rupawscatrace - Tumblr blog

rupawscatrace · 7 days

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Girl activities

biting your nails

wondering how many bodies are hidden in your hometowns hills and forests

laying naked in bed tracing your scars

daydreaming about your future

pretending to look mysterious and read in front of your cafe crush

wondering what you would look like 50 lbs lighter than trying to decide if you want to relapse or not

brushing your hair with vintage silver hair brushes than wondering who all the women were who brushed their hair with it before you

writing poetry at 4 am

falling in love with your best friend

cleaning your room on a sunday

picking at your skin in the mirror till your whole face is red and swollen

daydreaming about bleaching your hair

cuddling your dog

remembering your dreams while sitting on the shower floor

watching movies, reading books, and watching shows, pondering the stories and characters and fantisizing about your life being like those stories

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rupawscatrace · 1 month

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They call me Ryder because of how damn hard i was Rydin on Russ that one night in the Summer of 1969. Also because that's what my Mama named me.

RIP Ma.

That goddamn Skank

Caught Russ sleepin wit Ma in my Childhood Bed in the summer of 2009. I kicked that Boy ass harder than them Hydraulic Pressed squish the Things in them Ticky Tocks . My Ma committed suicide.

Good.

My ma Only hugged me once and that was in the Winter of 1893. Four year after I was born. I was only 8 years old.

She said Ryder... My sweet boy ... I will protect you. Until you turn 12. And then you'll be old enough to work the big tractor on the farm. She didn't. She only protected me until I was 6. And I was not big enough for the Tractor.

I always knew She was a Bitch and a Liar. Ever since i was 8. That was the year that Russ entered my life, a year before my Foot entered his ass. I kicked him so hard that he was the first real man to ever experience the Moon.

That goddamn Moon landing was fake. Russ took photos of the moon for me while he was up there, my shoe still up the rectum. It was blue And smooth. Maybe that was Jupter. Jupter was the blue one Yes? Saturn? ...Was that the Sun?

Might been the Sun because when Russ visited Earth again after falling really hard he was a little Bald in the head, hair singed off. I saw his brain. A little. I stook my finger in it. Squish. Didn't like it much. Took a little taste, Tasted like mama's cookin.

Was that the secret sauce?

Musta been.

Ma wasn't the most sharp tool within the shed. She had a few screws loose up there. She kiled my pa.

RIP Robert Jones.. My first Pa. My second Pa, my Step pa, Gibby Jr was a madman. He took his shirt off and would pour barbecue sauce on himself and gollybe he would jump off the table, Ma's BBQ splattin all over, and the floor would CRACK. He was not okay. I hope he isn't alive. What a freak. What a sick fuck that boy was, I hope Jesus enters his life and his rectum and tells him to Put down the BBQ...

I haven't seen Russ since March 25, 2015... He was pretty broken up that day. Wonder what had happened, my shoe hadn't even entered his rectum yet. Hadn't even kicked him a little bit. Not even to say good mornin. Just up and left, didn't even say goodbye. Called him up the day before (After kickin him around a little bit. (A lot.)) And he said He had to leave his four British boys behind. I don't like Brits much. Too much te and biscuit... Fuck...

I miss you Russ... I miss takin my Shoe out and hearin it go POP!!! I miss cleanin it off afterwards. I miss wonderin why you didn't just put some pants on so it didn't go Right up there. No lube required. I never seen him pantsed. He was never dressed right.

Goodbye Russ, You Five nighted Fredy.......... You godamnFreak they made a Game about you nd you Dont even know . A whole movie. They casted Paul rudd to play you. You always thought he was a sexy hunk... Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh :(

I liked that one.

I miss when Russ came back to life in the summer of 2010 And he Yanked on my doodle so hard I thought I was meeting god and jesus and Mother Mary, I thought I was ascending to the Heavens to reunite wit my Ma. I would have Kicked her in the ass.

Russ likes the Consistent numbers so Maybe he comeback 2030 ... Or maybe in Good ole 3010. My mama's birth year. I will be Waiting at her birth place. Kill her like they shoulda done to Hitler when he was born. Godamn sack knackle.

Oh how me and Russ used to look over the desert together when it was reaching Dusk... The mountains the tumbleweeds. The way the Sun set over the horizon. I can still see it now. The way He would look at me. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh The way he would look at my shoe and Yell. He go "Oh brother it Hurts." I said. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Hush boy.

He loved

Wine

He would cry to the cops every day I never laid a finger on Russ I loved him I really did I only put my shoe up him sometimes from kickin him so damn hard my wooden shoe gave him Splinters in his rectum Sometimes. I would always help him pull em though.

I was a good friend and an even better lover. But what I was best at, was Kickin him in high noon and Throwin him in the outside and he would fly up in the air so fast you could hear a Whistlin sound.

PSHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Like a Rocket ship.

But sexy.

I cannot wait until 3010 for my dear ole Russ to re-enter my dreary lifestyle. My heart aches for you, Russy.. My pain grows like a fire in the fireplace. My heart swells. I can no longer add new wood to my fire. Not without you, Russ. I can't do it alone. I can't do it.

Today will be the Last day for me, Ryder Jones. Patriotism swells in the heart of the American boy, But my heart is no longer. My heart is broken, and I no longer care about the president. I hate you Joe, You never cared about ME or RUSS or MAMA. You left me. I know you don't remember me, Joe Biden. I was real, You were real, You cared for me once. You could care for me again if you would just listen. Find my Russ and I will find your Queen Elizabeth.

Grandpa, I know I was a disappointment in my younger years.

I never learned to drive that tractor, Truthfully. And God, and Mama, and Joe, and Russ, and Bruce. They all know I was big enough. I was just scared.... Scared of the Tractor, Scared of myself. Scared of Russ. Scared my Tractor would run me over just like it did to Pa.

I shouldnt have been scared of the Tractor. I should have been scared of Mama. She was the one behind the wheel. But her, and Grandpa Biden, they told me "Ryder, it wasn't Mama's fault. The tractor. It malfunctioned, Ryder. My boy, It'll be fine without Pa."

But truth be told Ma or GrandPa Joe never cared about me, or Pa, or Russ, or Brother Bruce... They only cared about ... About... Nothing.... They never cared about nothin.

I once broke my arm tryin to rake the yard. I don't recall how I did it, I don't know how it happened, or if Ma did that to me... But nobody cared. Nobody. But Russ. But Brother Bruce. And... And papa...

Oh Pa :(

I miss when Auntie Margaret would come over on Tuesdays at high noon when the sun was shinin bright over that beautiful wheat farm. Oh the smell of cow manure. How it mixed within the grass And allowed the crops to grow... The circle of life is beautiful. But the circle of life isn't always beautiful. Sometimes it's cruel, it's relentless, it claws at you until you're all out of skin. Sometimes it takes away the ones you love most. Like your lover, your brother, and your dear ole Pa.

Life gives you exactly what you need, but never at the right time. Russ if I could only have you now, I wouldn't even put my shoe up ya. (Unless you wanted me to, of course.) I would hold you. In a tight embrace and I would never let go until God himself came down.

The rapture itself would be the only thing that could take you out of my arms, my dear.

Oh, the things I would do to have you in my arms just once more. Russ Tikitchen, if you were still here. If you were still with us, right now. I would go out, I would get the finest ring ever crafted by any being. Anything better than mother nature could ever dream of. And I would get down on my knee, I would look you in the eye and I would say "Please? After all we've been through... After all I put you through... Please, just this once, let me give back to you." And you wouldn't have to say those two words, "I do." I would still love you the same. No matter how many shoes are up you. Or how many rings are on your finger. Or even if there is a ring on your finger, even if it isn't from me. No matter whose it is, I still love you.

And, Pa. I'm sorry about that fight we had the day before you died.

I knew I was in the wrong, and I hope you know I did still love you all the same. I was just stubborn. Young, naive, not knowing how cruel the world could be. Not knowing how cruel Mama could be... God rest your soul, Pa. And may God bring her soul down into the deepest pits of Hell

Mama.... I wish I could have ended your life with my own very hands. It's a pity you got to do it yourself.

You got to take your own wheel, Mama. But you took Papa's wheel too. You took Russ's (metaphorical) wheel. You took Bruce's (metaphorical) wheel. Bruce is still alive, thank the heavens. But now you're going to take my wheel Mama. Not metaphorically.

Mama... I know this is what you would've wanted... But mama, ow.

I can't do this no more Mama. Papa I love you. I am so sorry. Russ Tikitchen, you were my first lover. And last. God knows I never touched another man. Or woman for that matter. Brother Bruce. You goddamn knucklehead... Bruce if I could only Thwap you on the back of the head one more time. But you're already halfway across the country by now. You've moved out West to fulfill your dreams of becomin a real Star. You're already a star to me brother. But I'm proud of you regardless.

Takes a lot of balls to move out halfway across the country with nothin but the clothes on your back and the money in your pocket. Ooaohwfowagouhdjfjfjj I misss y7ou brother I hope you, Brother Bruce, are doing good with your old lady Lisa. You know I saw her with a woman right? But I won't tell you... Don't wanna ruin your trip. Your dreams. Your lifestyle. Your innocence. You.

I know you were callin me spaghetti fingers. The guys at the bar told me so. Dave, Jeff, and Jack. You remember them, right? I know that was about 93 years ago... But you're still young, you still got that memory of a young whippersnapper.

Well... Goodbye. To Pa, to Bruce, to Russ, to auntie Margaret who came over on Tuesdays at high noon, to Grampy Biden, to step-pa Gibby Jr, to Lisa, and to mama....

Goodbye.