s-h-r-e-k-t-i-f-i-e-d-blog

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concept

school that's only seven hours as opposed to seven hours plus 738928292 hours of homework

i too am quaking

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out of zero context my sister bursts into my room.

she yells "a-5, 6, 7, 8,"

she launches into a Bb major scale on her flute

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Every salad is a Ceasar salad if you stab it enough.

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“Okay, I just looked up how homosexuality becomes a thing in babies and it is confusing as f*ck”-Lagoon Triggerfish

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check yourself before you shrek yourself

yaboi

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*at the playground*

timmy: hey I got the good stuff

bobby: how many grams you got there

Timmy: 12, here you go *hands over a ziplock bag*

bobby: *smells the bag* yesssssss

bobby: *pulls out a honey maid graham cracker from ziplock bag*

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Why the Signs Need Help

Aries: they own a super cool car but they can’t drive

Taurus: they can’t remember what kind of cheese they wanted but they’ve named forty other different kinds

Gemini: they didn’t pass that spelling test in sixth grade and they lost a point on their junior year essay because they made the same mistake

Cancer: they cried four times while watching shrek

Leo: their hair is .01% frizzier because humidity

Virgo: the daffodils in their flower crown died before they could get to Coachella

Libra: nobody complimented their eyeliner today, even though it’s sharp enough to slit your throat

Scorpio: someone stole their black lipstick and mixed it with clear slime

Saggitarius: they didn’t do anything last Saturday and their teenage rebellion is being confined

Capricorn: their pants are pure white but the matching shirt is off white and everyone can see it

Aquarius: someone reminded them that space buns aren’t cool anymore

Pisces: they had twenty goldfish crackers and three people and they couldn’t distribute it evenly

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#mymilkshakebringsalltheboistotheyard

#itsyaboichrispratt #carrotcakemuffin

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You made mistakes but you're not a mistake

Dr. Mason

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hey guys, were bi-

-noculars, says a nervous pair to their telescope friends