sane-in-comparison

[sane-in-comparison]

Day fucking whatever (day 384)

Night update: fucking horrible. I’ve had constant anxiety attacks for the past four days and I can’t sleep. I spent all night crying in the bathroom so Remy won’t try to kill me.

I don’t even know why that is, I just... no, actually I do know what it is. I haven’t had time to see my therapist in almost two months.

You can judge me all you want but she’s had conferences and shit and when she was here I’ve had other shit to do that really came over my time seeing her and nobody really paid any attention to if I’m seeing her or not, and nobody really assigned me any replacement for the time being. Remy went to management about it but nobody really cares. I don’t know why. I’m guessing it’s because it’s been a hectic month for everyone.

The others are doing pretty okay. Patton is putting all his energy into wedding plans and Roman... well, he didn’t get a call back. But it’s okay. He’s already preparing for the next role. Remy and Em are okay, they’re not... well, they’re more stable than most inpatient relationships (I’m talking about Remy not Emile) I’ve seen but there’s a lot of bullshit going on and I can’t ask because Remy won’t tell me. Believe me I tried. Something that has to do with Em’s job or something like that.

Logan is on the same boat as I am. He’s been in solitary a couple days ago and he’s unstable as fuck, in a really bad way. We help each other. He got into this color matching bubble game and he can sorta disappear for hours playing that game. It’s almost like he isn’t here when he does. And I’m just... yeah, I’m just here.

I finally get to see my therapist again though. And I’m very ready.

I’m gonna ask someone to update later for me. I hope Patpat would. I have to go now.

~ Virgil.

[sane-in-comparison]

Day 371

Dear diary.

I don’t mind calling you that now. Also I missed our anniversary and I feel bad, but... I have an excuse I swear.

A couple days ago was my one year anniversary of being here, and while I... I guess I missed it and forgot to update because of Roman’s audition - I’ll talk more about that later I promise - I just... I wanted to say that...

While keeping this journal has been... not the easiest, with a lot of missed dates and mishaps and unfortunate situations... I’m happy I chose to do this. I can... look back. To all the important stuff I’ve done, and also some of the less important stuff.

(And all of Patton’s being nice to all of you. He’s adorable. I love reading his responses to asks, he’s fucking great.)

But as I said, the day of the one year anniversary, Roman had an audition to a local ish production of Spring Awakening. I went with him and he tried to rope me into auditioning too. Nice try, but...

Anyway, he did amazing. I’m sure he’ll get a call back, and if he doesn’t that’s fine but they’re wrong.

So... yeah. It’s dinner time and Patton needs to show me his newest piece. He said it’s inspired by me, and... not gonna lie, that’s the most precious thing anyone’s done for me lately.

So... yeah. Catch y’all in a couple days when something cool happens. If anything does happens.

- Virgil.

[sane-in-comparison]

A ten am update

I know it’s been a while since the last proper update, but... life has kinda caught up to all of us. So... I’m gonna quickly check what day it is, hang on...

Day 339

Night update: a whole mess. Patton is having a depressive episode and it’s affecting everyone, and Remy is still thinking about leaving, so he’s not getting much sleep either.

God, I wish shit was easier than that.

No, Remy isn’t leaving. He told us that in breakfast. His thoughts are moreso about... what would happen if. He relapsed a couple days ago, tried to cut, but... a nurse was there to stop him. He’s going to be okay. I know he is.

Roman is doing great. He’s got auditions to this thing coming up, and I hope he’s gonna get it. But I also kinda think he’s not going to... I don’t know why. I have a feeling this time it wouldn’t work. Pat thinks it would, but... Pat also feels awful lately.

I might update more later. I can’t right now really, we have group therapy. But... I just wanted to say something. It’s been a while since the last time I have.

- Virgil.

[sane-in-comparison]

Haha I'll try that dad

Have fun!

Patton

[sane-in-comparison]

Wedding details Pat. I wanna know your wedding plans. Sorry for the misunderstanding. I'm soooo tired. Ive been having a hard time sleeping

Oh nooooooooooo!!!! Well, I’ll tell you what, what about just... lying there with your eyes closed and doing nothing? Hmm? It can help too!

Umm... no wedding plans yet, but we’re working on it! I promise!

Patton

[sane-in-comparison]

Thats so cute!! I need all the details as soon as you know them

As soon as I know who? Kiddo, I only have a very vague idea...

Patton

[sane-in-comparison]

It's extremely exciting. Im so happy for you. Tell mom I said yay! Is V gonna be the flower boy? I think he'd be good at that :) You know who I'm seeing actually dear...

Virgil said that he doesn’t want to be flower boy because he’s already called dibs for my best man so eh...

Umm... I can’t believe I already kn— OH! Ooooooooooooooooooooooh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS SO AWESOME IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!

Remy told me not to shout at seven in the morning, so... I’m gonna calm down now.

Patton

[sane-in-comparison]

Hi dad! YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED! YAY! Im so happy for you. And yes I am... 😊

IM GETTING MARRIED!!!! ISNT THAT EXCITING?????????

Well, I would love to hear about this person! But only what you feel comfortable sharing, okay?

Patton

[sane-in-comparison]

Why are you thinking of leaving babe? How's Em? I'm sick too as usual. I'm okay. Work is stressing me out but what else is new. Uh I'm dating someone pretty amazing. I like them a whole lot.

WAIT A SECOND A MINUTE THERE YOURE DATING?!??????????!!!!!????!! AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME??????????????!??!!!!!??!!?!?!! MIRANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I... I don’t think Remy wants to talk about why he wants to leave... but I don’t think he’s going to. Emile isn’t happy with that idea anyway... BUT YOURE DATING???????????

Patton

[sane-in-comparison]

Fuck me it's been a while. Sup bitches? Remy you okay? Logan proposed! Hallelujah. How's everyone?

I know I’m late to answering you but OOOOOOOOOOF it’s been a while innit!

I’m fine, darlin, what about you? I’m just... contemplating leaving this shithole... I don’t want to, not really, but... it’s a complicated mess, okay. And everyone is in the process of catching some cold or whatever... fuck this shit.

How bout you, love?

[sane-in-comparison]

Day 299

Boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii if this isn’t delayed!

I tried writing earlier but it didn’t work out so I’m gonna make a short version of what I had to say - I don’t remember shit from the past month. I’ve been so sleep deprived and in pain that it’s hard to. Also Logan and Patton are getting married.

Why am I the one updating? Because Virgil is sick and Patpat is sleeping off a migraine. Thank you.

So... umm... I had some more news. But I’m assuming the world doesn’t want me to express them. So I’m not gonna.

Hope this year is any good to y’all. I love you. All. Very much.

[sane-in-comparison]

Yeah I am okay

Awesome. Awesome... well, Roman is too hyped for his own good, so...

~Virgil

[sane-in-comparison]

You doin’ okay?

Today... yeah. Today I am. Haven’t really been lately. And you?

~Virgil

[sane-in-comparison]

Hey

Yo

~Virgil

[sane-in-comparison]

Day 274

GUESS WHO CANT FUCKING KEEP UP WITH RESOLUTIONS

Night update: nothing good, but that’s not new.

So... I wanted to update daily. I really wanted to. But it was like... Patton promised he’ll remind me daily, but it was like he and I took turns being in shitty headspaces. It wasn’t pretty. I’m pretty sure there is a dent in the wall from the last time Patton bashed his head into it last week...

He’s doing fine. I promise. He was taken care of and he’s doing almost perfectly fine now.

It was... it’s been a lot. This past couple weeks. Logan started DMing a dungeons and dragons campaign, we all play in it (except Remy) and some other guys from the other units... Patton is having so much fun playing as a bard (yeah, I was surprised he didn’t want to be a cleric too, but he just really wanted to be a bard. Roman is a warlock. A very, very stupid warlock.) and let’s just say that nobody should ever trust Nate. He rolls like crap.

My character is a rogue. I like her. I think we could’ve been great friends if she really existed.

I... I don’t know when the next update will be. But it was Patton and Remy’s birthdays lately, and we celebrated the same we usually do.

Okay, so... I gotta run to therapy, so... I’m sorry for not updating for a while. I’ll be back. Sometime.

~Virgil.

[sane-in-comparison]

Hey hey hey! How are my favourite people doiiin’? :DD

Quite alright, and you?

Logan.

[sane-in-comparison]

You’re the ray of sunshineeeeee

I’m assuming you’ve talked to Patton. Yes, yes he is.

Logan.