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The Penis Explained

Men love their penis and are prone to see it as the centre of all things good. Maybe it is, at least partly, and through the millenniums civilizations have adored the penis as symbol of fertility and growth. Although the importance of the penis has drastically decreased in past decades, the little captain still has its place. Let’s do the dick talk!

ALL THE DIFFERENT PARTS Just like the vagina, the penis is made up of many parts that that are simply essential for you to… fulfil your mission. We’re going to discuss them and know them by name, so you can get the most out of each and every part.

The glans The glans, better known as the head, is where most nerve endings of the penis are concentrated. It has 4000 of them, which is just half of what the clitoris has. Additionally, it works a bit as a kind of a “shock absorber” to protect the cervix from possible damage. It’s a bit thicker than the rest of the penis, especially the corona as you can see in the image below. 

Fun fact: the corona is thicker to keep the newly ejaculated semen inside the vagina, which is the natural way to increase the chances of pregnancy.

When playing with your partner, pay good attention to the head, and especially the corona. It’s so sensitive that many men can ejaculate by simply massaging the corona gently. Add good amount of lubricant or aromatic essential oils to your hands and give him a sensual “head massage”.

Foreskin The foreskin is the skin that covers the glans and tis purpose is to protect it from unnecessary friction. The glands that are hidden under the foreskin generate an oily substance that naturally lubricates. But, if this only substance is not cleaned well, it can mix with dead skin cells and produce something known as smegma; a whitish substance similar to cottage cheese. If not cleaned away, it can cause infections and bad smell. No one wants that…

Expert advice: If you’re refraining from giving your partner oral sex because you doubt their personal hygiene, suggest taking a shower together and make sure everything is in order.

Testicles The testicles are where the sperm is made and kept. A holy place for all men! The sperm is kept at a temperature that doesn’t kill, away from the body and the heat. They are also responsible for producing testosterone, the “male hormone” responsible for the development of the testicles and prostate, the development of muscles, bones, body hair growth and many other things. So, testicles are pretty important stuff for men.

If you want some extra points from your partner when you give him a fellatio or a hand-job, don’t forget to stimulate the testicles… They are super sensitive and can give lot of pleasure. Sometimes we forget that they are there and they also deserve a lot of love :)

Expert advice: Press a powerful silicone vibrating magic wand, such as this one, on the perineum (that’s the no-man’s land between the testicles and the anus), so you will be stimulating the testicles and perineum at the same time. He’s gonna love it!

So, why does the penis… rise? It’s certainly not magic… it’s the corpus cavernosum which is one of a pair of sponge-like regions of erectile tissue. You can imagine the cavernous and spongy bodies as 3 columns formed of erectile tissue, that is, when the person is turned on, these “columns” swell with blood, getting the well-known ERECTION.

That’s why it’s said that during play, they cannot think because all the blood is “there” :)

XXX

And now that you’re a little wiser bout the little captain, you will surely treat him with more love and pay attention to his most sensitive areas.

Original post by Room Privée, published on January 2, 2020: The Penis Explained

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5 Steps to Master the Dirty Talk Without Looking Silly

When we think about techniques to improve our sexual relations, the first things that come to mind are usually on the physical level; i.e. oral sex, different positions, fulfilling partner’s fantasies etc. But we seldom think about the power of words. Dirty talk is something few people have considered that could improve intimacy with a partner.

According to Ian Kerner PhD, the author of Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man “speaking or hearing erotically charged words stimulates dopamine transmission, which plays a huge role in sexual excitement”. This sounds to me like quite valuable information which you could use. Simply tell you partner what you would like to do to them or what you want your partner to do you, in a sensual way, and turn up the heat between you two.

This biggest fear people have, who haven’t done much dirty talking, is to overdo it and sound silly or even rude. So, how then? It certainly doesn’t have to be complicated or overly sophisticated approach. Just keep it simple. Here’s a step-by-step approach for those who wish to spice things up and improve their dirty-talk game.

Prelude: Start the dirty talk before you go to bed but still try to keep it a bit innocent. At least not jump into something too dirty at this stage, as that could sound a bit creepy. Ask your partner if he/she has been thinking about you, using a seductive tone, just a whisper in the ear. Just a small gesture like this can turn things on and is just a part of the foreplay like I explained in this short article: You Don’t Know Anything About Foreplay

Game’s on: They should respond with a resounding “YES” for the game to be on. Then you follow up with, again your seductive voice: “Exactly what have you been thinking about?”

The temperature is rising: Now, obviously, you take it further depending on the reply and how comfortable you feel. You could be very direct and say: “I want your ____ in my ____”. But, if you’re a beginner and you want to take it slow, think about last time you had sex and tell them what you liked best. This will help create the environment and give your partner a very direct clue of what you’re up to.

Time for action: Dirty talk is not supposed to substitute the action itself, but we’re simply talking about having both. Ask them where they want you to touch them, or where they want to touch you. This way, if your partner is a dirty-talk expert, they will certainly give flaming reply. Take small steps, little by little, and the heat will gradually rise to an unbearable level.

Everybody naked now: The previous steps have led to a naked situation which is the best time to take advantage of more risqué phrases. Let them know that you like what they’re doing and propose — in sensual voice — what you want them to do to you or what you’re dying to do to them. Complement their body and their actions; tell them explicitly. Moans, sighs, screams … confess to them some fantasies or something you want to try. Let creative thinking and actions free and encourage your partner.

Remember that dirty talk is not a matter of disrespect, but a game that is incorporated before and during sex. So, if any words offend you, tell your partner.

These simple steps will help any beginner become a dirty-talk specialty! Enjoy :)

Originally published by Room Privée on November 19, 2019: 5 Steps to Master the Dirty Talk Without Looking Silly

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7 Things You Should Know Before You Buy Your First Vibrator

If you don’t have any sex toys, chances are you’re curious about toys but don’t know where to start. If this is the first time you decide to buy a toy, you will probably have noticed overblown variety of colours, sizes, materials, prices (which do not always go hand in hand with quality) … it’s like an odyssey and you end up more confused than you were before and you give up on your goal; of getting an erotic toy.

Or, potentially, you have considered getting a toy at the same time you wonder why/if you actually need one. You’re not alone, and the answer is quite simple. According to a research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, the use of toys improves sexual function and helps women reach higher levels of arousal making it far easier to reach an orgasm.

If that’s not a reason good enough, then it’s fair to state that sex toys help you to know your body, to get out if the routine if you’re playing with a partner, … and they’re simply always available to give you love. Furthermore, just the fact that women are far likely to reach an orgasm with sex toys, the health benefits of orgasms should never be underrated as I explain in this article: 8 Reasons Why You Should Masturbate More.

Great, ok, so what to consider before buying a vibrator?

You can actually have it with just one click If you’re embarrassed to go out and buy a vibrator and have to explain your life to a stranger face to face, here in Room Privée, apart from having the right toys according to your needs, we can advise you in total confidentiality. Simply get in touch with us through the chat on our site or on Facebook, or send us an email, whatever suits you.

The material is the most important part It is essential to know what your vibrator is made of. The best, and the most recommended, is medical silicone because it is a non-porous material, it transmits vibrations well, has a silky-smooth touch, and is easy to clean.

Fall in love with the toy I know it sounds weird, but I really mean it. Aesthetics is important… choose a vibrator that appeals to you and you will use it frequently; see how useful it is to you and you will fall in love with it and use it more than you ever expected.

The size This is an obvious point, I know, but far too many get a bit confused with this point specifically during their first purchase. There is a wide variety of sizes that suit everyone’s taste and needs. In Room Privée here in Australia and New Zealand we literally have all sizes, so you’ll certainly find what you’re looking for. If this is your first purchase and you’re unsure about what size you should get, I usually recommend sizing down rather than up. You’ll always be able to use a smaller toy, but if it’s too big it might be uncomfortable for some. You can always size up later if you feel your new toy is a bit too small. No need to complicate things :)

It doesn’t have to be expensive You can get a good quality toy without ruining your monthly budget and go without eating the last days of the month. I believe that you should be able to orgasm without going bankrupt, so I’m going to recommend this wand vibrator. It’s made from high-grade medical silicone, has 20 vibration patterns, 100% waterproof, and quite powerful. The price is quite good and there’s free shipping. Perfect quality toy for beginners!

You want it to be silent …unless you have a fetish to let your neighbours know about it every time you play at home. Also, if you have kids you might want to have a little solo fun without the vibrating sound reaching all the way to their room. We test all our products and try to focus on this point. Most of our vibrators are quite silent, and if they’re super-silent we mention that specifically. The wand vibrator I mentioned here above certainly fits the category of being silent. It’s been thoroughly tested :)

Can you use it to play with your partner This is something you might want to keep in mind; whether your partner is a male or female it could be nice if the toy can be shared. There may be days when you want to use it while playing with someone else and, again, starting with a wand vibrator will certainly be useful for him as well.

So, now you know everything you need! Enjoy :)

Originally published by Room Privée on November 11, 2019: 7 Things You Should Know Before You Buy Your First Vibrator

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Multiple Orgasms: How to...

ALL WOMEN ARE MULTIORGASMIC!

Did you know that women don’t need much time after an orgasm until they can get another one, and that they can climax several times during a sex session while continuously being stimulated? Amazing, right?

If you are one of those who thinks that a multiple orgasm is a myth, then I’ve got some good news for you: With a little training, we should all be able to get it! 

Multiple orgasms are classified as sequential- and serial. The difference is that sequential orgasms come with short rest period in between; i.e. after you have the first orgasm, you stop, go pee, drink a little water, and then go again, i.e. 2-10 min between orgasms. On the other hand, serial orgasm is the ability to reach an orgasm, continuously stimulate with no dip in arousal between (i.e. the sex doesn’t stop) and reach another orgasm, and another, and another right after another.

Ok, let’s go! Certainly, on many occasions you reach an orgasm and it was so good and you’re so comfortable that you just don’t need more. That’s great! But if you want to experience multiple orgasms, the primary thing you have to do is really “wanting to orgasm”.

AT FIRST, DO IT ALONE

Look at the calendar When we ovulate the increase in hormones unleashes our sexual desire which increases the chances of reaching an orgasm by 1000%. So, take advantage of that time when your body is more sensitive to become a sex master and an expert of your own orgasm.

Forget what you’ve heard Forget everything about taboos and start daring to experience new things. Try watching an erotic movie or even porn – either alone or with a partner – read erotic literature… It’s about bringing to life that naughty side of yours that you’ve been hiding and simply enjoy it.

Free your mind “Free your mind and you ass will follow” (who likes Funkadelic?) J Basically, you need to relax and focus 100% on the sex itself. If you’re thinking about work or making a shopping list in your head, it will be far harder to reach your multi-orgasmic goal. Focus your attention on your vagina – sort of mind-vagina connection – try to breathe and really put your mind on it. Keep the room warm and feel comfortable.

Exercise Here I’m really talking about physical training; i.e. gym or whatever. Exercising increases testosterone in women too, which improves circulation and blood-flow to your vagina and increases overall orgasmic ability; i.e. it prepares your body for better sex. Seriously! Just try proving me wrong on this one.

Play with the crown jewel The clitoris is the relic of pleasure for women and a key to multiple orgasm. Many of us girls experience super sensitive clitoris after orgasm and we don’t feel like continuing stimulating it, but that is something you have to overcome. I like to call it “breaking the wall” – i.e. force yourself to continue and maintain the feeling of pleasure and go on and on and on and on... A good idea is to use lubricant to soften everything - if you don’t have lubricant there, feel free to use coconut oil, or even olive oil. Seriously. I speak from experience :)

AND NOW WITH YOUR PARTNER

Licking If you get your first orgasm with your partner with oral sex, it will be easier to follow through with penetration, either penis or a toy. If you’ve already reached the point of wanting this, then a seriously good idea is to explore the basics of tantra. It can help, believe me! Check out some of the basics here: Five Fundamentals to Take Your First Steps in Tantric Sex

Stay in control Put yourself in a position where you can control well the stimulation you give your clitoris and even stimulate yourself with a toy while your partner penetrates you. This toy here, and this as well, are both amazing for clitoral stimulation and excellent for the purpose we’re discussing here. It’s time to take those orgasms to the next level.

xxx

Imagine, if having an orgasm is so good, having several must be heavenly!

Original post published by Room Privée on October 19, 2019: Multiple Orgasms: How to…

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Relativity and Premature Ejaculation

Einstein would probably turn in his grave if he knew how I interpret his theory of relativity… In an overly simplified version; it’s a theory of physics giving the relationship between space, time, and energy, specifically for two things moving in DIFFERENT ways.

Although Einstein applied his theory to the cosmological and astrophysical realm, I’m definitely applying it to the sexual realm. Here it goes:

A person meets a female (individual with vagina). They kiss, turn each other on, and make out. The female orgasms in less than a minute. Great! The other person is super happy and celebrates this divinity of sex. The family should know, colleagues, even the primary school teacher. Everyone’s positive about this.

Now… how things move in DIFFERENT ways:

A person meets a male (individual with a penis). They kiss, turn each other on, and make out. The male orgasms in less than a minute. WTF?! “Seriously, you’re done?” The other person becomes super sad; “my partner is a premature ejaculator” … Hopefully no one will ever know about this embarrassing incident.

This is the theory of relativity applied to the sexological realm. It’s quite unfair, obviously, but premature ejaculation has two clear elements:

It happens to 1 in 3 men at least once in their life and, since it’s not a disease, it has a solution and can be fixed.

If your male partner ejaculates prematurely, possibly on more than one occasion, it’s certainly an indicator that you are super sexy! Right?

What causes premature ejaculation? Many different factors can cause premature ejaculation (PE). Some sexologists have pointed at recent studies that indicate something they label as “mislearning”, i.e. an overly accelerated masturbation as a teenager with fear that the family would catch him red-handed.

If you’re suffering from PE, it would be advisable to do a little Googling in order to find out what’s the primal cause behind your problem. However, this brief article is not about the causes, but rather the cure and what to do if PE is affecting your sexual life and your relationship.

Don’t panic! This is probably one of the most important factors; stress. Not stress from work or daily life, but in fact stress from ejaculating prematurely. I.e. it becomes psychological when you have experienced PE once or more, and you become obsessed and stressed with it happening again. Then, you are in fact more likely to experience it again, so it becomes sort of a vicious cycle. Therefore, whatever you do, don’t panic and don’t be stressed, as sex is a very complete experience and ejaculation is a very small part of it. It’s a journey, not a destination.

Ok, sounds amazing in theory, but I guess you want to know what do about it.

Sex depends on many things: The atmosphere, your previous sexual experiences, the smells, the time that has passed since your last sexual intercourse, the general mood, and even the lingerie your partner wears. Any factor can affect your ejaculation timing. Take all possible factors into account and try different scenarios.

Think about something else during sex: If we think of something that turns us on, it’s quite normal for ejaculation to arrive early. It’s normal here in Australia and New Zealand, and it’s normal in Kulusuk Greenland as well. Pretty much universally normal. So, think of things that turn you off. This is quite an old wisdom and potentially you’ve already tried it, but there are certainly some guys that had never thought of it… Ok, here are some boring ideas (it’s supposed to be boring so it turns you off): Think of your shopping list, what you ate every day last week, imagine changing a flat tire on your car, how regular consumption of lentils can improve your life, what your physical education teacher from primary school is doing today, and whatever boring stuff comes to mind.

Know yourself: It is critical that you know your timing and you’re clear that it can change. As an example, you might have heard of the refractory period which I talked so much about in our article about the The Coolidge Effect. Basically, it’s the time that passes between ejaculation until you’re ready to go another round. It varies from person to person and knowing yours would be helpful. An old trick is to masturbate before you have sex, which in general should increase the time until you orgasm again.

Increase your stamina with training: Since most guys masturbate regularly, they also know their penises quite well; i.e. how to touch themselves when masturbating, how to slow down and delay ejaculation, and how to speed up an ejaculate quickly. However, using your hand is far different than real life sex. Stamina trainers have become increasingly popular the past years where men are masturbating using trainers that give real-life sensations in order to prepare for a real vagina. I recommend this one hereto start with your training, which is specifically designed to stimulate all of your penis the same way a vagina does, or this one if you prefer the backdoor. The best way to use the trainer is with the “start-stop” technique. The whole purpose is that you control the ejaculation as much as you can. How? Right before you’re about to orgasm stop completely, pull your penis out and squeeze the head gently like you’re squeezing the blood out of the head. At the same time pull your testicles/sack lightly. This should stop the orgasm and ejaculation from taking place, and after waiting until this intense moment has passed, you slide your penis back in and continue the training. In a research conducted by Department of Social Psychology the at the University of Seville in Spain in 2015, up to 80% subjects (the men being tested) reported major improvement in ejaculation times. The researchers concluded that if men are consistent with the training, i.e. 2–4 training sessions a week, and continue for about 6–8 weeks they would be able to see “considerable improvements in ejaculation delay and control”.

Do Kegel exercises: Men get surprised when they hear this, but yes, Kegel exercises are also for men. They’re easy to perform; just squeeze and relax the pelvic muscle, i.e. the muscle you use when you ejaculate. If you’re unsure, imagine you’re pissing but then try to stop and hold the piss inside. The muscle you use for that is the one! Doing Kegel exercises will not only delay your ejaculation, your orgasms become much more powerful, and you will probably notice that you can shoot your load with more power, i.e. longer distance, i.e. if that’s something you aspire. Not sure how to start? Start with this: Kegel session 1 Exercise A — Sets: 3 Quickly clench and release repeatedly for 10 seconds. Take a 10-second break between sets. Exercise B — Sets: 10 Clench and release repeatedly for 5 seconds. Take a 5-second break between sets. Exercise C — Sets: 3 Tighten and hold your PC muscle for 30 seconds. Take a 30 second break between sets. Repeat daily for one week. Kegel session 2 Exercise A — Sets: 10 Clench and hold your PC muscle for 5 seconds. Release and repeat. Exercise B — Sets: 3 Quickly clench and release your PC muscle 10 times. Exercise C — Sets: 3 Clench and release your PC muscle alternatively in long and short bursts for counts of 10. Exercise D — Sets: 1 Tighten your PC muscle and hold for as long as you can. Aim for 2 minutes. Do the session 2 Kegel for a week; however, feel free to progress if you feel you are strong enough. Remember that these are strengthening exercises, so start off slowly and build up, just like you would with any other muscle.

Breathing correctly: A good breathing technique is essential during sex, but unfortunately it usually gets left out of the equation. Try to focus on breathing like you’re performing an easy daily task, instead of breathing rapidly like you just finished 100 burpees. The idea as that you’re aware of your breathing and you try to control it.

XXX

And now … a new you! Start today and give yourself a goal of 3 months to get those embarrassing premature ejaculations under control. Follow what I’ve gone through here above and you’ll most certainly see major improvements.

At least, like Jordan said … “I can accept failure, but I can’t accept not trying”.

Originally published by Room Privée on October 10, 2019: Relativity and Premature Ejaculation

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SQUIRTING: What nobody ever told you

Chances are you’ve heard about squirting. Potentially, because a little bird whispered in your ear, maybe you saw an episode of Californication, you watch porn, or you’re just one of the lucky ones to experience it first-hand.

If you’re not (yet) one of the lucky ones, there’s a possibility you’d like squirt or experience it with your partner.

After my last post about the G-spot I received numerous questions about squirting, so today I’ll give you few tips about how to start … Because, it’s highly likely that all women are capable of squirting “if their partner knows what they are doing” according to a recent study French study. Nevertheless, it’s definitely worth trying as the pleasure is quite something!

Squirting: Busting the myth To start with, I think it’s important to bust a popular myth about squirting: Female ejaculation (or, rather vaginal ejaculation) and squirting is NOT the same thing; the organs and mechanisms that produce them are different.

Vaginal ejaculation is most common. At the time of orgasm, women release a kind of a whitish fluid that can be confused with lubrication from sexual arousal. It can also be released with urine, through the urethra, after sexual encounter. The Skene glands (sometimes called the female prostate) are responsible for the ejaculation which is typically thick and appears milky, where the amount of fluid will depend on their size.

So, what is squirting then? Squirting happens with the stimulation of two key areas; a stream of transparent liquid is released through the urethra, which comes out of the bladder and is basically urine diluted with substances from the Skene glands. In fact, there are convincing evidence that squirting is chemically similar to urine, and also containing small amounts of prostatic-specific antigen (usually referred to as PSA) that is present in men’s ejaculate. Yes … you read that right … and in all fairness most women have never experienced squirting, and some of those who have did so unexpectedly and even felt embarrassed.

Now you are likely wondering how you can squirt. Well, those who have experienced it say that it’s achieved through vigorous stimulation of the G-zone and sometimes also the clitoris.

It is important that you know, that squirting does not necessarily mean that you will have more powerful orgasm, it’s simply one more sexual manifestation. So, don’t fall into despair if you’re not able to.

Now that’s been cleared up, so how to start squirting then? Here are some tips to help you get started and increase the likelihood of experiencing squirting.

Relax: First of all, you must be convinced that you want to squirt, so relax your mind and let yourself go. You can try to breathe slowly for few minutes and focus on the breathing, sort of like when meditating. Another trick that works wonders is to focus on how your sexual partner touches you, i.e. truly focus on their tender touches, light kisses etc. in order to get more stimulated.

It’s a journey: Sometimes we care so much about the actual goal — i.e. to squirt — that we forget to enjoy every second of the sexual experience itself. Being too focused on gettering there can deprive us of having a good time and, consequently, taking us further away from our goal.

Lubricant: Since you’re already in a mission to squirt, where your best friend will be your G-spot (G-zone), do not reject extra help from good lubricant. It will make the whole thing easier to start with.

Stimulate your G-zone: You can do it with your fingers, your partners penis, or with a special G-spot sex toy. When you stimulate your G-zone there will always be trial and error, i.e. you will have to figure out what works best for you; change rhythm and the way you stimulate the G-zone. I personally recommend this cute friend which has been a best-seller in its category for years, thanks to its ergonomic design with curved tip and perfect size to get the job done.

Do not forget the clitoris: Squirting requires teamwork between the G-zone and the clitoris. So, when stimulating your G-zone don’t forget to give love to your lovely clit … listen to it and touch it when it demands so…

Don’t stop if you feel like urinating: When stimulating the G-zone and aiming for squirting, it’s almost guaranteed you’ll feel like you have to urinate. DON’T STOP THEN! It’s normal to have that feeling and you should take it as a clue that you’re on the right track :)

Some extra help: Better positions for squirting If you’re with a partner, there are some positions that are more effective in direct stimulation of the G-zone. Note, if your partner is female, then you can just as well use a strap-on such as this one for the same results:

Doggy-style: By far the best position to stimulate the G-zone because of pressure given directly on the front wall of the vagina, reaching the G-zone and stimulating it repeatedly.

Cowgirl and Reverse Cowgirl: A great way to stimulate the G-zone because you can move your hips and adapt for comfort. You can lean forward or backward, adjust the speed and also apply extra pressure on the G-zone as you prefer.

Butterfly: This one gently stimulates the G-zone is also a lovely position for women who like deep penetration.

I sincerely hope these recommendations will be useful for you to know where to start… The mission for your weekend is clear :)

Originally published by Room Privée on October 3, 2019: SQUIRTING: What nobody ever told you

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What is the G-spot?

You’ve heard about the G-spot. Most certainly you have. We hear about it on talk-shows, radio, magazines, but still it's quite possible that you never really knew what it was, and no one ever really told you anything about it, partly because they never knew themselves what the G-spot is.

Here’s what most people know: It’s a spot, it’s in the vagina, some women can orgasm from it. And yeah… that’s it.

The G-spot is actually a G-zone and is the Zeus of sexual mythology. Everyone talks bout him. There are people who affirm his existence and defend it with cape and sword. There are also those who are firm disbelievers of this wonderful spot (zone). Other people are unconvinced and claim they simply don’t know, and rightfully so. But we here at Room Privée will defend it to the death! Why? Because when you feel the pleasure caused by the stimulation of the G-spot, then there is no doubt.

So, what the hell is the G-spot? The G-spot, G-zone, is one of the main erogenous zones on the female body. It is an extension of the clitoris inside the vagina and located inside it, on the front wall, only 3-5 centimetres from the opening. That means, of course, that you don’t need a penis or a giant toy to stimulate it. When it comes to the G-zone, the size does not matter.

The reason I speak of it as a G-zone is because it’s not a specific magical spot, but an area within the vagina from where the internal clitoris is directly contacted.

The French doctor Pierre Foldés, who is famous for a surgical method that allows repairing the damage caused by female genital mutilation, affirms that there is an important relationship between the G-spot and the clitoris. He also claims that “when the G-spot is pressed, the entire structure of the clitoris and the vagina deforms”, which does not happen when any other point is pressed. Therefore, it is proven that the G-spot functions as the coordinating axis of the vaginal system, which works more rhythmically and flexibly than a penis.

Where did it all being? Dr. G-spot is Dr. Gräfenberg whose discovery dates back to the 1940s while he studied the female urethra, i.e. he found the G-spot by chance. It never really became a thing until 1982 with the publication of the “The G spot and Other Recent Discoveries About Human Sexuality” which became an international bestseller, appearing on The New York Times bestseller list. Then suddenly the G-spot craze started and we’ve heard of it ever since.

How do I find it? Ideally, you lie in bed, relaxed, without any stress. Insert two fingers halfway into your vagina. No Google Maps is needed, just do it. It’s easy.

Ok, now what? Gently touch the front wall – i.e. 3-5 cm from the entrance – you’ll feel a slightly rough almond-shaped area. That’s the G-zone. If you find it difficult to locate, it comes as no surprise because 45% of women claim they have difficulties finding it. But now that you know where the zone is, press your fingers upwards, (i.e. towards your bellybutton) in a come-hither motion.

Remember, you’re not trying to find a specific spot, but rather what feels best for you when stimulating this zone. Continue repeating this come-hither motion as the sensation builds focusing specifically in the zone, rather than using an in-and-out movement. You might start to feel how the G-zone start swelling as blood rushes to it when you stimulate it more and becoming more sensitive.

*Here’s a tip: The more you stimulate your clitoris and everything visible on the outside of the vagina, the more the G-zone will start swelling up on the inside, becoming easier to find and easier to stimulate.

G-spot vibrators are magical toys specifically designed to stimulate our precious G-zone. It can be tiresome to use the fingers on the G-spot, so more often using a specialised vibrator can really do the trick. Like this one here, for example, that is ergonomically curved for the direct stimulation of the G-spot and packed with a powerful motor that delivers intense vibrations.

A good indicator that you’re doing it right – apart form a super intense pleasure – is the feeling of having to pee. Many women stop when they get that feeling, but you don’t really have to, just continue stimulating the zone until the big O arrives!

How about female ejaculation? In the G-zone are the Skene glands, also called the paraurethral glands, Garter's duct, and female prostate, which are the "culprits" of the famous female ejaculation. When aroused, these glands produce a fluid that is eventually expelled during orgasm in a manner similar to male ejaculation. I guess we’ll need a special post on this one… :p

xxx

Now that you know more about the G-spot, there’s nothing else to wait for! Go find it and start playing with yourself :)

Original post first published by Room Privée on September 26, 2019: What is the G-spot?

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Everybody likes the new girl – The Coolidge Effect

Every time a new girl shows up, everyone likes her more. Mostly men, but also some women. I am not making this up, this is highly scientific. Let me explain.

It’s called the Coolidge Effect and is a phenomenon that has been detected among humans as well as other species, specifically regarding the males. After sexual intercourse, the males usually need some time before they can take another round. That’s quite normal. It’s normal here in Australia and New Zealand, as well as in Reykjavik Iceland and Labrador City Canada. Quite a universal phenomenon. (There do exist exceptions from this, where some males don’t seem to need rest between sessions... I guess they could make a career out of that as it’s quite an amazing ability.) The time between ejaculation, until the males can have intercourse again is called refractory period and can range from a couple of minutes to more than a week. This period increases with age, so teenagers can take up to 10 sessions in the afternoon, and then as they age that number will dramatically decrease. Then they will (hopefully) have optimised the quality-quantity ratio.

What has this refractory period to do with “everybody likes the new girl” and the Coolidge Effect? Science tells us that among males of different species the refractory period can in fact be reduced. How, you may wonder? Easy, by changing the female. The Coolidge Effect is a phenomenon that is seen among male mammals, where the males renew their sexual desire whenever a new female is introduced to have sexual intercourse with. The evolutionary benefit to this phenomenon is that males can fertilize multiple females. Makes sense, from an evolutionary perspective at least.

Great info! So how can it be used in our daily lives? We can in fact use this info to our advantage and welcome this natural fact with joy and some tricks. The Coolidge Effect doesn’t necessarily mean that homo sapiens males run into the arms of the next female simply because she’s new. The human being is, mostly, a rational animal that goes beyond the primary reproductive instincts. At least, let’s hope so.

Without too much hassle, everyone should be able to create some games that take us out of the routine that seems to kill peoples sex life more than anything else. With a little game or role-play, the flame, curiosity, and passion will be easier to keep alive; not only for men, but also for women.

And how?

1. Understand sex as a whole Sex goes far beyond the “action” itself. For us, sex is everything that happens since the idea of playing goes through our mind, until the game itself takes place. I.e. all your thoughts, flirting, naughty conversations, the looks, the innocent touches…

2. Try new things You can seriously raise the temperature by exploring new territories; such as new positions, new techniques, new games etc. Do you need some ideas? :)

Role-play: Plan a “blind date” with your partner. “Accidentally” meet at a pub/club/hotel bar or anything of the like, use a made-up name, use a made-up career and life story and create a completely different version of yourself. Even wear a wig! Flirt like complete strangers and go to a cheap hotel room for an amazing sex session with this “stranger”. Stick to your roles, and once the sex is finished you leave the hotel room and go separate ways. That makes this session to be completely attached to the person you created and this “new” person you met. At no point you can leave your role. Until you go home of course and meet your real partner :)

Bondage: Imagine your wrists tied to the bed, unable to move, and your partner being in complete control of the situation. Doesn’t it turn you on? Well it surely turns your partner on. It’s even more exciting to mix this with the roleplay, that means the “dirty-you” is simply attached to the name/person you leave behind once the session is over. A good place to start is with a beginner’s kit like this one. If you’re curious about starting with bondage but don’t know how, then here is an excellent quick-read about how start: Do you have a dark side?

Anal sex: A bit of a taboo for many, but still something that can be irresistibly fun once you get going with it. End the taboo and take a walk on the wild side by playing the “forbidden” game. Starts slowly with beginner’s toys likes this one here for example. If you still feel strange about starting with anal sex, then just use your role-play name then it technically wasn’t you :) Do you want to know an interesting fact? 94% of women who practice anal sex are able to reach an orgasm that way, without stimulation of the clitoris.

3. Feeling sexy The key to making others see you as irresistible is that you truly feel attractive and sexy yourself. If you don’t believe in it, then no one else will believe in it. Confidence is your shine, and attitude is what matters in those little games that translate into sensuality and desire.

Surprise your partner with what makes you feel sexy and irresistible, put on that perfume that you know that will bring out the wild and naughty in you, red passion lipstick, loosen shirt, and flirt with your eyes.

4. Make the foreplay count Like I mentioned in point 1, sex is everything that is involved in getting to the actual act itself, and that includes the foreplay. Caresses, kisses, massages, naughty strokes and touches under the table while others are there… All this is foreplay, the perfect way to create the sexual desire. In case you’re a bit confused how to do this, then read this: You don’t know anything about foreplay

5. Tantra “Cliché” you might think… but if the goal is to shorten the refractory period then tantra might actually help a lot. I discussed tantra for beginners in this post some months ago which will get you started. Tantric sex is something that requires dedication and perseverance; and that, in return, offers greater intimacy with your partner, longer lasting sex, the possibility of reducing the refractory period by achieving orgasm without ejaculation (yes that’s possible).

Don’t focus on the goal, just try to enjoy the journey, which will be fun, intimate and above all satisfactory. That’s what it’s all about.

xxx

Now, do you even remember what the Coolidge Effect is? Or are you just thinking about that bondage play you’re dying to try? :)

Originally published by Room Privée on September 16, 2019: Everybody likes the new girl — The Coolidge Effect

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10 Stupid Myths About Masturbation

We open minded people are sometimes terribly surprised to hear all the myths and misunderstanding around masturbation. Still, in the 21stcentury, many still believe the old Catholic scare tactics which were specifically designed to keep people away from masturbating for the sake of “purity”. I know this sort of thinking seems distant to most of you sex positive minds, but as a Clinical Sexologist I have received multiple questions about masturbation that has revealed the fact that many still believe those myths, such as “masturbating makes you blind”. Really?!

So, let’s get into some myth-busing about masturbation.

1. Masturbating makes you blind No it doesn't. This is one of the oldest and most resilient myths. For some reason, teenage boys are the ones most likely to hear this phrase, and since it’s been around for such a long time, many still reach out to get a clarification.

No, masturbating does not make you blind. Not teenage boys, not grown men, nor women of any age. Nobody can get blind from masturbating. Likewise, you won’t be able to see in dark by eating lots of carrots. However, getting some of that semen load into the eye could be uncomfortable, but you won’t become blind.

2. Masturbation can cause illness Yes for sure! There are numerous cases of people who have dislocated their wrist during intense masturbation session… OF COURSE NOT!

However, many men can recall masturbating so much as teenagers that they got sore, and in some cases, their penis got tiny wounds and even a little bleeding. Masturbating until it bleeds… well, although it sounds bad, it definitely doesn’t have any long-term impact.

Also, it’s true that some people can get skin irritations due to intolerance to some lubricants, and for not washing their sex toys properly. Remember, always clean your toys before and after use with water and soap.

3. Women don’t need to masturbate Sorry what?! 81% of people with vagina admit to having masturbated on occasion, so please let’s end this stupid myth at once. I’m girl, and I masturbate every EFFIN day :) Masturbation is simply a sexual technique that does good for everyone as so perfectly laid out in this article: 8 Reasons Why You Should Masturbate More.

Well ok, in general nobody needsto masturbate (if we’re getting strict on the actual definition of the verb “need”), i.e. nobody will actually die if they don’t masturbate. But it causes us pleasure and we just feel like doing it from time to time.

4. Women should never masturbate during their period Please stop believing this nonsense right now, pretty please! Orgasm is a super powerful analgesic, so it’s actually great to orgasm when on your period. So, from one vagina owner to another, yes masturbate!

And by the way, same applies for headache :)

5. Masturbation makes you sterile From the time they reach puberty until they die, men are a sperm factory. They can literally procreate in the thousands until the very last day. I.e. if the cannon still functions of course. But no, they are not going to run out of semen, and they will not become sterile with masturbation.

Women do have a certain number of eggs, but the egg count does not decrease with masturbation.

So no, masturbation does not make anyone sterile.

6. Masturbation can cause erectile dysfunction Erectile dysfunction can have several physical and psychological causes, but none of them is masturbation. So, if you or your partner is suffering from this, under no circumstances blame the problem on masturbation.

However, new research indicates that guys who watch much porn while masturbating can experience lack of interest in sex and suffer from erectile dysfunction when having sex in reality. Maybe you should consider this next time you load Pornhub looking for your favourite anal scene.

7. You enjoy sex less if you masturbate Really…? Haven’t we learned anything? Masturbation makes you know yourself better. What you like, what you don’t like, what turns you on and what doesn’t etc. So therefore, you might actually enjoy sex more if you masturbate!

8. People in relationships do not masturbate Clearly people have different personal experience when it comes to this. However, the more sex you have the more sex you feel like having. So, masturbation does not die with the relationship, but on the contrary the frequency might be maintained and even increased.

9. Using sex toys will reduce the desire to have sex with a partner This stupid myth makes me angry! How many times have I stressed the beauty of incorporating sex toys into couple’s sex life? An external massager, glittering anal toys, bondage kits… There are literally thousands of toys to use as couples that can only increase your sexual desire!

10. Children who masturbate will be addicted to sex No. They are simply curious. Many times, out of curiosity, children play with their genital organs. It’s maybe normal that as a parent, that if you enter the room and see your child looking down there that you start worrying. There’s no need for any worries, as it’s completely normal for your child to do so. Your little girl is not going to become a nymphomaniac, she’s just exploring her own body.

Everything clear now? Masturbation is wonderful.

So, go touch yourself!

Originally published by Room Privée on September 10, 2019: 10 Stupid Myths About Masturbation

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7 Interesting Facts About Orgasms You Didn't Know

Did you know that orgasms make hiccups stop? And that orgasms become better with age? Yup, it’s true! Orgasms hide many interesting facts on their way to the stars, so the new Auckland New Zealand team of Room Privée created this list of 7 orgasmic secrets.

We highly recommend that you discover our notions about the “Big Bang” in practise either with a partner or alone. Below is a list with recent (or not so recent) discoveries that can put a smile on your pretty face and alter your sex life with thrilling moments, groans, moans, and fantasies.

1. Orgasms make hiccups stop Although the concrete cause of the sudden onset of hiccups is still unclear, we do know a remedy. Thanks to an almost 20 year old studywe now know that orgasms make it stop. In fact, before we published this article we literally tested this theory ourselves, and yes, it works! From now on when you get hiccups, you don’t have to stare at your finger, waiting for someone to scare the hell out of you, or drink a litre of water upside down… just masturbate or demand that your partner solves the problem with quick sex session.

2. Orgasms relieve headaches and migraine True, we have tested this theory as well. Headache is simply no longer an excuse to not have sex. A study conducted by the International Headache Societysupport the conclusion that having sex can achieve “partial or total disappearance” of headaches and migraine. Upon reaching orgasms, our bodies release chemical called oxytocin that relaxes and facilitates positive emotional states, adding the analgesic benefit thanks to the segregation of endorphins. The research team concluded with this amazing remark: “Sex can abort migraine and attacks of cluster headaches, and sexual activity is used by some patients as an acute treatment of headache”.

3. The quality of orgasms improves with age Do not complain more about getting older, because aging brings us amazing advantages such as the enhancement of the quality and frequency of our orgasms, especially among women. A study by Dr. Herbenick, a Sexologist at Indiana University, Bloomingtonrevealed the simple fact “orgasm becomes easier and better with age.” In the survey, only 61% of women between 18 and 24 years old experienced orgasm in their last sexual relationship, compared with 70% of women between 40 and 50 years old who did. A factor that is probably related to self-confidence, long-term experience and the best knowledge of our own body.

4. An orgasm does not always occur with genital stimulation Orgasms are not necessarily linked to genital stimulation. Many people can reach an orgasm through the stimulation of other erogenous areas of their body such as the nipples, and during intense physical activity, or by training abs in the gym (which is surprisingly common), or, I don’t know, even during a bus ride.

These types of (spontaneous) orgasms are usually due to an increase in non-direct blood flow. It also greatly influences the mental state and general relaxation of the person. So, don’t limit yourself and let your imagination and your body fly beyond the sexual act itself.

5. The orgasm of women and people with vagina lasts 20 seconds on average It has been proven that the average duration of a female orgasm is 20 seconds, and during the orgasm the body performs a series of rhythmic contractions every 0.08 seconds. These contractions can be felt with greater intensity by doing kegel exercises regularly, preferably by using specific Kegel Balls like those.

6. Orgasm can be more intense when moaning and screaming Expressing ourselves with groans and screams during sex can lead to a more intense orgasm. As practitioners in tantric sex know, moaning and use of our vocal cords, stomach and lungs, you can wake up and let the pleasure flow even more. Therefore, never ever silence yourself, just groan, shout and set yourself completely free of limitations.

7. Certain positions can make it easier to orgasm Maybe many people know this, but some might have to hear it. There are positions that really facilitate orgasm for people with vagina. An example is the doggy style, which allows a much more direct stimulation of the G-spot. In addition, it allows easy access to the clitoris, either by hand or with a massager such as this beauty, for even greater pleasure! It is also very accommodating for people with penis to caress their testicles during the act for an even more intense orgasm for both. Great, right?

Originally posted by Room Privée on August 23, 2019: Interesting Facts About Orgasms You Didn’t Know

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Did you stop enjoying sex as much as you used to? Here are 6 tricks to increase the pleasure

We all like some pleasure in our lives and enjoy thrilling sensations. One of the healthiest ways to feel good, without a doubt, is to have sex. This is widely accepted, and the importance of good and healthy sex-life cannot be overstated.  

However, a growing number of people claim they don’t enjoy sex that much as they used to. The key-word here is “used to”, which tells us that they did in fact enjoy sex before, but now they don’t enjoy it as much as before. Multiple research conducted cross-disciplinary all indicate that stress and fatigue are largely to blame, along with many different causes associated with our busy 21stcentury urban lives. Multiple meetings, tight deadlines, traffic, lack of sleep, emails on your phone, being reachable 24h, phone addiction, bad diet etc. don’t always seem to be correlated with sex, but the reality is that they do affect the quality of our sex-lives directly.

We here at the Room Privée offices in Auckland, New Zealand, decided to look into the matter and come up with some solutions.

We at Room Privée are no exception. We work too much. After in-house discussions we conducted our research and decided to change the way we work and approach our busy routine with different methods with the sole aim of enjoying our sex-lives more.

After 2 months of actively changing our methods to life, we agreed on 6 things that all seemed to positively affect our sex-lives in general. Follow them, in that particular order!

1. Leave work at the office Have you had a rough day at the office? About million meetings, phone calls and emails, too many tasks with too tight deadlines which made you eat your Tupperware lunch in front of the computer? Well, that’s it, it’s already happened. But now you have entered the door of your home and there is not talk of work until the next day. Prohibited. And please, turn off your work-email notifications on your phone.

2. Enjoy dinner together Right. After a full day at the office you now have to cook dinner after you get home? Ough … doesn’t sound too exciting. However, there aren’t many moments that bring us humans as close together as eating together. So, here are two options:

Cook as a couple: Play music, tell them about your day, what you want to do, be silly and naughty :)

Homedelivery: There’s no harm in that from time to time. Order your favourite food, no cooking, no cleaning after or anything at all. Enjoy each other while you wait :)

3. Give each other massage Once you finish dinner, DO NOT lie in the sofa watching Netflix until midnight. There’s no sex in that. Go to the room, light aromatic candles and truly enjoy each other’s company. Oil, calmness, caresses, love, goosebumps … nothing better than a massage to release tension.

4. Or, take a shower together Start your session with a hot shower. More caresses, more kisses, more heat. Wash each other, enjoy each other’s soft skin, and never stop touching each other. Make each other so turned on you just want to jump to bed.

5. Oral sex Nothing better to relax and forget the worries of a busy day than a good oral sex session. And here, dear friends, we are experts. Read about our tips and tricks to become oral sex specialist and get your partner to forget all about that income statement.

6. Play Now you’ve been heating things up for the past 90 minutes and you simply cannot wait any longer. Your pulse is up, you’re both exploding with excitement, and it’s time to dive right in.

A basic principle we all agreed on here at Room Privée is silence. Keep silence in your home; no music, no TV, no phone notifications. Concentrate on breathing, your partner, your beating hearts, and even the sound of skin touching skin.

xxx

Don’t let stress ruin your sex life or make it anything less than it should be. Sex is to enjoy fully. Use it to forget everything when feeling overwhelmed and truly disconnect.

__________________________

Original story posted by Room Privée on July 24, 2019: Did you stop enjoying sex as much as you used to? Here are 6 tricks to increase the pleasure

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You Don’t Know Anything About Oral Sex

When it comes to your sex life, how much time do you devote to oral sex? Do you enjoy giving it? If your answer is “a little bit” and “mmm yeah maybe a bit”, then this post is for you.

For some reason, oral sex is sometimes labelled as that boring thing everybody wants to receive but nobody likes to give. Hmmm sad. Very sad. Oral sex is absolutely amazing, and if you know how to do it properly, it will lift everything to another level.  

But hey, it’s not enough to just open your mouth or give couple of licks. You have to work a bit harder than that. Here below are some tips that will take your oral game to new heights and make your partner veeeery happy.

Both men and women

One super important thing before we go through what to do is this unisex tip for everyone: Hygiene! Pretty please!

It’s Sunday and you’ve spent the weekend in your pyjamas without showering. We’re all guilty of that sometimes. But don’t be lazy, take a shower, and wash your intimate parts thoroughly. Nothing kills the mood more than going down on someone – with your porn star plan ready to be executed – and you suddenly realise that it smells bad down there. Very bad.  

Create the desire Play with them a bit before you actually dive in. Kiss the neck, the chest, nipples, the belly, the thighs … go down little by little, until your partner is dying for having you touch the sweet spots. Nothing creates the desire as much as making them wait a bit.

Flavours Apparently, some people really don’t like the taste or smell of genitals. It’s understandable that it can be unpleasant to some, even if it’s pleasant to others. For women it can vary throughout the menstrual cycle, and for everyone the smell and taste can actually depend on what we eat. If this is something that bothers you, you can use flavoured lubricants with (e.g. chocolate, vanilla, strawberry flavours) to hide bad smell/taste if it’s persistent.

Play with temperature Have you ever kissed your partner right after they have had an ice cube melting in their mouth? Cool yeah? Well, down there it’s pretty cool as well. By playing with hot and cold contrasts, you’ll see how your partner gets even more stimulated.

Do not forget the hands Yes, I know it’s called “oral” sex because of the mouth, but the hands can really help. During fellatio, the hands can help to exert more pressure on the penis, thus cause more pleasure; likewise, during cunnilingus, the fingers can stimulate the G-spot while the tongue is engaged in external stimulation. It will certainly increase the pleasure if you include a G-spot vibrator such as this one which will (I personally guarantee…) make your partner climax faster than you can imagine.

Another great, and sometimes forgotten, pleasure point are the lips. They’re so close to the clitoris but feel so far away when forgotten. Stimulate them with caresses or vibrations; use your fingers or get a little help from multipurpose vibrator like this one which will give an extra pleasure to any game!

Fellatio

So, let’s start with the fellatio, i.e. oral sex performed on a man, and go through some basics which will not only make him orgasm, but also make you feel like the sexiest person alive while giving it to him. Remember, it’s just you, your mouth, and nothing else that is making him reach an unforgettable orgasm.

Use your tongue Up, down, in circles, in long strokes, with flat tongue, fast, slowly, sucking, sipping. Just don’t use only your lips and remember to involve the tongue.

Do not skimp on salvia It’s like the lubricant during anal sex; never leave it out. The heat and humidity of the salvia will make him feel spasms of pleasure, and it will help your hand to slide more easily. Spit on the tip of the penis, a lot, slowly. We all know it’s super sexy.

Don’t forget the balls This is an important point. They should never be left out during oral sex as the testicles are one of the most sensitive areas on guys. Suck them gently, massage them with your tongue, and since you’re in the area run your tongue in circles on the perineum, which is the patch of skin that lies between his family jewels and anus. It’s loaded with nerve endings that, when stimulated, can give amazing sensations. Or, get yourself a massager wand to play with the perineum and the balls. That’s guaranteed to deliver vibrating sensations which will seriously increase the stimulation.

Look him in the eyes If you follow the advice above to the letter, he’ll become even more aroused if you keep looking him in the eye. Men are far more visual creatures than us women and will be more turned on by what they see. Keep the light on an enjoy having him watching you perform. It will also excite you a lot to see his reactions to your skills.

No teeth! Since the penis is super sensitive, especially when hard, just a little bit of teeth can be quite painful. I’m not saying you can’t tease with an innocent bite, but in general it’s best to keep the teeth from touching the penis at all.

Cunnilingus

Here’s a thing all guys need to hear: You have to do more! It’s good that you enjoy receiving it, but when you’re asked to return the favour you just put on a face and … “what?”. That’s not gonna work.

So, let’s dive right in and go through some fundamentals that can be the first step towards you becoming the Grand Master of the noble art of Cunnilingus.

It’s not only the clitoris Just as during intercourse you sometimes forget the clitoris, during cunnilingus you often forget that there’s not only the clitoris. You should be nurturing the clitoris, the lips, the vagina and, if you’re adventurous, also the anus. Lick and suck on her clitoris and lips, put your tongue inside.

Take initiative and show empathy Nothing excites a woman more than a man who dies to give oral sex; who enjoys doing it, and who pays attention to what she likes or does not like during the practice.

Next time you are a lone, surprise her by going down on her and show her your confidence and desire. Pay close attention to her vaginal contractions, shakes and hip movements to know what she likes and what she doesn’t and act accordingly.

Your tongue Don’t do it too hard, and certainly not too soft. Strive to find a balance with the pressure you put with your tongue. Imagine that your tongue is the best sex toy available; i.e. multi-position, multi-speed. Surprise her with changes of rhythm and position; flat tongue, tongue bent, full speed, slowly… You get my point.

It’s understandable if you find pleasing a woman being a bit complicated. We’re complex creatures! But hey, no one said it would be easy. And if you’re still a bit confused, check out this article about tips and tricks to female orgasm. It’ll help! I guarantee.

X   X   X

Of course, it’s possible to write lengthy articles with all the details about how to please men and women with oral sex. But all people are different, and their needs are different. What makes you good is to observe their reactions and adapt to their needs. Following these points here above will get you half the way, at least.

Enjoy!

Emily

Original article posted on Room Privée on June 19, 2019: You Don’t Know Anything About Oral Sex

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You Don’t Know Anything About Foreplay

Having an orgasm can be a bit complicated. Maybe not for the boys, but at least for us women. It can require some concentration, knowledge, time, and desire. Rome wasn't built in a day, and having an orgasm usually takes more than few minutes.

Ok yes, I’m a bit obsessed with this subject, but some people need to know that it’s the foreplay that lays the foundation for reaching an orgasm, especially for women. I’ve many times discussed the importance of foreplay, how healthy it can be, how important it is, but never really spent time on the matter. So today, for all of you who need it, I’ll give you some tips.

What is foreplay? Basically, everything that happens from the beginning of the foolishness until the sexual act itself begins. Some people only take into consideration the kisses, the caresses, the oral sex, and all the play that happens right before the intercourse, but for us at Room Privée, it’s only the tip of the iceberg. Flirting can be foreplay, the way you look at each other, touch, smile etc. can all be considered foreplay. Stop being so boring and start with the foreplay before you actually get down to the sex itself. Here below are some points, which are certainly NOT exhaustive.

Say NO Be hard to get, basically. There’s nothing sexier than provoking with a little smile and saying no. Patient caresses, taking your time to get to your key points. Let them make the move to come and kiss you, and when they’re ready, move your lips away. They are the sweet tortures that make all of us want more.

Tease under the table / at the bar You’re out having dinner or drinks and begin to caress them between their legs. Or play with the straw between your lips while looking at them and giving a little smile. Those details drive everyone crazy.

At the movies You’re at the movies, innocently touching each other’s hand. As you reach for the popcorn, you shamelessly rub the crotch; or the breasts. Or be even more direct as it’s dark anyway; give a kiss and touch each other more daringly. After the movie you’ll both be so turned on it’s just “Taxi take us home, now!”

Spicy dinner There’s a quiet dinner at home. Feed them in a suggestive way. Have a chocolate and ask them to eat it directly from your mouth. Everything it takes to get to the big dessert.

Sexting You’re at home, your partner hasn’t arrived yet, and you’re feeling horny. Words are natural aphrodisiacs, and nothing increases the body temperature like telling them what you want to do, or how horny you are. Oh, to hell with it - they say that a photo is worth a thousand words, right? Send them a sexy selfie, or a photo of you two together in bed… Let’s see how long it takes them to arrive home after that.

Dirty Dancing You’re in a club with friends and take your partner to the dance floor. Dance very close, rub your bum against them, be bad, and you’ll soon see that both of you will only be thinking about what happens when you get home.

Traditional foreplay Don’t you just hate the word traditional when talking about sex? Well, there are some foreplay traditions we just have to mention. Interestingly, so many (especially men) seem to need those reminders. My bi and lesbian friends shake their heads when I state the obvious, but, research on the subject seem to indicate that women need/want more foreplay.

Oral sex: Fun, sexy, exciting, and certainly the door to incredible orgasms.

Caressing: All over the body. Face, neck, shoulders, breasts, abdomen, thighs … take your time and see how the desire increases.

Gentle bites: Neck, ears, lips, nipples … discover the most sensitive points of your lover and go crazy.

Kisses: There are never too many kisses. Kisses make everything more intimate, so don’t stop kissing while you play.

Control: Tie your partner to bed and make sure they enjoy without being able to do anything. More sweet tortures please! Got nothing to tie them with? This beginners kit might help.

[roomprivee]

The Five Most Common Sexual Fantasies

The dream is free, the hustle is sold separately. We all have our fetish, our secret fantasies that we are more often ashamed to share, our wet dreams we keep to ourselves. Imagine how sad it would be to live a whole life without making your fantasies come true and be lying on your deathbed thinking “I wish had…”.

After all, sexual fantasies are the best way to boost our sex life; to break away from the routine and to bring back to life the desire that has been half-dead as we sleepwalk through our busy days. Although fantasies are countless, there are some that are more common than others, and, quite possibly, your partner has the same fantasy as you which would certainly create an atmosphere to make those wet dreams come true.

82% of men and 31% of women: Threesome Three is the magic number! And three is not too crowded either. We tend to assume that having threesome is the typical fantasy of every man, but it is in fact quite common fantasy among women as well (although less...). This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone as you’re combining few forbidden pleasures. You’re having sex with someone new; you’re having two people dedicating themselves to pleasuring you; or otherwise, you’re giving pleasure to your partner as well as someone else. Although there’s no surprise that 82% of men fantasise about threesome, women seem to be picking up on this fantasy as well.

To make this fantasy come true you have to be quite open with your partner. Obviously. Remember, if you don’t ask, the answer is always going to be no. You and your partner have to be super sincere at all times; say what you want and what you don’t want, set boundaries of what is allowed and what’s not, and, more importantly, leave jealousy at the door. It can be a bit strange for the first time to watch someone please your partner, or your partner please someone else. But that’s the whole idea, right?

Emotions can be very strong during threesome so make sure everyone’s comfortable and excited. If it suddenly doesn’t feel right, it’s ok cancel the whole event. Make sure all three are communicating, both before and during the sex. Remember to focus on pleasing everyone and learn to enjoy watching your partner’s pleasure.

When it’s all done, remember to check in with your partner(s). Threesome can certainly create new emotions and there’s no guarantee that jealousy won’t show its ugly face even if you discussed the risk openly before. And please, try to stay (mostly at least) sober.

83% of men and 66% of women: The stranger Yup, the classic of all classics; sleeping with a stranger. You’re sitting alone in a high-end cocktail bar and suddenly a smoking-hot stranger approaches you and asks you the long-awaited question: "Do you come here a lot?"

That pick-up line is of course quite cheap, but the beauty of the fantasy is everything else; the glamour of the high-end cocktail bar, your outfit, the desire you have for the sexy stranger. Men often play this fantasy in their mind as approaching a hot girl at the bar without fear of getting no for an answer. Their main explanation for having this desire is simply the excitement of having sex with a stranger, someone you don’t know.

Women, on the other hand, describe the whole stranger fantasy a bit more delicately. There’s something exciting about acting like a slut in secret – this imaginary scenario of being “dirty” and do something you’d generally be judged for.

For people in relationships, this fantasy doesn’t have to be unachievable. Make this one become a reality as well, without being unfaithful, by simply turning it into a roleplay. Book two separate rooms in a hotel, arrive separately, pick a new name you use for this game and create an imaginary person which you play, “accidentally” meet at a bar close by, flirt like you’re meeting for the first time. Go back to one of the hotel rooms together and surprise each other!

66% of women: Being dominated Those Fifty Shades… huh! This fantasy seems to be much more common among women. A whole 66% have fantasised about being dominated by their partner on some occasion. The reason? Probably just because it’s fun! So, tie your lady up, tell her dirty things, and make her feel completely dominated by you. You’ll see how this will become one of your most intense nights to date.

If you’re unsure how to start with this, I recommend you take a look at a most my recent post of how to get into BDSM when you’re a complete novice.

88% of men and 79% of women: Oral sex Both receiving and giving oral sex are among the most common sexual fantasies where 88% of men and 79% of women fantasise about oral sex. It’s a bit surprising (or not) to see data like this, when one of the main things people are dissatisfied with in their sex life is the lack of oral sex.

The oral sex fantasy should be easily solved. Just get down there and make it real! How? Really, you don’t know how? Here are some basics:

Use your tongue and lips as you were kissing someone (i.e. French kiss). Lick it, suck it, move your tongue in circles. Make it wet. Whatever you want. Use your hands. Keep a rhythm. Don’t lose the rhythm!

Obviously, this can apply to both men and women. After seeing the data about oral sex, I think I should dedicate my next post to oral sex! It seems to be needed :)

82% of people: Get out of bed This last fantasy I’d like to mention, is to simply have sex in places that are out of the norm. Both men and women, 82% of them, have fantasised about this.

This is another fantasy that can easily become a reality. We know the bed all too well, so why not start with doing it around the house? Or somewhere away from home, like hotel, the bathroom of a disco/pub/restaurant, at your parents’ house after a family dinner, on the beach during night, or go mountain hiking in the middle of nowhere and have sex when you reach the top. At least no one’s going to hear your screams from there… The world is too big to just play in bed!

So, whatever your sexual fantasy is, don’t be shy to share it with your playmate!

Originally posted by Room Privée

[roomprivee]

Do You Have a Dark Side?

How to get into BDSM when you’re a complete novice

I like to argue that we all have a “dark side” and we’re just taming it to be able to live in our civilized world. Freud claimed that being part of a civilized society would somehow protect us from personal chaos, and therefore we have created communal authorities, such as police, to protect people from other people’s impulses, and also our own. However, in order for all this to work out, Freud argues that we must subdue our pleasure-seeking instincts and impetuous desires, like Dr. Leon F Seltzer explains.

If Freud is correct about this, then that means that we have some sort of a primitive dark side that we’re suppressing so we can all live in harmony. Most people reading this can agree to some extent, as we all have some desires, sexual or not, that we wouldn’t necessarily like anyone to know about.

Fair enough, never mind what people think of such statements, but with couple of books and a movie Fifty Shades of Grey managed to bring BDSM into the open with millions of women openly talking about BDSM. Sales of BDSM equipment surged globally and suddenly every other working man was tying his lady down and spanking her after the Wednesday news.

Fifty Shades of Grey didn’t create this urge among people, it simply created an atmosphere where it became more acceptable and easier to talk about. Which means, we all have a dark side somewhere in there that’s just waiting to be activated. However, that’s certainly not a bad thing. In fact, a research conducted several of years ago revealed that BDSM practitioners are “healthier and less neurotic” than those who practice more of a “gentle” sex life. The reason for that, according to the experts, is that because those who enjoy BDSM are in fact more extrovert, more open to new experiences, and at the same time less neurotic.

We here at Room Privée have therefore concluded that it’s unhealthy to suppress your pleasure-seeking instincts, and it’s crucial for mental (and physical) well-being to activate the dark side. At least once in a while.

So, how to start? Here below we discuss some fundamentals you should keep in mind if you dare open the door into this world of no return.

First things first

What does BDSM stand for? Everyone thinks they know it, but few get it 100% right. BDSM is an overlapping abbreviation of Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM). Since we’re discussing how to start with this practice, we won’t go into the advanced stuff and stick to the basics.

There are conditions BDSM is many things and it’s different to different people who would describe the practice and the experience in different ways. However, if there’s anything that applies to all, then that’s trust. BDSM relationships can only be considered healthy if there’s clear and open communication, and if there’s trust between individuals.

That being said, we do recommend you signing a contract. It may sound weird or boring but in reality, the writing and signing of the contract are the fundamentals and a very exciting part of the game. In the contract you’ll be making your limits crystal clear. Furthermore, as the contract is being drafted, you will be openly talking about your fantasies, what you want to do, and what you want to experience. When the contract is finally signed, the level of desire for the game will have escalated significantly.

Additionally, it’s quite common (and recommended) that you pick a name specifically to be used in your S&M adventures. With this you’ll be able to separate the personal from the game itself.

Discover your limits Before you enter the world of BDSM, you should try to have an idea of how far you’re willing to go. The best way to start is with a beginner’s kit, such as this one which you can easily build your collection on. It allows you to experiment with your partner and discover where your limits lie; cuffed to bed, flogging, blindfolding… Above all, you should discover if this world you are about to enter feels truly passionate. Maybe you’ll discover that this is nothing for you and you simply want to back out. That’s ok. Or, more likely, you discover that this is something that has been missing from your life, and you’re willing to take it further.

Find your role in BDSM Surely you already have an idea about what you like the most, i.e. if you like to dominate or be dominated. However, even if you have an idea of what you desire, you still don’t really know until you try. Some people are clearly submissive, other undoubtedly dominant, and many others are versatile and can enjoy playing both roles of the game. Please note, that being dominant does not make you sadistic, and being submissive does not make you a masochist. This is a common misconception of non-practitioners.

B D S M

Start with the bondage Start with the B in BDSM. Bondage is, without a doubt, the most widespread part of BDSM and often practiced in “conventional” relationships. However, what we know about bondage is generally the tip of the iceberg. Basically, the whole idea is to immobilize your partner; prevent them from using their hands by grabbing tight around the wrists, tie them to the headboard of the bed, grab their hair so they won’t move, use handcuffs. You get the idea. It’s fairly basic stuff.

When starting, use soft material so that you don’t hurt your partner. Remember, bondage is to immobilize the partner, not to hurt them, so it’s important that everyone feels comfortable when starting with this. Try something like this wrists/ankle restraints where you can keep your partner comfortably restrained in different positions. Later, as you progress, you can move on to more advanced bondage techniques.

Set the standard for your BDSM practice Now, if we move to the D and S, i.e. discipline, dominance and submission it is necessary to establish a code of conduct. An excellent example is from Fifty Shades when Christian told Anastasia to stop biting her lip, or he would whip her. Put as many rules as you like, and create punishments that excite you the most; put restraints on them using handcuffs, restraints with a ball-gag, whip them and cause a little pain…

“Did you just leave the table without taking your plate with you? Ugh Emily, now I have to flog your cheeks red…”

Omg I wish all punishments were like this 😍

Learn to enjoy it We end our short post on BDSM with the S and M, i.e. sadism and masochism. You should have realised it already, but BDSM involves obtaining pleasure through pain. For many it may sound strange at first, but as you give it a thought it can make sense. Don’t you enjoy a little biting? Don’t you just love having your hips grabbed and dirty words whispered in your ear? Or spanked during sex? Your hair pulled?

We all have submissive and dominant sides hiding inside, and we can all enjoy a little pain. Of course, we are very different when it comes to the intensity, and some of the most exciting parts of starting in BDSM is to explore your limits.

If you haven’t already, it’s about time that you activate your dark side! And if you have nothing to start with, then one of these beginner kits is the place to start.

Enjoy the pain!

Original post by Room Privée

[roomprivee]

Girls like girls 💜

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[roomprivee]

I know many of my friends have some BDSM experience! You devils know who you are 😈

I also know that many have no experience but are curious to try... For most, it's an unknown world and it can be difficult to start. Here’s how to:

https://roomprivee.com/blogs/the-room-privee-blog/do-you-have-a-dark-side