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do you ever hear yourself talking and one word comes out very pronounced in you regional accent and you get irrationally embarrassed because oh no now people are going to know i’m from a place

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Good morning, I've gotten approx 5 hrs sleep and discovered a new leak in the house, I'm gonna lose my mind

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There's something about doing chores at midnight y'know? I did the dishes and cleaned up and made husband's lunch for work tomorrow, and I just zoomed through it.

Daytime me could never

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No, I would not steal a car. However, if I had the ability to create a copy of someone's car that I could have for free while the other person retained their original car, I would definitely do that.

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Was talking to a coworker today who explained that her grandfather was like Snow White “but Californian. And an old man.” in that the creatures of the forest would follow him around and presumably duet with him.

“When he died the ravens sat in the trees outside for a week, watching. Taking turns. A horde of raccoons tried to break into the house every night, tearing at the siding. Eventually they gave up, but it was unsettling.”

“Aww. They were checking on him!” I said, like a normal person. Internally, I thought “Maybe you could do the thing you do with dead pets, where you show them to the living pets so the living pet understands they’re gone. But I guess if you did that to a bunch of scavenging species, they’d be like “Well, that’s very sad but he IS food now.” So what you’d need, for human sensibilities, is some sort of transparent corpse barrier. Like a see-through coffin oh that’s what the dwarves were doing! You’ve stopped paying attention to this conversation about the loss of a beloved family member you gotta phase back in.”

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need emily and shane to tag team clint. need them to ruin him together <3

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Alien!coworker who thinks all your little silly little human habits are all so captivating.

Alien!coworker who keeps little notebook keeping track of any habits he thinks are esspecially abnormal. It's filled with quite a few of your awkward slip ups. There's also a bit of you subtle flirting that completely flew over his head

Alien!coworker who almost forgets he even has a job because of how preoccupied he is with you.

Alien!coworker that panics when you actually need to talk to him for a task and messes something up so now you need to spend EVEN MORE TIME with him.

Alien!coworker is super surprised when he finds himself getting pretty close to you.

Alien!coworker who's been discretely smelling you cause your pheromones are like supperrr nice. Whatever products you use are pretty good too, but no where near your natural smell.

Alien!coworker doesn't even realize it's a date when you invite him to go have dinner and a few drinks together.

Alien!coworker who barely drinks anything before he's a wreck on your couch. Turns out his species wasn't exactly made for drinking...

Alien!coworker ends up so enebriated that he barely realizes that he's been rambling on and on about how pretty you are and how you smell so nice. He even mentions his little journal. Just let's out all his little thoughts on you.

The next day he wakes up with a wicked hangover and no idea what happened the night before. What he does notice is that you seem to be following him around and are way nicer than normal...

Idk how to end this,,,,, but yeahh I <3 alien!coworker

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kids deserve so much more respect and it turns out that saying that is a great way to locate the horrible people in any community <3

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Man, my brain is not in my work today

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It's me. I'm bitches

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"If you use em dash in your works, it makes them look AI generated. No real human uses em dash."

Imaging thinking actual human writers are Not Real because they use... professional writing in their works.

Imagine thinking millions of people who have been using em dash way before AI becomes a thing are all robots.

REBLOG IF YOU'RE A HUMAN AND YOU USE EM DASH

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Imagine taming the monster in your closet.

It starts with you hearing the soft scrape of claws on the wooden planks - the ones that cover the floor of your closet.

The first night you heard this, you trembled beneath your blankets despite the warmth they provided. You were wide-eyed and kept a bat clutched to your chest like it was a sword. However... after a week of the nightly visitor’s presence and nothing else actually happening - just the soft sounds of scratching and gentle breathing behind the closet door - curiosity replaced the icy fear in your heart.

You sat in bed one evening and waited for the noises to start, as they always did soon after the clock struck midnight. That night, you had a plan. Clutching a spare blanket, you cracked the closet door open. A single glowing eye blinked back at you through the pitch black. It was large, luminescent. A strange, quiet blue. Not the color of eye you expected from a monster.

You didn’t scream, and it didn’t growl. You both just… stared. Frozen.

“Hi,” you whispered, heart hammering in your chest so hard it ached. “I brought you a blanket. You must be cold in there, it's the coldest place in the house...” A deep, gravelly purr answered you. You gingerly left the blanket at the threshold, and in the morning, it was gone.

As more nights passed, little gifts were exchanged between the two of you. Dried flowers, shiny buttons, and smooth pebbles appeared on your windowsill. You would leave food, puzzles, and soft objects for the creature in return.

The monster in your closet never stepped fully into your room, but its silhouette, outlined by the small nightlight in the corner of your room, started to linger longer in the doorway. Its breathing was slow and calm as you hummed lullabies to it each night.

“I think you’re sweet,” You declared softly into the darkness of your room one rainy evening. “You don’t scare me anymore.”

A clawed hand emerged from the pitch black of the closet, hesitantly pushing the door open a little wider. The closet door creaked in protest of the movement. You watched for a moment, transfixed, then reached out your own hand slowly. You touched its rough, warm palm with your fingers.

“You can come out if you want,” you coaxed sweetly. “You don’t have to hide from me... I won't hurt you.” The monster hesitated, processing your words, but only for a moment. It stepped out of the closet, into your room, as you took a step back to accommodate it.

The monster was tall, easily towering over your form. The creature was odd, strange, yet beautiful in a way that defied words. Its eyes were soft and it gave you a crooked smile with too many teeth, which should’ve scared you, but you found it oddly endearing. The expression on its face was awkward and hesitant. It blinked slowly, nervously, like you were more dangerous than it - this creature with teeth and claws that could’ve easily ripped through your flesh like paper.

“You’re not what I expected,” You giggled as you looked up and down the creature’s form, "you're beautiful." You took in this mysterious creature, then looked up to meet it’s eyes with a smile of your own, lips curled upward in wonder. The creature startled at the sound of your laughter, enchanted by the noise.

"You...are bewitching." The monster croaked out, its own hand finally responding as it wrapped around yours. Its sharp claws carefully brushed against your soft skin once its hand fully engulfed your own, the creature afraid to hurt its newly acquired treasure.

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demons fall for an innocent farm girl .ᐟ

You didn’t mean to charm a demon. Let alone a pack of them.

You were just a farm girl. Wake with the dawn, fetch the eggs, feed the goats, sweat in the field ‘til your hands were raw. You weren’t a mage. Weren’t cursed. You’d never stepped foot in a temple or pissed on some ancient ruin. You just smiled too much. You laughed at things that shouldn’t be funny. You had hay in your hair and freckles on your cheeks and the softness of someone who didn’t know better than to look a devil in the eyes and giggle.

They’d started showing up at night.

At first, you thought it was shadows. A cold wind. A feeling under your skin that made you tug the blankets tighter. Then it was whispers—deep and velvet-thick, crawling through the cracks of your dreams.

“Sweet thing…” “Soft little body, all alone…” “We’ll take such good care of you…”

You’d wake wet. Ache in your belly. Clutching your pillow, thighs sticky with the kind of dream you were too embarrassed to even think about once the sun rose.

The worst part? You thought it was just you.

Too many nights alone. Not enough good men in town. Your imagination running wild. You’d laugh it off in the morning, red in the face, hauling water from the well like it hadn’t felt real—like you hadn’t heard teeth at your throat and claws on your hips and voices growling your name in unison.

Then you started seeing them.

Always on the edge of the woods. Always when you were alone. Not full form—just flashes. Long horns. Smoke-thick eyes. Black claws curling around tree bark. And the heat.

Gods, the heat.

You’d feel it first. Out of nowhere. Mid-chore, bent over the trough, skirt damp with well water, and suddenly your skin would flush hot and tight, like something had licked up the back of your thighs.

Then you'd turn—and nothing. Just trees. Just wind.

One time, you laughed aloud. “Y’all’re just makin’ fun of me,” you said to the shadows, cheeks red as apples. “Silly little dreams, that’s all.”

You didn’t see the way the trees twitched. How the air thickened. How claws curled deeper into the dirt in restraint.

But you heard the laugh.

Low. Deep. Shuddering. Right behind your ear.

That night, they didn’t let you sleep.

You laid in bed, eyes fluttering shut—and fell. Not into dreams, but into a place beneath them.

A world thick with smoke and velvet. A bed not yours—massive, draped in dark silk, soaked with warmth. And they were there.

All of them.

Three at least. Maybe more. Hard to count with their hands everywhere.

One kissed your neck, tongue dragging slowly up to your jaw as another knelt between your thighs, spreading them with claws so sharp they tore your nightgown like paper. The third one stroked your cheek with fingers that felt too hot for flesh.

They didn’t ask.

They didn’t need to.

Your dream-body was already writhing, already soaked, gasping into the dark as one thick cock pressed against your cunt, hot and leaking, while another brushed your lips, wetting them before sliding in slow.

They took turns.

Fucking you deep, slow, wet—growling praise into your ear, clawing at your hips, choking you just enough to make you moan louder.

“You don’t even know, do you?” one murmured, balls slapping wetly against your ass. “You’re ours. You always were.” “You’ll see. We’ll drag you under. Make you a queen. Breed you full ‘til you’re heavy with demonspawn and smiling.”

And god, it felt so good.

Too good.

You came over and over, body lifted and tossed like a toy between them. One knotted you—deep, pulsing, locked so tight your stomach swelled from the heat of his cum. Another came on your belly, licking it off with a pointed tongue. Another filled your throat ‘til your eyes rolled back.

When you woke?

Sunlight. Birds.

You were in your bed. Your nightgown—torn. Thighs sore. Pussy leaking. You sat up, dazed and aching, blinking at the dust in the air.

“…That was some dream,” you mumbled, face hot.

You didn’t see the claw mark burned into the wood above your headboard.

You didn’t hear the whisper that slipped beneath your door, soft as breath:

“Soon, sweet thing. We’re coming back.”

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i conceptualized last night and i cooked methinks

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Let Me Have You

SoftDom!Elliott x Fem!Reader

Summary: After spending the night at Elliott’s cabin, you wake up thinking you should flee. The farm was demanding, as was this budding relationship with Elliott that you didn't quite understand, especially with Leah around. But Elliott knows just how to address your worries ;)

Word Count: 2,478

Notes: Elliott’s summer seasonal outfit makes me feral. The summary of the plot is very generous, this is smuttttttt. slightly bratty reader, also slightly insecure. A lot of praise and the use of good girl obviously, Elliott is a munch and a tease 100% i would know because he's my husband.

Read this fic on Ao3

It hadn’t taken long for you to learn how difficult the summer months were. The crops this season were delicious and growing well, yes, but it felt like you could never water quite enough. And then there were the animals. They were used to you coming in bright and early, 6 AM every day. It was 8 AM now. They would be nervous…

You really shouldn’t stay. It was still concerning you that you had agreed to spend the night in the first place, but something about him- maybe the long, red ponytail you loved so much, or the way his blue button down showed off his toned arms- there was no way you’d have passed the chance. Not realistically. But what about Leah, what would she think? Would she notice the way her friend was starting to disappear with the new farmer? The farm- this would throw off your whole schedule.

Elliott sleepily draped an arm across your middle, sighing softly into the heat of your neck. “I can tell you’re thinking about work right now,” he murmured, a hint of fond exasperation in his tone.

“Can you blame me? It’s been a busy season.”

“Your Grandpa would be proud to see it, that old farm. I know he would be. You worry far too much.”

Butterflies flared to life in your chest, darting amongst the ribs. You shimmied further into his arms until he stretched, offering his chest. He smelled good, like something that would be called Charcoal, or Ocean, or some other vague, manly, conceptual title. Whatever it was, that soft, fresh smell pleased something in you. There was nothing else like a well-groomed man that used pomegranate shampoo. You knew it was totally within his character to have gotten up before you to dust himself with cologne in preparation of the morning. “Come closer,” he said.

“I was planning on it,” he smiled at the giggle in your voice, then wrinkled his nose at the eyeroll that followed.

“I’m sensing a bit of an attitude this morning…” he tipped your face up, brushing his nose against yours in a show of affection. “Do I have to do something about that?”

“Maybe…” your voice came out a little shy. Eye contact was difficult when he looked like that. His green eyes were so warm and lovely that it was nerve wracking just to hold their gaze. 

“Don’t go quiet on me now.” He smiled broadly, “You know I’ll make you use your words.” 

“Elliott…”

“That’s my good girl, keep that up and you’ll get exactly what I know you want.”

He laughed softly at the startled blush on your cheeks. It was a terrible curse, the way your blood rushed straight to your face the moment you felt embarrassment, shame, or unfortunately, arousal. His answering smirk was maddening.

“I wouldn’t think you’d have a blush left in you after what we did last night.” He was over you, now, gently shifting you onto the soft, sea salt-scented pillows with such a smooth grace it made your heart ache and your stomach tighten. “Don’t worry, darling girl, it looks precious on you…”

He brushed a soft kiss to your lips, a little promise of the tenderness he held for you, even when he was too hungry to be soft. His lips trailed down your neck, relishing in the soft sheen of sweat there. He’d never admit it, but seeing you so delightfully disheveled, especially after a day in the fields, made his cock twitch in excitement. “You taste good…” his tongue darted out as he left soft, open-mouthed kisses against the crook of your shoulder. His lips brushed over you once, then twice, a third time- before he found that perfect spot. You could feel the smirk pulling at his lips as you purred softly. He was nothing if not attentive.

“Elliott…” you practically whimpered this time. 

He tutted softly, “Have you already forgotten all but my name? I thought my little brat would hold out for longer, but I can’t say I’m that upset.” His eyes glinted with a mischief that had your face burning brighter.

You started to sit up, mumbling some half excuse, “Ah- I have to go back, I forgot I left the coop-”

“Ah ah ah,” his hands tightened on your hips, long fingers slotting into the dips you hated so much, but he seemed to love. He moved smoothly between your thighs, pushing them apart with firm strength. “You can leave when I’m done with you.”

“Please-” 

“That’s the spirit.”

Your eyes narrowed. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” He chuckled at the grumpy huff that came after.

“I do, but I also know that you need to rest,” he gripped the hem of his boxers, the pair you had insisted on wearing despite how he had seen all of you already. He didn’t understand that wish for propriety, but he also respected your wants above anything else. Also, you looked too cute in his clothes. “Let me have you.”

He wouldn’t be getting a response to that. Only another little huff as you turned your face away, staring at the creaky old walls instead, at the foaming ocean beyond his windows, at that painting of Leah’s that still hung on his wall… As if following your gaze, he drew the soft green flannel boxers down your thighs, pressing kisses to your skin as his hands traced their way back up. “Look at me.”

You couldn’t. He might see too much, see that you secretly hated and despised- okay maybe that was too strong. You generally disliked Leah. And her pretty art. And the way she was so thoughtful, enough to have created a painting just for him and then give it to him and probably look at him with that-

He nipped at the sensitive skin between your thighs. His eyebrows were raised, the expression he wore now slightly stern. “I said look at me.”

You finally dragged your gaze back to his. A small smile passed over his handsome mouth as he pressed a gentle kiss just above your soft mound. A reward. “Good girl, now open your thighs.”

His hands pressed gentle pressure to your soft curves, coaxing your thighs further apart before he rewarded you with a few more kisses. “I don’t want you thinking about anything- anyone- else right now,” he said, short and demanding. The thought of your attention straying from his touch only made him more determined to wreck you.

His hands slid the rest of the way up your thighs, his thumbs gently spreading your folds as his warm tongue slid up your slit, just shy of your clit. “Mmm- and here I thought I’d have to put in more work on you today,” he growled lowly, pulling your thighs up and over his broad shoulders, “so wet already.”

Something in his gaze looked as if he was on the edge of restraint, as if this strange relationship between you two had gone on for long enough. He didn’t want to dance around his desires anymore. He just wanted to fuck you. Again, and again.

You gasped as a long, skilled finger slid inside you, his lips capturing your clit with a gentle suck as he searched for the spot that made you shake. He barely gave you time to adjust before he pushed another finger inside. He hissed as your sweet gasps echoed through the cabin, drowning out the calming sounds of the sea. He’d sooner drown in the depths of your body than any sparkling expanse of water. 

“Is that how you like it?” His fingers curled in a playful motion, another smile gracing his face at the moan he drew from your lips. “Tell me darling.” You nodded furiously. “Tell me with words,” he corrected, pulling away from that spot just long enough to see the desperation in your eyes at the thought of denial.

“Please,” you finally managed to say, your voice warbling with pleasure as his fingers returned to that soft spot inside you.

“See, it sounds so much better when you’re attempting to beg.”

Your brows lifted in surprise at his choice of words. Attempting? His fingers gently massaged your sweet spot with the barest pressure. “Oh,” he crooned, “you didn’t think I’d accept that, did you? No, my darling, I’ve heard you beg far sweeter for much less. Ask me again.”

The look on his face was devilish. He had never been so forward with you. “Please.” His fingers slowly slipped away from where they had been circling your tender cervix. “No! Please- Ah, please Elliott.”

“Better,” he cooed, this time cupping your clit with his lips. His fingers once again hilted inside you, curling and pumping in the perfect rhythm to make pressure build in your abdomen.

“Ah fuck-” 

His brows lifted again, and your cheeks heated. You knew you were in trouble for that one. He hummed, sucking on your clit one last time, before pulling away with the softest kiss. “Dirty- that sailor’s mouth doesn’t suit a pretty girl like you.” He moved back to kneel between your thighs, his hands bracketing your face as he leaned down to kiss you. “Lucky you, that I adore your sweet kisses too much to punish you in that way,” he purred, relishing the shiver he evoked. 

“Shall I leave you there? Don’t you need to return to your precious livestock?” He teased.

“I-”

“No, I didn’t think so.” He mocked, though there was a pleased lilt in his deep voice. He spoke between more passionate kisses to your mouth. “I’m afraid you’ll have to bargain for more.”

“What do you mean?” You whispered against his lips.

He grinned, not the same as that cocky smirk he wore when he knew he had touched you just right, but the grin of a man who thought he had just come up with the greatest idea. “How about this… I’ll let you finish- anyway you like- if you… meet me at the Stardrop tomorrow?” Your heart melted. He had meant that to be a demand- but asked it like a question. Even when he was being playful, he wanted your answer to be freely given. Even if he likely knew you’d give no answer aside from yes.

But wait- “Tomorrow?” He nodded. “Don’t you and Leah usually- I thought you were busy on Fridays.”

The anxious look that had been building on his face at your hesitation disappeared. “Oh darling, I’m sure Leah will understand if I have other plans for tomorrow.” Your face stayed wary, and he smiled, pressing his forehead to yours. “I want to spend time with you. Leah and I are friends, nothing more. Not like how I want to be with you.”

Your heart stuttered. You whispered his name for a third time that night, this one sounding more tender than the last. “Elliott…”

His cock throbbed at the beautiful sound. The way your lips curled around his name ignited a fire in his belly- and lower. You finally noticed the desperate hardness beneath his own boxers, reminding you of what he was offering for his end of the bargain.

“Yes- yes-”

“Yes, you’ll go with me?”

“Yes to everything,” you barely got the words out before pulling him back down to you, your lips locking with his as you slid your hands across his shoulders and into his long, soft red hair. He moaned, hands leaving your body for only a moment as he tugged his boxers down. 

Instantly he was touching you again, cradling you with one arm while the other gripped his cock, stroking desperately as he guided the leaking tip to your entrance. You were moaning before he even pushed inside, drawing a once-again cocky chuckle from his chest. “So needy…”

He pushed the tip inside you, the head stretching you open as he held back from just pounding into you the way he wanted. Not that you’d mind, but he was determined to be a gentleman.

You growled, locking your legs around his hips and forcing him deeper. That gentlemanly act did not last. He grunted with pleasure and sank in all the way. He had enough restraint to offer you a moment to adjust, and then he was thrusting. His hips slapped against yours lewdly, but his arms tugged you into his middle with a fierce need. He could feel every place on his skin that didn’t touch yours, and he wouldn’t settle for you thinking that any place on your own body felt unloved. His hands roamed your back, your thighs, your tits, with eagerness, all while he slammed into places deeper and deeper than he had any right to find.

“You feel so good… Ah- I’m-” His jaw tightened as he clenched his teeth, determined to have you finish before he spilled inside you. He slowed the pace down, changing the speed and the depth until your eyes fluttered shut in bliss.

“Right there,” you panted. He nodded, his fingers moving to gently thumb your clit. He rolled the tiny bud with a soft pressure that had you biting your lip and digging your nails into his back. “Ah-”

“Shhh,” he hushed, his lips returning to that spot at the base of your neck, the gentle slope of your shoulder that had him looking to you as his muse. “That’s it- my good girl, you sound so sweet when you’re about to cum.”

He gave your clit a gentle pinch just as his cock pushed against your cervix, and before you could even blush at his words, you were falling apart. He shuddered in pure pleasure at the way your warm pussy tightened, pulling him deeper inside. The way your muscles fluttered and clenched was heavenly, and he couldn’t hold back any longer. “Oh fuck-” 

You had never known him to swear, but he grunted these desperate words into your neck, then again up against your ear. “Fuck.” 

He pumped himself into you a few more times before gently pulling back. “You have to let go of me, darling,” he teased, gripping his dick at the base to finally free himself from your tight depths.

He took a moment to admire the flood of cum that dripped as he withdrew, and then he was up against you, pulling you into his arms. He pressed your head to his chest, long fingers raking through your hair and lightly scratching your scalp. 

You must have made some sort of pleased noise. He chuckled and pressed you in tighter. “I do love doing that with you, but I hope you know I’m interested in far more than your perfect body.”

“I know,” you whispered. He still wasn’t convinced you did, but he would work on that.

“Rest now. The farm can wait another day.”