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so uhhhhh....

anyone gonna talk about the scene in 55 minutes where Akutagawa dies & he's obviously thinking about Dazai in his final moments, or... ?

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okay but you know how the prison cells (?) in Meursault were transparent and Fyodor and Dazai were like, directly in front of each other the whole time??.... absolute shitpost idea here, but imagine its just like, the worst timing ever and Dazai wakes up (i imagine he can be a light sleeper when he feels like it) in the middle of the night bc he hears Fyodor move and ofc he isn't going to let the rat make any moves in secret/sneakily if he can help it right?

so of course he sits bolt upright and-- to his (internal-- bc he won't show his emotions easily when he's in his 'Serious' mode) horror, Fyodor was having a wank. Now, what's the first thing Dazai thinks? --- This too is a sick mind game of his, but I won't be fooled. Its Fyodor the demon, after all, so ofc it has to be some kind of twisted step he's throwing into their battle of wits-- maybe its to mentally perturb him or just throw a curve-ball? Who knows, but he isn't going to let the rat get any moves up on him. So what does he do? He starts to do it too lmfao Now, please consider that there is nothing sexy about the atmosphere-- this is the least sexy sexual clownery going down from two annoying genius types that had to find a way to make even a sexual act into the least 'sexy' possible. The situation is tense, and serious-- and also completely ridiculous and cringe. They're staring each other down in a stoic yet aloof, unblinking manner-- its so cringe you wouldn't believe.

And the whole time, Dazai is wondering just wtf is the nature of Fyodor's 'game' here, throwing in this random and disturbing element --he's going all big brain about it and devising theories in his head, and everything.

He's so smart and paranoid, that he's completely unaware that it was not a ploy--- Fyodor had been spending the last few weeks alone in Meursault and Dazai's presence in a cell directly in front of his was a new development.... in short: his groggy ass forgot for a second that he had 'company'. However, in the split second he forgot and put his hand into his pants, before he could rapidly yoink it away again and pretend it didn't happen.... Dazai had sat up and then imitated him, so then Fyodor could only assume Dazai was using this chance to play some unforeseen and perverse mind game at his expense....

So while the world's stupidest and most absurd confrontation / wank session took place and they both attempted to big brain solve what the other was actually playing at.... well... not even geniuses are entirely immune to dumbassery.

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[random excerpt #01: Dazai calls on Akutagawa to involve him in a certain team-up, but Akutagawa has something he wants to know first...]

* * *

Dazai: **leaning casually against the wall of a deserted, isolated warehouse** Ah, Akutagawa-kun --just the person I wanted to see. I have a job for you. It seems we're in need of that lethal grace of yours.

Akutagawa: **narrows his eyes** .... Another job with the weretiger, I presume?

Dazai: **smirking calmly** Ah, you catch on quickly! Well, you two make such a dynamic duo, don't you think?

Akutagawa: **clenching his fists at his sides** I do not need to hear your attempts at sarcasm right now. Instead, why don't you tell me, this: why should I have to cooperate with someone whom I can barely stomach?

Dazai: **takes a step forward and leans in** Well, besides the fact that you both make quite the formidable team on the battlefield? It's a good way to ensure a harmonious working environment between factions, don't you agree?

Akutagawa: **gritting his teeth** --I don't care about that; not about the Armed Detective Agency's peace, nor the weretiger's well-being. Now, I'll ask you once more: the benefit to any others' aside-- why should I team up with someone who's nothing more than an obstacle to me?

Dazai: **chuckles** You say that, Akutagawa-kun, but deep down, you must actually already realize the potential of your partnership, am I wrong? Two powerful abilities working together, pushing each other to grow, and complimenting your strengths, as well making up for your respective weaknesses?... Under my command?— Quite the force to be reckoned with-- just think about it.

Akutagawa: **his glare darkens** .... This isn't about strength, however. Nor is it about complimenting each other in battle; I'm not so blind that I can't see this is a matter of constant comparison.... You want to see whether I can measure up to the tiger, is that it? The one you continue to doubt... is me, isn't it?

Dazai: **smiling, his gaze unreadable** ... Observation skills as sharp as ever. But it's not only about comparison, Akutagawa-kun; its as I told you, it's about pushing you both to reach your fullest potential.

Akutagawa: **furrows his brow** I don't need you to lead me by the nose to achieve that, Dazai-san... I will prove my worth and strength to you on my own, without needing to rely on the weretiger.

Dazai: **leaning back, almost appraising** Hmm. Really? Suit yourself. But remember, Akutagawa-kun, sometimes the strongest move is the one made together; think it over when your head's more clear. **turns, getting ready to leave**

Akutagawa: …. You say that, but-- aren't you constantly going off alone and doing things on your own? Devising plans, orchestrating moves... alone. **a narrow-eyed glare** Or do you mean to suggest that your moving others around like chess pieces, is your idea of making moves 'together'…. So why is it different only for you, Dazai-san?

Dazai: **turning around again, a hint of seriousness in his eyes** Akutagawa-kun, my solo endeavors are merely a means to an end-- a chaotic dance to keep others on their toes. But when it comes to you and Atsushi-kun, the potential lies in combining your strengths, not conflicting them. It's about ensuring that chaos works in our favor, not against it. Consider it a strategic necessity, if you will.

Akutagawa: **raises a brow faintly** So, what... you're the maestro, and the rest of us are just the players you've deemed qualified to create the symphony of your desired orchestra? But if one falters, they can simply be thrown away and replaced-- just as long as the concerto ultimately unfolds as you planned, that's what matters to you - am I wrong? **a pause, and then, quietly** ...You may have abandoned the Port Mafia, but your methods haven't changed at all, Dazai-san.

Dazai: **leans in, a cryptic smile playing on his lips** You've become more perceptive since my departure from the Mafia, Akutagawa-kun. But remember, even a maestro needs a symphony worth conducting. Your talents and Atsushi-kun's happen to add the perfect crescendo to my arrangement, however... it's not about replacing, but enhancing. Think of it as a collaboration, not a solo act. Now-- what do you say? Will you play your part?

Akutagawa: **eyes narrow, but he hesitates** …. I … **a pause, before continuing more sternly** --I have a condition first. Just one. Answer me what I ask and I will -grudgingly- lend my full cooperation.

Dazai: **smirks** Oh? Very well, then... ask away, Akutagawa-kun. I'm feeling particularly generous today, too.

Akutagawa: **glaring, taking a small step forward** …. Back then… why-- why did you leave? Why didn't you say anything before you left? **his brow creases with agitation** You disappeared without a word…. ( 'without even a goodbye'… but he doesn't say it aloud) you brought me into the Port Mafia and then left me behind, discarded -- tell me why?! **his obvious fury masks the despair**

Dazai: **his expression grows serious** You're asking a difficult question, Akutagawa-kun. **pauses** .... I had my reasons, but they're complicated and deeply personal. Believe it or not, there are matters that even I struggle to put into words. **gazes into the distance thoughtfully** ... I left when I felt it was necessary, not on a simple whim. And sometimes, perhaps, leaving without a word is a strategy in itself.

Akutagawa: A... strategy... ? **a pause** …. Is that really the reason? **his tone is cold and hard**

Dazai: **nods** That's right, Akutagawa-kun. It might be hard for you to understand, but sometimes the less you know, the safer you are. **sighs** It wasn't a decision made lightly, nor without its share of internal conflicts. But now, we have a different mission to focus on-- are you able to put aside our personal matters for the task at hand?

Akutagawa: **stares at him intently for a moment, then quickly averts his gaze again** …. I see. I think … I can understand it a little better, now. Yes… **a contemplative but softer tone** Very well. I'll fulfill this mission-- without fail, and with as little of that bumbling tiger's interference as possible! So, this time... watch me, Dazai-san. **his fists clench in determination**

Dazai: **smiles** That's the spirit, Akutagawa-kun. I believe in your abilities, but just remember that this mission is for the greater good, and sometimes we must endure the company of those we aren't particularly keen on, to protect the well-being of many others. **pauses** Now, let's go meet up with Atsushi-kun and get this show on the road.

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Aku & Dazai first meeting/recruitment: short story 'A Heartless Dog' by Asagiri Kafka

Page 01 & 02

(other pages under read-more)

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might fuck around & start posting random tidbits of different fandom (but mostly BSD, ngl) writing here from now on, etc., idk... I don't think I'm consistent nor dedicated enough to do a proper requests blog though, you feel me? too much commitment involved & I'm too neurodivergent to keep up lmao

that being said.... if it's just some unscheduled things now & then, when the mood and inspo strikes?? ... very doable ✨