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i just rediscovered the pelican spider. give me 1-2 business days to stop laughing at how they're shaped and ill be normal again

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I feel like there's a certain type of "ex-evangelical" progressive who obviously supports mandatory progressive causes like abortion access and LGBT rights, but then in practice supports them "so strongly" that they can't compromise on anything. And if that means that they can't vote for candidates who support those issues because they aren't "good enough" and those issues get set back, well... That's a trade-off they're willing to make!

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ranking the best things I have heard surgeons say mid-surgery:

1. "Five second rule!" while scrubbed, after dropping a sterile scalpel on the floor (no they did NOT pick it up again but I swear everyone's buttholes puckered)

2. (spoken during the closing of a particularly long and difficult case) "Nurse - my tunes." :heavy metal starts blasting:

3. Gently to a fretful patient, pre-anaesthesia: "It's going to be okay. I promise, I've dealt with worse." As soon as the patient is unconscious: "This is literally the worst thing I've ever seen."

4. [okay this one was a med student] "Wowwww, that's so gross!!" Reg: "Please remember that [patient] is awake for this procedure." Student to patient: "Oh my god. I am so sorry, that was really unprofessional - " Patient, cheerfully, also engrossed with what's happening inside them on the screen: "Nah - it's, like, super gross, right?"

5. [another procedure where the patient couldn't be put under GA] Patient: *starts singing country roads midway through the procedure* Surgeon: *shrugs and joins in with surprisingly good harmony*

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every person ive ever suggested to that going through your partners phone not only invades their privacy but also the privacy of all the people who have possibly texted very personal things to them have acted like they genuinely never thought of that before

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when I was a little kid at some point I got upset with my parents because I didn't have a crucifix in my bedroom and they did- I was like why do YOU get to be safe from vampires??? you're okay with me getting my blood sucked???? so we took a little trip to the catholic store but the one closest to us was run by a group of nuns that had been moved here from romania. I got a little baby pink cross and this sweet old nun was like 'aww, is this a baptism gift?' and I was like no. I need to be protected from vampires. and she immediately got SO serious and was like 'this is the best one we've got, you'll definitely be safe' and since she was literally from vampire land I was convinced she was like, van helsing. like the whole time my parents had been laughing about how cute my fear was but she literally Knew dracula and was taking my concerns seriously I held this over my parents for so long lmfao

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Yknow it's actually possible to have disabled characters in horror without their disability Being The Horror. Believe it

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like a solid 60% of weird fandom tropes were invented by women who needed slightly more avant garde ways to fuck spock.... wanting to fuck spock is in many ways a load bearing pillar of fandom like if u took it away the source code would just break theres like a molecule of wanting to fuck spock or reaction to everyone wanting to fuck spock within the heart of fanfic all fanfiction is about wanting to fuck spock except fanfic about wanting to fuck spock which is about women in stem

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was originally gonna color and post this for pride month but i lost the original file

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My coworker said he was having a bad day and I said 'it can't be that bad you haven't started howling like a sad dog yet' and he let out the saddest most pathetic little howl I've ever heard and I was like 'damn ok do you need to have a break?'

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#SHORT QUEENS Quinta Brunson and Sabrina Carpenter during Quinta's opening monologue for Saturday Night Live | 3rd May, 2025

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Today's bird is this scarlet ibis i met at the zoo

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If I start my sentence with "Girl" I mean it in a gay way like I'm about to bitch to you about my coworkers who I hate and who I am nothing but nice to. If I start my sentence with "Maaan" I mean it in a tired teen boy way. Like Shaggy learning that he's eaten the last of his vile sandwiches

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Giving your friend's new boyfriend approval is the highest form of honor a man can recieve and is like a modern day knighting ceremony. Sir Jakey has earned my good will and I no longer wish for his death