i complain, and ramble here. mostly late night thoughts and probably plenty of worries. if you know me, you dont now.
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ough
#thank you stephanie#ill tell you someday that you were like he mom i wish i had#one of the hardest goodbyes ive had in awhile
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youd be real bad at manipulating
#/silly /gen#youre so cute#its bc i used to be abusive love. i used to control#i used to be controlled too#i would know
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promise you arent controlling
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UGH
#cat keeps puking bc of stress#my poor baby cant keep any food down#i wish i could communicate to her that im not leaving her again#that she. and her brother. are coming with me#im sorry my sweet. i dont know how i can make yoj keep your food down#augh
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…
#‘how long do you think itll take her to call you out for being a slob? i say 2 weeks’#….#i think it was a joke. bc she laughed#but. i dont. know
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i know its messy
#im sorry#please. stop commenting on it#i know its messy i know its messy i know its messy#i know it makes you anxious BUT WHY IS THAT MY PROBLEM#HOW ABOUT YOU DONT LOOK IN MY ROOM#EITHER OF YOU#‘you have nothing but time’ - my mother who is freaking over me packing
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everythings a mess to her
#my room is cluttered#are you sure you want your room to be that cluttered in OK#theres so much shit#you really just need to trash so much of it. just throw shit away#^ pretty much what shes been telling me everytime i talk about packing#exhausted#wish she would just. go away
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great
#mom is insisting we take pictures of all my legos#and then trash them#everything is. junk to her. no thought of the money and time put into it#its good to have another perspevtive but shes only thinking about herself#once i move out this will be her space. she wants all pf my shit gone#i dont know what to do#not like i. can take them with me#god fucking damnit mom
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ilyt
#hard#impending sense of loneliness and isolation#yet i cant seem to reach out to anyone#he isnt helping#hes reminding me of how they used to fight. its not his fault#shit man i need to distract myself before i start spiralling
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mm
#having him here is giving me a constant urge to mask#its making it hard to talk to you#not your fault obviously#just how he is. hes a people pleaser#id rather be silent than lie
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finally
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damnit
#ear is bleeding bc i fuckin. bumped it last night#actively learning that tenna has anxiety verbal stims. which. makes sense#please stop saying fresh from the juice. your tweaking is making me tweak bro#feah from the juice fresh from the juice dont get it on your shoose
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asked mom about christmas and marriage the other day. bc i was curious whose family you visit
#turned to me and went ‘are you planning to get married?’#i literally just stared at her and said ‘no i was… curious about christmas.’#‘do her parents seem to like you?’#idk i hardly see them#and frankly idrc#trapped
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can she please stop meddling
#‘im NOT going to help’#proceeds to ask if i need help every fucking second GET AWAY FROM ME#URGH GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY#literally just came into my room ‘do u have any interview shoes’ SHOES DONT FUCKING MATTER THAT MUCH#MY GOOD FUCKING GOD#‘we should go to dsw.’ I DONT WANT NEW FUCKING SHOES WHAT DONT YOU UNDERSTAND#:negstim:#GOOD GOD JUST GET AWAY FROM ME ALREADY#everytime you talk to me i feel like anfucking disappointment#‘yknow in case it doesnt work out….’ she keeps saying that#and im so tired of hearing it. im so tored of you fucking saying that#please just leave me alone#please
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go away go away go away
#@mom#this yr wouldve been ur senior yr!#wow jackson is a hard worker! seems like hes a good influence!#whats on your to do list today?#go away.. please
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obsessive
#need to. not be#i think im on the fritz being around mom all the time#i should be asleep but i dont want to#i dont want to wake up to her.#GRAAAAAH#I SHOULDVE FUCKING SAID NO I AHOULDVE QUIT LATER#UUUURRRGHHH!!!! MY CRT IS WHINING!!!!! /NEG!!!!#ohhh i need to stop looking at content its making my mind RACE#urghhhh…..
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