ryanreviews

[ryanreviews]

a review on houseplants

my grandfather is an ex-gangster, a big bear of a man. i’ve only known him with white hair and usually a gotee with sharp blue watery eyes. it’s hard to believe he’s the father of my mother. back in the 80s and 90s, he was roaming the streets from tacoma to seattle, with a mullet, and no fear of god nor the cops.

he’d plastered his initials “M.W” with spray paint. he’d be charged with DUIs and assaults (i only know after discovering a site that gives public access to court records). he was one mean motherfucker.

i don’t know when he got into house plants. ever since i was a child visiting his three room 1 floor house, it was filled to the brim with plants. he had a pothos growing across the ceiling, pots lining the windowsill. he had a green thumb and reeked of cigarette smoke.

for some reason he made me nervous as a kid, maybe because he was so big and loud, maybe because i was wrangled by anxiety. he was a rule breaker, and i was autistic. but i got to live.

i dont think i fully understood him til 2021, when i was downstairs in our new basement. it was my birthday, turning 16, still in a partial hospitalization program. i had washed out pink and blue hair, and massive bags under my eyes, i barely look human in the pictures. i confessed i had been assaulted by my first love, who had died earlier that year. he scoffed, shook his head.

i’d never seen him react like that, overwhelmed i guessed, not sure how to handle himself. i’m not sure what happened next, i know he threatened him, which i found funny.

my gpa (that’s what i’ve always called him, too many grandpas) and i became as thick as thieves in the next few years. only through text since he’s about 2 hours away, and for some reason i still don’t have the guts to visit people. we text all the time, he’s funny, but breaks open about how he feels abandoned from our family. can’t really blame him, me too, i usually respond. before he goes and talks about how great his weed is growing that he illegally sells out of his backyard.

i send him photos of the plants i spend 100s of dollars on, he always says when i come down i should take some of his, maybe they’re a burden to him, more likely he wants to see me.

i’m graduating in 5 weeks, he says he doesn’t have enough money to buy something big. i know he doesn’t, i didn’t expect him too anyways. he says that a “bad-ass” plant will have to do. i agree, but forget to respond.

houseplants 3/5 stars

i can never seem to make enough room for more, and i can never be consistent in there care. either i forget about them completely, or become so hyperfixated on them i strangle myself with anxiety.