sadboy-hours

[sadboy-hours]

Telling my mom I was raped was easier than I thought… she’s still blaming me, but at least she’s not actively angry.

[sadboy-hours]

I hate going back to this hospital so much.

[sadboy-hours]

Me: I should test out the font

Me: *types ‘test text’*

Me: *zones in to see I’ve typed random dnd chuya story thingies to test text*

Me: ah yes, the voices

[sadboy-hours]

It’s nice of the self deletion thoughts to visit, but I really hate them.

[sadboy-hours]

Happy birthday dad.

I miss you.

I can’t stop crying, just know that I miss you

[sadboy-hours]

Putting Kaidou into his girlfail era bc I missed drawing him but wanted to make him a little spicy uwu

[sadboy-hours]

I want to go to sleep again.

I can’t stop thinking about my dad, my sleep has been destroyed.

It’s so hard to sleep when thinking..

I woke up at midnight, haven’t slept since

I slept at 5pm…

I started to go through your things, and that in itself was much harder than I thought it would be.

I’ve cried so much, I sat with mom as we looked through it.

But now it’s too overwhelming, how can I put your thing away? Or even throw away some of it?

My head hurts, I’ve been laying on the couch for 40 minutes.. and I just can’t get up again.

But I have to put your things away eventually, I can’t get into bed…

[sadboy-hours]

Went to Dads to pick up some of his things.

I didn’t think it would be so hard, I’ve seen that room without him in it before.

But seeing the walls bare, seeing pieces of him being removed from what was his home

It hurts

It hurts in a way I never thought it would

I kept crying, but at some point I didn’t know why anymore.

I miss him, the him that decided to be a good dad

Whilst looking through his things, I found a bag of valentines from when I was an elementary school. He saved my valentines. He never threw them away.

It broke me,

I vilify him a lot. He wasn’t a good dad a lot of the time, but when I was younger… he was okay.

He loved us.

Maybe not in the healthiest way.

But he did.

I don’t know.

I’m surrounded by some of his things, and it just… sucks.

[sadboy-hours]

Devouring Lethal Company videos and angy I want to play game with friends but haven’t unpacked laptop and don’t have enough friends for game >:((

And bread and Fred just cause I think Val and I would unironically do well with it cause we’re good pals :)

Aaaahh just wanted to throw my thoughts somewhere cause it’s been bouncing around my brain!!!!

[sadboy-hours]

*drinks half of a white claw* ah yes I am having good time :)

*has headache and must shower* aw :(

[sadboy-hours]

treat i can't afford save me

[sadboy-hours]

There is so much I wanted to say to you, to do for you, too many things to list.

What will I do now? With you gone?

Who will take us out for dinner? I won’t hear your voice, get your annoyingly aggressive kisses, hear your laugh

It kills me

However, I can’t ignore the release

Realizing I have one less person to maintain.

One less person to belittle me

To make me feel as if I was never enough

That is what is so difficult about this.

You weren’t a good dad, not when it comes to needs that weren’t purely sustained by fun.

But you were my dad, who was there in his own way when things were hard— who gave me money when I had nothing— who loved me to bits despite how annoyed I was

You weren’t perfect.

You weren’t even kind half of the time.

But you were my dad.

Mourning you is still going to be difficult.

I just hope you know how much I loved you, how much I still love you despite this.

I love you so much dad, I hope your view from the stars is bright.

I won’t let you down (in ways that matter at least.)

[sadboy-hours]

Happy holidays! Your dad is dead

[sadboy-hours]

It happened overnight I was drawing faggots while my dad was dying bro throw me away throw me across the country even I can’t handle this bro

[sadboy-hours]

I’m also listening to my character playlists cause I gotta find a good song with meaning for a class and it’s Okkuns so I love making him a slut smhhh

How mad would my prof be if I just submit osamu slut simulator or smth

[sadboy-hours]

Shout out to toshi tho thanks for being my punching bag I couldn’t hurt anyone else bro

[sadboy-hours]

Opens iPad, sees manic scrawls about Hitoshi at 2am: oh

Hits back, sees bloody scrawls of Hitoshi in recent canvas: OH