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You're not alone!

might be the last one standing but i still believe (and always will no matter what happens in canon) that olivia, deep inside, is in love with barba.

the way she smiles, the safety she feels around him is unmatched.

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olivia benson is allowed to be happy with a specific ultra caffeinated adhd lawyer. it’s either barson or arson. svu writers take your pick.

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It annoys me how a common trope on Star Trek is ‘tee hee, I’m a workaholic, I have twenty stardates of leave saved up because I never take a break’ and that’s supposed to be something we admire. Take a holiday, idiot. Especially if you’re the boss. Set a fucking example. It’s the future now and you’re better than this toxic shit. 

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🖖

You will be sorely missed, icon <3

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I asked my boyfriend in Canada once, how he deals with polar bears because I was curious about what to do and he was like, just be calm, let them know you’re there, and give them space and they’ll usually just go away. 

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(insp.)

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rita 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

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Law & Order SVU Season 23 Finale; I Hope the Barson Ship Will Finally Sail

Okay, so I just finished that Law & Order SVU season 23 finale and Oooooooh.

It pretty much covered everything I’ve been saying and thinking about this show.

Well, about Benson, I guess.

I also don’t think I’ve ever seen her this self-aware before.

But, you know, that’s necessary when you actually want to move forward.

There’s this quote that says something like “It’s fun to be cool and aloof until you realize that if you want love you’re going to have to make a fool of yourself and ask for it.” 

And Lord, is that true.

Anyway,

so 

I get why Benson is angry. I think she sees Barba going against her wishes as a boundary overstepped. And he has always been the one who she could trust not to do that. So that’s fair.

And it’s also that a friend and someone she loves defended a murderer when he didn’t have to which in itself is an act she hates.

And then on top of that the murderer almost personally hurt her by hurting Elliot through killing Kathy.

But then again, the fact that Barba did go against her wishes in this case to me only underlines how much he loves her and that she can trust him to do what’s best for her. Even if she doesn’t want other people making those decisions for her, she does deserve someone who has her best interests at heart even when she doesn’t.

The fact that she’s angry about it, very angry in fact, and not indifferent to me is another sign that she loves him.

But I think that part of the reason she might be so angry at him is because she didn’t expect what she sees as betrayal. With Elliot I would say she’s used to his nonsense and enables it. With Barba she isn’t so she holds him to a higher standard, which I think is good. Good for the both of them and will be good if they decide to pursue a romantic relationship.

But honestly, I think if you pull back all the layers, the other reason she’s so angry at him is because it’s getting harder for her to ignore his feelings for her. Because with him blatantly telling her he only defended Wheatley to protect her, it doesn’t take a genius to deduce that the reason he would do that is because he loves her. Why else? And she isn’t stupid, far from it, so you know she got the message even though she’s trying to ignore it.

I think it’s probably even more frustrating because she actually loves him. He’s the only person aside from maybe Rollins, that she’s clearly let into her life as far as she has. And she has definitely let him into her heart. She’s been deliberately vulnerable with him in ways I’ve rarely seen her be with others if at all. 

And it just, it brings me back to ADA Stone because with Stone, he too was in love with her but made it easy for her to ignore it until he couldn’t anymore. The difference being that I couldn’t see her pursuing anything with Stone and Stone knew it too.

And you know, when Barba and Benson first started working together I watched those episodes and I completely missed the signs initially like I did with Stone. And then I re-watched Barba and Benson’s journey and it was just so obvious, the amount of times he asked her out for drinks before she even said yes, but he never gave up, the way he was always trying to brighten up her day and make her smile.

Even when they first met you could see her reputation preceded her and he was a bit in awe. 

The fact that he mentioned her to his mother to the point his mother recognized her name when they met. 

The way he looked completely hurt and at his wit’s end when he realized she got into a relationship with Tucker while he was right there. This is when I really and truly knew he was irrevocably in love with her and it actually took me by surprise because he looked like his world was ending when he found out about Tucker.

Barba kind of reminds me of Castle in the Castle TV show where he pursued Beckett, who I always felt was initially based on Benson, for years before she saw him, actually saw him and finally admitted to herself and him that she loved and wanted him.

I feel like Barba is Benson’s Castle. I never thought I’d see the day, but the man has been by her side quietly waiting for her to see him and recognize how much he loves her and actually allow him to love her properly for ages.

Through drinks and conversations and just showing up for her and being a shoulder for her to cry on when she needed one.

And now not only has he told her he was only protecting her through doing the thing that pissed her off at him, 

he has legitimately now also told her that he 

- misses her

- loves her unconditionally

- will wait for her until she’s ready

Like

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He has also straight up called Elliot a bully, which, the man is spitting facts but in the same breath he has also validated her feelings for Elliot. Barba’s a real one.

Barba, he’s no longer allowing Benson to ignore his feelings for her. 

He’s literally telling her he loves her and is asking her to love him back when she’s ready. The man has literally bared his soul to her which in itself is incredibly hard to do but opposite someone who isn’t in a state to receive anything you have to say and might never be again, astronomically hard. But he did it anyway because she’s worth it and he’d be damned if he didn’t paint a full picture for her in what might be his last chance to do so.

Stone told her how he felt and then walked away, not asking her for anything and not waiting for any kind of response because he knew what it was going to be.

But Barba, he knows. He knows her. And so he knows. And he sees a future with her and is willing to wait for it. Wait for her. To be ready.

He’s a man who adores her and would literally do anything for her, but still manages to keep his job and integrity even so, I mean, what more could you want?

I feel like I’m rambling but I just really want this for the both of them. I want him to come back in a more consistent capacity and for them to rebuild their relationship and get together romantically.

And I don’t know that it’s necessary for her to pursue something with Elliot first.

This finale episode it felt like the battered victim was meant to parallel Benson. Where I think she said herself that that woman’s husband kept upending her life by coming back into it. Even more interesting is that this woman kept calling this man who was bad for her back into her life herself expecting him to put the pieces of it back together when he was the one who broke her in the first place.

And I think pursuing something with Elliot would do that to Benson, upend her life.

And she finally, finally has a good stable life. 

I just don’t want what, 10+ years of her own hard work putting her life back together after Elliot walked out of it to go down the drain. 

Barba brings her peace. Elliot brings chaos.

Look at them. These two dorks belong together and I need them to make it happen for the good of themselves and humankind.

(She said she misses him too so we’re one third of the way there.)

(x)

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After thinking about it I have decided to  take a step away from this show until it decides who Benson ends up with because I won’t be baited by a straight show. I just won’t do it. Life’s too short.

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the sheer offensiveness of rereading something you wrote, discovering that, hey, it’s actually pretty good, and then reaching the end, wherein you realize that if you want more you actually have to write it

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hi! I’ve recently been reading your SVU fanfics (on AO3 and FF) and OMG I love them! I’m literally obsessed with Calhola!! you inspired me to write a Rita/Fin story and I was hoping if you’d like to be my beta? or maybe we could just be mutuals 🤗 teehehe

Hellooo, sorry for the delayed answer 😊

First of all, I'm so flattered you liked the fics, it's great to hear. And even better that you got inspired to create more yourself 🤗

I'm not the best beta, but I would love to read it - don't hesitate to drop the link in my DMs when its posted ☕☕

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Do you have any thoughts about Rita's last line in the new episode?

I'm so sorry, asks just didn't show up anymore somehow? 😅

Uhm, I've always felt like she had some kind of history with abuse, cuz... well, mostly because statistics^^

I don't have any detailed ideas to what she said, but we know she used to be an ADA before going into defense - I think it was mentioned by Barba in her very first episode. Who knows, maybe that old statement and this new thing are somehow related? We don't know what her reasons were for leaving prosecution.

My biggest thought is that I would hate if they just randomnly threw that statement there and never have a storyline explaining it? Cuz... well, the world deserves more episodes with Rita Calhoun and her being a main character would be even better 😅😅

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I *cannot* stop staring at this….

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🥺

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😱

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Blessed Height