sablewing

[sablewing]

Spring Gardening Photo theme - #358 Changing Season, #349 Golden Sunset, Random Photos

With the days growing longer and the weather warming up, I find I am thinking of the work that needs to be done in our flower gardens. We bought our house last fall and we are living in a new area. Because of the move and all of the other tasks of settling in, a I skipped a fall cleanup of the garden was. Due to the shift in ownership, the flower bed have weeds in them and left over debris from the plants and flowers that died last summer and fall.

As I look at the garden areas around the yard, intellectually I understand why it isn't in good shape. The previous owners were busy with their move so they did minimal maintenance. For our family, we had been busy with our move and there were other projects that took precedence last fall. While I know the why, I am still somewhat frustrated because as I start the cleanup my attention is drawn to additional areas that need attention. The task that I thought would take a week or two will probably take me several weeks due to my slow pace.

While I look over the flower beds, I see that I'll need to plan ahead if I want to keep them weed free. As I deal with the existing set, I'd prefer to not have as much work to take care of. In spite of the work, I am looking forward to doing it, mostly. Our climate here is supportive of gardening activities and the soil seems better. There is also more rainfall than I had at our old house. And overall the yard is in good shape, it looks like it had been maintained over the years. Last year was an exception and it's now my turn to clean up.

I am also delighted that I recognize many more flowers that grow in the local gardens. I will need to spend some time learning about the different trees in the area, there is a greater variety of them as compared to Southern California. Right now there are many trees with blooms on them, a variety of white and pink blooms throughout the area. In one tree I could hear the bees buzzing as they gathered pollen. Today I saw an apple tree in bloom. I knew it was an apple tree because it still had a label wrapped around one branch.

My approach for weeding is to spend a little time after lunch working in the yard. I haven't gotten very far, yet it is still satisfying to see areas where I've made things better. There is a growing space that is clear of weeds and I have cleared out dead leaves and branches in one area. After I complete this first pass of cleanup, I'll continue my approach to keep the weeds somewhat under control. As much as weeds can be controlled, that is.

As I weed, I think about the work I am doing and the moment I am in. Part of me wants to get angry about this extra work. Another part would like to blame someone else for this extra work. Or I could just walk away, let the yard be as it is and not worry about making things better. In the end, I keep weeding and working on the yard, bit by bit. For myself, I find it worthwhile to do this bit of work, for myself and my family, so we have a place that is pleasant to be in.

I also think about how having more people involved would make the work go faster. That seems harder than just doing the work myself. I might have to deal with disagreement about my approach or help that doesn't seem like quite enough. Yet I know many hands make a task easier. What I've noticed is that the ability to work together, to cooperate, even with individuals we disagree with, is one of the greatest strengths of humans. Individuals, working on small tasks can do great things when they work with others. I hope that everyone can find this ability to cooperate, to work with others for the common good of the community. I believe it is this ability that will carry us forward and build the future we want.

Written by T.S. Harpster Pictures by J.T. Harpster and Tamara Harpster

[sablewing]

Spring Thoughts - 3 April 2025

Photo Theme - Shoes (#332), Low Light(#351)

After many years I no longer live in an area that has subtle seasons. We moved to our new home in the fall, so we have seen the leaves turn and drop, and cold temperatures and snow. As the world will do, whether I agree or not, the next season is moving in and signs of spring are slowly pushing out.

I have been delighted to see the first spring flowers and the color they bring. Buds are growing on trees and I expect to see new leaves in the next few weeks. The winter is brisk but not icy with some warm, sunny days to tease of the upcoming summer.

Meanwhile, there are parts of the world that seem to be striving for chaos and confusion, attempting to dim the lights in the world while claiming to fight for justice and right. The odd thing is that where I see chaos, others see order and vice versa. Strange times we live in where information and data seem to be a new currency and those who see and know the truth are the truly wealthy among us. In that currency I find myself attempting to build what wealth I can as I track through the multitudes of misleading information, lies, half-truths and others ways to obscure and hide what is.

As I look for ways to work to improve myself, I am reading a book that was originally written in 1946 and republished in 1992. The book, "Take Back Your Government" by Robert Heinlein, is based on his experience of supporting a political campaign and running for office. As I read the book, I am struck by the similarities to our own time. The book is meant to be a practical guide for an average citizen on how to get into politics. He mentions the corruption, crooked politicians and voters who don't care enough to vote. It is a reminder that although the problems of our times are new to this generation, they are not new to our country or to the world.

What I am learning from the book, a lesson that apparently needs to be repeated, is that as citizens we must constantly work to keep our democracy in healthy shape. It is a lesson that I took for granted because I thought that the hard problems had been solved and the only need was to focus on the future. It turns out that both the past and the future should be considered and that more of us need to consider service to our communities. It doesn't take much, it is a small portion of our population who chooses to serve the community for the greater good. But if they don't have our support, our opinions and our good will, the trust and openness we take for granted will gradually fade away.

From what I see, that while there is darkness, there is also light and it is increasing in spite of the noise and deflection in the world. It won't be an easy path, there will be dark days and times when I wonder if it is worth it. However, just as winter slowly shifts into spring, I see that light is growing and more people are looking for ways to serve. Our ancestors had similar problems and it's likely that our descendants will have the same. But perhaps we can add markers to the path so our descendants will have an easier time finding their way through troubled times.

Written by T.S. Harpster

Photos taken by J.T. Harpster

[sablewing]

Late night thoughts and a couple of pictures.

I've enjoyed painting again, sharing one I did last fall, along with the reference picture.

I was having trouble for an idea for a new painting. I wanted to paint the tree out back and tried some daytime shots but didn't like the look.

There was a full moon and I happened to take another picture outside. I then took one to use for reference for my new painting.

The tree has been there for a very long time and I suspect it will still be there for many years to come. A lot of events have happened, many people have come and gone in the neighborhood over its lifetime.

In spite of the changes, it grows, continuing to extend its roots and lift its branches.

We trimmed the tree after we moved in, didn't want branches blowing down power during a storm. Otherwise, we left it alone.

I painted it at night, the darkness with only a single light allowed for a clarity, an ability to focus only on the tree and not get distracted by other sights.

Even in darkness, there can be advantages to how we see things.

I think about that tree and all of the changes that come and go. Perhaps the best thing we can do is to look for a focus in dim light, and to remember that things change and continue even when it might seem darkest.

There is always hope, although hope is also a 4 letter word. :-)

No great writing here, just some random thoughts in troubling and trying times.

Good wishes to all and may you find your own light and growth in these odd times.

[sablewing]

Have also used Firefox for many years, yeah, will keep using it.

Do you have thoughts about the changes to Firefox's Terms of Use and Privacy Notice? A lot of people seem to be freaking out ("This is like when google removed 'Don't be evil!'"), but it seems to me like just another case of people getting confused by legalese.

Yeah you got it in one.

I've been trying not to get too fighty about it so thank you for giving me the excuse to talk about it neutrally and not while arguing with someone.

Firefox sits in such an awful place when it comes to how people who understand technology at varying levels interact with it.

On one very extreme end you've got people who are pissed that Firefox won't let you install known malicious extensions because that's too controlling of the user experience; these are also the people who tend to say that firefox might as well be spyware because they are paid by google to have google as the default search engine for the browser.

In the middle you've got a bunch of people who know a little bit about technology - enough to know that they should be suspicious of it - but who are only passingly familiar with stuff like "internet protocols" and "security certificates" and "legal liability" who see every change that isn't explicitly about data anonymization as a threat that needs to be killed with fire. These are the people who tend not to know that you can change the data collection settings in Firefox.

And on the other extreme you've got people who are pretty sure that firefox is a witch and that you're going to get a virus if you download a browser that isn't chrome so they won't touch Firefox with a ten foot pole.

And it's just kind of exhausting. It reminds me of when you've got people who get more mad at queer creators for inelegantly supporting a cause than they are at blatant homophobes. Like, yeah, you focus on the people whose minds you can change, and Firefox is certainly more responsive to user feedback than Chrome, but also getting you to legally agree that you won't sue Firefox for temporarily storing a photo you're uploading isn't a sign that Firefox sold out and is collecting all your data to feed to whichever LLM is currently supposed to be pouring the most bottles of water into landfills before pissing in the plastic bottle and putting the plastic bottle full of urine in the landfill.

The post I keep seeing (and it's not one post, i've seen this in youtube comment sections and on discord and on tumblr) is:

Well-meaning person who has gotten the wrong end of the stick: This is it, go switch to sanguinetapir now, firefox has gone to the dark side and is selling your data. [Link to *an internet comment section* and/or redditor reactions as evidence of wrongdoing].

Response: I think you may be misreading the statements here, there's been an update about this and everything.

Well-meaning (and deeply annoying) person who has gotten the wrong end of the stick: If you'd read the link you'd see that actually no I didn't misinterpret this, as evidenced by the dozens of commenters on this other site who are misinterpreting the ToU the same way that I am, but more snarkily.

Bud.

Anyway the consensus from the actual security nerds is "jesus fucking christ we carry GPS locators in our pockets all goddamned day and there are cameras everywhere and there is a long-lasting global push to erode the right to encrypt your data and facebook is creating tracking accounts for people who don't even have a facebook and they are giving data about abortion travel to the goddamned police state" and they could not be reached for comment about whether Firefox is bad now, actually, because they collect anonymized data about the people who use pocket.

My response is that there is a simple fix for all of this and it is to walk into the sea.

(I am not worried about the updated firefox ToU, I personally have a fair amount of data collection enabled on my browser because I do actually want crash reports to go to firefox when my browser crashes; however i'm not actually all that worried about firefox collecting, like, ad data on me because I haven't seen an ad in ten years and if one popped up on my browser i'd smash my screen with a stand mixer - I don't care about location data either because turning on location on your devices is for suckers but also *the way the internet works means unless you're using a traffic anonymizer at all times your browser/isp/websites you connect to/vpn/what fucking ever know where you are because of the IP address that they *have* to be able to see to deliver the internet to you and that is, generally speaking, logged as a matter of course by the systems that interact with it*)

Anyway if you're worried about firefox collecting your data you should ABSOLUTELY NOT BE ON DISCORD OR YOUTUBE and if you are on either of those things you should 100% be using them in a browser instead of an app and i don't particularly care if that browser is firefox or tonsilferret but it should be one with an extension that allows you to choose what data gets shared with the sites it interacts with.

[sablewing]

Good advice, already did this for my subscription a few days ago

if you're subscribed to Microsoft word, you probably received an email recently saying they're upping their prices. Like, a lot. ($9.99/month instead of $6.99)

guess what though? you can log into your account, click Cancel Subscription, and get the option to continue your subscription at the same price WITHOUT their bullshit AI.

That's right, the new, higher price is actually a different subscription that includes AI that everyone is being opted into by force! What a cool and fun product that clearly everyone wants.

you can also choose to buy Word 2024 without AI for a single lump sum that will be yours in perpetuity, with no updates, for one computer.

Check your subscription if you need Word for work! Don't get duped into paying for something you might not even want

[sablewing]

just a poem

A late night, winter cold seeping in

Sleep calling, yet I resist the pull of

My Bed, waiting for a break from the day.

Pausing, distracting, browsing to distract

News, stories, pleas, all scrolling forward

A siren song drowning out the rest of night

Time to resist, close the window and find

Slumber for my weary mind.

[sablewing]

A Purpose of a Story - #312 - 10 February 2025

Picture Themes: Purpose of a Story, by J.T. Harpster

Over the last few years as I've practiced on my writing, I've been curious about the purpose of a story. I'm not the first person to think about this topic and there are many explanations of a story's purpose. However, I started seeing a perceived bias in the explanations.

The explanations focus on a story's purpose in the environment of someone creating a story to share for entertainment. What I have observed is stories are used everywhere and taken for granted in the many places they are used. Stories are almost a type of background noise unless they are told for entertainment.

Answering this question became important to me with the events of the last few years. As a writer I started looking at the cultural ideas as stories we tell for various reasons. I could see that stories were being used to divide people, to increase distrust, at times to even attempt to break apart our culture in favor of some violence filled rhetoric used to break apart trust between diverse communities. I could see the power of story to build for the future or destroy the present, depending on how it is wielded.

That brings me back to my question, what is the purpose of stories? I've looked at others points of view about the purpose of stories and the definitions seemed incomplete. There is a focus on communication, passing down lessons, creating a common culture and the use of different techniques when telling a story. However, after the last few years where I've seen stories used to break things apart, these definitions weren't enough. They are a starting place, but they don't feel like they are looking for the meaning of the purpose of a story.

While looking at all of these stories that people tell, it seemed to me that the common thread is they are a way to frame an explanation of how the world works in a simple way that fits the tellers view of the world. And because everyone has a slightly different view of the world, the same story will be slightly different when shared by different story tellers. The way the story is told will reflect the trust, the security and the openness the story tellers themselves possess and use to weave their story.

If the story teller has had a comfortable life, a community of friends and a few challenges that they were able to overcome, their stories might have heroes that can overcome challenges in spite of great odds. The world is seen as a place where the will of a person is all that is needed to overcome the challenges we all face in life.

Another story teller might have struggled for everything they have, has a small community they are part of while being left out of a larger community and may have had been betrayed while they worked to do better in life. The stories they tell might be of us versus them, that the hero can only trust a few people and even after they work hard for a goal, it is only dumb luck that allows them to achieve their goals.

Both story tellers live in the same world but because of their life experiences, they see that world in very different ways. The story tellers are using their experiences to tell stories that simple and relatable based on their experiences. Where I see a problem is when people confuse stories with facts that applies to everyone.

The reality is that life is complicated, circumstances change for everyone throughout their life and usually there aren't simple solutions for problems. One of the things I've learned is that if there are simple solutions, then they've already been used and the problem is solved. The reality is that problems are not simple stories, with easy to see causes that can be solved quickly. There are layers of meaning that must be examined and dissected, reviewed for fixes that can make things worse in areas we didn't expect.

Yet stories persist, even when we don't recognize them as such, as an explanation for why the world works the way it does. If I have to wait in a long line at the post office or to get my driver's license, the story is that government is bad, doesn't care and tax money is being wasted simply because I am inconvenienced in my life. The reality is more complex in that tax revenues may have declined due to wages declining, it is difficult to attract talent to government service jobs because of the poor perception of the work, there are many rules in place to protect against those who have taken advantage of the system and other elements that increase the wait times for government services.

It is easy to tell a story where I am at the center and the world is against me. That kind of story can help to get empathy, especially from other people who have a similar life experience. It also ignores additional facts that add depth to the story of why I am inconvenienced. Telling a story about the government as enemy keeps me as the hero striving against great odds to make my way in the world. The reality is more complex and involves interacting with real people not stereotypical characters written for a story.

Part of the purpose of stories seems to be to keep us at the center of our lives instead of working harder to find the facts , analyze them and find an explanation that helps our understanding. The simplicity is appealing but in this current age, this simplicity does not always serve us well. In a world where most people are working for a common good, this simplistic view of stories mostly works. In a world where there are people who actively want to break apart our trust in our society, stories become tools used against us, a method to drag us to conclusions that harm rather than help.

A very long winded way of saying that perhaps all of us need to look at how much has been made into stories and narratives that covers over facts and observations that describe complex situations. While we would like the world to be a simple place, with simple explanations shared in stories, it would be better to look more deeply into the narratives of the world and examine as many of the facts as we can so we better understand the many layers of reality.

[sablewing]

The Dark of Winter for the Growth of Spring - 28 January 2025

It is the dark of winter, when things are cold and bleary. Sometimes it seems like things are broken forever, that spring will never arrive. All around us is death, and no apparent signs of life.

We look for gateways to a better time and all we seem to find is paths that lead nowhere.

Looking around us, we find the decayed remains of a better time, symbols of our loss of hope.

In some places we may find new growth only to find it frozen in place, locked in by the winter cold.

Other locations have signposts that seem to lie to us, promising fruit from barren branches.

Finding shelter from the cold and the storms seems hopeless, the doors closed to all.

Yet if we keep looking, wandering through the land, we may catch a glimpse of a new path, a new hidden way through.

Further on, we may discover water and life for the future.

Some of the abundance from spring and summer may be found in otherwise barren places.

The sun shines on the trees around us, trees that are part of a community, growing in spite of the cold, the storms, and growing so tall we strain to see the top.

Finally, we may find signposts to yet another pathway, that leads to a promise of what will eventually be.

TSH

[sablewing]

New Year 2025, New Beginnings

My family and I continue to settle into our new home. Along with the move to our new home, the other change is that I am also starting down a new career path. It is a change the intellectually I understand is needed. That doesn't mean that all of it is easy to do. I also knew that I need to allow time for events to settle out, again, it is easier to think of that, not always easy to be patient.

In the meantime, I take breaks so I can get to know the area better. I enjoy walking in our new neighborhood. My son and I walked around on January 1st and I took some pictures. On our walk, I took the time to be in the moment and enjoy a few moments of peace. Here are some pictures I took while I was out.

 Our backyard with newly fallen snow. Our winter has been very mild, we have gotten a few snowfalls. This was the first snowfall of the new year.

Some squirrel prints in the snow. They were busy after the snowfall.

A rose bloom preserved in the cold. A sign that even during the dark of winter, there can be signs of the spring that will eventually arrive.

The local theater with a list of shows. All cold/winter related.

A cuckoo in the local clock shop. It reminded me of the clock my grandmother had at her house.

The door of an old Masonic temple. The building is getting converted to retail shops and housing while they have left the old door on the building.

A very bright orange bench with a little bit of snow on it.

The Giant Nerd Bookshop, I like the name.

Star shaped confetti that was spread on the sidewalk from some new year's celebration.

[sablewing]

It only took me 50 years of cooking/baking to realize that cutting butter into smaller pieces makes it easier to mix with sugar when mixing by hand.

[sablewing]

Settling in – 21 November 2024

I look back at my last posting and it's hard to believe it was in August. It's not too surprising, considering all of the events since then. In that time, my family and I sold a house, traveled from San Diego to Spokane, bought a house, moved in and completed several home improvement projects in our new home.

I also had a trip for work in that time frame as part of working to complete a project. A lot of changes and there are still more changes that will occur for our family before 2024 is complete.

After all of this activity, I wanted to take a moment to write about the experience yet I keep coming up short in words. The last few months have been intense and the last two years have included many changes that have been overwhelming. I still feel overwhelmed and a need to take some time to allow all of my feelings to flow through and be recognized.

In the meantime, I have come up with a new description for my articles about life events. Instead of Life in Lakeside, I'll now be writing about Seasons and Soul in Spokane. There appears to be an active and vibrant community of creative people here, along with varied seasons so I will have new things to write about as I gradually build my schedule back.

I will say that my family and I are satisfied and content as we start to explore a new life here in Spokane. We are reconnecting with family and starting to explore our new neighborhood. We are also experiencing full seasons after many years of subtler seasons in San Diego. Although I'm not quite sure about the potential experience of a 'bomb cyclone' storm that is sending snow and rain our way this week.

As we approach the day of thanksgiving in the US, I find a great deal to be thankful for. There are of course troubles and tragedies occurring, difficult things to deal with in our lives and the usual set of fear inducing events for people around the world. While I am aware of all of these various events, I am choosing to be grateful for the moment and to enjoy as much as I can each day for what I can find in it.

Picture themes: #341 - Sunny Days, #343 - Kaleidoscope Pictures taken by J.T. Harpster

[sablewing]

The Non-Heroes of Everyday Life

Photographic theme: A day in the life #335, Photos in BW & Sepia #336

Lately I've seen more stories about heroes, extraordinary people who have stepped up when difficult events called for it. These stories are important, a set of role models for us to look up to and respect. Yet most people won't be recognized as heroes by the people around them. For the majority of people, they live their lives, quietly dealing with the hard problems that everyone has to deal with.

As part of my genealogy research of my family, I have found stories handed down of the lives of my ancestors. Unlike other families there aren't many stories of great heroism or great service. Most stories are quiet tales of people living and eventually dying, after surviving the memorable events that happened in their lifetime. There are some stories of heroism, but they aren't the stories we share when we gather. We talk about the times we shared with each other instead of heroic deeds held up as examples.

Here are a few of the stories I've collected from my research. The focus is on the women in my family and some of the stories that have made it down to our generation. There is some heroism and fame but for the most part they lived, had joy and sorrow, grieved losses and had celebrations, living quiet lives.

Great-Great Grandmother Amelia - Mother of seven children, one died at birth. A woman of faith, she encouraged her children to be respectful and to care for others who were less fortunate. Her husband was sickly and he died when her youngest child, my great grandfather, was 11. She herself died a few years later. I sometimes wonder if she died of a broken heart based on the reports of the love shared between her and her husband. A family friend wrote a poem dedicated and published it as part of a collection of his poetry.

Great-Great Aunt Amelia - The oldest daughter of GG Grandmother Amelia, she married a young man who eventually became a banker. The couple had three daughters who lived and one son who died at birth. Based on old church bulletins, she and her husband were active in a local church in the New York City area. She had health problems when she was older and died relatively young at the same time her husband was struggling with the bank failures of the early 30's. In a letter at her death it was reported that many people, black and white, attended her funeral and mourned her kindness and charity for many people. One example was given of a woman with arthritis who could no longer sew for a living. This was the time before social safety nets, she provided a stipend that supported the woman for many years. Two of her sisters appear to have lived with her family and may never have married.

GG grandmother, maternal - Charity Annette - The family story is that an aunt forced her to marry a widower with a young son so the son would not grow up motherless. Charity had wanted to be a missionary to China but ended up staying in the US to care for her family. Her husband was a missionary preacher who was not home very often. When he was home, he was abusive towards the children. One time he came home and started to whip one of the children. Charity stepped in and told him to leave her children alone, she would punish them when needed. Another time he was home and made the oldest daughter, my great grandmother, give him four years of savings intended for her trousseau. He wanted to use it to start new churches. When Charity came home and found out, she made him give the money back. He died and left her a widow. She remarried within a few months and outlived that husband by a few years. She was the great granddaughter of a revolutionary war soldier.

Great grandmother, maternal - Hazel Fern - Traveled about Colorado in a covered wagon, we have embroidered chairs in the family that are reported to have been brought out by covered wagon to the west. Met her future husband after he recovered from tuberculous at a sanitarium in Arizona. As a relatively new mother, she lost her father and grandfather within a week of each other. After their deaths, her mother moved in with her family. Her husband, a minister, left the ministry for several years due to problems in the church he had served. During the depression, her husband enrolled in the civilian conservation corps during the depression. While he was gone, she and her daughters moved to live with her brother. There are reports that she had to sell or pawn her wedding ring for money during this time. Her husband eventually returned to the ministry and their remaining years were quiet. After he passed, she moved again to live down the street from her oldest daughter.

Maternal grandmother - Elizabeth - A very active young woman, interested in athletics, one of her idols was Babe Didrikson because she played golf. She met and married my grandfather, a medical student, in the late 30's and followed him to his residency in Tennessee. After his residency, they moved back to Colorado and Wyoming. He was called to serve in WW II and left her with two young daughters and pregnant with their son. She moved closer to family and kept things together for the two years he served as a surgeon in the Army. When he returned she kept house and raised the children while he served the community as a doctor. In the early years his office was in their basement and payment was sometimes fresh fruit and vegetables, eggs or chickens. In her 50's , she was diagnosed with skin cancer on the face, attributed to X-ray treatment of her acne in her teens. The cancer was removed and she had to wear a prothesis for part of her nose and had skin grafts for part of her face. She looked after her mother who lived down the street while also running her husband's medical office. When her husband retired, she enjoyed golfing and visits with her children and grandchildren. She eventually had dementia and struggled with that for several years before she passed away shortly after 9/11.

Paternal grandmother - Eva - One of the youngest of eight living children, she grew up on a farm, living in a house with a dirt floor. She married my grandfather and they started a family within a year. They lived on a farm for several years, without running water for the house. When they moved into town, she started working as a sales clerk at one of the local department stores when many women stayed at home to care for their family. She was always very concerned about keeping things clean and was a good baker and often baked goods for the church to sell to raise money for various projects. She had anxieties about many things which could cause problems within the family at times. She eventually had dementia although she did remember the family during that time. A broken hip was too much for her and she passed away a month later.

Great Aunts, maternal - Florence, Phyllis and Lucille - My grandfather's three sisters who survived to adulthood. One sister died in infancy, reportedly due to non-pasteurized milk. Their parents were strict and were not physically affectionate with their children. However, their father believed that young woman should be educated so they could support themselves if needed so all of the daughters had some education after high school. Florence and Phyllis both had polio when they were younger, Florence recovered, but Phyllis had lingering effects. Phyllis was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy as an adult and ended in up in a wheel chair. Florence and Lucille both signed up to serve in WW II so that four of the six children served in that war. Phyllis was a registered dietician and Lucille was studying to be a nurse when the war ended. Both married and had families. One of Lucille's sons was disabled and died relatively young, for our family. Lucille is the one who wrote the stories about her.

Pictures taken by J.T. Harpster per photographic themes.

[sablewing]

Sunset - #328, Shadows & Reflection #348 - 4 August 2024

Thoughts drifting down the page Falling from my fingers into White space, adding Shadows to the page Dark bits slowly shaping themselves Letters, word, sentences, Meaning.

A pause, collection of the ideas Crafting them into a form Shareable, a message Bottles of messages thrown to the World.

Fading, the thoughts, words, Ideas move into mists, The dusk of twilight filling the space Between the places of memory and Today.

Silence enters, calmness filling An emptying of Thoughts A filling of content and Contentment to start Anew.

Pictures by J.T. Harpster

[sablewing]

Looking Up - #331 - 30 June 2024

Stopping a moment To Look Up Not at the heavens and their glory Or the wondrous works of man, rising high above.

I stop to look at Sunlight dappling across a leaf, Dragon flies floating in the breeze, The flicker of a crow's wing Or the play of shadows and light In the shade of trees

A moment to break, To look outside the tunnel Of here to there, From this to that place, A moment to remember.

Looking up, at the newness Of the moment that I have Seen a thousand times before And will never see again In the same way, as the same person I am today.

T.S. Harpster

Pictures taken by J.T. Harpster

[sablewing]

Writing Deeply

There’s not a reason

To not go and write

It is the season

Of literary delight

Putting pen to paper

Putting thoughts to words

To keep on writing

Even when it hurts

The pain we feel

Must be put down

If we don’t write it

We will surely drown

Deep into emotion

Diving down to the depths

I hope what I write

The reader accepts

[sablewing]

In Motion on a Path – 4 June 2024 – #326

I've always been envious of people who knew who they wanted to be when they grew up. Myself, I never had that sense of purpose or least not one associated with a career. Growing up there were the stories of children who wanted to be firefighters, nurses, doctors, teachers, musicians and who studied and took on those professions. These careers never appealed to me and were simply a source of anxiety and frustration that I wasn't like other people.

What I wanted seemed simpler for me, I suppose. I was content with pretend play of taking care of a home, and a family, as I grew up in the last bit of an era where women stayed at home and took care of children, home and husband. Then things started to shift to an idea that women could be anything they wanted to be, they weren't limited to roles of only wife and mother. But it also left the future open and uncertain, with few role models of how to be a women in this new age. Things changed even more when I was a teenager. My family had also moved to a larger city and this new message was louder than before. There seemed to be an expectation of growing up and picking a career to juggle while also taking on the roles of wife and mother. A safer future for women, no longer dependent on some man's largesse to be allowed to exist, but also one of uncertainty.

With this uncertainty and no clear direction, I decided I would simply follow The Path, the one that is identified in our cultural stories and told on television and in movies. Go to school, be a good student, go to a good college, meet the right person and get married. Then start marriage, have a few problems but figure them out before buying the little house with the white picket fence and starting a family. Have the right number of children, 2-3, raise them while working for a big business that will take care of the details and eventually send the kids out into the world and enjoy retirement before shuffling off this mortal coil.

The stories embedded in our culture implied that if I followed The Path exactly I would be rewarded with a predictable life with some happiness, some sadness and nothing really bad happening. If bad things happened, it must be my fault and I didn't follow The Path in exactly the right way, with an assumption that I would just know the right decisions to make. All of these smiling people in movies, television, commercials, newspapers, magazines, and now on the internet, their certainty and knowing hiding from me. The hidden implication that I wasn't trying hard enough if my life wasn't going exactly as I wanted.

Along the way my life kept veering off even as I vainly tried to follow The Path. I went to school, to college and got a degree, found someone who loved me while I loved them back. We married, started a family and bought a house. I worked at my job, long hours for little recognition and lots of stress, still wondering why I couldn't seem to find my way to some happy, predictable place. My son was born and our life veered off The Path and I was certain it was all my fault for not being enough. Even though I didn't really know or understand what I hadn't done right. I started to search for some answers, while still focusing on staying on The Path in spite of my anxiety, depression and ache of missing the answers because I was broken. I kept trying to find that happy, predictable place I read about, where people knew what to do and did it, knowing they were right.

In the background I still thought about the question, "What do I want to be when I grow up?" and added the question, when would I be grown up. The world recognized me as an adult based on my age but in my mind I was still a small child struggling to understand the world. I felt lost and without control in a world that seemed to run smoothly in spite of me.

In the last decade I finally realized a truth about myself that was a revelation. I found a way to see myself and understand that I am not broken, just different and my differences meant it would always be difficult for me to follow The Path. As I've grown and become comfortable with that idea, it's very odd what happened. As I became comfortable with myself, other people became more comfortable with me. All the things I wanted, close connections, confidence, a sense of certainty slowly built as I stepped away from The Path, from trying to be what the world told me it needed.

So now, I am poised on a new adventure, filled with stress and uncertainty, yet I feel a calm certainty that I am stepping into a future that is right. As part of that journey, I am seeing the world around me in a new way. Part of that new sight is looking at treasured possessions and viewing them differently. As I clean out and discard old things, it wrenches at a part of me, the memories of people who are no longer here. These items are what I used to build a sense of home, a sense of connection and permanence that only lasted as long as I had that possession in my attention. I had the illusion of home by building a wall of possessions to keep it safe.

Now I look and I only feel sad when I see items I had dreamed of having. The largest item is a dish hutch I bought when we moved into our current house. I had wanted a hutch for so many years and we finally had enough room for one in this house. It served as a symbol of the connection and belonging I felt when visiting my grandparents' house while growing up. There would be family meals using dishes pulled from the hutch for the special occasions. I mistook the furniture for the reason of the connection, not an accessory was a symbol of the connection. The symbol became the reason and I still wondered why I could not find that sense of home that I keep searching for.

For me, it is time to move on, to let go of these symbols so I can focus on the people and relationships that are important to me. I want to move into what I finally found as my purpose, my desire to create a sense of home, belonging, and connection for those I have relationships with. I want to be a part of creating connection and a refuge for those who need a break from the world. I don't know how successful I might be but in the end I will be finding my way on a path and reaching that sense of home and comfort for myself. Perhaps in doing so I will be able to share with others so they can also find a path for that calm feeling and sense of home.

T.S. Harpster

Pictures taken by J.T. Harpster

[sablewing]

today in "google AI is fucking useless because it hallucinates things that never happened", i bought a couple CVS thermometers that have both been acting up, tried to search if there had been a problem with the whole product line:

there is no record of this product recall. it did not happen. the date "feb 8 2024" is the date someone listed a thermometer for sale on ebay.