āWas that you that spread that rumor? I mean, it gives girls a nice surprise in the bedroom when they find out I donāt have one of the bigger side effects, but you know, itās bad for my rep. Fine, whatever. One piece.ā
āYouāre right. You get a body like that by injecting steroids every night. Take a piece, Ryk, a little fat would do you some good.ā
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task 001; the interview
1. Where are you from? Are you going to miss it there?
New York City. Absolutely fucking not, Iām away from dad and thatās all that matters. Iāll miss my little sisters, thatās it.
2. Do you have any siblings? Will they be attending Lincoln Academy as well?
Thereās 7 of us. My brother and one of my sisters are here, too. Iām the coolest one, though.
3. How do you feel about having a roommate?
If it was anyone other than Abram Saunders Iād be bitching left and right for a change. So itās okay for now.
4. Will your family be needing financial aid?
Nope.
5. Is there anything you should let us know before you begin attending class? A learning disorder, past problems in the class, etc.
I do whatever I can in class, but if anyoneās assigning homework, it isnāt getting done. Plain and simple. I have better shit to do.
6. We are a clean campus here at Lincoln. Do you have a past of alcohol or drug abuse?
Yep. Everything.Ā
7. Will you be participating in any extracurricular activities such as clubs or sports?
Football. Thatās it.
8. We like to make sure every student is enjoying themselves. What do you think we could do to improve the campus?
An open bar for minors would be fucking great.
9. Finally, why is it your parents sent you to Lincoln Academy? Please be honest; it does not affect our decision of admittance.
Because Iām a pain in Coyne Sr.ās campaign. Iām not good for publicity, apparently.
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Iām not saying youād be interrupting anything other than a potential dry spell. My roomās always open for a hot blonde with a great ass, Lenny. Actually, my oreo senses started tingling and I panicked because I didnāt know where the fuck it was coming from. But now that you admitted it was your room, expect me there everyday expecting a handout.
I sit on my butt and watch Netflix every day, Ryker. I never knew you wanted me to interrupt my traditions to bug you instead. Did you smell the fried oreos cooking from across campus?
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Why donāt you just order one for the morning? Or you could make a breakfast pizza with like a giant pancake and some bacon as the crust- that sounds really fucking good, actually, make it now. I bet you could find someone. SPEAKING OF THAT I THINK I SAW A PIZZA BOX MOVE EARLIER BUT I JUST PRETENDED I DIDNāT SEE ANYTHING AND WENT TO TRAINING SO I DONāT KNOW IF WE SHOULD CLEAN UP OR CALL FOR HELP FIRST OR WHAT, ITāS YOUR DECISION. Thatās because he fucking hates me, Abey. Thatās okay, though. But Iām honestly a little offended you gave him my name.
I think Iām gonna make another one because we didnāt have any leftovers and I donāt like not having leftovers because wHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? Well what if I told you you werenāt allowed to disintegrate into a thousand pieces because I would miss you. YOUāRE MY ROOMMATE RYKIE POO I DONāT WANT A NEW ONE NOBODY ELSE PUTS UP WITH MY SCREAMING AND MY MESS AND MY FOOD EXPERIMENTS AND MY TALKING ABOUT LIZZIE NONSTOP AND MY HOCKEY EQUIPMENT BEING EVERYWHERE AND ALL MY OTHER SHENANGIANS THAT I DO ON A DAILY BASIS YOUāRE A KEEPER. I could always get Trent because he looks just like you but I feel like he gets a little offended whenever I call him Ryker even though I canāt imagine why.
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You sat on your ass and watched Netflix instead of calling me? Wow.
Iāve been putting off all the homework I told myself I was going to do this weekend for three days just so I could binge watch That 70ās Show for probably the 900th time!!!
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āVi, you donāt get a body like this sitting around eating fucking sugar.ā
āI literally had like twenty pieces of candy today, so I insist, take as many as you want!ā
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Iām fucking paying for it, man. My stomach is literally so full if I move Iāll disintegrate into a thousand fucking pieces. If I die tonight donāt tell my mom; even if Iām dead, I donāt want her here.
For dinner tonight I made me and Ryker a pizza with chicken tenders stuffed into the crust AND IT WAS THE BEST THING IāVE EVER EATEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE IāM GOING TO OPEN MY OWN RESTAURANT.
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Text || Ryker
Max: i hate you
Max: ?? That doesn't mean i have to be abstinent
Max: you two should be the ones not having sex, because y'all probably have like 10 diseases
Ryker: no you don't ;*
Ryker: yes it does
Ryker: I actually got checked like last week and I'm cleaner than a fucking whistle so watch yo mouth kiddy
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āļø ryker
Violet: you're so wise, you could be a philosopher.
Violet: well she called me so I figure she wants me to ask you
Violet: what are you doing for spring break
Ryker: it's amazing I've trained you to think so well :')
Ryker: I really hadn't made a plan
Ryker: why? Did she wanna force us to cabo again??
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Text || Ryker
Max: wow ok thanks for being super helpful
Max: what the hell i object
Max: there's no way im being the clean one that's not fair
Ryker: you're welcome
Ryker: but you're the one that looks the youngest even if you aren't. You have the baby face!!
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Text || Ryker
Max: dude who the hell put my condoms up on the wall with thumbtacks
Max: not cool
Ryker: not me but I'm mad Bc I didn't think of it first
Ryker: we need you to be the clean one of the house, son.
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How do you know Iām not? Donāt you fucking dare. I would disown you as a friend and a brother and a human being.
Well, youāre not sleeping with her, Iām sleeping with her. And if you somehow manage to sleep with her first, Iām going to find Scarlett Johannsen and seduce her right in front of you.
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āļø ryker
violet: hello dear elderly one
violet: have you talked to mom recently
Ryker: i told u not to call me that it makes me feel like i should be wiser than i am
Ryker: no
Ryker: i called her like monday and still havent heard back so!!!
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There is, actually, theyāve just gotten a little better at hiding in the fucking bushes whenever I turn around. Donāt you worry about me.
Iām pretty sure there was anĀ āor somethingā tagged on there, but thatās whatever. Ā Good seeinā you Rykerāno gaggle of bitches to follow you around today?
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Nope. Any girl that I canāt get to sleep with me within a couple of hours isnāt worth my time. You sound whipped and Ryker fucking Coyne wonāt be joining that club, ever.
Do you want me to find out if she has another weird goth girl as a friend and we can both be on the same type of mission? Or you could just bug her with me, maybe if you harassed her with me, sheād cave faster. I donāt know what it is, but you just have to meet her I think.
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