sadkidkikk

[sadkidkikk]

Bro I feel like death

[sadkidkikk]

I feel like I've falling so deep into my own self pity I have pushed everyone away. I push my cousin away whom which I grew up with. I push my friends away bc i dont want them thing I'm some depressed thing. I've been thinking a lot. And today I got news to the only person I have felt love for loved another woman. The day he got locked up was the day we were finally going to meet after talking for a year about it. We have had multiple times we could have seen each other irl. But as so it goes.. sadly you got locked up. I thought you would have cared for me and I thought you would have thought about me the way I thought about you so much and everyday.

I feel so empty and I feel physically sick. This hurts a lot and I didnt think news would make my whole soul hurt.

I'm trying to hard not to relapse and try be positive but it's so hard when I thought for months that u missed me like I missed you.

[sadkidkikk]

I feel like im losing my bond with everybody, i feel so alone

[sadkidkikk]

[sadkidkikk]

**Trigger warning**

I've been clean for about a month-ish?

And I've been growing to be a lot more sensitive and I feel so helpless

I've been wanting to cut myself again for awhile now and I'm so tempted

[sadkidkikk]

u were toxic but you felt like home tbh

[sadkidkikk]

Who the fuck am I to think I can try to exploit my body for someone to love me

That's so pathetic

[sadkidkikk]

I cant post on fb and I can't post on insta and ofc i cant post on snap..

God I'm so dumb. I spent 5 years with someone and for the last 3 they didnt even love me as much as I loved him. It was all one sided. I'd give my life for that man. I dont want to say I dont love him anymore but I'm so tired of trying to love someone who didnt love me and who was only with me because they felt sorry

[sadkidkikk]

I'm so pathetic

I hate it here

All I wanted was someone to love me like how I love them

I'm tired of people just texting me for my body..

I'm so stupid to think it would even happen

[sadkidkikk]

I know we were fighting. And I know I said awful things. I know I'm not the best cousin. I know I dont know when to stop or the right things to say. I know I can say that I dont care anymore. I know I started acting like I didnt care too. I know that I stopped talking to you. I know that I stopped being compassionate. I know I'm a bad person.

I dont know what to do. I dont know how to make things better. And I know you probably wont care or even see this bc I removed you on everything when we were fighting. All I really wanted was for you to be happy and better, even if it was w me out of the picture. But I got selfish, I wanted you to myself bc you were there since I was a lil shrimp. I dont even know why I'm even typing this because it doesnt make sense. I'm writing this to someone who wont even see this. I dont understand why

I dont understand why you would get mad at me for wanting to end my life and then think about it yourself.

I don't understand why you pretend you were okay and didnt talk about it

I dont understand how you can tell me everything would be okay when I was down but you probably didnt believe me when I told you that you would be okay too right?

At the same time, I know. I know it's hard to talk about these things and think everyone doesnt care. I know it's hard to get these words out correctly and make sense of these. I know your brain can be mean and put things in your head that you eventually start believing yourself. I dont even know what to say anymore. This post is probably just going to get deleted anyway. I want to bite my nails to bone and rip my skin from my body and pull all my teeth out. I'd rather take your place than let you think about these awful thoughts about yourself. I know your frustrated. I'm frustrated. I'm mad you think this would make you feel better

[sadkidkikk]

imagine u got jumped by emo girls and you heard “grab his wrist”

[sadkidkikk]

the love i have for you is forever, even if we part.

[sadkidkikk]

lets get personal.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

4: What do you think about most?

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

7: What’s your strangest talent?

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

13: What’s your religion?

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

17: What was the last lie you told?

18: Do you believe in karma?

19: What does your URL mean?

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

23: How do you vent your anger?

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

36: Define Art.

37: Do you believe in luck?

38: What’s the weather like right now?

39: What time is it?

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

41: What was the last book you read?

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

43: Do you have any nicknames?

44: What was the last film you saw?

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

50: Do you believe in magic?

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

52: What is your astrological sign?

53: Do you save money or spend it?

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

55: Love or lust?

56: In a relationship?

57: How many relationships have you had?

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

59: Where were you yesterday?

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

62: What’s your favourite animal?

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

64: Where is your best friend?

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

66: What is your heritage?

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

77: How can I win your heart?

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

80: What size shoes do you wear?

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

82: What is your favourite word?

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

87: What is your current desktop picture?

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

98: Ever been on a plane?

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

[sadkidkikk]

Ahh yes