rxmones

[rxmones]

Tagay? tagay.

Ginagago na ata ako ng mundo. Partida isang bote ng smirnoff, nakakatipsy na. Weak di ba? At eto pa, may payo ako sa mga iinom: Huwag agahan. Huwag excited. Tangina. Maghahappy T ka ba sa taft ng alas tres ng hapon?

Inuman lang, walang feelings. Aayain kita para maglabas ng sama ng loob. Yung tipong gugustuhin ko na magpakamatay sa sobrang sakit sa tiyan. Yung mararamdaman ko na ang pagtigil ng mundo. Paningin ko ang iikot at mahihilo, hindi ang mundo ko. Siguro sa isang gabi, tatagay tayo. Iyakan. Tawanan. Masaya. Malungkot. ikkuwento ko sayo lahat ng malulungkot na kuwento ng buhay ko at makikinig naman ako sa masasayang ala-ala mo. Ilalabas ko ang galit ko sayo at ikaw naman ay tila maiiyak para damayan ako. Tanga lang, no?

Pero sa gabi mo naman ako ayain para walang nakakakita. Walang makakakita ng pagluha ko at walang makakaamoy ng masamsam na pinagsukaan dahil hindi mo kinaya. masaya na ako. Smirnoff? Emperador? Soju? Mamahaling whiskey? Tagay.

Ngunit hindi ako lasinggero. Itataon ko lang kapag may pinagdadaanan. Minsan lang kaya't pagbigyan mo naman. Ililibre ka rin naman, tatanggi ka pa?

Tayo lang dahil ikaw ang pagkakatiwalaan ko sa mga ibibitaw kong salita kapag hindi ko na alam ang sinasabi ko.

[rxmones]

Yes, I still love you.

No, it's not like what you imagine nor what you expect it to be. Things are not going to return like they used to be. Everything falls and breaks at some point and we let it happen to us. With no sign, you left. You could've told me, but you didn't. You could've stayed, but you didn't. Maybe it wasn't enough to love you to the point that I pray that I marry you one day when we passed by that tiny church near our house. Maybe you prayed for your exams and your safety, and I, too, prayed for you, your exams, your safety, and God, I wished that I'll marry you one day . How stupid am I on a scale of 1 to 10? am I an 11? am I too stupid to think of things that I know will never happen?

The world didn't want us. The deity didn't want us. We weren't probably destined to be happy with each other. Or maybe you didn't want me? anymore? or not even a chance? I waited for you, your smile, your presence. You, the one who made me feel like I deserved everything in this world, were also the same person who broke my heart, my mind, and my entire existence. I questioned whether to continue walking or just jump off. I questioned myself every night where I went wrong. Why am I not enough? My heart shattered when you left with no clue. My mind was confused, and until now, I still am.

You left me like a stray dog on a winter night. You left me like a dust that disappeared instantly. And I couldn't chase. I cannot chase you for my feet are tired and wounded from chasing you and begging you to stay. I begged you to stay, and I hope you know that. I begged you to be there, and I begged you to give me a little time. You even reply to our conversations three days later and even a week after just to ask what? Is my anger gone? That you let my anger to slip away? I felt the anger not because of you but I couldn't take it. I can't wait and wait until I get tired. Just. for. a. reply. I begged for you to talk to me. How long am I going to beg for you?

So there, I stopped. I stopped waiting for your return. Not because I may have found someone else at this point, but because I am already exhausted of pouring everything and let it get wasted. I am probably right. You didn't need me. I hope someone will make you smile. I hope you return her efforts for you. I hope she smiles brighter than the sun when she sees you because, damn it, you deserved to be someone's happiness and not someone's sorrow. I will admit, I did the same. You were my happiness, and I smiled because of you and your presence. You were my happiness and also my sorrow. In another life, I will beg that we will not end in tragedy and misunderstanding. I will beg the world to keep you safe. I will beg them to keep you joyful. Yes, I still love you, but not like this anymore.

h.p

[rxmones]

Cyber Ghetto

Ruth

[rxmones]

[rxmones]

because what else do us humans know how to do better?

[rxmones]

[rxmones]

Literally the best thing I’ve found in the city aside from cheap tofu

[rxmones]

byたえ

[rxmones]

You or Him

It was a choice. Of whether or not; To love Or to be loved.

I see now, The fog of my breath Against the glass- The reflection of You.

But I feel too, The beat of the drums With the pound of my heart- The sound of Him.

Every inhale- The feeling of losing You & Memories fading.

Every exhale- The chorus of silent hope Of Him & Moments relived.

It was a choice. Of whether or not; You or Him.

[rxmones]

[rxmones]

[rxmones]

Lawrence Edwards

[rxmones]

Romantic love does not cure a mental illness

[rxmones]

[rxmones]

meaning of ‘howell’: the sun

[rxmones]

MXDVS + adidas tubular doom PK

Shot by Sandro

[rxmones]