day picks up her daughter and explains, “we’re meeting Lucien’s girlfriend today, dear. She has to be at work in a few hours so we wanted to meet her while accommodating her schedule.” Her sleepy eyes follow her mother’s finger that’s outstretched towards me. The small female’s eyebrows furrow and before I can fully raise my hand to wave she turns her head and places it on her mother’s shoulder. “Oh come, Vena! Be nice,” the High Lady looks to me then, “she’s… shy. And grumpy in the morning” I nod, even though that sounded nothing like the little girl Lucien has so often described to me.

“You know, Vena… (Y/N) and I were thinking we could take you for ice cream this afternoon during her lunch break.”

“No, thank you,” the little female mumbles into her mother’s shoulder. The slight sting of rejection reaches my body and I fidget, no longer feeling at ease here. Breakfast goes on and the small female doesn’t eat anything, opting to keep her head hidden in her mother’s neck and away from me.

As Lucien and I start to make our way out of the palace, his hand around my waist when we reach footsteps and his arm is yanked from my waist as Venus tugs him back. “Lushy, come play!”

He crouches down to her level and ruffles her hair, “I’ll walk (Y/N) to work and then we can play! Dad and I only have meetings in the evening. And maybe you can rethink that ice cream with me and (Y/N)?” His back is to me but I see the slight nod he gives in my direction. The female simply folds her arms, furrows her eyebrows and pouts.

“It’s ok, Loosh…” I cautiously interrupt, “I can walk to work.” I give him a smile as he turns his head to me, still crouching down.

“No, I want to walk you, her and I have all afternoon,” that million dollar smile appears again and he kisses his sister’s chubby cheeks before standing. I want him to stay. Maybe if I can prove to Venus that I’m not stealing Lucien away she’ll warm to me.

He takes my hands and I squeeze his, “you should stay,” I look down at the pouting female who doesn’t meet my eye. “Maybe you can convince her to get ice cream later,” I smile encouragingly and rise on the balls of my feet to kiss his cheek. He sighs but complies. “Bye Venus!” I smile at her and wave but she doesn’t look, I bite my lip and walk towards the large open doors of the Palace. I don’t look back, but I can hear Lucien quietly scolding her for being rude and her lively changing the subject to what she wants to play.

Around 3 pm Lucien shows up, alone, with two ice creams obviously enchanted not to melt. “Couldn’t convince her, huh?”

He sighs and hands me my ice cream, “no.” He doesn’t say anything else because there is nothing to say. A few minutes pass before I ask the question that’s been bouncing around in my head since I left the palace.

“Do you think there’s anything I can do?”

“She’s… territorial.”

“I’m not stealing you away.” A part of me fears he may believe that’s what I’m trying to do.

“I know that,” he kisses my head with a chuckle, scooching closer. “But she’s little and she’s a bit used to having her way. And I’ll say it; I’m partially responsible. I’ve never had a sibling I was close to and she loves me so much I- I can’t tell her ‘no.’”

I kiss his cheek, remembering all he told me about growing up in Autumn, “I know.”

Lucien smoothly changes the subject to a lighter topic and exerts his power of putting me at ease.

By our 8th month together I’m a somewhat regular visitor to the Day Court Palace. I’ve stayed the night once or twice and the High Lady braided my hair each of those mornings, much to Venus’ distress. Her crimson curls are still too short to braid like mine and her mother tries to appease her with bows and clips but to no avail. I’ve tried and tried to gain her approval but it’s quite clear the small female never wants to be in my company. Soon enough I start to believe there’s something wrong with me… kids can sense those thighs, right? When someone isn’t a good person? Maybe she can sense something the others can’t. And it seems like she will do anything to make me go away at every chance she gets.

Like the time I came looking for Lucien one morning only to find him in the palace’s library with Venus on his shoulder holding a book for her big brother;

“Hey there you two!” I greet.

“Hey!” He greets me with a kiss, “I wasn’t expecting you this morning.”

“I had some time and I wanted to bring you these,” I hand him a tray of cupcakes, “my friend had the amazing idea of making cupcakes last night after a few glasses of wine but they didn’t turn out half bad!”

He laughs and looks at the cupcakes, “I hope they taste better than they look?”

“Trust me they - ow!” A hard object comes crashing down on my head and my hand flies to the point of impact.

A soft giggle and a sang out, “sowy,” has Lucien pulling his sister off his shoulders and reprimanding her. She pouts but looks disinterested in his lecture. He puts her down to examine the bump forming on my hairline and she tugs at his pants in protest.

“No, Vena! You could’ve really hurt her!” At his reprimand she huffs and pushes my leg before running out of the library. Lucien fusses over me but the sting on my head is nothing compared to the fire in my veins.

“Go after her.”

“She’s fine.” He tries to move my hand that’s covering the spot the book hit.

“No. I’m fine. Just go after her, I need to go to work anyway.” I take a deep breath and set the cupcake down on a nearby table. He follows, hovering behind me.

“You’re angry?” He’s confused?!

“No.” Yes, “she needs you more than I do,” she does. I turn to kiss his cheek and he goes to kiss my lips. I kiss back but it’s half assed and I kick myself for it. She’s 3, almost 4 years old! How am I letting a child get under my skin like this?

I walk out of the library in a rush, leaving Lucien there with a slight frown on his perfect lips.

Or the time I got off early from work to join them for dinner;

“It’s so lovely to have you around. Lucien seems so much happier when you’re here, like there’s a lightheartedness only you bring out in him.” The High Lady sips her wine as we sit on the balcony after dinner. Below us, Lucien and Helion are sparring, the sight of his bare, scared chest making it hard not to think about how every single inch of that chest feels under my fingers. How I’ve kissed each scar and the sounds he made when I did….

I need a cold shower.

I seemingly get my wish as cold, freezing water pours on my head. My yelp causing the sparring to cease. The cold night air much more prominent now. We all look up to see a giggling Venus holding an empty glass through the marble pillars that make up the balcony above. Her governess rushes to reprimand her and the High Lady rushes to apologize and gets me something to dry myself with. The High Lord offers me a spare room and bath but I decline and Lucien walks me home even after I tell him several times I want to walk alone.

“You could’ve spent the night…”

“You know I don’t like to.”

He sighs, “I don’t like that you don’t like it,” we reach my door and before I can put the key in the lock he takes my hands. “I’m sorry about tonight. I don’t know why Venus keeps doing these things-”

“Because she doesn’t like me.”

“That’s not true!”

“Yes! It is! And no matter what I do she won’t like me. I’ve tried. I get her gifts and she rolls her eyes or she’ll say she already has that toy. I give her compliments and she acts like I don’t exist! I offer her ice cream, candies, baked goods or even fun activities and she looks at me like I’m a peasant begging for scraps! I can’t even be near you in her presence without getting something thrown, poured or yanked off me!”

“I’ll talk to her.”

“And it’s gonna work this time?” He opens his mouth but ends up biting his lip. And I know this is the beginning of the end. I’d never ask him to choose, that’d be petty and idiotic. And relationships tend not to work if the family doesn’t like one’s partner. “Good night, Loosh.” I kiss him. Deeply, like it’s the last time, before opening my door and heading inside, deciding to take a hot bath.

25 days….

25 days before our one year anniversary and I’m thinking of if I should end it. How I should end it. I sit in the library, having finished all my filing and paperwork early, trying to read my book but I can’t concentrate. My thoughts are too loud.

I know Lucien knows his sister dislikes me but he keeps making excuses!

She’s a prankster

She’s a little jealous, she’s never shared me before

You’re my females, you’ll get along eventually

No. We won’t. We haven’t. And the more time I spend with him, the more time I spend at the palace, the more I realize how this relationship is bound to end. So I sit in my sad little stool and cry.

17 days…

I’m at Day Court Palace early in the morning and I wait for Lucien in his study. I sit there for a moment, I’ve only been in his study a handful of times and never for long. So I leisurely browse the books on his shelves, the maps framed on his walls and after I’ve done about three, slow rounds around the room I allow myself to sit in his chair and look around. I catch a glimpse of a frame on his desk, it’s the letter I wrote him for Solstice, given along with some gift I hated. What do you even give to a male who has it all? So I gave him love and affection. I told him in writing how much he means to me and how much hope I have for us and this relationship.

I frown.

Had. I had hope for it.

I reach for the frame and accidentally knock the trash can under his desk over, “shit.” I push the chair back and get down on my hands and knees to pick up the loose papers. Putting everything back in the bin, a flash of color catches my eye in a crumpled paper. Not a ball but like it was clenched in a fist and tossed aside. I open it up, even though I shouldn’t, in curiosity. The air is taken from me and tears brim my eyes. It’s me. Drawn in crayon, the colorful picture leaves nothing to the imagination regarding how Venus feels about me. The almost 3 year old drew my hair a mess, my clothes in tatters! Sharp teeth, claws, horns and stinky lines above my head. An arrow going from the wrong spelling of my name with a few letters written backwards.

And then there was Lucien, drawn much smaller and with swirls for eyes, like I’m hypnotizing him. I fold the paper, as small as I can and clench it in my hand. I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath. I write Lucien a note and leave it on his desk. Some bull shit about needing to be at the library earlier than expected and I take off, holding myself back from running out of the palace., praying to any gods listening that I don’t bump into any member of the High family.

12 days….

I’ve been putting it off. It’s too hard. Everytime I look at him my heart clenches, begging me to stay, To keep him with me. But then that picture pops into my head and I find myself fighting tears. The drawing lies hidden inside an old book in my nightstand drawer and I think it’s what’s keeping me from sleeping. The day I found the drawing I had been at the palace to tell Lucien that the Library acquired a third person to work there and I now have one day off a week! And I still haven’t told him.

I fooled him two days ago, going to sit at my usual picnic table by the library around my lunch hour but I don’t know if I have the strength to get out of bed today.

But, alas, I do.

I go to the palace, at Lucien’s request from last night, so he can walk me to work. And after two excuses weren’t enough to deter him from walking me, I gave in.

I meet him at the entrance and he kisses me and I go on my tippy toes to deepen it. For a moment everything is ok… it’s moments like these that make me want to stay, makes me want to put up with anything Venus is willing to plan for, to stay here, in this moment, in his arms.

The moment is short lived as I feel a force crash against my leg, causing me to lose my footing and if Lucien wasn’t so fast I’d have hit the floor. I look down to where the impact happened and a pouting Venus stands there, her mother in tow.

“I’m so sorry, (Y/N)!” The High Lady apologizes, giving her daughter a dangerous look.

“It’s alright,” I wave off. She’s done worse.

My face might be showing more than I intended because the High Lady’s eyes soften when she meets mine. Offering an apologetic yet understanding expression.

Lucien crouches to her level, “come on Vena… stop this!” He practically begs his sister, tugging at her arms to get her to uncross them but she won’t budge, turning away from him and raising her arms to her mother. My heart aches. I did this. I, somehow, caused this rift between them. I need to do it. Now!

But then he looks at me and I can’t… “I’m sorry about her…” he rubs the back of his neck and I shake my head.

“Don’t worry about it,” he takes my hand, surely ready to walk me to work like everything is fine. “Maybe you should spend some time with her,” I nod to Venus, still clinging to the High Lady.

Lucien shakes his head, “I spent all day with her yesterday and I miss you,” he presses his forehead to mine.

Don’t. Cry. “I missed you too…” I don’t know if I can make it to the library without crying. “But she still needs you. It’s only twenty minutes to the library, I think I’ll survive,” I smile.

“But you walked all the way here! And I want to.”

Before I can respond Venus lets out an unimpressed whine and I want to run out of there. “Maybe she needs more ‘brother time,’” I offer a big smile and force it to reach my eyes.

Lucien deflates a bit but then looks at Venus and sighs, a signal that he’ll comply. “I’ll see you tonight though,” it’s not a question.

I nod, “I’ll see you tonight,” and I back away, letting my hands slip out of his as he stretches out his arms, holding me for as long as he can. As I turn I catch a glimpse of Lady Day, Venus’ face tucked into her neck and that apologetic and understanding expression gaining a hint of sadness.

I was right. I don’t make it to the library without crying.

Lucien comes for lunch and I’m sure he can tell something’s off. I’m quieter through lunch but I tell him it’s a headache and he seems to leave it be.

He picks me up at the end of my shift and takes me to another late night festival. We always have fun at these and I want to cry at how poetic ending this relationship on a night like this feels. I steal every kiss I can. I don’t drink, not a sip. I want this memory untainted. I relish in every last; a last meal, a last laugh, a last hug and dance and whispered words made of honey.

We’re dancing slowly, slightly away form the crowd, my head on his chest, taking in his scent like a female in heat when he speaks up. “You know… we’ve been together almost a year.”

“Yeah.” I look up at him, his eyes are full of something I can’t place.

“And there’s something we need to talk about,” oh gods. He’s gonna do it! I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. If he ends it then I don’t have to, I can have it easy and just cower away once all is said and done. “I know it’s early, but I want you to know…”

Oh no! No, no, no! I read it all wrong! I finally place the emotion on his eyes; love.

No. This can’t be happening. Before he can utter another word, my own come tumbling out of me like word-vomit, “we’re done.”

He chuckles, “We’ll go in a second I need to get this off my chest.”

“No. Lucien…” I back away from his hold slightly, his hand on my biceps and mine on his forearms. “We are done. I-” Be brave. Lift your chin and stay strong. I tell myself. “I’m breaking up with you.” I barely keep my voice from breaking but the silent tears are enough to leave me raw for him to see.

“What?” His question is soft. Innocent.

“I can’t do this-”

“Be with me?”

“Yes.”

A beat. Two. Three… gods. “Why?” I give him a knowing, yet, sad look. He puts a hand on my cheek, “(Y/N)…”

“I’m sorry. But I can’t. It’s never going to work out if she doesn’t like me and I’ve accepted the fact that she doesn’t. She’s your sister and she comes first. I can’t-”

“I’ll talk to her. I’ll make her understand this time. She’ll warm up to you! I swear!” I’ve never heard him so desperate and it breaks my heart. So much so that I can do little more than shake my head. My cheeks are wet with new and old tears alike. And his eyes are shining with unshed tears too, one slides down his cheek as he blinks. “No,” he breathes, urging me to go back on my decision.

“Yes,” I counter.

“No!”

“Lucien… I can’t do it. I can’t. Me. It’s hurting me.” I gesture to myself. “It’s not just the pranks and the pushing and that scowl she gives me. It’s the fact that she doesn’t like me and worse than that she’s made it clear to everyone! I don’t want to be the reason there’s a rift between you.” I take a step back.

He takes a step forward, “you’re not causing a rift.”

“That’s a lie and you know it,” I give him a look that says, don’t lie to me.

“(Y/N) please!”

“You can’t say you didn’t see thi-”

“Don’t do this!”

“Lucie-”

“You want me to beg?” He drops to his knees, holding my waist, “I’ll beg!”

“Get up.”

“(Y/N)!”

“Lucien!” I try to get free from his grip but he holds me tight. People look and walk away slightly so we get the illusion of privacy and the band starts to play a notch louder. “Get. Up.”

He shakes his head and looks up into my eyes, “I love you! There. I said it. I love you! That’s what I was going to tell you.”

I cry more, shaking my head. “It doesn’t change the fac-”

“Do you love me?”

“What?”

“Do you love me?! Do you love me back?”

“Lucien…”

“Answer!” He yells. Yes. I want to say. I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you. I love you. I love you. I want to tell him in every way, in every language, twice over for good measure.

“No.”

He deflates. “You’re lying,” he’s sure of himself. I see it in his eyes. There’s no doubt that he knows I love him back and me not saying it doesn’t change the fact that I do.

I finally get out of his hold. He’s on his feet in an instant scrambling to keep a hold of my hands, my wrists, my arms, anything he can grab a hold of to keep me here. I snake my hands away but he keeps chasing them with his own. Every step back for me is just another half step forward for him.

And he begs again, “(Y/N) please! I’ve spent my entire life begging to be loved. Yearning for a love like this! I spent so long thinking I’d never get it, that I don’t deserve it! After my mate rejected me I thought fate had forsaken me and that I was destined to be alone. And when Venus was born I took it as a sign, a sign that I would not be the one to continue my blood line… and then you,” his voice breaks, he still scrambles to catch my avoidant hands. “You give me all I wanted and more… for free. You ask for nothing in return and more than that you make me feel like I actually deserve it! So please, don’t take it away. Stay. Please! Please. Please…”

“You are loved, Lucien. Despite me. You have the loving family you’ve always deserved, you have a sister who loves you to death!”

“That’s not the kind of love I’m talking about and you know it!” He repremends.

I sigh and cup his face, “I am not your person. But she’s out there. And you will find her. And if you truly believe you love me, the wrong person… imagine how much you’ll love the right one when she comes along,” he closes his eyes, leaning into my touch and shaking his head.

“I did find her.” When he opens his eyes I see defeat. I drop my hand form his cheek and try to think of something to say. Something to soothe his aching heart…

But there is nothing.

I back away and he doesn’t follow. I back away again but his feet are planted to his spot. I take a deep breath, taking him in again one last time before the tears blur him to me, allowing my body to turn around and fully walk away from him. I don’t remember getting home or bathing or eating but I wake up with wet hair and dirty dishes the next morning and for the first time since I started working at the library, I send a request to have one of the others fill in for my shift for the next few days.

Lucien’s POV

I cry all the way back to the palace, forcing my breathing to be steady despite how hard my heart is beating against my ribs. I go into a random room, throwing a vase at the wall before crumpling down onto a couch and crying into my hands.

“Darling?” Mom’s soft voice sounds from the door and I can hear her soft, slipper-covered steps making their way to me. “I heard a crash, are you-” a soft gasp leaves her lips as she takes me in. “Oh, dear… I’m so sorry,” she sits beside me and rubs my arms, laying her head on my shoulder. “I didn’t think she’d do it so soon…”

My head whips to her, “what?”

“Well, come now, you must’ve known… or… well… perhaps you didn’t see...”

“See what?”

She bites her lip, “I knew that Venus’ actions bothered her but it wasn’t until this morning that I saw it in her eyes. The resolve, the hurt…”

My blood heats and the fireplace comes to life at my anger, “and you didn’t tell me?” I hiss.

“I was going to warn you tonight. I thought you had more time… I am sorry.”

I cry into her arms, “I love her, mom. I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s everything. I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my days by her side. I would give her anything! Anything she wanted I’d give… but the one thing she needed… it wasn’t even mine to give.” I lay on her lap as her thin fingers comb through my hair.

I’m almost asleep when the door opens and shuts, a soft, sleepy voice calls out, “mommy? Mommy, I can’t go back to sleep.”

Venus slowly makes her way to us and I pretend to be asleep. My mother answers her, “what woke you up, sweetheart?”

“I needed potty,” I can hear her yawn.

“Oh! At least you woke up this time, that’s good right?”

There’s a pause before she asks, “why’s Lushy here?”

“Lushy had a rough night,”

“Was (Y/N) mean to him?” Her tone is accusatory, only proving (Y/N) right and it takes everything in me to keep my body from shaking with a guttural sob.

My mother sighs, “(Y/N) won’t be coming around anymore, Venus.”

“Really?” She sounds excited…

“Your brother is very upset by it,” my mother reprimands, “please have some sympathy.”

“Sim- siam- sapaty?”

“Sympathy. Please understand that he’s hurting and don’t look too overjoyed at it.”

“Why did she go?”

Mom lets out another sigh, “it’s complicated, sweetheart.”

“Is this grown up stuff again?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Awwweeeee!” I hear her yawn again and I hear shuffling. Probably the sound of her climbing onto the couch on mom’s other side.

About what feels like an hour later mom whispers, “she’s asleep. Go to bed, darling… at least try to rest.”

I don’t move for a few minutes before getting up and wordlessly going to my room. I bathe in scalding water before plopping down in bed and crying myself to sleep.

The next morning I stay in bed until my hunger forces me to scavenge for food. I’d usually ask the servants to prepare something but I’m not looking forward to any fae interactions. I head to the extremely large kitchen and ask one of the kitchen members I know by name for some of last night's left overs. The kitchen makes little portions of what we don’t eat for either them to take home or to be donated the next day. She hands me a box with yesterday's date on it and I thank her, grabbing a fork and eating on the staff’s table in the kitchen. I use my powers to heat up my food, deciding that eating it cold to torture my self is a little much.

On my way back to my room Vena practically runs into me as she runs away from her governess, “Lushy! Come play with me!”

I shake my head, “I’m not feeling well, Vena, maybe some other time?”

She pouts and then lunges for my leg, hugging it, “I hope you feel betta!”

I hold in tears as I pick her up and kiss her chubby cheeks. She holds my face in her tiny hands and says, “I love you Lushy! Best big brodda ever!” She kisses between my eyebrows and I put her down, telling her to behave for her governess. She runs along accepting that I’m in no condition to play.

I wobble back to my room and collapse back on the bed, crying until I’m dehydrated and I fall asleep again. I can’t fix this. I can’t get her back and I can’t make Vena like her. I’m lost… and she’s lost to me.