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I feel so bad,,, I shouldn't have yelled T-T I should've tried to calm down before talking like I always do, but ig I wasn't thinking DX

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Aight I'm calm again

I accidentally yelled at my bestie and immediately deleted the messages and now I feel bad T_T

I can't believe I allowed myself to yell at them,,, they must feel so bad now T-T

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First time I've wanted to cry out of sheer rage

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I'M SP PISSED UGH

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Even when I'm screaming out, everyone dances to the sound!

Ashes to ashes, they'll all fall down.

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I'm sick and tired

Of holding fire

When all I feel is violence.

AND IM ONLY HAPPEY WHEN ALL THAT I S E IS THE BACK OF MY EYERLIDSS

BLACK UMMACULTAE PATTERNEXD SILENCER

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It's helpless. I can't help everyone. I'm not the savior I think I am, they don't even think about how *I* feel. I'm tired. I'm so tired of this. I hate comforting everyone when they will just treat it as a joke. I hate trying to help when I know I will be ignored and my advice will be forgotten. I hate being the only teenager who actually knows how much things hurt you. I hate this. I hate people. I hate my friends. I hate my family. I hate myself. That's probably new for everyone who knows me, isn't it? I'm able to HATE. One day, I will begin hating instead of loving, and then everyone will be worried about me. They will be weirded out, because they only thought about themselves and not about how it might upset me to be ignored. They would never think I'm even able to be upset at anyone but myself. I'm so so tired of being selfless. I might just start being selfish instead. I always try to see the beauty in life and share it with everyone, but what's the point if they will take that beauty I'm sharing and stomp on it without expecting consequences? They're so used to me not doing anything about it no matter how mad I am that they don't even think it's even anything to worry about. They're just lucky I'm way too kind and I worry way too much, because if it wasn't like that I'd be yelling everyday without thinking of the consequences.

Hate can be such a beautiful thing, too. To destroy everything without thinking, it's so, so tempting and easy to do. And even so, it can be easily justified. How come my friends get to be spiteful and refuse help but I can't? I'm so close to throwing everything away to show that I, too, can be mad. I'm able to want to rip my skin off. I'm able to yell. To throw a tantrum. To be upset when things don't go my way. To go away and never come back. I can say "I hate you" instead of "I love you". I can say "stay on the negative side, then" instead of "look on the bright side". I can tell people to hurt themselves further instead of telling them why they shouldn't. I don't care anymore. I can be as angry and scary as I want.

But I guess I won't. It's not worth it. I'll keep playing the "good, positive, caring bestie" role. What else is there to me anyway? I only serve to bring joy and be annoying /s.

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It feels so weird being the hopeless one in a worrying situation where 2 people need my support

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Cómo me siento después de decirle migajera a mi amiga que probablemente me guste pero que ni me responde y tiene pareja nueva cada semana

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Sometimes you've just gotta pull a Sander Sides/Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium and split yourself onto 2+ and just have a conversation with yourself in different flavors

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If you see me happier than usual all of a sudden DO worry it's heavily likely that I was crying moments ago

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I HATE WHEN RHIS HAPPENS I FEEL SO POWERLESS I NEDD TO HELP THE. BUT I CANT IF THEY WONT RELL ME WHATS WRONG

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NOT THIS SHIT AGAINST N

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Great now I'm crying bc a bestie insinuated they have a suicide plan

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"For your last challenge you need to not immediately hate someone for ignoring you and being rude even if not on purpose" AW HELL NAH YOU AHH TWEAKING JIGSAW

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Adding to tired, I've been so insanely bored lately

Like,,, I'm hungry and I want to go to the bathroom, but why??? I know it's literally to survive but it's so boring

Maybe I'll have time for playing games and watching videos n stuff but like,,,,,,, why?????? Everything is so boring 💔

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I'm so tired

I feel like my happiness is constantly hanging by a thread except when it's not

Like, I'm exactly at the line between happy and not happy

If I get a little more happy, I act without thinking, kinda like when you're sleepy and happy at the same time

If I get a little more sad, I am suddenly thinking about everything negative that's happened to me and I stop being able to communicate with people correctly

I don't want anyone to give me advice anymore

I don't even want to vent to anyone in specific

I should be happy, it's finally vacation, I'm going to therapy again, I'll get to sing as loudly as I want until 1pm, I get to spend more time with my online friends, I finally got rid of an emotionally draining friendship

And yet I'm feeling horrible