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rpadoptionnetwork · 7 years ago

Note

Hi there, I’m one of the admins over at touchofstrange-rp and I was wondering if you’d be willing to give us a full review. We’d be happy for it to be public and we’d love and appreciate any thoughts and feedback.

DISCLAIMER: this review is only reflective of my own opinions and is intended to provide constructive criticism. there is no obligation to listen to or agree with anything said.

OVERALL:

honestly, this rp is really solid. everything is very well-developed, clean, and easy to navigate. i wish you guys the best. that being said, i still have have a couple of critiques and things i think would better your rp. I have also included a few general comments about your rp and my perception of it.

i’ve done my best to give my honest review and opinion. i tend to be a bit wordy, so there is also a TLDR at the very bottom of the page. as always, i am here to elaborate on any of my critiques if asked. thanks for coming by!

ACCESSIBILITY :

My absolute favorite part of this RP was the accessibility. It was so navigable. When RPs are this detailed, it is so easy for things to become too complicated and hard to wade through.

A few notes, none of which are too pressing.

The sidebar says Season 5′s title is Fracture whereas the Plot calls it Long Arm. I think this is an error?

I’m not really a big fan of the tab title ‘HOW TO APPLY’. While I love the contents, I think it would be more aptly named ‘WHERE TO BEGIN’ or ‘HOW TO NAVIGATE THIS RP’.

I think the sidebar links are a little jumbled.

I generally find that the APP COUNT is a more useful link to have than the FOLLOW LIST.

It makes sense to have a link to the PLOT here as well.

Seeing both the locations page and the map feels a little bit repetitive and it also bothers me that they’re not adjacent to each other.

Once again, I think you guys did a really good job with this.

PLOT:

I was a little excited to read your plot, because I had high hopes for it. I had seen some of the bios and clicked around, but hadn’t quite buckled down and read anything yet, so I was interested to see how your plot was.

Unfortunately, it opened… weak. There are really good bones in the Plot, but that first paragraph was a little bit of a let-down.

The first paragraph has two sentences that have the same sentence structure [VERBing … Helen VERBED…] which unintentionally lead to things feeling a bit droll. Additionally, both sentences fell folly to the same grammatical error: a skipped comma, leading both of them to become run-on sentences.

I like this plot a lot, but I would love to see that first paragraph have a little more, for lack of better terms, oomph.

I also think that your lack of formatting and your reliance on the traditional paragraph format has hindered you a little bit.

For example, you write ‘Ah yes The Neighborhood Watch Program.’

I cannot help but think it would be so much more visually interesting and make much more isense in the narrative to have it stand on its own(also to add a comma or ellipss as that is grammatically correct)? for example:

‘Ah yes, The Neighborhood Watch Program‘

I’ve taken the liberty of editing any grammatical errors, rewording a few things and stylizing the plot as I would like to see it, but, as always, it is not because I do not think you are a good writer (in fact, the plot finishes really strong and i am really impressed with it overall), but rather because I want to show you something that I think would benefit you. If you would like to take or use it in any way, please do so. While we would prefer that you message us about it, we do not require credit.

With the final click of the staple gun upon the notice board, Helen smoothed down the poster and took a few steps back to admire her work.

Ah yes, The Neighborhood Watch Program.

It had been a dream of hers to launch it ever since she moved into this sleepy little town. However, with all the problems caused by their drinking water turning to blood, the mass disappearances, those godawful Greek beasts, and then that stupid inter-dimensional time rip demon thing, the Neighborhood Watch (and more than a few of Helen’s other dreams) had had to be cast aside for more pressing matters.

“But not this year,” Helen whispered to herself.

No, not this year. Because this year, things would be different. This year, they would protect each other. This year, they would make sure that the citizens of Ashkent Creek did not become prey yet again to all the horrible things that went bump in the night.

This year, things would change.

Ashkent Creek isn’t like other towns. Though it may seem like any other small coastal town, it hides a number of terrible secrets.

The things that go bump in the night don’t just exist here; they thrive. There are whispers of things that stalk the woods and waters, of animal attacks that just don’t match up with witness accounts, of neighbors, family and friends disappearing without trace.

But, across town, more and more people are waking up to the excuses that the town officials give and the increasing questions left unanswered. For too long the people of Ashkent have lived in denial, in fear.

Something is about to break.

if you will allow me a moment to gloat, i’m actually kind of really satisfied with this edit and think it genuinely preserves the intention and atmosphere of your writing and trims some of the fat.

however, the point is… i think deviating from the paragraph format and utilizing bold and italics emphasizes the intense and mysterious nature of your rp. In general, just watch out for dropped commas and capitalization errors as this is a reoccurring issue and there were more than a few in this plot.

AESTHETIC/GRAPHICS:.

—– GRAPHICS

these are perfectly serviceable and i have nothing bad to say about them. the one you’ve chosen to be your base graphic (paper tear) is very versatile and fits with the aesthetic of your rp.

sometimes simple things are the best things. to me, this is just a great example of that.

of course, if you want a certain thing to stand out, it is good to vary graphics a bit more. otherwise, these work and, in a simple sort of way, i really enjoy them.

at times, i will say i wish all your graphics were just a little more spectacular (ie the words are too close to the edges or you post completely unedited pictures or the edits to your pictures are too obvious) but they serve their purpose.

SKELETONS:.

also great. i wish i could say more, but gosh, really i’m just so impressed. there are so many and each one is written well. i love the diversity and the graphic attached is also pretty good.

i didn’t read all of them, but i did read more than a handful and i’m really happy that i did.

for a moment there, i even thought i was going to apply for the ellen wong one. it was cute.

the only downside here is that, while each individual skeleton was great, it is incredibly intimidating to go to the character page or the masterlist page. if one can find a skeleton they like, they have to wade through hundred of others. writing all these bios and having all these characters is so admirable on your part, but i’m unsure if there’s a payoff.

MORE.

traditionally, i go through pages and critique them in this section, but i don’t really see the need for that in this rp. it is truly well-formed. i love the rules page. i love the way things are formatted and the work you’ve put in here.

instead, i want to say two last critiques about your rp – of course, please keep in mind that my opinion is not representative of anyone else’s.

1. your rp is a little intimidating. while i admire the incredible depth you go into when creating the world, it is as much a boon as it is a burden. as a person who definitely prefers applying for skeletons instead of bringing ocs to an rp, i don’t exactly know where to begin. there’s literally hundreds of bios i could look at and each one comes with a modifier that i’m not immediately familiar with. you’ve included how to look for characters in your ‘how to apply’ page, but ladonide, lamia, naga — all these things mean nothing to me and, though i know i could look them up, seeing them all together is a lot to process.

honestly, there’s a reason why rps usually limit themselves in terms of numbers of skeletons. when they are all original characters, it is just – a bit much to go through. and no amount of simplification can change that.

i earnestly do think you guys have done a lot of good work here and, while i am thrilled to see a long-term rp that is so well-created, i just don’t know if i’d be prepared to put in all the work just to apply without knowing how well my character or i would be received in the rp. i’ve spent a fairly long time browsing through your rp, but, at times, i just feel like i’m out of my depth.

2. i’m not a big fan of your promos. I like the idea of them, but they just don’t go far enough for me. in particular, i’m going to speak of this one:

the graphic really doesn’t stand out. there’s just something about it that feels lackluster, which is strange because it is a picture of a snarling bear. for example, i wish it was like a poster (like a wanted poster or something … y’know… idk if i’m describing it right, but like yellowed page, curled edges, black font ASHKENT CREEK TOURISM ADVISORY BOARD TIP: DON’T FEED THE BUGBEARS)… and you just Really Went In on the smalltown campy aesthetic.

second of all, the formatting of the post is weird. i would put the ‘Bugbears are large ….’ in blockquotes and perhaps in all caps (and if you were doing a poster, put it on the poster as well). also, the rest of the text should be in smalltext as well, because it just doesn’t feel right otherwise.

lastly, like your plot, it doesn’t open in the best way. ‘So you want to visit Ashkent Creek’ is a question and needs a question mark. it is just kind of disappointing that the first introduction to your rp for potential tag lurkers is such an easily corrected mistake.

TLDR; what i would like to see changed

really, i mean… nothing. your rp is good and i mean that earnestly.

a few edits to your plot (see suggestions above)

a little rearranging of links, not necessary

i just want you to consider your rp and the message that you send off.

this is an Amazing rp and, really, congratulations on your work. (unf, i don’t have the time to join.) but not only is it well-created, it is interesting and i’m genuinely a bit invested in where your story is going. thank you for allowing me the opportunity to look at your rp and i really wish you all the best of luck and success.

as a last note and reminder, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE ANY OF MY SUGGESTIONS. There is no ill-will from me to you. As always, this is not intended to be hate and I genuinely want the best for you guys. However, I am terminally cursed to be nitpicky. I’ve done my very best to make sure my advice is constructive, but please call me out if you find any of this offensive or crude.

Thank you and have a nice day. Good luck!

#touchofstrange-rp #rp review #rpo

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rpadoptionnetwork · 7 years ago

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i’m tentatively opening up a few spots to make manips or graphics. you must request off anon, but other than that, i’d be happy to try my hand at whatever you need.

#rpt #rph

0 notes

rpadoptionnetwork · 7 years ago

Note

Hi there! I was wondering if we could please get a review? Thank you so much!

DISCLAIMER: this review is only reflective of my own opinions and is intended to provide constructive criticism. there is no obligation to listen to or agree with anything said.

OVERALL:

since this rp was adopted, it is already close to my heart. i absolutely think this is a great idea and wish you guys the utmost success. i love the gender neutral skeletons and feel like everything fits together cohesively. however, i did find myself getting a little bit lost as i stayed on your page. this is mainly due to a few spelling and grammatical errors. most notably your use of apostrophes stand out to me.

i’ve done my best to give my honest review and opinion on your rp. i tend to be a bit wordy, so there is also a TLDR at the very bottom of the page. as always, i am here to elaborate on any of my critiques if asked. thanks for coming by!

ACCESSIBILITY :

the very first suggestion i have to make here is — call a plot, a plot. calling it a preface really only confuses people. my first instinct as i look at any rp is to look for the plot/the about, and, for a moment, i was stranded, trying to find out where it was located. in general, i would advise you to pick link titles that are as simple and self-explanatory as possible (’preface’ can be plot, for example and ‘plot essentials’ can be ‘the world of pretty town’ or ‘background info’ or something else).

also, I believe that the PREFACE & PLOT ESSENTIALS should be next to each other. Right now, you have them in the same section, but a few links apart. This doesn’t make sense logically to me. if i had to change it, it would go preface > plot essentials > laws > …etc.

I advise that you format all your links the same way in your Navigation page. some of them have all words capitalized and some only have the first. I would personally prefer to see every word capitalized, but i think consistency is the best here (ex. Plot Essentials; App Form & Submit; Accepted Applications)

as a whole though, i think the theme fits with the atmosphere of your rp, that you’ve included the right links and that everything is fairly accessible. good job!

PLOT:

—– SIDEBAR PLOT DESCRIPTIONS

can you break free? is SUCH a good attention-grabber. I also really enjoy that there is an OOC description of the plot in the sidebar as it always helps me understand what type of RP this is. .

however, i’m not too keen on the 2 descriptions surrounding the plots. for example, the description beginning with ‘Pretty Town…’ has quite a few grammatical errors in it and is awkwardly phrased, while the description beginning with ‘in a world…’ is a run-on sentence. in my opinion, these two blurbs are the most important things that should be changed in your entire rp.

as they are, they confuse me and really do send me the message that this rp worked on a little hastily, which i know is not the case. i want your front page to reflect the hard work and effort put into this rp and, thus, i want to see something a little more intriguing, better put together and more fleshed-out. I am not saying that it is better or that your writing is not Amazing (bc I firmly believe that it is), but I want to address the problems i see.

i’ve taken the liberty of revising both of them (using your words) so that they make more sense to me, so they feel more cohesive and a tad bit more dramatic.

Pretty Town is a city full of young adults caught up in the hype of fitting in with the popular cliques, playing pranks on unsuspecting people, and attending the absolutely legendary parties. There’s always something to do and something to catch your eye, whether it be flashing tattoos or new party outfits. But most importantly, there’s no reason to wonder what goes on outside the city’s borders.

ii.

In a world where looking average is considered being ugly, you’ve spent your whole life dreaming of turning eighteen and finally being old enough to get the surgery that will turn you into one of the ‘Pretties’.

At first glance, life is just one big party here in Pretty Town. But is it really all it seems? As the dark secrets about the surgery and about what goes on beyond the city’s borders threaten to come to the surface, everyone is forced to face the ugly truth.

PRETTYTOWN is a dystopian AU skeleton roleplay based on Scott Westerfeld’s Uglies series.

* I like seeing the name of RPs be stylized differently (all in CAPS, because it marks that this is the name of the RP and not just some random noun)

if you want to use any of my revisions in any way, feel free to take them. i would prefer a message saying that you have, but it is not necessary.

—– PREFACE or PLOT

I mentioned before that you should change all mentions of PREFACE to PLOT and I stand by that.

Most importantly though, it seems like it has even confused you. Your link is broken as it redirects to /preface, when the actual thing is on /plot.

Much like your sidebar blurbs, I’m not completely sold on the plot. It is a lot of exposition and it can be hard-to-read at times. To fix this, I would erase the exact descriptions of the Surge, where everyone lives and more. This is a general plot and including all these descriptions can just make things more convoluted than they need to be. As a whole though, I like this page a lot better than the plot blurbs on the sidebar. If you would like additional advice on how I would change this plot, please get back in contact with me and I’ll happily explain.

I’ve just noticed that you’ve included links within the plot description. I would have never known had I not copied and pasted the text of your plot into another page. If you’re going to include links in your Plot, you have to let people know that they are there– either by making them bold, italic or even changing the color.

AESTHETIC/GRAPHICS:.

—– GRAPHICS

I have nothing bad to say about your graphics. They’re cute and I like them a lot. They fit in nicely with your RP and I like the silhouette/not-quite-silhouette aspect of them. Good job!

SKELETONS:.

Once again, the graphics are great. I love the diversity in your skeletons and, though none of the skeletons speak to me in particular, I think they are very clear and easy-to-read. Though they don’t really add to the skeleton, the quotes are fun and visually engaging, and each skeleton feels like its own unique character.

If I had to change anything, I would move the positive and negative qualities below the bullet pointed bio, because it makes them stand out more and provides a good summary of what your expectations of the character are.

I did catch more than a few spelling and grammatical errors within the bios I looked at. For an example, I’m going to point out the errors in Dee’s bio.

I’m not a big fan of the tagline WHERE THE PRICE OF BEAUTY IS YOUR PERSONALITY AND EVERYTHING YOU ARE. it is very wordy and a little bit on the nose. i suggest ‘WHAT’S THE PRICE OF PRETTY’ or ‘HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO TO BE BEAUTIFUL?’

i like a question for this part, because it immediately grabs the viewer’s attention and makes them interested in what is going on.

Occasionally I will see information that doesn’t quite align. For example, you just answered an ask saying 19-26 is the preferred age range and, in another section of the rp, you say 18-24. This is not a big problem, but I want to warn you to be more consistent in the future.

GRAMMAR

i advise you to proofread your work. there are quite a few run-on sentences across your plot/bio…etc. that require a second reading before they really can be put together.

here are some general grammar tips that i saw be a recurring issue:

+ the use of it’s instead of its. as a rule: if a possessive then it is its; if it’s a contraction (stands for it is) then use an apostrophe. i know that it’s confusing. however, just that simple change really does make things look so much more professional.

+ capitalization must be standardized. it is highly recommended that you capitalize all slang/lingo, so people can identify it as such. for example, the surge is a specialized term for this rp and should be stylized as The Surge (same with Uglies, Pretties, Pretty Town, The Smoke…etc.)

TLDR; what i would like to see changed

fix your link to the plot

on your navigation (and everywhere else), change ‘Preface’ to ‘Plot’ and ‘Plot Essential’ to ‘The Universe’ or ‘More About Pretty Town’ or…etc.

edit your plot(s) a bit so it can be more attention-grabbing, concise and easier to read

examples have been given and i will be happy to provide more. in general, leave out the detailed information to focus on more general concepts. this will entice potential applicants that are unfamiliar to the universe.

i also suggested a change for your tagline (where the price of beauty…) but you do not have to take it

proofread your grammar

remove run-on sentences and check apostrophes to be in the correct places as it gives an air of professionalism to your rp

I really wanted to help you so that your rp experience can be the best it can be. there is no harm intended with any of my suggestions and i really do think you have the potential to have a cool place on your hands.

Thank you and have a nice day. Good luck!

#prettytownrpg #rp review #rpo

0 notes

rpadoptionnetwork · 7 years ago

Note

heisttubehq is a rec!

thanks for the rec. however, while the idea is pretty interesting, i’m just not sold on the execution and so it won’t be a rec from me!

however, check it out HERE if you’re interested in a OC RP

#rpt #rp rec #Anonymous

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rpadoptionnetwork · 7 years ago

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hello all ! we’re open to give RP REVIEWS and to get RP RECs.

&& come check out the list of plots we have up for grabs HERE or submit a rp HERE.

#rpt #rpc #rph

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rpadoptionnetwork · 7 years ago

Note

Hi! May we please have a shoutout? The Faire Folk is a literate roleplay based on faerie lore. With over a hundred unique bios to choose from, and a vast world with extensive lore, each member is able to choose their own adventure. The fae resemble the most beautiful of humans. But, it is a grievous mistake to confuse the two. The fae are wild creatures, free from the confines of human law or morality.

I can’t even imagine having a hundred bios for one project! This is a faire-ly cute rp. Check them out HERE!.

#rp shoutout #rp promo #thefairefolk-rp

0 notes

rpadoptionnetwork · 7 years ago

Note

Hey there! We were wondering if you would be interested in giving us a full review (We're okay with public). Also sidebar, I love what you're doing here. This is really a great idea.

DISCLAIMER: this review is only reflective of my own opinions and is intended to provide constructive criticism. there is no obligation to listen to or agree with anything said.

OVERALL:

from the colour scheme to the fonts and graphics, everything feels so– thematically similar and visually pleasing. i’m incredibly impressed with how everything turned out, even if i’m not exactly convinced that i would apply. thank you so much for your hard work and love for this rp, because it clearly shows. that being said, there’s still a few things that i would like to see changed or improved upon, mostly to aid clarification.

ACCESSIBILITY:

this is not my favorite fansite theme, mostly because it is so commonly used, but you guys have done a really good job of making it your own. the links you’ve chosen to highlight on the main page very helpful and i’m happy that you’ve included so much information about the world you’ve created in the navigation.

unfortunately, i also feel that most of your writing is incredibly dense. as a newcomer to your universe and the concepts you have presented, it takes more than one read in order to understand what is being presented to me and that’s a bit of a turn-off.

i see the most problem in pages such as your rules– which, as an ooc page, should be very easy to navigate, but instead is organized in a way that I don’t feel encourages people to actually read your guidelines. this wordiness combined with the placement of your password, leads me to believe that most would just skip to the end and not read what you’ve written. i’ve suggested changes that i would make in the ‘RULES page’ section down below.

as a general structure, accessibility is great. however, for people wanting to discover more about your world, i think there must be a better way to organize the details of your story.

PLOT:

I really do think that this is an original and lovely plot idea, but I stayed on this page for a very long time and I’m still not sure I understood the whole concept. Though this plot is not particularly very long, it feels that way.

The very first sentence does not grab your attention and the first paragraph is a lot of exposition for an audience that is not quite invested yet in your RP. In particular, the first two sentences introduce three completely new concepts and terms to potential applicants, and it feels a bit sprung unto you.

It is just dense and hard to understand. I’ve done a bit of retooling of the first section that I feel better conveys the idea of your RP. I am not saying that it is better or that your writing is not Amazing (bc I firmly believe that it is), but I want to give you an option. .

A centuryago, Sector Zero of the American Government began work on PROJECT GENESIS, aclassified experiment that resulted in the creation of supersoldiers.

These supersoldiers,known as Novas, were a subspecies of humanity gifted with extraordinaryabilities. Though they looked and behaved just like any other humans, theirpowers made them more valuable and more dangerous than any human could ever be.And thus, though they had been exploited by their creators for decades, their veryexistence was kept a secret for the public.

It wasonly in 2015 when the world found out about Novakind.

And it wasthen, that the world changed for good.

Within three years, Novakind were forced to registerthemselves or be imprisoned. For the next decade, Novas and Humans would waragainst each other, attempting to find the delicate equilibrium that wouldallow both sides to coexist. When the acts of terrorism from both sides grewmore and more violent, the government was forced to step in, passing the Nova Protection Act of 2026— a piece of legislationthat saw to the imprisonment of all Nova kind under the guise of“protecting” both them and the humans.

Toavoid being forced to live in the walled-off camps and be subject to the crueltythat the Protection Act established, many Novas became fugitives. There, they seek refuge in abandoned neighborhoods, hoping tooutrun the reach of the government until the horrible injustice comes toend.

In general, I advise that your plot

relies less on terminology (Sector Zero, Project Genesis, Nova, Novakind, Novum districts,..etc. are all words we have never heard before and thus we need a slow introduction to them.

tries to be more immediately attention-grabbing rather than expository

++ there’s a few grammatical and spelling errors in your plot and extra information pages and that’s a big turnoff for me. i would read through your plot one more time and proofread.

I wish the summary and notes section was separated from the rest visually (perhaps with a few line breaks?) rather than indicated under another subheader. It makes more sense to me to have it stand apart from the rest of the plot as it can be and should be read on its own, rather than as a continuation of the more detailed plot.

Though the READ MORE section is helpful and should be included in your rp, it does look a little bit out-of-place on this page, especially directly after the summary. I would rather see a READ MORE link that directs to a page with all 5 separate links right after your detailed plot.

AESTHETIC/GRAPHICS:.

I have genuinely nothing bad to say about your fonts or your layout. I wish I could write as long a section on how much I appreciate the colour scheme you’ve chosen and how consistent it is as I wrote about your plot.

You’ve made everything work for you and I’m really impressed.

I wish I had your eye for colour and your ability to pick pictures. Good job!

SKELETONS:

I love the diversity in your skeletons and the ideas behind them. The freedom of choice in the faceclaims and the unique connections are really appreciated.

However, none of the skeletons really stand out to me. A lot of the skeletons feel like bullet points, rather than like a quick look into their lives.

I love the graphics associated with each skeleton and think each of the blurbs on the skeletons are perfectly adequate, but none of them really come to life for me. Lupus and Leo are, in my opinion, the best of the batch, but I want more–

I’m sorry that I can’t really elaborate on what I’m looking for, but, in the future, I hope that you can try for a less expository description and something more imbued with animation and emotion. When skeletons are written livelily, it really does allow potential applicants to connect more with your vision of the character.

At this point, I wouldn’t change anything, but I hope that you keep this in mind for the future.

THE PAGES:

—– THE ‘RULES’ PAGE

If I would change one thing about your entire RP, it would be the rules. This page is hard to read through. Some of it feels repetitive and, at points, it even directly contradicts itself (no age limit, but also strongly recommended age limit).

I understand the need for all these rules, and, actually believe that most of them need to be there. However, the presentation could just be a little different.

For example, IV, V, IX are all the same topic with slight variations and can be summed up into

OOC Drama and Bullying will not tolerated in this RP. This includes forcing of ‘ships’ or ‘plots’ on other players without consent. If you feel uncomfortable of have any problems with any players, please contact us and we will resolve the issue. If found to be instigating the drama, you will have two warnings before you will be removed from the RP.

And instead of

We(as admins) promise to try and accept applications in a timely manner. We willtry to do acceptances every Wednesday and Sunday, however due to life outsideof tumblr things may change. We promise to make announcements regarding anychanges in acceptance dates/times as soon as possible.

Wedo reserve the right to deny applications, though it is a very rare occurrence.If we do deny an application, it will be for one of three reasons: 1. We feelyou do not understand the skeleton for which you’re applying. 2. Someone elseapplied, and even if your app was spectacular, we felt that the other applicantunderstood the character more, and you chose not to have a secondary optionwhen applying. 3. You failed to use spellcheck or other grammar resources whenwriting your app, to the extreme that it was very hard to read. If you weredenied and would like the reason why, just let us know and we’ll gladly talk itover with you. That being said, even if you’re denied, we would absolutely loveto see you apply again.

I would simply put

Acceptances are every Wednesday and Thursday. If conflicts arise, we will make an announcement regarding any changes in acceptance dates/times.

We reserve the right to deny applications. If you were denied and would like the reason why, please feel free to message us. Regardless of the reason why you were rejected, we will be happy to see you reapply.

As you can see, this is far less wordy and still conveys the same message.

I also firmly believe you should never have a TLDR on your rules page, because well… the players Should read your rules.

—– THE EXTRA INFORMATION PAGES

There a few spelling and grammatical errors on these pages and it continues to be a little bit hard to understand.

I would read over these and try to edit them in a way that is more concise.

—– RANDOM COMMENTS

The Dinah Drake name throws me off a little bit, as there is a popular superhero character by that name. It shouldn’t be important, but it just took me out of it.

I highly suggest that you stylize the title of your RP when it shows up (ie DEFIANCE vs Defiance.) It helps distinguish that this is the name of your RP rather than just a noun. It also looks a lot more dynamic.

I would avoid using slang and other colloquialisms when answering asks (ooh, oh, lol..etc.) as usually you are explaining more about your universe and your vision. You want to answer asks clearly and portray your professionalism. Otherwise, I really like the vibes you give off! You seem welcoming and I’m really glad about that.

TLDR; what i would like to see changed

EDIT your Rules & Plot so that they are less wordy and more engaging (also reread for grammatical errors).

I genuinely found your plot hard to get through because it was a lot of ‘telling’ (rather than showing) and it felt a little bit dry. When introducing so many new concepts to potential applicants, you have to ease them into it and sort of sweeten the waters by using a little (but not too much) purple prose and description. It gives life and atmosphere to your RP.

Your rules are just too long and, if I were applying, I would just avoid reading them if possible. I also don’t like the use of a TLDR at the end as it feels unprofessional and implies that one can skip over your rules.

Stylize the word DEFIANCE when you are referring to your RP, so we are aware that it is the title of your RP, rather than just a word.

Really not much else! I like this RP a lot! It is truly beautiful and I wish the best for you.

as a last note and reminder, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE ANY OF MY SUGGESTIONS AND I WILL NOT CARE if you have not taken any of them. There is no ill-will from me to you. As always, this is not intended to be hate and I genuinely want the best for you guys. I’ve done my very best to make sure my advice is constructive, but please call me out if you find any of this offensive or crude.

Thank you and have a nice day. Good luck!

#rp review #rpo #rpt #defiancerpg #tl;dr

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rpadoptionnetwork · 7 years ago

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i rec laughshq if you're looking for a unique skeleton rp

the first thing i thought when i clicked on the page was--- i like this a lot. it’s got an atmosphere and a vibe that really suits the plot of the rp. i haven’t spent too long on it, but it’s a REC from me.

please check them out HERE if you’re interested in a skeleton rp. they have two spots open and i’m sure they would love a full roster!

#rpt #rp rec #rp promo #rpc #Anonymous

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rpadoptionnetwork · 7 years ago

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hello there! could we get a review, please? :)

DISCLAIMER: this review is only reflective of my own opinions and is intended to provide constructive criticism. there is no obligation to listen to or agree with anything said.

OVERALL:

first of all, i love the teaser video. saw it in the tags and adored it. i also love intricate rps and this definitely is one of the more detailed groups i’ve seen out there. the world here is developed to an impressive point and i’m interested to see how things turn out. i also love your skeletons and your commitment to this universe. however, there are several critiques i have on the presentation of information.

i’ve done my best to give my honest review and opinion on how you can fix the issues i see. i tend to be a bit wordy, so there is also a TLDR at the very bottom of the page. as always, i am here to elaborate on any of my critiques if asked. thanks for coming by! ♥!

ACCESSIBILITY:

The basic structure of this RP is great. I like the way you’ve organized the page and all the links. This is always my go-to qualification for whether or not I will even consider applying for an RP, and you guys pass with flying colors.

I love the navigation layout. And, at first glance, everything seems right. However, as I actually delve deeper into the pages, it becomes increasingly more difficult to understand what is going on.

I suggest you edit some of the pages that you’ve created for general readability. The concepts behind your RP are not that complicated, but, because of the way they are written and presented visually have become hard to follow.

It actually genuinely makes me upset to say this, because I know how hard it is to edit all this code and to write all this stuff out. as you can clearly see, i am very wordy myself. however, a lot of what you’ve done is unnecessary and adds a layer of complexity to your rp that is confusing at best and off-putting at worse.

PLOT:

I say this with all the love in my heart. I love the prose here and I love the concept, but some of it has no place in this plot description.

This is not to say that this section is not written well, but rather that, it is simply too-detailed and too tangential for a general plot page. To fix this, I would simply remove every section describing each of the departments in its entirety.

In my opinion, it should read:

… was broken up into five departments: Hoshiro: the madcaps*; Ettinger; the healers…etc.

The road ahead will be treacherous, and to get ahold of their abilities, the students must do everything in their power to successfully work both in a …

This makes it more concise and lets everyone understand the premise of your plot– that this is an academy rp that divides the superpowered students into 5 groups, each defined by a certain trait. If people are interested in your rp, they will automatically go look for the Departments page to learn more. Otherwise, you are bogging down people with unnecessary information.

Please, if you follow my suggestion, save the writing you’ve done! Just use it in a different place (namely the Department page)

I would also add an OOC description of the plot at the very bottom. For example,

excelsior-hq is a plot-driven skeleton rp set in a academy for superpowered individuals who are completing their final project before being let loose on the world.

If you do include this part or write it in your words, please do not make it longer than two sentences long.

*i would even use daring, instead of madcaps just to make things easier for people to understand? this point is purely nitpicky

AESTHETIC/GRAPHICS:.

—– FONTS

That mono-spaced font that you’ve used for the posts is hard to look at. It makes your writing look dull and uninteresting, just a glob of text. This is especially disappointing when all the headings and graphics have been done with sleeker or much more elaborate fonts. And it is even more upsetting after reading everything and realizing that I really like what you’ve written. This font just doesn’t make sense thematically and makes things at least 3x harder to follow.

Also, I understand that it is your theme, but I honestly wish that the text was just aligned to the left, because the centered alignment only helps contribute to this confusion.

in fact, the longer i spend on your page. the more i get a headache. you utilize bullet points very often and bullet points lose their effectiveness when none of them are aligned.

if you could one of both of these, i promise it would only help you get your message across and make your rp more attractive to any prospective applicants.

—– GRAPHICS

I love these. They make sense and they are visually pleasing to the eye. You’ve opted to not make anything too flashy and it works.

But unfortunately, and I hate to harp on this. the quality of your graphics just exacerbate the font problem. They clash with the presentations of your posts, and only make mereally wish the text were different.

SKELETONS:

These are good skeletons! Reading through them, I like how you’ve given a sense of the character without being too elaborate.

However, one thing that stands out to me is the connections.It would be far more effective and much easier to read if you just put

CHARACTER A: short description of unique connection

CLUSTER MEMBERS: character b, character c, character d

CLUSTER MENTOR: character e

because, in combination with the font choice and alignment, i don’t want to read four lines only to just to find out that each of the characters is a cluster member. by just making this change, things become more concise and easier to follow.

i love that every skeleton is open gender and fcs and i love the diversity here. so keep it up!

THE PAGES:

—– THE ’ CONFUSED? CLICK HERE’ PAGE

i was really put-off by this. for some reason, i automatically get the vibe that someone is talking down to me and i know this is not the mods’ intention.

i would suggest replacing the ‘CONFUSED? CLICK HERE’ with just ‘WHERE TO BEGIN’. i would also erase the entire section prior to ‘A STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE OF WHAT TO DO BEFORE YOU APPLY’. it is completely unnecessary. if you must, i would have a

‘please feel free to ask any additional questions you have to the main. we will be happy to help you’

at the very end, because otherwise you’re just further complicating people who have clicked here and are a little lost.

i understand the purpose of this page and commend you for making something like it, but to have someone tell me ‘confused? lost?’ when i’ve barely started looking around and ‘it’s better if we explain it to you personally than having you stare at the main completely lost and then closing it shortly after’, just assumes a lot and makes me feel as if I can’t /possibly /comprehend anything without assistance. it just– i don’t like it at all. i’m very sorry.

—– THE DEPARTMENTS PAGE

I cannot read this. Not that I don’t want to, but that- I shouldn’t have to. It is so much information on one page. And though, most of it is necessary, I would never read it if I could avoid it.

First of all, the thin white font on a black background is hard-to-read. And secondly, the way this is set up is far more trouble than it is worth. I said it earlier in this review. I know how much work it can be to edit code to do this, and, genuinely, you’ve done such cool things with it all. However, there’s only 5 or so Departments and it’s ridiculous that I have to click 6 times and scroll so much just to read what they are.

If this were my page, I would just make a single page with all the general descriptions & reference the titles you gave them in your general plot. It will be far easier. For example:

As you will notice, I suggested that you split the descriptors and the rest of the information (powers, final project…etc.) As someone who is just entering the RP, it is more important that someone gets a feel for each of the groups before delving into the specifics (namely the rules that affect them, the powers they can have… etc.). On these specific department pages, i would even add the fun prose parts you had in the original plot. Just be sure to make clear divisions, so people can ctrl+f to find THE RULES or THE FINAL PROJECT or POWERS.

—– THE SETS PAGE

You call them clusters everywhere else, so I’m not sure why they’re called sets on the navigation here.

This page is absolutely needed, but would be better formatted if everything was written in parallel way. For ex,

and then keep the same format for each of these clusters. As of now, each cluster dynamic and each role within it is written in a slightly different way and thus I have to adjust every time i learn more about every role. It is tiring for me and it shouldn’t have to be. There is a reason why parallelism is the thing tested on the SAT and it’s because it is so important and makes things 10x more legible.

Also, this section should BE THE SAME as the section on the department page. Otherwise, what you’ve done is created two separate and slightly different documents to describe one thing.

which— brings me to my last (I promise, I know, I’m so sorry) critique.

—– THE CHARACTERS PAGE

this page looks great and, though i wish each untaken character graphic had something to distinguish it as the role it is (as right now, i have to click each untaken graphic to see who and what is going on), i initially had no critiques. however, as time wore on, i have to say that i intensely dislike the setup of this page and, even more so, the descriptors for each of the skeletons you’ve put on this page.

by my count, that is 4? separate and slightly different ways you’ve described each skeleton.

1. HERE. 2. THE DEPARTMENT PAGE. 3. THE SET/CLUSTER PAGE. 4. THE ACTUAL POST of the SKELETON &… to be completely honest, I’m sure there’s more.

If I’m applying for a character, I don’t want to have to look in 4 separate places hidden across the RP just to find out what the character you’ve sort of set-up is. i would erase every description completely and just redirect to the skeleton. it doesn’t make sense to describe the skeleton, redirect to the skeleton which is slightly different and then describe it slightly differently again on a separate page.

if i could suggest, i would just like to see the CLUSTER, AGE, POWERS, FC & a LINK TO THE SKELETON, nothing else. As a side note, I like these descriptors better than the ones on your cluster page– and would honestly prefer to see them used there, instead of the ones you have.

TLDR; what i would like to seechanged

change the font and make things left-aligned. otherwise, iget a genuine headache from trying to decipher what is going on.

change the title of the ‘CONFUSED? CLICK HERE’ link on yournavigation to ‘WHERE TO BEGIN’ or ‘HOW TO NAVIGATE THIS RP’…etc.

on that same page, erase the entire section prior to the actualchecklist. it is unnecessary and feels.. a bit rude.

i would erase all the department descriptions from your generalplot and, maybe, include an OOC description

i suggest a retooling of your department page

using just standard pages, have one page with a general overviewof the departments and THEN linking to 5 separate & more specific pagesincluding the power…etc. ??

on your department, sets, characters pages & the skeletonposts– make all your descriptors of the characters consistent. otherwise, aperson has to really search to get all the information you’ve given about eachrole the character plays.

I have no idea how power selection works –personally, i would just list out ALL possible powers a character can have andsay, select, at maximum 2 or something– and include a disclaimer saying, theadmins will judge whether this is overpowered and approach you after yousubmit. otherwise, i’m just going to be staring at a page for hours trying tofigure out the four categories and think about the 5 departments and then theclusters and just… i’m so sorry, but, even though, i absolutely adore thatyou’ve worked out all of this, i could never go through with it or force myselfto figure it out.

I know this is so much and thatyou all are very well underway on this project. And I want to assure you thatI’m really very impressed by this RP and the work put into it. However, I amalso keenly aware that tumblr doesn’t tend to gravitate towards the mostcomplex of things and I really wanted to help you guys present your informationin a way that is much easier, so everyone can have the best experience here atyour RP.

I personally played in and ranan fairly complex superpowered academy RP over 4 years ago with (not the same)but a similar idea– and i’ve always found that it can be hard sometimes topresent these kind of ideas.

as a last note and reminder,YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE ANY OF MY SUGGESTIONS. There is no ill-will from me to you. As always,this is not intended to be hate and I genuinely want the best for you guys.However, I am terminally cursed to be nitpicky. I’ve done my very best to makesure my advice is constructive, but please call me out if you find any of thisoffensive or crude.

Thank you and have a nice day.Good luck!

#rp review #rpt #rpc #rpo #rph #tl;dr #opinion #excelsior-hq

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