sannflwrr

[sannflwrr]

PLEEEASEEE OMG HE HAD ME BLUSHINGGGG 😳😳😳😳

do you want it I hueningkai

Pairing: Stranger! Hueningkai x You

Rating: 18+, MDNI

Warnings: drinking, dirty talk, choking, thigh grinding, kai and y/n keep teasing each-other to the limits, implied sex, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, folks!), mostly unedited.

Word Count: 3.3k words

Summary: you meet hueningkai at a party. the attraction between the two of you is undeniable and things slowly start to escalate into the night, a game of teasing which neither of you is willing to lose.

Recommended Songs: mi casa su casa (omar rudberg), tinnitus demo (ebby), party monster tiktok version (the weekend).

your heels clink against the marbled floor, following an even rhythm as you roll your shoulders back and keep your head high. it had been awhile since you'd been to a party and when the hotel you were staying it offered it as an event a few days ago, you were more than eager to participate. good music and alcohol? you were sold. your friends were sold too. you could see them seated on the bar, cocktails in hand as they giggle with one-another.

"hey," you greet, leaning on the counter next to them.

"you're late." yeji remarks, her cat like eyes taking in your appearance. after turning your closet upside down, you'd settled on a bodycon midi dress. the silky material is soft on the skin, hugging your figure just right, the shade of blue complimenting your undertones well. you look absolutely stunning and you know it, cocky smile threatening to tug at your lips as you wait for yeji to say something. but she looks just as good herself with her black mini dress and curled red locks.

before yeji can say anything, kazuha peers over at you from behind her, the red two piece dress striking against the color of her dark hair. "but she's always late. fashionably late."

you grin in response, satisfied to hear that they liked your outfit. "thank you, ladies. you both look stunning as well." eyes wandering to the cocktails on their hands, you nod at them. "so what did you order?"

"i got a cuba libre, while kazuha got the strawberry margarita." yeji explains, taking another sip. "they have tons of different cocktails on their menu over there."

"they offer the first drink for free, so just order whatever." kazuha says, swaying to the rhythm of the music playing in the background. the rooftop of the hotel doesn't seem as packed as you expected it to be. surrounded in glass railing, the shades of brown and green from the statement plants and furniture around you make you think of a tropical jungle. string lights are woven into each-other above your head, seemingly competing with the stars of the night sky and somewhere in the distance, you can faintly hear the sounds of the waves crashing. chatter and laughter surrounds you with some people already moving against another on the dance floor. you can't wait to join them, but you feel too sober to dance.

turning towards the handsome barista, you order three shots, ignoring the way yeji raises a brow and kazuha stares at you, stunned. it was so unlike you. but the past week had been quite rough and you were hoping for a quick stress release through drinking and dancing. and well, something else too.

"looks like we've got a real party animal over here." yeji remarks, watching you down the second shot in less than a second before grabbing the third one. the liquid burns at your throat, relaxing your muscles almost in an instant. maybe the alcohol hadn't hit yet and this was some sort of placebo effect. you associated alcohol with being relaxed after all. or maybe alcohol worked that fast. "slow down, tiger. i don't think drinking three shots with two seconds apart is a good idea."

"last time i drank like that, i spent the rest of the night throwing up in the bathroom. it was terrible." kazuha cringes, setting her now empty glass down. "you and yeji had to hold my hair back all night long."

"everyone thinks they can take a lot the first time they drink." yeji shrugs. "but at least you know your limits now."

"yeah, one drink and a half. i'm such a lightweight."

"drinking a lot isn't a party requirement." you clarify, before downing your last shot. the sweet aftertaste lingers in your mouth as a pleasant buzz spread all over your body. it feels as if you are feather light, the room around you feeling more like a boat than anything else. the chatter around you seems to disappear with only the sound of music being heard as you allow its rhythm to guide your body to the dance floor, letting it take over and move you whichever way it wanted.

yeji and kazuha soon join you, the three of you hyping each-other up and becoming one with the rest of the sweaty bodies on the dance floor. you feel amazing, confidence coursing through your veins as your moves become more sensual. the music drowns you, seizing you at once and making everything else around you disappear. only the euphoric feeling of each movement as you let loose, losing yourself in the dance floor.

and then, through the crowd of dancing bodies, near the sitting areas, you spot him. he's leaning back on the cream coloured couch, curly black hair long enough to almost cover his eyes. his features are quite sharp, but his hooded eyes seem to offset that - giving him this soft look overall, but there's this almost magnetic aura to him that has you slowly pulling away from the dance floor. the beer bottle in his hand is half empty when you walk over to him, his gaze taking you in in a way that makes you flush. he was insanely attractive and the curve to his lips only seemed to confirm that.

"liked what you saw out there?" you ask before you can stop yourself, taking the empty seat next to him before internally cringing at your choice of an opening. really? that was terrible. you know, this is part of the reason why you shouldn't drink before talking to people at parties. because you would say stuff like this. they would sound good in theory, but in practice they were cringe. it took only 3 seconds for you to ruin a possible hookup. maybe you should just get up and go.

to your surprise, he chuckles, amusement evident in his eyes. "hard not to when you look like that."

heat floods your body while he runs his eyes over your body, wolfish grin on his lips when he meets your gaze once again. "what's your name?"

"y/n. what's yours?"

"kai."

"so, kai," you begin, propping your elbow against the back of the couch as you angle your body towards him, your dress slightly riding up your thighs. "why aren't you on the dance floor?"

you don't miss the way his eyes graze at your thighs, throat bobbing before he looks back up at you, a lazy smirk on his face. "i'm more of a watcher than a dancer."

"is that so?" you ask, head tilting to the side as your eyes scan him. his legs in particular catch your attention due to the way he shifts, taking up even more room. slowly, you inch closer to him, monitoring his reaction as you place a hand on one of his thighs. you didn't want to be too much, ready to step back the moment he'd show the slightest discomfort. but he doesn't seem uncomfortable in the slightest, instead sucking in a breath as he waits for your next move. tracing circle patterns in his inner thigh, you look up at him with your doe eyes. "you look like you'd be a great dancer."

scoffing, a roguish grin settles into his face as he leans closer, the smell of pine hitting your nose. his hand settles on top of yours, stopping you from going up any further. "you're not playing fair." he exhales, hooded eyes gazing down into yours. "you do this a lot, huh?"

"no, not really. you're special." you coo, brushing your lips against his ear. the way his breath hitches brings a smile to your face as he turns to look at you, faces only inches apart. his gaze is almost piercing and you can feel it burning into your skin, demanding attention and captivating you at the same time. as his stare lingers, curving your lips upwards, you tap your fingers against his thigh once again, bringing him out of whatever trance you'd pulled him in. "so then, interested in joining me on the dance floor? i promise i won't bite."

"fine. lead the way." he smiles, setting the beer bottle on the table as he follows after you, hot on your heels. as you weave your way through the crowd, you can feel your body buzzing with each brush of his chest against your back. you're not sure if it's a coincidence anymore, especially not when his breath is hot on the back of your neck. shivering, you turn your head slightly to look at him. feigning innocence, he raises a brow, but you don't miss the way the corner of his mouth twitches, threatening to blow his cover.

eventually you make your way to the centre of the floor, turning around to look at him through the now dimmed lights. the music swells, coursing through your body and letting it take over as you move, not missing a single beat. kai follows, his moves hypnotising as he embodies the provocative vibe of the song. his dress shirt hangs loosely on his torso, the first three buttons undone to expose the smooth skin of his chest and yet, your eyes can't help but trail even lower, on the tight black jeans stretched across his thighs. it's almost devastating, how good he looks in this outfit.

closing the gap between you, he tilts your chin upwards. "eyes up here, angel."

flushing, you meet his amused gaze. the smell of pine is dizzying and so is the look in his eyes, filled with a heat you can't ignore. it's almost as if he's cast a spell on you, drawing you. your heart skips a beat as your body tingles with anticipation, arms moving to wrap around his neck as you flash a lazy smile. his hands grip at your hips, guiding your movements to match his.

electricity's in the air, skin sparking at his every touch in pleasure. and when he spins you around, you tug yourself backwards, pressing up against him in a way that makes him hiss, gripping your hips. the reaction alone sparks something within you as you begin to grind up against him. he grunts in your ear, the sound music to your ears as you continue your movements, teasing him even more until he spins you around, dipping you with ease. "you're bad, huh?" he whispers, lips grazing a path from your neck to your ear. your breathing is laboured as you tilt your head back, feeling your skin catch on fire on the places he's touched. still holding you in that position, the fingertips of his free hand trail down the bare skin of your thigh, hooking under your knee and pulling you to press towards him. you nearly moan, desire filling every inch of you as you stare at him heatedly, noting the same desire in his eyes as his stare lingers on your lips.

it's not until you spot yeji and kazuha looking at you from the corner of your eye, both of them giving you a thumbs up as they wear an expression that seems to say "good job" that you realise how long you've been standing there like that. turning a deep shade of red, your eyes meet kai's bashfully before you clear your throat and get out of the position you were in. confusion swirls in his dark brown eyes. just a moment ago you were almost willing to take him right there and then and now you're stepping away?

"let's get something to drink," you say in his ear and when he nods, you simply grab his hand and walk towards the bar with him. you're embarrassed your friends saw this side of you, but you guess it couldn't be helped.

the tension between you and kai is still there when you sit down. there's barely a gap left between the two of you, his arm stretched on the back of the couch behind you. with your drinks gone, only desire remains, hanging in the air like a palpable, electric current. it brings shivers down your spine as your heart picks up its pace in anticipation. there's a magnetism in kai's eyes, heat and temptation swirling in them dangerously. you can almost taste it - the sweet fragrance of a blooming flower, an alluring itch that demands to be satisfied.

leaning closer as if in a trance, you note the way his breath hitches, eyes landing on your lips with the same desire. he waits, gaze switching between your lips and eyes repeatedly, eyes fluttering shut when you lean to close in the distance. your lips press against the corner of his instead, willing to continue the teasing game from earlier in the midst of being overridden with the desire to kiss him with a force and passion that will leave you both breathless. you did enjoy teasing him after all, you think as you steal kisses along his sensitive pulse and sharp jaw while your hand moves back to the same spot on his thigh. a groan vibrates from his throat as he chuckles, throwing his head back at the predicament he's in. of course you would tease him like this. you'd been doing it this whole time tonight. but he'd had enough of it.

kai's hand tilts your chin to face him, thumb pushing past your lips and settling on your tongue. you still, feeling heat pool in your stomach as his gaze flares, hand slowly moves down from your chin and onto your neck. "this what you wanted?" he whispers, lips brushing against yours in a way that drives you insane, the slight pressure on your neck leaving you dazed. he notes that, smug smile playing across his lips. "you like that, don't you? you want me to choke you a little more, y/n?"

you pant in response, needily moving closer to press your lips to his, but he smirks, holding you in place. it seems he enjoys having you under him like this, drunk with the desire to chase after his lips and desperate to get a taste. "you're such a tease." you groan, unable to take it anymore as you bite on your lip.

"look who's talking," he grins before finally pressing his lips against yours. melting into the kiss, your hands slide up his silk dress shirt, tangling into his hair as you pull him closer. groaning, he cages you in against the couch, sweeping at your bottom lip with his tongue. you don't oblige, smirking into the kiss with each failed attempt to gain entry. maybe you were a bit petty from the earlier teasing and maybe this was your way of getting him back.

pressing you harder against the soft surface, you yelp when his fingers pinch at the soft flesh of your thigh, easily giving him access. rough and determined strokes have your head spinning as you moan into the kiss, pushing yourself against him. one of his hands has made its way under your dress, toying with the waistband of your underwear while the other massages your waist with his thumb. bitting on his lower lip, you break the kiss to catch some air while his lips trail down your neck, teeth scraping the base of your throat.

"fuck," you whine, rubbing your thighs together to ease some of the discomfort you were feeling down there. "you want to get out of here?"

"get out of here?" he repeats, eyes glinting as he notices the way you're all hot and bothered and it's all because of him. you were so cute with your reddened cheeks and swollen lips. feeling his pants tighten, he shifts once more, watching you rub your thighs once again impatiently. god, he couldn't wait to be in you and ruin you. he almost got up, ready to leave this party, but then an idea crossed his mind. gaze darkening, he tugs you closer whilst parting your thighs with his. there's a challenging smirk on his face as he waits.

there's absolutely no way, you think, staring up at him in disbelief. he isn't seriously asking you to ride his thigh in public? when you don't say anything, he smiles, tilting his head whilst pressing his knee against your aching core. "you seemed so eager to touch me here earlier, don't tell me you're all shy now?"

"you're insane," you whisper, almost sobering up as you nervously look around. it's not that you didn't want to, it's that he seemed to enjoy to see you in these positions, ruined and desperate for him and now everyone else would see that too. if they paid attention, you think, noticing the way the drunk ones are all dancing and the tipsy ones are flirting with one-another in other seating areas. still, it's quite risky to do something like this in an open space where everyone can see you, but it also gave you a thrill, pulse quickening as you stare at kai for a beat longer before pressing yourself closer. heart in your throat, you begin moving your hips up and down, the material of his black jeans providing that much needed friction. sparks fly up your body, producing heat as a layer of sweat glistens on your skin. you notice the way kai sharply inhales, hands moving to your hips to guide a more stable rhythm as you wrap your arms around his neck, whining into his ear with each roll of your hips. "this what you wanted? me fucked out on your thigh?"

"you're so fucking hot," comes his response, breath hot in your ear as your stomach tightens. you speed up your pace, throwing your head back in pleasure. you don't care anymore if anyone's watching you get off on kai's thigh while chanting his name like a prayer. you wanted him. you wanted him so badly.

"kai, please. . ."

"please what?"

you hiss, glaring at him as you continue your movements. you were starting to grow impatient now. it's true that you were the one that started this game of teasing, but you weren't expecting him to keep going. the smug expression on his face seems to irritate you even more. "god, maybe i should just fuck that smile of yours off your face." your voice is low, sultry enough to make him picture it clearly as you continue, your frustration showing. "you're being too cocky, stalling too much."

your words take kai by surprise. he looks down at you, lips parted as heat creeps up his face. raising a brow, you suddenly feel him pressing against your thigh and maybe it's your turn to be cocky. "you like that? me riding your face? using it to get myself off?"

"shit," he groans, pulling away, eyes hazy with lust. "let's go."

signalling to your friends that you're going to be leaving with him, you let him guide you to the elevator. as soon as the doors close, his mouth hungrily devours yours once more with a carnal greed whilst his arm hooks itself under one of your thighs, grinding himself against you almost impatiently. your teasing game had gone on for far too long, riling both of you up as you moan into his mouth, running your hands over his chest before beginning to unbutton his shirt. when the elevator dings and the doors open, you don't break from each-other, instead stumbling down the hallway and into his hotel room as you sloppily remove pieces of clothing from each-other. somehow, you make it onto the bed and kai's already in you before you can so much as say anything else.

[sannflwrr]

How To Get Out of the Friend Zone: A (Chaotic) Guide by Jisung (Ch. 4)

Author: sannflwrr

Pairing: Jisung x MC

Genre: Frenemies(-ish) to Lovers

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: mentions of smoking, weed, drugs, alcohol, homophobia (homophobics are not allowed on my page), some sexual themes, and of course - angst

Summary: Bae is obsessed with making the most of her time during college. She has a very colorful group of friends who make living life recklessly fun, and a dance team that throws all sorts of unparalleled events in her way. Along the way, she falls (hard) for many people, but what will it take for her to realize everything she’s wanted has been in front of her the whole time?

RULE 2: DON’T ALWAYS BE AVAILABLE.

Brunch with Karina is always entertaining. Every time Bae meets her individually, it’s like something new has happened to the girl. She always has a new story to tell. Even though waking up at 7 on a Sunday morning isn’t her ideal - it takes Bae a solid 30 to get out of bed, and then another 20 to get ready, which leaves her ten minutes to walk over to the restaurant. Karina’s usually the more punctual one, so Bae finds her already at a table, waiting for her expectantly. She’s tired, but seeing Karina makes the life return to her face. 

“How has the semester been treating you?”

“Could be worse.” Karina chirps. “I’m doing okay, surprisingly. How about you?” 

“I’m…managing.” It definitely could be worse, she agrees. “You hear about Jisung’s new girl?” 

“Aeri? Yeah.” Her friend sighs. “Her name sounds so expensive. I wonder if she’s rich.” 

“Yours also sounds pretty expensive.” Bae counters. “She might be. I spoke with her the other day, she gives me rich vibes.” 

“Are you two friends? That’s so funny.” 

“Not really.” She frowns. “How’s that funny though?” 

“Oh considering…” The girl across from her pauses, furrows her brows, then shakes her head. “Ah, never mind. I’m hungover.”

“Did you go to a party?” 

“I drank with Chenle. So, no.”

“Just you two?”

“Yeah.”

“He likes you Karina.”

“He likes the idea of me, Bae.” She shakes her head. “You’re so illiterate when it comes to men. All men love a challenge, especially men like him. He likes the idea I’m unattainable. He wants to see if he can break that, as sick as it is.” She’s right, god, she’s always right. Karina’s the only person she knows who has her head screwed on. “It’s whatever. I like the card that he always has on him.” 

This makes her laugh. Bae wishes she could be like Karina, and not care so much. Karina claimed it was an art she perfected over the years. Being so nonchalant isn’t easy, but if you do it often enough, it becomes a habit, a lifestyle. If only it would come sooner. Bae was sure that whatever she was doing right now did not contribute to the art of nonchalance. Every time Yuta texted her, it felt like her heart was going into cardiac arrest, or like her brain was going to explode. Pathetic, really.

“I wonder what she sees in him.” Bae huffs. “Like, seriously? Jisung? Of all people?” 

“He’s cute.” Karina responds. “He can be funny…sometimes. And he’s not really a douchebag to girls.”

“He’s a douche to me.”

“Yeah, well…” Karina looks like she wants to say more, but she cuts herself off when the waitress approaches. It’s already too early in the morning, so Bae settles for a coffee and a nice stack of pancakes. Karina orders some posh lavender tea and waffles. After the woman leaves, she resumes. 

“Why do you care so much anyways?”

“I don’t.” Does she? The question caught her by surprise. Maybe Bae does care a little. “I just feel like she could do a lot better. Aeri’s really sweet.” And really pretty. 

Karina smiles. It’s not one that Bae can decode, which makes her shift in her seat. If anything, Bae is getting the sense that her friend doesn’t believe her. Why should she care? She doesn’t. Bae really doesn’t care. 

“Yeah, I don’t care.” She adds for finality. 

Karina shrugs. “Okay, whatever.”

“I really don’t.”

A small smile passes over her friend’s face. “Who are you trying to convince?” 

“I think I’m in love with Yuta.” Bae says instead. She lets out a sigh. And that’s exactly why she doesn’t care. Because she’s in love with Yuta. She just thinks Aeri could do better than that douche of a man. 

Karina’s mouth opens once, then closes slowly. Then she glances down at the table for a second, then back up at Bae. “Interesting.”

“That’s all you have to say?”

“It was the better option to what I wanted to say originally…yes.” 

Bae narrows her eyes. “Feel free to share with the class?”

“He’s not the one, Bae.”

“Yeah, maybe that was the better option.” She breathes.

“I think you’re making a mistake.” Karina blinks a few times. “Does he like you?”

“He has to, right? I mean, we’re always together.”

The face Karina makes doesn’t make her feel any better, in fact, it creates an odd sensation in her stomach, nowhere remotely close to butterflies. “Do you know something I should know?”

“You know everything I know.” Karina tells her. Across from her, she crosses one leg over the other. “He does not seem like he wants a relationship.”

“I think you’re wrong.”

“Bae, I hope I am.” Her eyes turn to watch the waiter handle the pancakes on their table. Once they leave, she turns back to look at Bae, concern lit in her brown eyes. “For your sake, I truly hope I’m wrong.” 

She’s starving, so she digs in. But the pancakes slid slowly down her throat, maple syrup leaving a sticky aftertaste that makes her wonder if it was something in the food or just her own subconscious warning her about something she couldn’t see. 

Bae did know one thing though. Karina was never wrong about men.

Her conversation with Karina echoes in her mind from then on out, following her through class, and even into the dark hours where she stares up at the blank wall of her bedroom. She begins to see Yuta on Thursday and Friday nights - no more, no less. She has his class schedule memorized better than her own. Bae feels like she’s on a rollercoaster, constantly in a state of he loves me, he loves me not. So extreme that she even downloaded one of those emotion tracker apps, just to see how off the rails she’s gone. Breakfast with Karina was the first time she ever admitted that. That she was in love with Yuta. At the same time it felt right. There was no other emotion to describe it. It had gone past a silly little crush. It didn’t help that he fucked her brains out every Thursday and Friday night of each week. That gave her the rest of the week to go ballistic and over analyze every little text and thing he had said to her that week. He likes me. He doesn’t like me.

This went on for another two months. 

In those two months, she saw the others less. The amazing thing about her friends is that they were incredibly low maintenance. During breaks, they hardly spoke to each other, unless it was to wish for the holidays. With the exception of Karina, she spoke to her on the regular. Bae supposed it was different with women. She didn’t have the urge to miss her guy friends like she did with Karina. It definitely was different with women. 

It was a Thursday night, the clock was nearing 2 in the morning. She sat in Yuta’s mattress, sheets curled around her lap, with a computer sitting in front of her. Behind her, she hears his small laugh, muffled in a pillowcase. Bae asks him what’s so funny. 

“Five minutes ago, you were not…working on an essay.” 

“This is due in…ten hours.” Bae responds with a grin. “I don’t know why professors decide to make deadlines in the middle of the day. It could be its own ring in hell, honestly.”

Yuta laughs again. When she turns back, she can see the faint outline of his face from the light on her screen. “You’re amazing.”

Her stomach dips, like how one feels driving over a small hill really fast. She sees Karina in the back of her mind for a moment, reminding her not to take it seriously. As soon as that warning comes, it’s discarded immediately by the other part of her, more delusional, more hopelessly in love with the idea of what it could mean. What they could be. 

“Restaurant week starts on Monday.” Bae says to him. It’s a thing they do in the city, a custom menu for select restaurants, allowing people to try the best at a discounted price. She usually only went with Karina - Chenle occasionally - this time she wanted to try something different. “Do you have plans?”

“Depends. Aeri might want to get lunch. It’s cheaper.”

“Would you want to get dinner?” She turns her gaze back to the computer.

“Dinner?” He repeats.

“That’s what I said.”

“Just us?”

“If that’s what you want.” Her heart is thundering in her ribcage, Bae prays he can’t hear. 

“Where were you thinking? I’ve heard Giorgio is good.” 

“I’m fine with Giorgio.” She wills her breathing to slow. Bae had expected him to turn the offer down. She expected it to come down in ruins. He had not. 

Something felt lighter in her soul. Like a weight had been lifted. Bae suspected that it was the fear of rejection, she never liked to make the first move with men. Even though this would hardly be considered the first move, in Yuta’s case it was different. This would be the first time they hung out, just the two of them, outside of his apartment. This meant it was something. This meant he liked her. Enough where he would want to see her outside of his room. 

He likes me, she thought. 

Giorgio happened. Giorgio happened and it left Bae with a smile at the entrance of her apartment. They spent a while in the restaurant, laughing about…Bae can’t even remember she was too busy staring at him. They left with his name signed on the check. He dropped her off promptly at her doorstep, Bae had expected him to say something more to her, but he didn’t. No matter, she supposed it wasn’t a big deal. Making plans about a second date during the first one wasn’t an indication that it went badly. 

Right? 

Thursday and Friday nights continued, without a single mention of something like Giorgio’s to follow. Bae was beginning to become confused…that had been a date right? He had been sweet to her, flirted with her even, paid for the entire meal too! A total of fifty dollars. Men don’t just drop that kind of money on girls they don’t like, right? Maybe Karina was right. She really could not read men and their intentions. The rollercoaster she was on only became more and more dangerous. She could sense the drop approaching, yet couldn’t tell how far down it would go. 

“I’ve been canceling on him.” Bae says loudly, to Karina. They’re at a party, seconds prior they had taken a shot with Chenle, who magically disappeared. The music is loud, really loud - she can feel Britney Spears in her veins, injected with the alcohol and whatever joint she shared with Karina earlier that night. Bae is gone, so gone, so nonsense begins to spew out of her without any apprehensions. “It’s true. My professor has deadlines on Fridays, so mostly I use that time to get my work in.” 

“That’s good!” Karina screams back over the music. “That’s good, right?” 

“Yeah, I think so.” Her hand reaches for another cup of the jungle juice they’re serving. It’s citrusy, and tastes more like juice than alcohol. Bae likes it. “I think I’m getting over him.” Probably the fattest lie she would ever tell under the influence. 

“Thank god.” Her friend giggles. “I was hoping you would come to your senses. He’s a terrible choice.” 

“Do you know him?” 

“Kind of.” She shrugs. “Not as well as Jeno.” The brunette pulls out her phone. “But like…I did text him when you told me you were doing the whole restaurant week thing with him.” 

“You did what?” For a moment, the music stops screaming in her ears. “Karina, please tell me you’re lying.” 

Across from her, she’s giggling. Bae doesn’t see what’s so funny, enough that she puts down her drink and straightens her posture. “It’s nothing serious, Bae. I kept your name out of it, promise. I swear on my mother.” 

“I don’t see how you could’ve—”

“Look, you can take a look at the messages yourself. I just…I really wanted to know if I was wrong about him, y’know? Like the whole Jungwoo thing was cute, but I’ve never seen you like this with a man before. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t getting involved with someone who wouldn’t treat you in a way you didn’t deserve.” She shoves the rim of her cup in between her teeth, handing her phone to Bae. 

“I’m glad you don’t like him though.” Is what she thinks Karina said, with the cup in her mouth. 

“I don’t want to read this.” She says, but already her eyes are on the screen. 

“I just asked if he was interested in you, because I noticed the two of you were hanging out a lot.” Bae feels Karina cup her face with both of her hands, cup still in between her lips. “Truly a douche right? Pays for everything, flirts with you, still wants to hook up with you and he says no? Women are better off single these days.” 

The text reads: Hahaha yeaa no, I’m not really looking for a relationship rn lol. Bae can feel the color draining from her face, feel the alcohol and the buzz fade fast from her veins. She’s sobering too fast, too suddenly. 

She gives Karina her phone back, then takes another drink of the jungle juice. “You shouldn’t have asked him. I didn’t want to see that.”

“I did it for you, mi corazón.” Karina’s never dense, but it must be the alcohol and the rush that is completely blindsiding her to the face Bae wears. She keeps dipping in and out of English and Spanish. Bae forgot the girl has a proficiency certificate in the language, her own limited knowledge from high school is the only reason she can partially understand what the girl is saying. “You’re over him! Isn’t that amazing? I figured this could be that final push, because he’s an asshole. I didn’t like him this whole time.” 

“Karina, seriously. Why would you get involved like this?” 

“I was worried about you, Bae. Can’t you see? I didn’t intend to interfere, at all. I wasn’t even going to show you this - honestly - but you mentioned not liking him anymore, I couldn’t resist.”

She won’t stop talking. Bae’s head won’t stop spinning. Everything is moving too fast, too fast for her. He doesn’t like her, he never did. How stupid was she to think that for a second, maybe he had? 

“I mean, it’s Jeno’s friends we’re talking about. They’re literally the worst kind of men you could never date, let alone get involved with. When you said you liked him, I was genuinely shocked…like Yuta, really? He’s probably the worst out of them all…” 

“You’re drunk.” Bae breathes, taking the cup from her hands. “I think you should stop drinking.” She steps back, bumping into someone’s shoulder. It’s Jaemin. 

His eyes are bloodshot, not from crying. He’s probably high, and knowing him, it’s definitely not a probability.

“You stay with her, please.” She tells him in his ear. “I need to leave.” 

“Leave?” For a moment, something in his eyes flicker. The more sober version of Jaemin, that observes. Maybe he’s not as gone as Karina is, he usually never is. “Are you okay?” 

She laughs. “No. I’m not.” If she stayed a moment longer, Bae probably would’ve started stress crying, so she grabbed her bag and left for the front door. 

chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5 (coming soon)

[sannflwrr]

How To Get Out of the Friend Zone: A (Chaotic) Guide by Jisung (Ch. 3)

Author: sannflwrr

Pairing: Jisung x MC

Genre: Frenemies(-ish) to Lovers

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: mentions of smoking, weed, drugs, alcohol, homophobia (homophobics are not allowed on my page), some sexual themes, and of course - angst

Summary: Bae is obsessed with making the most of her time during college. She has a very colorful group of friends who make living life recklessly fun, and a dance team that throws all sorts of unparalleled events in her way. Along the way, she falls (hard) for many people, but what will it take for her to realize everything she’s wanted has been in front of her the whole time?

RULE 2: DON’T ALWAYS BE AVAILABLE.

November is spent watching the leaves die, sleeping in the library, and forgetting to shower. Truthfully, she could be doing better - taking better care of herself would help with this, but she had no motivation to do that, the only thing keeping her from spiraling into a depressive episode was drowning herself in school work and her dance team. So that’s what Bae did. 

She steered clear of the alcohol for a bit, seeing no reason for it since there was no occasion that called for it. She wasn’t going to any parties, small hangouts or not. Outside of seeing Mark in class, or going to her team practices, there wasn’t much social interaction in Bae’s life. Honestly, she was okay with that. 

Two weeks ago, her and Karina had been scheduled to get dinner together. A way of compensating for no longer living together - that made it easier to schedule things like this so that had a set date for every few months where they would go out and eat. It was a nice policy, but Bae had to cancel in the light that she had a paper due that evening. Now, two weeks later, she asked if tonight was a better time for Karina - it worked for her - so she was supposed to meeting her in a few hours. In the meantime, Bae decided to take a walk, and enjoy the sights in her silence. 

In the midst of her walk, she passed the skate park a ways off campus. This was where she first hung out with Jungwoo. She laughs to herself. This is the first time in a while that she’s thought of the man outside of practice. Seeing him in there wasn’t as awful as she thought it might’ve once been, maybe it’s because she doesn’t care anymore. She left her feelings for him at that bus bench where she cried her eyes out to Jaehyun, and since then, seeing Jungwoo or being around him isn’t…painful anymore. 

And she recognizes someone at the park when she sits down at one of the benches, Jeno. He doesn’t talk much about himself whenever she’s around him, so seeing him with his board surprises her, just because she hadn’t realized this was one of his hobbies. At the same time, she knows she shouldn’t. This seems like a hobby that was only natural for a guy like Jeno. 

He doesn’t notice her at first, which makes sense since she’s pretty far away from where he is, but eventually he does. And waves at her. “I wasn’t expecting to see you.” 

“I wasn’t either.” She admits, letting out a laugh. “I didn’t even know you skated.” 

He shrugs. “I’m a man of many mysteries.” He is definitely right about that one. She can count on her hands how many things she knows about him. Bae can assume that Jaemin would know the most about Jeno, since they’re always tied at the hip, but this makes her wish she did know more about him. But, at least does care about all of them to a degree - as seen when he got into a fight with that dude for Karina. Maybe that’s his way of caring, through actions rather than words. 

They exchange a few more words, Bae can probably mark this as the longest conversation she’s ever held with him, before he skates back to his group of friends. She’s noticed that they watched him talk to her curiously, and that they seem to be asking him about her when he gets back. That makes her laugh. 

She pulls out her earphones, and begins to listen to some music over the noise of wheels against the pavement. She still needs to go back and do her laundry, along with finishing her homework she allotted to herself for the day - so that by the end of week, she’s accomplished everything that needs to be done. But seeing that she only has a couple hours left, and the commute back home takes a half hour, and it’ll take her another half hour to actually get into the zone - Bae finds it more productive of her time to just waste it here at the skate park. She can probably finish her work once she gets home from the dinner. 

The music is loud in her ears, loud enough that Bae doesn’t hear the roll of wheels coming closer and closer to her until she hears a voice call for her attention. Standing in front of her is an orange-haired man. He wears a similar outfit to Jeno, but this man is a little taller, probably a little older too. His orange hair is messy, and it touches his neck. 

“Bae Chen?” 

“The one and only.” She hesitates before speaking again, trying to wrack her brain on who this man is. She doesn’t recall talking to him before, any guy who looks like him is someone she definitely would recognize. “I’m so sorry, have we met before?” 

“Not really.” He’s wearing a loose T-shirt that reaches past his pockets. The sleeves expose a few tattoos doodled across his arms, notably one of hello kitty on his wrist. “We took english 103 together last year on Zoom, I think. We were in the same final group.” 

Her lips purse. “Oh…Yuta, right?” Now it’s ringing a bell. She never saw this man in person, but she did recognize how to spell his name since Yuta Nakamoto in a black box was all she saw two days a week for a few months. They had gotten along really well, and even agreed to meet up sometime in the beginning of the year. Over the break, she forgot about it…as he did, probably. “Wow, it’s nice to finally see you in-person. How’s everything?” 

He shrugs. “Could be better, could be worse. I’m doing alright.” He pulls out a pack of Marlboro. “You smoke?” 

Yuta notices her hesitation and pulls it away slightly, trying not to come off as pressuring, but she shrugs. “Not often, but why not.” 

The first (and last) time she had smoked was with Jisung. Entering college, Bae had been extremely inexperienced with the smoking and drinking that so many of her other friends were accustomed to, to the point that she didn’t know how to smoke either. She had been embarrassed of the fact back then, looking back on it now she’s not really - it was better that she stayed shielded from something that could have corrupted her life so fast at such an impressionable age. Jisung also didn’t have too much more experience in smoking in comparison to her, but he at least knew the basics so he taught her. At least, after he made fun of her for being a priss. 

Yuta takes out his lighter to light the cigarette between her lips. Jisung taught her how to smoke one just for the art - as he worded it. Cigarettes looked cool, but they were so out of fashion lately. What a shame that Yuta also smoked them. Deciding that she doesn’t know him too well, Bae doesn’t comment on it. 

It doesn’t taste good, or feel good - she doesn’t really know how to describe the sensation - as she inhales the tar that burns from the rolled substance, but she pushes down the feelings, focusing more on the relaxed Yuta who stands in front of her. Maybe her type is guys who smoke cigarettes. Even though she hates them. 

“You know Jeno?” 

“We’ve talked a few times.” He nods. “Not really. He keeps to himself.” 

“That seems accurate. He’s like that with us too.” 

“How do you know him?”

“He’s friends with a good friend of mine. Over the years, we’ve hung around each other. He’s maintained the mysterious personality.” 

“Oh yeah?” Whereas Bae’s staring at the subject of their conversation, she notices Yuta’s still looking at her. That thought alone makes her insides flutter. In a way that had remained dormant after Jungwoo broke her heart at the arcade. “I get why he hangs around.” 

Bae doesn’t know how to respond, so she just continues to watch Jeno, who’s trying some trick (and failing repeatedly), and laughs nervously. Not in like nervously-please-stop, but like a hahaha-you’re-cute-but-I-don’t-know-how-to-say-it-without-being-weird nervous. 

So, she pulls out her phone. “Here.” It’s open to the contacts app. “I remember we said we should meet up, but never got around to it. This way, I won’t forget again.” 

He fills in his number with one hand, a smile spread on his lips. “One of my guys is having a party this weekend, if you wanted to go. I’m going to be there.” 

“Oh yeah?” Bae glances from his orange hair to her phone. This feels like new air circulating through her lungs. When Yuta hands the phone back, she finally makes eye contact with him. “I am actually free this weekend. So I'll see you there.” 

His smile is gorgeous, and if there was a word that meant more gorgeous than gorgeous, it was that. She had a feeling she would do anything to keep him smiling, it just made him that much more radiant. If Bae had a smile like that, she would always have her camera on in a Zoom class. She wonders why his was never on. 

“I’ll text you the address.” 

“Great.” She gets up, deciding to resume her walk back to the center of campus. “I should get going. I’ll see you at the party!”

He says goodbye as she’s walking away, but Bae doesn’t turn around to wave, afraid that he’ll see the huge grin on her face. 

Karina is the first to hear about Yuta, which then passes to Chenle, then Jisung, then to Jaemin, and finally Jeno. The flabbergasted look on Jeno’s face when he hears a name that he’s associated with is priceless, it’s the most amount of emotion she sees from him. Eyebrows scrunched, mouth hanging wide open. “Seriously?” 

“He invited me to a party.”

“And you went?” Jeno presses, still surprised. Karina snorts at his reaction. Bae nods. “Was I not supposed to?” 

“Wait, hold on.” Chenle holds out a hand. “Jeno, you’re telling me your little ring of skater friends have parties? And you didn’t invite me to any of them?” 

“They’re not your crowd.” He says simply, to which Chenle gawks at immediately. “Meaning they’re not your crowd,” He says again, gesturing to the entire group sitting on the couch. “That’s why I’m surprised when she said she went. You liked it?” 

“I mean…” She hesitates now, realizing that this is an invitation for her to explain exactly what happened. Karina’s struggling to look at Bae without laughing because she already knows everything that happened at the party. “I was there for like an hour max? It wasn’t too bad from what I saw.” 

“Well, I wanna’ know what’s up with these parties.” Chenle asks, still surprised that his friend had been holding out on him. “Jeno, you better invite me next time.”

“I hardly go.” That seems to line up, since Bae had been expecting to see him (but didn’t) at the party. “I brought Jaemin once.”

The other nods. “Yeah, they invited some underground band. There was a contemp dancer there too, shit was weird. I think everyone was on acid, so they didn’t seem to care much.” He laughs at Chenle’s expression, now knowing that Jeno had not only hid this from him but also brought Jaemin and not him. “It was a one-time thing, I’m pretty sure that’s the only time we’ve gone.” 

“That was the last time I went.” Jeno confirms. Then he looks back at Bae. “It wasn’t weird?”

“I mean people were doing stuff. I smoked a little. It wasn’t that weird. It was too dark mostly, I couldn’t really see too much.” 

“You smoked?” Jisung tilts his head. “I thought you don’t like to smoke.” 

“I mean not really. He offered so I didn’t really want to say no.” She notices his expression twist into something of a scoff, not skipping a beat to make fun of her. Bae rolls her eyes at him, not bothering to argue. If Yuta asked her again, she probably would, even if it was awful. That might be a bad thing, but Bae’s not too good at making the best decisions. 

“So why did you leave after an hour?” Karina asks, her smile betraying the fact that she wants to laugh. “What happened?” Oblivious to the tone underlying, Chenle also hops on, asking the same thing. 

Bae glares at Karina. She doesn’t really like to make her relationship history an open book, especially to all of the guys just because it’s weird…Jisung always finds an opportunity to make fun of her taste in men and tells her the guy she picked out is trash, Karina decides to agree with him and tell her that the guy she likes is probably ugly, and Chenle just laughs at her for even liking people in the first place. 

“Fine! I hooked up with him.” Those six words are enough to silence the entire room for a few seconds, and she watches as the guys digest her words, one after the other. Karina’s not surprised since she already knew - Bae suspects she had been plotting this from the start - Jisung looks the most taken aback, which he usually is whenever she mentions hooking up with anyone. Chenle seems to be having a silent conversation with Karina, slight furrowing in his brows as he presses the other girl for more information, he’s noticed that she already knew this fact. Jaemin is amused, like he expected this to be the outcome, and Jeno’s expression is unreadable. She can’t tell what Jeno’s means out of all of them - and his is the one she’s most curious about. 

“That’s why I left early.” She concludes. “To hook up with him.” 

“I mean, was it good?” Chenle blurts.

“I don’t…want to talk about that?” Bae flusters. Karina laughs immediately, again, she knows exactly what that means. Chenle spends the next few seconds trying to dissect what that means, while Jisung stares at the wall behind Bae. He’s probably trying to think of some way to tease her for this. What concerns her is that Jeno mumbles something in Jaemin’s ear after he’s recomposed himself. Out of them all, Jeno is still the one who knows Yuta the best, being a part of the same ring of friends. 

“Is that weird?” She asks carefully, directing her words to him. She wants to ask if she made a mistake, but it sounds a lot more vulnerable in her head than she wants it to come off as, so she retracts her words. He shrugs. 

“I don’t know.” Honestly, a yes or no could have been a better answer. But Jeno’s confusion makes her worried. She hopes she didn’t walk right into a mistake. But someone like Yuta couldn’t possibly be a mistake. That night had been amazing, in more ways than one. He was sweet to her even when they had class together. He had been great to her at the skate park, and even at the party. His attention had been mainly on her at the party, which felt great. It had been a long time since someone made her feel like she was on top of the world. 

So, even though Jeno seems to know something he’s reluctant to share, Bae doesn’t press him on it. Frankly, she doesn’t want to know. She’s too happy right now to care. 

Over the next few weeks, Bae becomes familiar with the woody smell of Yuta’s apartment, and his creme-colored bed sheets. Going to class becomes less of a distraction from her sad sad sad life, and instead is something she does out of the newfound happiness in her life. Mark made a comment at some point that she looked a little less dead, to which she responded to him with the same thing. He told her he started taking adderall, which might’ve done the trick. Bae knew very well what she was doing could be something along the lines of a drug. 

After her classes finished for the day, Bae decided to treat herself at the bubble tea shop on the way back to her apartment. It’s a campus favorite, and usually whenever she goes, she finds someone she recognizes - that’s how popular it is. The weather is getting colder by the day, but that doesn’t deter her from getting an iced oolong milk tea. As she takes her receipt, she recognizes Jisung’s mop of black hair sitting at a booth facing away from the door. Her sliding into the seat across from him surprises him, he glances up from his phone immediately to probably ask who the fuck is sitting across from him, but then relaxes when he realizes it’s Bae. To top it off, he rolls his eyes at her. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Am I not allowed to buy a drink for myself?” 

He raises a brow. “Not while I’m here.” 

“Ugh. And to think I was excited to see you here too.” Jisung had mentioned over text that there was this new girl he was seeing - his definition of seeing is just hooking up (he’s been in his hoe phase for several years now, if Bae had a dollar for every girl that made it into his hoe phase, she would be rich). “I was going to ask about Aeri Uchinaga. That’s her name right?” 

He looks away, and back at his phone. He doesn’t appear to be flustered, which makes her want to press further. “Yeah.” 

Her and Jisung follow basically the same people, so it didn’t take long for her to notice that user aeriuchinaga on Instagram was posting pictures of bubble tea dates, and outings to the arcade, all of which had hands that were very similar to the ones holding Jisung’s phone across from her. When she asked him about it, that’s when he finally decided to mention it to her. 

“So? Do you like her?” 

“Yeah.” He shrugs. “She’s nice.” Bae‘s about to protest that he’s not giving her much to work with, but the barista suddenly calls for her order, so she leaves him with a glare to pick up her order. By the time she returns, Jisung’s already standing up. 

“You’re leaving?” She asks. Maybe she’s a little disappointed that he’s being so closed off when talking about his recent fling. Maybe not even maybe, she is definitely disappointed. She loves to get on his nerves by probing around his dating life and asking him all these questions, but at the end of the day she also is genuinely curious. As annoying as he is, she still considers Jisung a great friend. 

“I was just going to go wherever you’re headed.” 

“I’m going home.”

“Okay.” He tells her, pushing the door open for her. 

“So you guys matched on Tinder?” 

“You’re not leaving it alone?” 

She groans. “Jisung. Is it that bad that I’m curious?” 

“I'm not really asking questions about Yuta.” He responds. 

“Well, you and I aren’t the same. I just want to know…” She trails off. Bae is curious about who this Aeri Uchinaga girl is. She wants to know why exactly she and Jisung linked up, and if he really did like her. It would be nice to see that Jisung finally did get himself into a relationship after bouncing from one fling to another. Not that flings are bad, she just felt that Jisung deserved something more permanent. Bae knew that from time to time Jisung disappeared from the group, sometimes it ranged from a couple weeks to a few months. He never explained the disappearances, just said that he had “gotten busy” and had been “taking time for himself”. Maybe all that was true, but she knew Jisung better than that and also knew that he tended to brush off how deeply he experienced emotions. Typical toxic masculinity tendencies. It would be better that if he did disappear, he had someone who was more than a friend to check in on him. 

She mutters a “whatever” under her breath, probably too quiet for him to hear. If he really doesn’t want her to ask, then she won’t. Bae spends the next few minutes sipping through her straw. The silence is awkward, but not totally unbearable. With Jisung, this kind of silence that passes them happens all the time. Over the years, she got accustomed to it. Usually, he’s too far in his thoughts to notice that she’s gone silent. 

Honestly, sometimes she wonders what it is that makes her still hang out with him. And why he still lingers around her. He pisses her off more than he makes her laugh. Yet, she’ll still walk him back to his house if he’s too drunk. And she still wants to talk to him if she runs into him at a cafe. And if he’s hungry she lets him eat her food. 

It’s her tendency to care too much, she concludes. 

He’s on his phone next to her, presumably texting someone. When she glances over curiously, she can see the conversation history between him and someone named ‘Aeri’ in his contacts. At that moment, another message pops up, so he exits from their chat. She’s disappointed to find out that it’s just Karina who texted him. Somehow that girl always has impeccable timing. 

“What are you making for dinner?” He asks her, now responding to Karina. They seem to be talking about Lexapro - an odd topic. God bless her amazing vision.

“Nothing for you, if that’s what you’re thinking.” She scowls, nudging him with her shoulder. Jisung clicks his tongue almost immediately and puts his phone away. Seems like that was enough for him to finally start talking to her.

“Why not?” 

“I need to go grocery shopping. I'm not spending more grocery money on you. You still owe me from the other day.” 

“I’ll pay.” He offers. “Let’s go.” 

“Don’t think this lets you off the hook for the noodles.” She reminds him, shooting him a glare. “You’re paying for today, Park Jisung.” 

This makes him laugh for some reason, like a genuine relaxed Park Jisung laugh, which makes her also relax a little. His hand grabs onto her elbow, nudging her forward. “Okay okay, I got it. Let’s hurry then, it’s getting dark.” 

Shotaro kept mentioning some event that JUSA - Japanese Undergrad Student Association - was having was happening today. He’d mentioned it to their team during practice last week, and the week before, and the week before that, asking them to come. He had so much optimism for the organizations that he was a part of, which right now seemed to be their dance team and JUSA. He’d mentioned to Bae that she should really come, it was a carnival event of some sort. It was cold out so having an outdoor event in this degree weather probably wasn’t the smartest, but JUSA made it worth it by doing the term ‘carnival’ justice. It certainly looked like one.

Shotaro had also mentioned to her that he was looking to join the board, that he had a lot of ideas - typical eagerness and excitement from a freshman. She had just laughed at him when he told her this, he asked her what was funny and she brushed it off, saying it was nothing and that he definitely should go for it. So she’s mainly at this carnival wearing 5 layers of jackets just for him. They’ve occupied the field outside of the campus gym, many different booths and games in a large circle mapping the entire perimeter of the field. She finally finds him after a minute of scanning over the tables repeatedly. Bae‘s not sure how she missed that head of blond hair. 

“Bae!” He’s manning the caramel apples, and beams at her instantly. “Do you want an apple?” 

She’s not a huge fan of caramel apples, but she nods, just for his sake. “Sure. How long are you running this table?” 

“The entire time, so the next two hours.” 

“Oh shit.” Bae knew she could never be bothered to do that for that long, especially in this weather - she hates winter. “They better give you that board position then.” 

“Yeah, I was talking to Aeri, our VP, and she said they’d definitely want me on the board. Isn’t that so exciting? It’s only my first year but-”

“Wait.” She recognizes that name. “Aeri? Like Aeri Uchinaga?” 

He nods quickly. “Yeah. You know her? I think she’s in your grade.” He glances at a spot behind Bae. “She’s actually supposed to be running this table with me, since she’s on the board. And she’s heading our way right now.” Wow, her luck is amazing. 

The first thing Bae notices is her dark red hair, which really suits her. She smiles at Shotaro, then at Bae. “You’re Bae Chen, right?” 

Her brows rise slightly, it’s hard not to smile back. “Yeah. Aeri right?” 

She seems pleasantly surprised that Bae knows who she is, even though this would technically be their first conversation. “Yeah! You’re friends with Jisung? He’s mentioned you.” 

Bae wonders what conversations those two have that Bae is brought up in them. Considering that she remembers her name, and can even put a face to it, it must be more than once. She hates that she likes this girl already. Already starting off, she’s beautiful. She’s really sweet too. Already she seems to be too good for Jisung. He’s made plenty of awful choices in the past which she likes to make fun of him for, but Aeri clearly is not one of them. 

She nods. “Yeah. You guys did great with this whole event, it looks so cool.” 

Her smile is contagious, it makes Bae want to punch a brick wall. She opts for taking a hard crunch out of the apple Shotaro gave her. 

“Thank you! We’ve been planning this since the summer, I guess it paid off.” She directs her next question to Shotaro. “Have you seen Yuta? I swear he said he was going to help Shohei with the dunk machine but I can’t find him.” 

Yuta? That causes her ears to perk. He never mentioned he was in JUSA to her. Though it probably makes sense. Shotaro glances around the carnival. “Yeah…he came by a few minutes ago. I gave him an apple.” 

Bae realizes she’s lingering too long, so she waves at the two. “Thank you for the apple! I’ll see you at practice, Shotaro.” 

The both of them smile at her as she leaves, which makes her want to slam her head into the concrete pavement underneath her feet. She is so unbelievably pretty, like prettier than whatever she posts on Instagram. And she’s not in a relationship? Instead she’s in some stupid fling with stupid-Park-fucking-Jisung? It makes her sick. 

Maybe some people don’t want relationships. Maybe she’s one of those people. But still, with Jisung?

She reminds herself that now that she’s seen Shotaro, she can technically leave. But Bae remembers that she mentioned Yuta. Part of her wants to find him before she goes back to her place. But that’s too weird, isn’t it? Seeking him out? She’s been trying to play off their thing as pretty nonchalant, and she did see him last night so technically she’s had her “fix”, if she even wants to call it that. But, Bae really likes him. So she tosses her pride aside and continues along the ring of tables. 

JUSA really outdid themselves, she’ll say it again. Aeri must be extremely hard-working and passionate too, especially being in such a high ranked board position. She was able to pull this entire event together. Wow. Such an accomplished person and she’s hooking up with Jisung? 

She spots the dunk tank, where Yuta stands, just like Aeri had mentioned he was supposed to be at. He’s laughing at someone, specifically a somebody who emerges from the dunk tank soaking wet - she feels bad for him (especially in this weather?). He notices her approaching closer a few seconds later and waves light-heartedly. 

“Hey Bae.” She’s so glad she didn’t listen to her inner thoughts and step out in a pair of sweats, her layered outfit actually looks nice today. His eyes travel over her outfit. “You look nice.” 

“Thank you, I didn’t realize you were going to be here.”

“I also didn’t think so either.” He shares a laugh with the soaking wet dude next to him, who’s busy drying himself off. “Aeri insisted, so I’m here. Don’t really take you as an extracurricular guy, right?” 

“Everybody has their moments, I would assume.” She responds. “Are you staying here for the entire time?” 

“Unfortunately, yeah. Shohei already got dunked once, so it’s my turn.” 

“You all wet? That’ll be a sight.” 

“I’m sure you’re familiar.” Yuta jokes back. Had it not been for the weather, her cheeks would have been aflame. Even with his friend right next to him, that doesn’t seem to deter him from flirting with her. One of their pillow talks consisted of him asking her to have sex in a campus bathroom, apparently he was into the whole sex-in-public thing. She’s not really there (and isn’t sure if she ever will be) and shot it down. He was mildly disappointed, and said something like he’ll convince her one day. Bae really doubted it.

“I’ll catch you later?” She tells him, then glances at the tank. “Have fun with…that.”

“You sure you don’t want to play?” 

“Yeah.” She grins at him. “Maybe we can play another time.” She waves at the other dude next to him, then takes off. 

And just like clockwork, as she leaves the ring of tables, her phone buzzes. It’s from Yuta.

How does tonight sound? I have a few games in mind.

chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5 (coming soon)

[sannflwrr]

hi san!! when do you think the next chapter of how to get out of the friendzone will be out?

hiiii anon so sorry for the wait T_T

I feel like I’ve made a lot of false promises and I do sincerely apologize. classes have been difficult and busy for me, and also life is just really chaotic - I didn’t get much time to write. alsooooo mental health kinda went crazy the past month or so hahhahahahaha but we’re doing better now!! I’m gonna proofread and upload the next chap tmr hehe - stay tuned!

thank you again for being so patient with me like always, you all are sooo incredibly sweet and i really appreciate the support you give me

[sannflwrr]

nevermind guys, the chapters for my Jisung fic are getting postponed - currently going through some life events that may or may not make an appearance in bae’s story 😍 lord im so mentally ill rn pls keep me and my love life in your prayers it’s rough out here!

[sannflwrr]

for the generation that ended up graduating college online, bae's story is a way for us to vicariously live through what could've been. i'm excited to see her and jisung's story unfold in the following chapters!

- 🦋

🥺🥺🥺thank u sm for this anon! i also find myself living through Bae, her life is a mixture of my current college life and what i wish would have been :”)

life has been crazy as of late, so editing chapters and uploading them has been difficult. however, with thanksgiving rolling around the corner I hope I’ll be able to upload a chapter or 2! thank u for being patient with me as always ❤️

[sannflwrr]

hotter than hell | jjk. (m)

banner by miss solaris @jamaisjoons <3

➵ summary : jungkook, lucifer and king of hell, has been cast out of the crimson underworld for a reason he’s unsure of. embarking on his journey for the answer should’ve been easy, if it weren’t for you, the human that nurses his wounded body in her home, and accidentally witnesses the truth of his identity. kickstarting a hellish adventure with the devil himself, you discover lucifer is the most infuriating company ever; and jungkook finds out that maybe his answer to returning home lies within his annoying human confidant.

↳ part of the namkook moonrise masquerade collaboration hosted by @jamaisjoons

➵ pairing : fallen lucifer!jungkook x human!reader

➵ genre : supernatural/fantasy!au, romance, e2l, road trip, angst, fluff, eventual smut, three-shot

➵ rating : 18+

➵ word count : 27k

➵ warnings : swearing, angst, alcohol consumption, semi-biblically-accurate depictions of angels and demons, supernatural themes, mentions and depictions of sin, s e x u a l  t e n s i o n, neck-kissing, straddling

➵ a/n : WHY HELLO EVERYONE here’s the demon lucifer jk as promised!! i stayed up an entire night just to create the plot, i hope it delivers!! it’s literally one of the my favourite ideas ever hehe. this is the first part of a three-shot :) please excuse any mistakes or error since I didn’t have a beta and will probably get someone to do so later 🤧 PLEASE IMAGINE MOTS ON:E DAY 1 MY TIME JUNGKOOK FOR THIS Y’ALL, enjoy!! <3

➵ playlist : asshole by hooligan chase

| 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | final. |

‘Why is she looking at my man?’ 

‘I need to get blackout drunk.’

‘Damn, that girl is fucking hot.’

‘I’ll steal it when he isn’t looking.’

Jungkook’s head rings with an innumerable amount of others’ thoughts, and he can’t seem to silence the blaring volume of them at all.

Keep reading

[sannflwrr]

How To Get Out of the Friend Zone: A (Chaotic) Guide by Jisung (Ch. 2)

Author: sannflwrr

Pairing: Jisung x MC

Genre: Frenemies(-ish) to Lovers

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: mentions of smoking, weed, drugs, alcohol, homophobia (homophobics are not allowed on my page), some sexual themes, and of course - angst

Summary: Bae is obsessed with making the most of her time during college. She has a very colorful group of friends who make living life recklessly fun, and a dance team that throws all sorts of unparalleled events in her way. Along the way, she falls (hard) for many people, but what will it take for her to realize everything she’s wanted has been in front of her the whole time?

RULE 1: DO NOT TELL THEM YOU’RE FRIENDS

Her first party of the semester. Bae has been to parties throughout the semester, but usually if it’s just confined to her little gang of Karina and friends hosted at Chenle’s place. They’re considered parties in her book, they end with them drinking more than they should, and Karina fast asleep on her couch the following morning with a pounding hangover. But today is like a legitimate party, with legitimate socializing. Chenle said he was throwing a huge party at his place for the fall, since it was nearing Halloween. Costumes were optional apparently, but he told Karina that it would be nice if they wore something. Halloween parties were always fun anyways, so dressing up wouldn’t really be an issue. 

Bae’s outfit was simple, she was going as Nanno from the Netflix show. Iconic and simple, those who knew, knew. She also had bangs which fit the concept. She had no idea what Karina was wearing, knowing that girl she loved to go above and beyond, so Bae expected it to be something amazing. 

Jaemin was supposed to meet up with her to walk over to Chenle’s place, since he was on the way. Chenle was probably a total of 30-35 minutes away, a bit much in this weather but she didn’t have the funds for an Uber, so she compensated by meeting Jaemin at his place, so the walk would be less boring. 

“Nanno?” She can hear his loud laugh over the phone when he peers through his apartment to get a look at her. “I’ll be down in two seconds.” 

He sports a bright shade of green in his hair, which he explains is temporary, along with a few questionable other fashion statements. Bae snorts. “Deuce? Nice outfit.”

“I just hope Chenle appreciates all this effort I’m putting in. It was difficult getting this together.”

There’s this common statement than being friends with men equates for less drama, which is true to an extent. They are less drama because they care less. But men are never good people to befriend if you’re looking for a deep, emotional connection. Something of which she has with Karina. This is something Bae has to remind herself with Chenle and Jisung, especially when they say things that irk her or don’t sit right with her. It’s great being friends with them superficially, since they know how to keep things light-hearted and fun. Jaemin on the other hand, is different. 

She doesn’t connect with him as much as she does with Karina, but there’s a thoughtfulness to him that she doesn’t find in Chenle or Jisung. Or at least, the versions that they present to her. Whenever she finds herself complaining about something to Jaemin, he sits there and listens to her the entire way through, before giving her his thoughts and suggestions. He doesn’t cut in and offer his two cents while she’s speaking - something Jisung tends to do. She refers to Jaemin as her therapist friend, just because he’s a great person to wallow in silence with, without it ever getting intimidating.

“How’s the semester treating you?” She asks him. It’s been a while since she’s gotten to talk to him alone. 

“For once, I’d say it’s going well. My classes are hard but I’ve been studying a lot, focusing on myself, overall just doing good. I think the new school year just put a lot of things into perspective.” It’s hard for to keep a neutral face with his obnoxious hair and the sunglasses at this hour, but she manages a nod. 

“That’s great Jaemin. Honestly really happy for you.” She wishes she had a similar fate to his. 

“I just don’t know if I paid my tuition on time…” He purses his lips. “Or if I even paid it for this semester.” 

“I think it’s well past the due date.” Bae laughs. Right up ahead nears Chenle’s house. Already, the two of them can see the lights radiating from the windows, and the low hum of music. There’s a few cars pulled up on the side of his garage. “Every time I come here I’m just in awe of how he can afford such a place.”

Jaemin nods. “Money talks. If you ask me, I think he’s paying his way through school. I have never seen Chenle study for anything.”

“He’s in business.” Bae muses, opening the door. She tosses him a look over a shoulder. “What studying is there to do?” 

Jaemin’s laugh is drowned out by the noise that floods them as he shuts the door. The smell of alcohol is strong, and shoes are littered everywhere at the front door. Scanning through the pairs, she recognizes Jisung’s iconic red and blue shoes, and sits hers next to his. Jaemin kicks his shoes off next to her, and follows after her towards the living room. 

Chenle is very good at throwing parties. Bae is lucky she was able to bag him as a friend, the business student has a reputation for hosting some of the best parties on campus - especially since the frat parties here suck. The first person she hoped to recognize here was Karina, but instead, she finds her captain, Seulgi, at the bar. 

“Seulgi?” She pats Jaemin, telling him she’ll find him later. “I didn’t expect to see you here.” 

“Jungwoo invited me, and couple of the others.” She shouts over the music. “Did you want a drink? I can put something together for you.” 

“Something citrusy, please. Thank you Captain.” Bae grins. “Jungwoo’s here?”

“Yeah, he said Chenle invited him.”

“Who else is?”

“Us, Karina, Haechan…” She’s buzzed from the looks of it, so she hesitates in recalling the rest. “I think Taeyong. Shotaro’s here, somewhere. Poor kid, I think this is his first college party.”

“You guys left him un-chaperoned?”

“Not me, nuh-uh.” She pushes the red cup to Bae. “Taeyong said he’d take care of him. I needed a night off from the leader responsibilities, it’s so much work.” Seulgi bottoms her drink, blinking away the aftertaste. “I think I bit off more than I could chew.” Bae can imagine the amount of stress the girl’s under.

“If anyone can do it, it’s you Seulgi.”

“You’re right.” She laughs hollowly. “Anyways, I hear that you have your eyes on Jungwoo.”

“Fuck, Karina.” Bae scoffs. “That girl can’t keep her mouth shut.”

“She only told me, not anyone else on the team. If that helps.” It doesn’t, but Bae softens. “I think you have sights on the wrong one. Jungwoo’s…” Seulgi winces. “You might get your heart broken.”

“Is he bad?”

“Not bad…I don’t know how to explain it. Girls in the past have liked him too. He’s the reason they’ve stayed on the team, and once he rejected them, they left. One after the other. Apparently it was too awkward and miserable to be around him, knowing he didn’t see them that way. Not to mention, it fucked up the team dynamic.” She shrugs, her hip bumping against Bae’s. “He’s not good at relationships, don’t even know if he wants them.” 

“Are you close with him?” It’s a large team, so she doesn’t expect Seulgi to know everyone very well. She scoffs like that was a stupid question to ask.

“Close with him? Girl, it’s my job to be close with everyone. I’m the captain.” She grabs a bottle of vodka, mixing it with a pouch of Caprisun (interesting mixer choice) and after topping it off, takes another long sip. “Oh shit, I love this song. I’ll catch you later! Maybe at practice, maybe I’ll be hungover…who knows.” Then she slides past her and towards a crowd of people in the living room who are chanting the lyrics. 

Bae wants to find Karina, wherever that girl is. She usually feels better about huge parties like this when she’s around someone she knows - specifically Karina. She takes the stairs to the basement, where even more people are. Bae finds a few she recognizes, Taeyong who is (thankfully) with Shotaro. 

“This your first party?” She asks the freshman. He’s dressed as something she cannot recognize. Even through the face paint, his cute grin peeps through, which automatically lifts Bae’s mood. 

“Yeah! This house is huge!” 

“Chenle’s a good friend of mine.” She nudges his shoulder. “Stick around and I’ll bring you along to some of his other stuff.” Bae nods at Taeyong. “Make sure he doesn’t puke.”

Taeyong laughs at her in response, and she takes off even deeper into the crowd. Where is this girl? If not down here, maybe Karina is upstairs. And more importantly, she still hasn’t seen Mr. Party Host either. Or Jisung. She hasn’t seen Jaemin in a hot second, so that might mean all of them are together. 

Climbing her way back up the stairs, Bae checks the patio. There’s people out here, but no one she recognizes. Somehow there’s a hookah on the outdoor lounge. Ignoring it, she re-enters the house. Bae’s barely had one drink, but at this point, she’s not in the mood for the alcohol anymore. The party’s too overwhelming for her. If she doesn’t find any of them, she might just call an Uber and go home. Even if she doesn’t have the funds. 

She had texted Karina a couple times by now, no response. 

After checking the upstairs without any success, she heads back towards the bar, which is where she finally finds her. She’s talking to some man, but Bae notices her friend’s posture - tense and straight, which makes her pick up her pace. 

“Karina?” She keeps her voice light. “I was looking everywhere for you.” Her friend looks visibly relieved to see her, and gets up immediately. 

“I have to go.” She responds, scared almost. The dude standing across from her is considerably taller, Bae already doesn’t like him from the way her friend shrinks away at him. She has no clue what exactly it is that he was saying to her, but already Bae’s beginning to get an idea. And she doesn’t like what she’s thinking.

“This your girlfriend?” 

“Actually yeah.” Bae steps in, taking Karina’s wrist. “What about it?” 

“I told you I wasn’t interested.” Karina tries again, stronger this time since someone was with her now. “I’m not interested in you.” 

The way the man looks at Karina is enough to send shivers down Bae’s spine. “Fucking lesbian whore.” 

“What the fuck did you just say?” 

He smiles at her reaction, which forces Karina to pull on Bae’s hand. “Bae, no. It’s not worth it. Let’s go.” 

“No, Karina. He just fucking—”

“Yeah, run away you slut! There’s a reason why no guy wants you!” 

Bae pulls at Karina’s wrist. “Let me go. I’m going to fucking murder him, I will not let him talk about you like that.”

“Let’s just go!” She protests. When Bae finally looks at her, she can see her friend is close to tears, if they already haven’t started falling. Her face paint is beginning to smear. “Can we just go?” 

Bae and her finally take a seat on the front porch of Chenle’s place, both of them sitting cross-legged on the floor. Outside she can still hear the cicadas, in company with the music from inside. It’s quiet between them, Bae taps against the flesh of her thigh in attempt to calm her nerves. She can’t believe what she just witnessed. 

And Karina’s absolute defeat when he started calling her names? Almost like it’s happened to her before, so much that she’s just gotten used to it. That’s what horrifies her. That she never really understood that this is what her friend had been going through. 

Finally, Karina breaks the silence. “When did you get here?” 

“Maybe an hour ago.” She responds. “When did you get here?”

“I helped Chenle set up.” She sniffs. “So, a while.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“I was just being nice.” Karina says. “He came up to me, conversation was completely innocent, friendly. I was just trying to be nice, be social. I thought that’s what he wanted too, and then he…he tried touching me, and I told him I’m not looking for that right now, that I’m not into men at all. He started pressuring me, saying all sorts of things like that.” She sniffs again. “That’s when you showed up. Honestly, if you hadn’t come sooner, I was scared that he was going to-”

“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.” She looks down. “I can’t believe Chenle would invite such a prick.” 

“It’s not his fault, how would he know.” Karina’s smile is watery. “I just…I’m tired, Bae. I can’t even count on my fingers how many times this has happened to me. Why does it keep happening to me? What am I doing wrong? Is it my fault for being nice to someone?” 

Karina’s defeated and angry, Bae feels it with her. It’s ridiculous that she has to constantly deal with this, just because men can’t handle that someone as beautiful as her won’t ever be interested in ugly creatures like them. Bae doesn’t know how to help her, which makes it even more difficult to watch her closest friend break down in front of her. So, she wraps both of her arms around her, just like how Karina has done many times before. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispers. “I’m so sorry.” 

She watches Karina sob into her knees for a solid ten minutes, gently pushing her hair out of her face. Naturally, their silent despair had to be ruined with the mildly drunk duo of Jeno and neon-haired Jaemin. Jaemin more drunk than Jeno, he yelled when he noticed them and waved largely. Jeno nudged him quickly though, quick to notice that the atmosphere was off. 

“Are you okay?” Jaemin asks, his speech was slightly slurred so it sounded more like “are youkay?” Karina quickly rubbed at her face, smearing whatever was left of her face paint. “Are you crying?” Jaemin asks stupidly. Bae blames it on the alcohol for his denseness, he’s not usually this stupid. 

“I’m fine.” She says, voice a lot stronger than a few minutes ago. 

“She’s not.” Bae corrects. “A guy tried to come on to her.”

“Oh shit.” This sobers Jaemin a little. “Again, are you okay?” Clearer diction this time. 

“I’m fine.” She sniffs. “I’m okay, really.” 

“No, you’re not.” Bae sighs. “He called her a slut, Jae. Said some other homophobic names too.”

“Oh, you’re fucking lying.” 

“What’d he look like?” Jeno asks. Bae looks at Karina expectantly. 

“He’s dressed in one of those green Stranger Things jackets.” She responds. Realizing why he asked in the first place, Karina opens her mouth just as Jeno throws open the front door and disappears. “Wait, fuck Jeno, no—”

Jaemin and Bae watch the door slam behind him. Jaemin, not as surprised as the other two girls, shrugs. “He had it coming, didn’t he? That really sucks, Karina.” 

“A very depressing normal I live in.” She seems a little better now, and laughs weakly. “Welcome to a day in my life.” Another two minutes pass, then their peaceful silence is broken again by a pissed off Chenle. Finally, Mr. Party Host emerges. 

“Why did just Jeno knock someone out?” He asks to Jaemin. “Did you lace his weed?”

“Did you ask him?” Jaemin asks simply. “Must’ve been one good punch.” 

“Yeah, he told me to ask Karina. Now I have a fucking mess on the floor, probably need to send this poor guy to the hospital—”

“He called me a slut, Chenle.” Karina tells him. “When I told Jeno, he got upset. I’d say that man deserves it.” 

The look on Chenle’s face is priceless. “He called you a WHAT?” It takes him a second to regain his composure, then sighs. “Okay. I’ll be back.” Then he also disappears through the doorway just like Jeno. The scene is almost comical. 

“I’ve had enough of this party, I think I’m going to head back.” Karina tells the other two. “Do you guys want to split an Uber?” 

“I’ll split with you.” Jaemin says. “Bae, Jisung’s shit-faced.” 

“He is?” She groans. “How’s he going to get back?” She knows him well enough that he won’t be able to get back alone, and he definitely won’t want to stay here. Already, she’s found the answer to her question.

“You told me that because you want me to bring him back.” 

Jaemin grins. “You’re the one with the most experience.” 

“I wish I wasn’t.” Bae looks at Karina. “You’ll be good at your place alone?”

She nods. “Yeah. Don’t worry.” 

“I can’t help it.” Bae hugs her once. “Okay, make sure she gets back safe, Jaemin. I need to go find Jisung.” 

Bae climbs back the crowds of sweaty and drunk college students to find Jisung. She’s annoyed at herself for agreeing to haul his ass back home, but at the same time she knows if she doesn’t, no one will. Unfortunately she wouldn’t be able to live with that fact if something happened to him. She’ll have to deal with the consequences of her good morals shortly. Jaemin said that Jisung was last at Chenle’s bedroom, with him and Jeno. Thankfully, he does end up being there, passed out on Chenle’s bed. 

“Jisung?” She shouts in his ear, close enough to blow his eardrum. It startles him awake, and even while drunk, he doesn’t hesitate to glare at her. “Wake up, we need to go home.” 

“Ugh.” He rolls over to the other side. Rolling her eyes, she yanks on his arm, pulling him back to the original side. 

“Wake up, you big oaf!” 

“Stop screaming!” He whines, covering his ears. “Too loud.” That’s rich considering this entire house is vibrating from the loud music in the living room. She can’t believe Jaemin wrapped her into taking him home. 

“I’m going home.” Bae tries again, more patience in her voice. Might as well talk to him like a child. “Everyone else left. Do you want to sleep here?” 

There’s a pause before he answers. “…No.” 

“Then can you please get up? I’m leaving right now, and no one is going to walk back with you.” How he’s able to pull himself up with such composure despite being so shit-faced, his cheeks are tinted a rosy pink, and his hair is an unruly mess. She offers her hand, and grabs his elbow. 

Thankfully, Jisung’s apartment is the closest one to Chenle’s out of the entire group - Bae’s being the furthest away. Chenle looks mildly disappointed to see her leaving with him, but Bae explains that she really does need to head out, and that it was fun. It wasn’t fun, not for her at least, but that’s always the risk when going to parties. It could be a marvelous time or a complete shit-show. There’s no in-between. Even though she didn’t have the best of times, from the looks of it, Jisung had a ball. That was enough for her. Though, he doesn’t need to know that.

“What’d you do at the party?” She asks him in attempts to keep him here with her. The silence of the night must’ve started to sober him, his steps are more even than before.

“Jaemin and I did a line. Jeno brought some stuff so we were fuckin’ around on that. Then Chenle came up too, I think we played a round of beer pong.”

“So, you’re drunk and high?” Bae lets out an exhale. She doesn’t have the courage to get high. Anything asides from weed freaks her out, and even at that she would never get caught smoking it. Her pink lungs are something she would rather leave alone. People try creating this aesthetic life of college - smoking cigarettes, getting high, going to parties - it’s not as glorious as Pinterest boards make it look. Which is why Bae never bothers. No point in doing something she’ll regret looking back on in a few years. No point in doing something she’ll definitely regret the following morning. Even though Bae’s good on avoiding drugs, she finds her own ways to fuck up her life. 

Now that she’s far from the crowded house, the chilliness of Halloween night consumes her. Luckily, Jisung’s place is right around the corner. 

“I saw Jungwoo at the party earlier.” He tells her. Strange enough, hearing his name doesn’t make her ears perk. Honestly, the last thing she really wants to think about after today’s nightmare is Jungwoo - since the idea of him reminds her of how superficial everything is. 

She decides to humor Jisung instead, rather than let him know how depressed she is right now. “Oh yeah? Did you talk to him?”

“Yeah. Tried to feel him out for you.”

“What did you think?”

“I don’t like him.” Jisung states. “Not in a, I dislike him as a person. He’s nice enough. I don’t think he’s good for you though.”

“What’s good for me then?”

“Someone who’s interested in a relationship.” He purses his lips. “Cuz’ that’s what you want. I don’t think he wants that.” Funny, that’s almost exactly what Seulgi said too. Perhaps he’s really trying to be insightful, rather than being a huge prick like he usually is. 

“Thanks Jisung.” She tells him, helping him unlock the door since he lacks the level of hand-eye coordination he would usually have when he’s sober. Pulling him inside, Bae locks the door behind him. “I’ll keep that in mind.” 

He tugs on her sleeve. “Your costume is Nanno, right?” 

“Yeah.” She nods once. 

“Am I TK then?” He stupidly asks, but the question forces her to catch her breath. A long second passes, then another. Her head is completely blank, unsure on how to respond to that or even recover from it. Jisung grins slowly, and points at his hoodie. 

“TK wears blue.” His sweatshirt is blue. This makes Bae relax, and she also returns the smile gradually. Her elbow knocks into his. 

“I didn’t realize you even remembered the show.” 

“Of course I would.” His speech is strangely coherent considering how far from sober he is. “We watched it together.” She smiles more when he says this, because it’s true. They watched the show together in the beginning of their sophomore year. One of the more positive moments of that year. People ask her how she’s still friends with him if they constantly bicker. They are friends at the end of the day, friends who just fight a lot. Friends who fight, but still watch Girl from Nowhere together. 

“Go to sleep.” Bae nods at his door. “You’re going to be so hungover tomorrow.” 

“Don’t walk back, Bae.” He says. “Just take the couch. It’s late.” 

She wants to go home. She misses her bed, and wants to take off this costume and change into her pajamas. She’d much rather her bedroom over Jisung’s living room, but she realizes he’s right. It’s probably not smart to walk home alone, it’s well past her curfew for solo traveling. She nods once, agreeing. 

“Okay.” 

It takes her a couple days to begin moving on from the events of Halloweekend - that’s what colleges call the weekend of Halloween, since it’s filled with chaos and parties so it deserves a name and occurs annually. Eventually, Bae finds immersing herself in her classes is a nice distraction, which is a plus for both her and Mark, since they have midterms coming very soon in their classes. She spends a lot of her evenings with him in the library, to which they usually treat themselves with the Jamaican food truck parked outside of the library. This food truck is one of the only ones with such late hours - almost as if most of their audience is the night-owl college students who are camped out at the library. She comes back to her apartment to pass out in her bed immediately, and her sleep is uninterrupted and dreamless. 

In addition to that, her dance team practices extensive hours to make a deadline for a virtual competition. Non-competitive, they had said, but apparently Seulgi insisted that this was a one-off. That the prize for this competition was huge, and would be great for them in terms of buying costumes and all that jazz, so she managed to reel everyone into agreeing with her. 

Funny enough, Jungwoo had asked her to hang out on several occasions. She could hear Jisung’s warning everytime Jungwoo asked her if she wanted to get dinner with him, or if she wanted to come over to his apartment to play some video games (which ended up being a 4-hour long spree of Just Dance), but despite that Bae could not shy her heart away from the possibility of it. Foolish, she’ll probably regret it later, but that’s just what she does to herself. 

And though the feeling of being with Jungwoo was great, Bae knew she couldn’t keep pushing away the feeling that something was off to her. 

Seulgi had arranged a team outing to encourage more of a cohesive relationship amongst everyone, that being a trip to the arcade. Karina didn’t show, when Bae asked her, she made up some excuse about having a lot of work to do and that she wasn’t feeling too well. She assumed her lack of enthusiasm had to do with the events of Halloweekend, and she can’t blame her for not feeling up to it yet. Jungwoo had asked her if she was going, to which she returned the question and he had said yes, so she decided to go. 

She spent a lot of the time at the arcade with Jungwoo, he even won her one of those plushies from the claw machine when she asked if he was good at them. Though she came with him, she ended up leaving the arcade with Shotaro. She’d say whatever that could have been of their relationship stayed in the arcade. 

It wasn’t the claw machines, or the video games, or the food that they shared together. Seulgi had eyed the two hanging out rather closely, and decided to spend a few of her minutes with them. She had said that it looked like they were getting pretty close. It itches at Bae that this girl is incredibly nosy, but she brushes it off as the girl just trying to keep up with everyone as a captain. There’s a silence after her statement, Bae looks at Jungwoo once, who smiles in a way that makes her feel like she needs to answer. Like he wants her to answer to see what exactly she has gathered from their time together. Was their relationship just friendly or more? He needed to know what she thought because that’ll give him the nod to either keep staying friends with her or ghost her for making an assumption of what they were. She realizes then what kind of person he is. 

“Yeah, you could say that.” She nods at Seulgi then looks at him. “That’s what friends do though, right?” 

He looked relieved, like a weight left his shoulders, which stung a little. Because although it was so brief, there had been a part of her that was irrevocably infatuated with him. She realizes then that this is why the girls further in the line had left the team. Because he constantly crosses the line between friendship and more, yet keeps his expectations ambiguous. But somehow despite that, there’s a wrong answer when someone asks what you are to him. All those girls in the past chose the wrong answer. 

He could argue that the things they did together were platonic. They can be argued as platonic, because to him maybe they were, but to her they always felt like more. His eyes lingered on her in a way that made her think he liked her. He’d argue that he was just looking at her, as a friend. That’s what people like Jungwoo do. They’ll never make a commitment, but like the idea of one. 

So, she ended up leaving with Shotaro when the younger boy said he was going to walk home. It was late anyways, and she had no intention on going back with Jungwoo, or have him walk her home like he had done countless times before. 

Shotaro’s dorm is a little out of the way to her bus stop, but she appreciates the walk for the fresh air. The sky is dark from nightfall, but even more so darker and the clouds threaten to spill over in rain. It’s getting chillier out, and as she breathes out, Bae can see her breath fan out before her. 

“Are you cold?” Shotaro asks innocently, offering his denim jacket. He’s got a flannel on underneath, and insists that he’ll be fine without the additional layer, so she eventually takes it from him. The jacket smells so much like him, that it surprises her. She didn’t even realize Shotaro had his own signature scent until now. Bae thanked him, and continued to listen to him talk about his own unique freshman struggles. Somehow over the months, she’s grown such a fondness for him, like he was the younger brother she never had. 

“Get in safe. And make sure to lock your door.” She tells him, standing outside of his building. He laughs at her, and says something incoherent in response. After he’s disappeared completely from her sight, Bae continues her walk towards the bus stop. The silence that surrounds her turns into a slow downpour of rain. She doesn’t have an umbrella with her either, she lets the rain soak into her hair and the rest of her clothes. Around seven minutes later, she reaches the bus bench. Sitting at it, is Jaehyun. The sight of him makes her smile. 

He recognizes her when she gets closer, and gives a two-fingered wave. His lips twist into a comforting smile, which makes her relax. “You look like you’re about to cry.” 

This makes her laugh, and she does because he’s right. Her hand covers her eyes in attempt to rub at her face, but in the reminder of what it all is that she just witnessed and put herself, Bae realizes now that she is crying. She drops her bag on the ground, discarding the thought that it’ll probably get soaked now. 

“I just got friend-zoned today.” She says between her tears, rubbing at her cheeks, which doesn’t make much of a difference from the rain falling. “And somehow, I’m not sad that he friend-zoned me. I’m sad that I’m not sad, which confuses me.” She takes a seat at the bench with him, which shields her temporarily from the rainfall. Her elbows rest on her knees, while her hands rub at her forehead. 

“It’s heartbreaking when people aren’t the way we picture them to be.” Jaehyun says. “An idea you had of them, idealized it, romanticized it, and it shatters when they’re the complete opposite of it.” 

“He wasn’t.” Bae nods. “I was warned, countless of times, that he wasn’t what I wanted him to be. Yet, I still hoped…like an idiot. Even though, I myself knew he wasn’t that. And maybe it’s that I had that realization that is why I’m not sad over him.” She sniffs. “It’s the idea of him that makes me sad.”

“I wouldn’t say that your hope is idiotic.” Jaehyun comforts. “Hope is one of the best things you can harness yourself with. When you find someone who appreciates your hope in them, that’s when you know you’ve found the right person. Right now, this guy isn’t it.”

“And that’s okay.” She adds, to which he nods. 

“And that’s okay.” He repeats. 

It’s sad, her having this idea of him like a hopeless romantic, only to be harshly checked into his true personality. In reality, a person like Jungwoo is not someone she could ever love. Not in that way. And even now, though she said they were friends, she couldn’t see him even as that. It just feels weird, knowing that this is how he treats girls he finds attractive, only to give them ideas and snatch them away. She cries in front of Jaehyun now because she’s frustrated, frustrated that she was able to sway herself into falling for this reflection of a man who was completely different from what he projected onto her. She cries because she knew the signs, she had heard of the stories of girls before her, yet continued to fall anyways. 

“Thanks.” She warbles, rubbing at her eyes again. Her mascara is probably ruined now, but from Jaehyun’s expression, it doesn’t seem like he cares much. “I thought we weren’t going to meet again, but you showed up at the right time.” 

“Our universe is mysterious, Bae.” He smiles, leaning comfortably against the bench. “I had a feeling we were to meet again.” 

“You should take this.” She pulls out the stuffed animal from her bag. “I got this today from that man, but I don’t know. I feel like it’s better if it goes along with you. Maybe it’ll have a better purpose with a wanderer rather than going straight to Goodwill.” 

Jaehyun laughs, and takes the plushie from her. “I’ll take care of it.” As he grabs the bear from her, she hears the bus turn around the corner. 

“And I guess that’s me.” She readjusts her bag. “You’re not getting on?” 

“Maybe next time.” He tells her, to which she nods. Bae waves at him once, then boards the bus. And at the bus bench of 40th street, she leaves her feelings for Kim Jungwoo behind.

chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5 (coming soon)

[sannflwrr]

How To Get Out of the Friend Zone: A (Chaotic) Guide by Jisung Masterlist

RULE 1: DO NOT TELL THEM YOU’RE JUST FRIENDS

chapter 1

chapter 2

RULE 2: DO NOT ALWAYS BE AVAILABLE

chapter 3

chapter 4

RULE 3: PAY ATTENTION TO THEIR TYPE

chapter 5

RULE 4: MAKE YOUR INTENTIONS KNOWN

[sannflwrr]

NCT Masterlist

Started: 09/07/22

Last Updated: 09/07/22

Total Works: 1

Jisung

How To Get Out of the Friend Zone: A (Chaotic) Guide By Jisung

[sannflwrr]

How To Get Out of the Friend Zone: A (Chaotic) Guide by Jisung (Ch. 1)

Author: sannflwrr

Pairing: Jisung x MC

Genre: Frenemies(-ish) to Lovers

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: mentions of smoking, weed, drugs, alcohol, homophobia (homophobics are not allowed on my page), some sexual themes, and of course - angst

Summary: Bae is obsessed with making the most of her time during college. She has a very colorful group of friends who make living life recklessly fun, and a dance team that throws all sorts of unparalleled events in her way. Along the way, she falls (hard) for many people, but what will it take for her to realize everything she’s wanted has been in front of her the whole time?

RULE 1: DO NOT TELL THEM YOU’RE FRIENDS

Bae Chen enjoys the thrill of her college life. It’s light-hearted, chaotic, dramatic, stressful - all of the good and bad, she has it. Seizing the city. Embracing her youth. She tries so hard to make the most of everything she has, this is supposedly to be the best years of her life, so she wants to remember everything. Maybe that own realization is too scary for her to process, to cope with, so she ignores the thought by throwing herself into everything else. Be everywhere at once. Try everything and anything if it would bring a story for later. 

And it starts in the new year, entering her junior year as the hot August days pass. She spent an early Saturday morning and a sweaty afternoon unloading all of her belongings into her new apartment, a place all to herself. As the evening rolled around, she got a text from a familiar number, Karina Yoo, then followed up with a text from the subject of her text. 

Chenle’s throwing a party, it read. Having people over tonight, his read. Both finished in please come. Bae hadn’t seen Karina in months, a girl who was originally her roommate for the previous school year. Because of that thought alone, remembering that she missed the girl, Bae decided then to get ready. All of her suitcases weren’t fully unpacked, but she had pulled out enough where she was able to pull together a relatively on-brand Bae Chen outfit. 

Chenle’s parties were always great. They had a reputation amongst this particular circle of her university, one of the richest guys on campus. His father was probably a billionaire, so Chenle was spoilt and liked his wealth. He had a fancy house off campus to himself, but if Bae knew any better, his friends probably loitered there without paying rent. 

“Hi.” She breathes when the front door opens. It’s a dark blue color, matches the blinds on the windows. The ash-haired man stares back, then the corners of his lips lift. She can see his other hand balances a cigarette and a beer can. He looks older from the last time she saw him. When he moves closer, she can smell his cologne. Expensive no doubt, she always liked the way he smelt.

“How was your summer?” Chenle asks, closing the door behind her. There’s a low hum of music from the front entrance, she kicks off her shoes. Based on the number of pairs, Bae has to guess she’s the last one to arrive. She pushes her shoes to sit in line with the pair of blue converse. She hesitated before responding, focusing her actions anywhere but at Chenle. She can feel his stare watching her curiously. 

“Pretty good. As average as they can be.” Bae manages. She finds his eyes to be intimidating. There was a time a couple years ago where Chenle had creeped into her heart, sometimes whenever she remembers that it’s embarrassing. He’s worlds apart from her, and his opinion on relationships also falls in that realm. She realized shortly in that year that he’s much better at being a friend. 

“Did you, uh…” She follows him through the house. This place screams Chenle Zhong. “You had an internship right?”

“Bibigo. Went abroad for it.” He responds. “You want anything to drink? I’ve got the whole assortment.” 

“Did I miss the housewarming party?” Bae asks him. He smiles, resting an arm on her shoulder. Two-years-ago-Bae would have freaked out, now all it does is send a brief tingle down her spine. 

“Just late, that’s all. I’ll get you a seltzer then.” 

There’s a chorus of ‘Bae!’ and ‘Heyyy Bae’ that follow when they emerge at the home bar. She’s not surprised he has the set-up, this is Chenle. Next to the bar is a lounging area - presumably the living room. Several of the couches are occupied, Jisung and Karina seated on opposite ends. Jaemin and Jeno are at the stools, watching Chenle pull something from one of the cabinets, probably her seltzer.

“Did you miss me?” Bae asks, but the question is directed to Karina, who grins knowingly. 

“You? Of course not. We called basically everyday.”

“And somehow, that wasn’t enough for me.” Bae sits down next to Karina, and the other wraps her arm around her. Comfortable, habitual. Just this action alone makes her feel like she had never left. “How was working abroad, Chenle?”

“It was nice.” He calls out. Chenle emerges in her view, handing her the can then taking the spot right next to her. “Work was fun. The best part was the girls, though.”

“Of course.” Karina mumbles.

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know!”

“I would, actually.” She counters. Bae’s convinced that Chenle has a thing for Karina, a weird toxic masculinity thing of trying to obtain girls who aren’t obtainable. Karina could never go for a guy like Chenle, let alone men, since she likes girls. 

Her past roommate had spent her summer break traveling, something Bae always was envious of. Karina’s parents were also well off, maybe she’s not as showy with it like Chenle is, but her parents make enough to let her go traveling alone every summer. She’s a film major, if that adds anything. Bae remembers that she was in Morocco. 

“I got your postcard.” She tells her pointedly. Karina smiles, letting an exhale loose. 

“Oh good.”

“I didn’t get one.” Jisung complains, scowling at her. “How come Bae gets one but I don’t?”

“You’d look at it and throw it out after, Jisung.” She’s right. “I only sent it to Bae, she understands the art behind it.” In a way Karina is similar to Chenle, they have their own way of going about the world. Maybe their ways aren’t similar, but the fact they have one is what ties them together. She’s exactly what he wants though, someone as carefree as him, who can’t be tied to a particular place. But just like him, Karina lacks that desire for commitment, along with the will to get involved in anything remotely romantic. 

“She’s right.” Bae comments, looking at Jisung. She can feel the waves of irritation roll off him and towards her, though he casts her a bored look. Jisung has always been like that, a hot ball of fury whenever she says anything to piss him off. Bae prides herself on her ability to get under his skin, but the same could go for him. He’s got a knack for rubbing salt in her wounds. 

Last year he sported blond hair, made him look younger than he was. Now the black hair was back, reminding her that he was nearing the legal drinking age, reminding her that he was in fact older than her. Bae smiles to herself once. “What? You’re mad because I’m right.” 

“God, you’re so fucking annoying Bae.” He throws a hand over his face. “Can’t even catch a break, it’s barely been five minutes.” 

“If you missed me, you can say that.” 

“I didn’t miss any of you guys.” Jeno seems to take offense to this comment, he rolls his eyes at Jisung from the bar. Jeno’s an introvert if Bae had ever seen one. He doesn’t speak much, the silent ‘Ferb’ type as Karina refers to him. He speaks more with actions and body language, with the occasional monologue on how shitty human beings are, and our evilness. Bae’s always been fascinated with the way he carries himself. Strong and silent. Out of everyone in the loosely aligned group, he’s probably the closest to Jaemin. 

“We didn’t miss you either.” Jaemin says, taking a long sip from his Simply Spiked - Chenle really does have just about everything. “It’s not like you were living at my place rent-free for two months straight.”

“Hey,” Jisung raises his hands in protest. “It was only a couple nights.”

“Yeah.” Jaemin nods. “A couple nights every week!”

“It’s not my fault I kept getting sexiled!” Jisung shudders. “They were fucking like rabbits, and the walls are so thin. Couldn’t get an ounce of sleep.”

“Consider investing in headphones?” Karina asks.

“I shouldn’t have to do that in my own house. And besides, it was a ridiculous amount of sex. Every night, really?” Jisung glances at Bae once, then up at the ceiling. He’s sprawled on the couch so he gets a nice view of the galaxy projector Chenle has displayed on the ceiling. “But I’m just glad my new place is all to myself. Cannot stand living with other people.” 

Bae’s glad she didn’t have any roommate horror stories like that. Her freshman year roommate was uneventful - they’re not really friends but the casualness between them is probably what made it work. Last year was obviously Karina Yoo, that one had been amazing - but she decided she needs to begin her chapter of living alone. Nothing against Karina, things just felt more serene when she was completely alone. A personal preference. 

“How were the girls?” Bae asks Chenle. Knowing him, he probably would have pulled a few while he was there. The hesitation in his response confirms her thoughts. Bae snorts. “That good, huh?”

“I would rather not share.”

“Oh that’s evil. Keeping secrets?” Jaemin joins in on the laugh. “Did you have a fling?”

Karina points at him. “Look at the way he’s avoiding eye contact. He definitely had a fling.” 

“I didn’t peg you as the relationship type.” Jaemin continues. Chenle remains silent, as if that’ll make them move on. Far from it, since Jisung scoffs.

“Well, a fling is different from a relationship.”

“Is it?” Bae frowns. “I thought a fling is a short relationship. In this case, a relationship that lasted the course of the summer.” 

“A fling could also just mean hook-ups. Like a friends with benefits arrangement.” 

Rather than press it into an argument, which Bae would usually do with Jisung, she lets it go. “I don’t know. I’ve never had a fling.” 

“You haven’t?” Karina’s brows rise. “They’re great if you have commitment issues like me.” 

“Such a shame you’re a ghost on social media.” Jaemin tells Chenle. “Otherwise I would’ve tried to piece together who the girl was.”

“Check his following. Chenle’s not the type to give his phone number out to girls - creates a level of intimacy he doesn’t have.” Jeno mutters. An accurate observation of Chenle’s character on Jeno’s part, at this, Chenle’s eyes widen. The next few seconds pass slowly, Chenle reaching for his phone the same time as Bae - Karina and Jisung’s eyes widening in amusement. Bae Chen is faster, grabbing it up and tossing it across to Jisung so Chenle can’t pull it from her.

Jaemin laughs loudly. “You’re a genius Jeno. I’ll check right now.” 

For a few minutes, Jisung and Chenle are wrestling each other on the couch, Jisung seems to be overpowering him. Jaemin and Jeno are hovering over another cellphone, probably stalking his following. Bae knows if she was on it, the girl would have been found by now, but she doesn’t feel like pulling out her phone. Karina watches with an unreadable expression, Bae looks at her then back at the two men. 

It’s chaotic, just like she remembers. Lord, Bae knows she’ll be so sad when this chapter of her life finishes. 

One of Bae’s goals for this year is to join Karina’s dance team. They’re a close lot - somehow, even though there’s so many of them. Bae met a few of them last year during Karina’s first year on the team, she used to bring some of them back to her place. In fact, this team had been on Bae’s radar for a few years now - ever since she stepped foot on campus. They were elite, excellent performers, but the timing for applications and auditions just never worked out with Bae’s schedule. Karina had been on her ass about it last year, complaining about why she didn’t try out with her. Now, Bae was more than determined to make it work.

“You’re a great dancer.” Karina said to her as they were walking to the gym together. “The fact that you were even nervous baffles me.” And just as she manifested, auditions did line up in her favor, Bae was able to go. According to Karina, she did well. Bae had taken a break from professional dancing once she entered college, it became too much with her course load and life in general. However, seeing that this team wasn’t competitive, it seemed that Bae’s days of dancing were not over. 

Today was their first day of practice, and a day for icebreakers and going over team policies. There were a few other new recruits along with her, but Bae mostly planned to stick by Karina. As they enter the studio, several of her teammates brighten at the sight of Karina. Bae recognizes a few from their apartment last year, but mostly she fixates on the boy and girl duo whispering amongst themselves in the corner. Seulgi and Ten, the ones who ran auditions. 

“That’s Seulgi and Ten,” Karina says to her softly. “I’m sure you’re familiar with them though. They’re this year's captains.” All information of which Bae knew. She nods slowly, then sets her bag down next to Karina’s. 

Of the ones Bae recognizes, she can recall the name of one — Lee Taeyong. If she remembered correctly, he was a year above Karina and her. He glances at her and smiles. “Bae, right?” 

“Yeah.” She is surprised he knows her name. “Finally tried out.” They had a conversation sometime last year where he had encouraged her to audition. Karina never said anything but good things about him, so Bae had to assume he was a nice dude. 

“I’m surprised you were holding back on her.” He tells Karina, leaning back to fix his hair. He’s the only person on the team sporting a bright red hairdo. It’s a statement, but seems to suit him well. Karina responds, but Bae isn’t really paying attention, since some of the others who auditioned with her enter the studio at the same time. Minjeong and Shotaro. 

Now Shotaro was an absolute beast in the studio, Bae had been absolutely sure he would have made it onto the team. He was definitely a freshman though, by the looks of it. He had that high school-ish charm to him, and his smile was very cute. He glances around the room, and recognizing Bae, seems to relax a bit. 

“Hi Bae.” 

“I think she’s the rookie favorite.” Karina tells Taeyong, though Bae has no idea what that means. Must be some inside joke. 

“Hey.” She says to him, then moves over on the floor so both him and Minjeong can sit. The girl is more timid than Shotaro, but she smiles at Bae in greeting. They probably have another five minutes before practice begins. She’s not sure if anyone else in their batch made it onto the team. There’s already a good chunk of people in the studio. Bae wonders how the two standing a distance away from the rest of them could manage such a large team. 

Probably a minute before the clock hits the next hour, another person bustles through - probably speed walking to make it on time. Even in the rush though, he manages to catch Bae off guard, and thank god for her mask, because her jaw fell to the floor. She has never seen a man so gorgeous. 

He has silky blond hair - he didn’t try out with them so she has to assume he’s a returning member. Had Bae not been so caught up in her thoughts about his gorgeousness, she probably would have caught Taeyong saying Mr. McDreamy’s name. Seulgi’s voice, however, does do enough to cut through her thoughts. 

“Welcome back.” She says. Bae can sense she’s a little nervous, dealing with such a huge group of people. She can imagine why. The brunette brushes through her hair once, in her hand is a laptop, where she presumably has her notes on what to discuss today. She eyes scan the screen for a second, before she resumes. “I hope you guys notice our newbies today.” 

The remaining eyes in the room fall directly onto the three of them, Bae trains her eyes directly onto Ten - the tattooed man who peers over Seulgi’s shoulder. “We’re going to be doing a bit of an icebreaker activity just so we all get acquainted and/or re-acquainted with one another. It’s been a long summer so I assume there’s a bit of catching up we need to do.” She looks at Ten once. “Before that though, we do have a few important announcements.” 

Icebreakers are Bae’s worst nightmare. She has a strong theory that these icebreaker activities at the beginning of every school year is what stemmed her social anxiety. Seulgi had them branch off into randomized groups, unfortunately neither Karina or any of the rookies were in her group - maybe Seulgi did this on purpose to them to talk to other people. It’s just difficult when one is trying to find how they fit into an already interwoven dynamic. And to make it worse, McDreamy is also in her group. 

Sitting next to her is a someone who looks familiar to her. She can’t recall if he’s one of the teammates Karina has brought over to their place in the past, or if she’s just seen him somewhere else. He gives her the answer though, after staring at her for a couple seconds.

“You’re friends with Jisung right?” 

Bae nods briefly. “Yeah. Do you know him too?”

“Yeah, we go back.” His tongue brushes over his lips once, then glances at the small circle they’re in. “I guess I’ll go first then. My name is Haechan, currently a junior studying health sciences.”

Since she’s next to him, she goes next. Bae is pretty sure there’s more they need to be saying, but he didn’t elaborate more and she’s scared to ask what the full extent of the questions were. “I’m Bae. Junior, studying political science.” 

“Poli-sci?” McDreamy asks. “That’s cool. I used to be a political science major, then I switched to communications.” 

The fourth in their group has an attractive mullet, with strands of white hair thrown in. “Jungwoo takes care of all our socials unofficially since he’s a communications student. I’m Renjun, also a junior. I’m a nursing student.” He laughs when Bae winces.

“That must be difficult right now.”

“Lots of clinicals.” He agrees.

“So we’re all juniors?” Bae looks at the other three, but mostly Haechan since she has a somewhat connection to him, even if it’s through the bane of her existence. Jungwoo, aka McDreamy, is too gorgeous for her to stare at. “That’s sick.” 

“Renjun did most of my introduction for me, but I’m Jungwoo.” He’s staring only at her. Maybe it’s meaningless, and it probably is, knowing the simplicity of men. He’s probably only looking at her because she’s the only one in the circle who is unfamiliar with him. Yet, she wants to hope and dream that his stare means something more. His eyes make her feel like the only girl in the world. 

“Welcome to our team Bae,” He adds, which makes her insides sparkle. “I think you’ll love it here.” 

Classes are well into full swing, so hypothetically she should know where all her classes are located by now. However, most of her professors offered a virtual option - attending via Zoom - so for the past few weeks, so Bae’s ratio of attending in person to virtual is large enough where every time she goes, she needs to have directions on her phone. She’s trying to be better about this year, going in person helps her focus more than sitting at her computer screen in the comforts of her home. However, today she found her reason to start coming back in person.

“No way. I thought you transferred schools.” She hisses when the familiar boy slides into the seat next to her. Mark lets out one of those awkward giggles that she was so used to hearing over Zoom. 

“I took a leave of absence in spring. Needed a break.” He pulls out his laptop, setting up his side of the desk in a similar fashion to hers. “I would have let you know if I was leaving.”

“How? Through an email?” 

“I mean, you’re the kind that actually checks her email.” Mark shrugs. “So yeah, I would.” 

Mark Lee is a fellow poli-sci student, someone she met through Facebook a couple months before she started going to college. Through those incoming class Facebook groups, he posted that he was an incoming political science major, and that’s exactly where their friendship began. They don’t really have any means of contact - they’ve never shared numbers, and even with the socials they share, they never interact with one another. Even that being said, it doesn’t stop her from basically trusting him with her life. She doesn’t know why they click so much - maybe it’s the similar feelings of depression that they share, or the overwhelming sense of a meltdown threatening to come out during any poli-sci section that ties them together. 

“What’d I miss?”

“A lot. I think I’m going insane, Mark.”

He snorts. “I wouldn’t say that’s new.”

“Oh you’re vile.” She mutters. “How was the break?”

“Could have been better if my parents weren’t constantly criticizing me for taking a break.” 

“That’s rough.” She doesn’t know what else to add. “Good to have you back though.” Bae can’t say it’ll get easier, because it won’t, but she hopes he knows that she wants them to get through it together.

Throughout the course of the lecture, their professor goes over certain big projects due over the semester, each one making Bae sink further and further into her seat. This is a 300-level course, meaning it won’t be easy, but the idea of having all of that due is already giving her a headache. Mark either senses her unease, or he’s feeling it himself, for he lets a small defeated sigh slip. 

“I think we need to start our study sessions again.”

“Oh absolutely.” She mumbles. They’re royally fucked. The last words she utters to him that day is a date and time for next week - Wednesday at the library, before she leaves the hall to get some fresh air. Who said any of this was a good idea? At least the taking classes part. If Bae didn’t love the whole freedom aspect and everything else outside of the classes, she would have dropped out ages ago. 

She doesn’t get much time to ponder on the amount of depression her class is going to put her into before someone calls out her name. Well, it’s a group of people - a mix of faces she didn’t expect to be with each other. Haechan, Chenle…and Jungwoo. 

Jungwoo is the one who called her over, lounging at the public chairs set up outside of the campus building. There’s a couple of campus food trucks nearby, and Chenle has a takeout container in his hands so she assumes they must’ve gotten something to eat. Ugh, she was starving.

She smiles in greeting when she does reach the three boys, standing next to Chenle. “Did you guys have class?”

“I do, in ten minutes.” Haechan says, grimacing slightly. “Chenle said you’d be in here.” 

Bae is stunned he even remembers her schedule. He seems to pick this up and shrugs nonchalantly, trying to brush it off. She knows for a fact she won’t. “I mean, I don’t know. I said it was a hit or miss, you’re not the type to go to class.” 

She had been about to snap back, but Jungwoo laughs at that comment, so she settles with a snort. “I didn’t realize you guys knew each other.” 

“I make it my business to know everyone.” Chenle says. Bae assumes that that translates into I make it my business to know everyone Karina’s friends with. Jungwoo looks at Bae with a small smile. 

“I didn’t know you were friends with Chenle.” He looks at Chenle now. “I went to one of your parties last year, it was amazing.” 

“I aim to please.” He then hands the takeout box to Bae. “I also have class now, so I’m going to go.”

Her brows furrow. “Why are you giving this to me?”

“I got it for you.” He shrugs. “You like Kim’s, right?” 

“I do…” She trails off. “Thanks, Chenle.” 

He flashes her one of those unreadable smiles of his, one she’s been trying to dissect for years now. Then, he disappears onto the grass with Haechan, leaving her alone with McDreamy. 

“Where are you headed?” Jungwoo asks her. 

Without blinking, Bae looks back at him. “Wherever you’re going.” 

By his expression, she thinks he liked that answer. 

It’s probably a terrible idea to start anything with Jungwoo. One being that she doesn’t know him well at all, so to make a move on him without knowing for sure she was attracted to him? Tomfoolery. Another being that he was on her dance team, they were teammates so if she fucked things up, that could severely affect the team dynamic. Again, all things that could be avoided if Bae just chose not to fucking flirt with him. Which is, of course, what a rationale, patient, and even slightly intelligent person would do. All, of which, Bae Chen is not.

Luckily, it’s not like she made a huge move on him. It was just something very subtle, just saying that wherever he was going, she would go, which led her into hanging out with him for the next few hours. They went to a skate park where Bae finally cracked open that box of Kim’s, and Jungwoo started smoking. She supposed everyone had to have their flaws starting somewhere, so she wasn’t necessarily disappointed when he pulled out the pack of cigarettes. 

(But really? Cigarettes? She felt like if he were to smoke, he could have chosen something better than that at least…)

She got a few emails from Mark throughout the day - shocking - the most important one being that he was able to snag a free copy of the textbook from some bootleg site online. He’s a saint, because Bae hadn’t even begun to start worrying about that bullshit. When it was reaching sunset, Bae bade Jungwoo a farewell, the blondie was amazing to be around - but she had a personal curfew for herself that not even he could get past. Especially in the fact that she was traveling alone too. After walking for a few minutes, she reached the bus stop, taking a seat at the bench. Next to her is a man staring up at the sky. 

“You go to school here?” He asks her immediately.

“I do.” She responds.

“College?”

“Yes.” 

“I’m a college dropout.” He tells her. Bae’s not even sure how she was able to come up with a response to that, and the words that followed after. 

“Was it for a good reason?”

“My dad spent all of my college fund gambling.” Oh. “And then because of that my mom and him got into a fight - it was physical if you needed details, she whacked him over the head with my taekwondo trophy from sixth grade. He died, she’s in jail now.” Oh. “He was way older than her though, I think he had it coming.” Oh. 

“Are you okay?” She asks, after a long minute. She’s wondering why this bus hasn’t shown up yet, save her from this conversation. Truly one for the books. 

“It was six years ago. Yeah.” He tells her simply. She shrugs. 

“I don’t know. I feel like that can still be traumatic, six years or not. Have you considered seeing a therapist?” 

“I haven’t paid my rent for the past few months, I don’t think I could afford a session…to be honest.”

“They haven’t evicted you?” 

“I haven’t gone back there to check.” 

“Oh.” She nods. “So you’re homeless.” 

“Aloof. A wanderer. That’s one way to put it.” This is the first time she gets a look at man. He seems wise, but also looks like there is not a single thought behind those brown eyes of his. He can’t be that much older than her. “My name is Jaehyun.” He surely doesn’t look like a stereotypical homeless person. He looks rather put together, for someone whose world is in shambles. 

“I’m Bae. Nice to meet you.” 

“Are you enjoying college?” He asks her. 

“Yes.” He’s silent, probably expecting more of an answer.  “…and no. It’s nice being independent, learning how to adult alone…having this freedom and spontaneity to do whatever whenever. I don’t know, the pressure of college itself and bringing something out of it is definitely a joy kill. My student loans are another one too.” 

“Learn to embrace both.” She appreciates the sheer honesty and bluntness with his words, and this entire conversation. It’s like talking to someone you’ve never met in real life, in this case that being that they don’t know each other at all. “When you move past this face, nostalgia has a tendency to block out the bad memories - and shame you for ever thinking this period of your life was difficult.” He makes an alarmingly good point. 

“I…” She hesitates when the bus nears the corner. “You make a good point. Are you getting on here?” 

“Not now. Maybe later.” He takes out a water bottle from his bag to drink from it. “See you around.” 

She’s not sure if she’ll see him again, but she waves him bye, and boards the bus. The sun has dipped lower into the horizon by this point, so it’ll be nightfall just as she reaches her apartment - perfect timing. She really didn’t like to be out late when she was going around by herself. Bae receives a text from Jisung when the bus nears the stop before hers. Are you home? He asks. 

In 2 minutes yeah.

It’s quiet on his end for a minute, before a reply comes. I’m outside your house.

She can’t help but let out a snort. Of course he is. She doesn’t know why she’s not surprised, it’s not like Jisung did this often, but it was so on-brand for a person like him to just pop up whenever. Bae doesn’t send back a response, knowing that she’ll be home within seconds now. And as the bus pulls around the stop, she can see her apartment, where indeed, a blurry figure sits on the front steps. Her place is further up the street so he’s not identifiable, but by now, Bae knows that it’s Jisung. 

“What brings you here?” She asks him. 

“I was in the area. Do you have food?” 

“So you’re hungry.” She scoffs. He’s just as predictable as she expected him to be. Jisung follows her through the front entrance. 

“I kinda…overspent this month. My part-time doesn’t start until next week, and my rent sucked up the remainder of my funds.” Oh, so he’s in dire need. Bae will admit, she probably wouldn’t have turned him down even if he did have the funds. She nods at the kitchen island, where he happily takes a seat. 

“What’d you do today?” Jisung asks.

“Talked to a homeless man.” She responds, pulling out a few ingredients from the fridge. 

“He didn’t follow you back home, did he?” 

“He didn’t even get on at my stop. So, no.” She turns on the gas. “He was very…insightful, if you ask me. Oh, and speaking of…do you know Haechan?”

“Yeah, I do. Why?” 

“You never mentioned that you knew him. He’s on my dance team.” 

“Oh.” He shrugs. “Didn’t think of it.” 

“I didn’t realize you guys were tight with all of them like that.” She shakes her head. “Small world.” 

“Who?”

“Chenle too.” She elaborates. “Apparently he’s close with Jungwoo too…” Bae tilts her head in contemplation. “I don’t know how much I like that.” 

“Jungwoo?” Jisung sounds surprised. “So that’s the dude Karina mentioned.” 

Oh, she’s not liking where this is heading. Karina is terrible at one thing, and that’s keeping her mouth shut. “What exactly did she say?” Bae asks cautiously. 

“Jungwoo, Mr. McDreamy,” Jisung grimaces over the words. “as she phrased it. The dude you’ve gone all soft for. Honestly, gross, Bae.” 

“When have I ever shamed you for liking someone?”

“Remember Yizhuo?” He doesn’t stop there. “Or Yeri? Or Joohyun—”

“Okay Joohyun is way out of your league. I laughed because the gap was comical.” 

She can practically hear him roll his eyes behind her. “Exactly. So we’re even now. And besides, isn’t Jungwoo like…” When she turns, he sees Jisung flip his hand downwards slowly. 

“He’s not gay!” Truthfully, that thought never even occurred to her. “He’s not gay.” She repeats. Now that the thought is there, she’s curious. Is he? Really thinking about…she could see it as one way or another. 

“He’s not…” Annoyed, Bae blinks abruptly. “How do you even know this?” 

“I have my sources.”

“So you’re just bluffing.” She crosses her arms. “It’s not very nice to assume someone’s sexuality.” 

“And neither is pining after him and assuming he’s into girls.”

“I’m not assuming he is!” Bae glares at him. “He might be bi. Why confine him to one gender?” 

“I’m not!” Jisung grins, amused with her irritation like he always is. “Again, I just suggested that he may not be straight. You are the one who assumed I meant gay.”

Bae opens her mouth once, to say something (anything), but comes up with nothing. His lips twist into a wider smile when she shuts her mouth promptly and turns away to refocus her attention on the stove. Jisung 1, Bae 0.

“I made a pass at him today though.” Bae says. “Kind of subtle, but he took it. I think.” She sighs. “I don’t know if he’s interested in me like that though.” 

“Guys are simple, Bae. If he likes you, you’ll know. If you’re confused…then he probably doesn’t.” Along with that embarrassing time of her feelings for Chenle, there laid a brief (very brief) time where she questioned her feelings for Jisung. Platonic or something more. They kissed at his nineteenth birthday party when both of them were heavily intoxicated. She hardly knew him back then, it was at the very beginning of their friendship which is why things between them aren’t weird now. She also blamed most of her actions on the alcohol, but of course the overthinking made her wonder if she actually did like him. Turns out, that was wrong because any kind of attraction faded when she found out what a pain in the ass he was. But thinking about what he said, she wonders if there was ever a time, maybe in the beginning, if he ever tried to make it apparent. Bae’s a dunce, so most passes go ignored by her unless she’s the instigator. 

Maybe she imagined it, but the silence in the room grew heavy after his sentence, so Jisung awkwardly clears his throat, breaking eye contact with her. “Noodles right?” 

“Yeah, noodles.” She agrees, clicking off the stove. 

chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5 (coming soon)

[sannflwrr]

part 1 of my jisung fic is underway of being posted! please stay tuned xx

[sannflwrr]

you posted about a jisung fic and a jisung oneshot ^^

- 🦋

ok so currently the oneshot is becoming a fic lowkey 💀💀💀 but that one is underway! however the original Jisung fic is still in the drafts, i have some planning done but not a ton of writing still - I’ll get there eventually !

[sannflwrr]

raise your hand if you're still waiting for sana's jisung fic.

🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

LMFAOOOOOO IM SO SORRRY ANON

life has been so busy lately so ive been struggling to write in general, BUT that hasn't stopped me from planning out some of my drafts (including my jisung ones)

dont worry, i haven't scrapped it from my to-do list, but it might not be here for a hot second :")

i also do not remember which jisung draft i teased, i have 2 on my list to write so far - so we'll see which one i end up finishing LMAO

[sannflwrr]

Sorry I Didn’t Say Something Sooner

Author: sannflwrr

Pairing: Taehyung x Y/N (ft. Jungkook)

Rating: 18+

Warnings: mid profanities (?), angst (per usual), mentions of weed, alcoholism, su!c!de, se*f-ha*m (yea this can be a very sensitive topic of individuals so please be cautious as you’re reading)

Summary: What would have happened if they said something sooner?

a/n: oof this is actually so depressing. idk i was getting in my thoughts as i was writing this so some of the inner monologues are just me reflecting, i apologize for another angsty draft :”)

Sometimes I think of myself like a planet. Everyone was their own star, at the center of their own lives, while I was hopelessly rotating around others. Everyone found a way to be loved, I struggled to make people love me. I was alone, exiled from the solar system. I was Pluto. And Kim Taehyung, he was my sun. 

After sometime, going so long without any type of romantic interaction makes a person hopeless. Am I that unlovable? Everyone I knew around me had experienced one at some point, sweet love, a spicy summer fling, all sorts of tropes that I had only ever read about in stories. They would tell me my chance would come when I’m older. It never made sense. If not now, what would ever indicate that I would be deserving of it in the future? To make matters worse, there was someone who I yearned to open my heart up to, but I was far too much of a coward and my belief that I was simply unloved was far too strong that I didn’t see the signs. Not until it was too late. 

We all used to be great friends in high school and throughout college. In-state tuition was cheap, so most of the friend group remained within the state for the following four years, where we attended school at the same university, just very different majors. Life was fun then, I was distracted by the highs of singleness that I momentarily forgot about all my inner hatred for myself. My lack of sexual and romantic experience which channeled into my lack of self esteem and a build up of hatred to my own physical appearance. I never realized my behavior was all just a lot of insecurity. I was constantly conscious about the way I looked, the way I talked, how I sent text messages to people, to the point where it was overbearing. Only after I began seeing a therapist after the nightmare that was senior year, did I begin to realize I had major issues with my self-image. 

Taehyung was easily the most liked in our group. He was fun, easygoing, and pretty. During orientation week as freshmen, lots of girls would approach him, because he was eye-catching and had a baritone voice that usually caught people by surprise. They would tell him they loved his hair. He used to smile back and say thank you. They liked his hair, but not as much as I did. No one ever liked it as much as I did, because I was the only one who never told him how much I did. He would simply catch me staring at his hair, and I’d give him a small smile, then look out the window. I never told him a lot of things I was feeling, and in that way, I felt like our silence was our language. It’s hard to explain through words, but it felt like we understood each other in a different way than the others did. 

He was good with his alcohol, while I only drank in social settings. That taste of it was awful, unless it was heavily diluted with orange juice or it was the cotton candy flavored wine from the grocery store two blocks away. My friends knew I didn’t like drinking, but rather than exclude me from their outings, they still brought me along. It was nice that they didn’t make fun of me for not drinking with them. By this point, it was junior year, so most of them were borderline alcoholics. Taehyung had started to smoke by this point, so whenever I came near him, he would smell like earth and cinnamon. It was more grown up, but it suited him. I still liked his curly hair, which remained unchanged. He asked me if I wanted to try his joint once. It was difficult for me to say no to guy like him, with his sweet dark chocolate eyes, so I did. It was terrible, I ended up choking over air, and coughing so much that my eyes turned red. It was worth it because it made Taehyung laugh, which strung a chord in my heart.

“I miss hearing your laugh.” I had told him. We were out in the parking lot of the bar, the silence was nice in contrast to the music and noise inside the building. My comment caused his smile to fade slightly, but not completely. Like he had been waiting for someone to notice. Like he wanted someone to notice. 

“I just can’t find a lot of things worth enjoying anymore.” He looks down at the burning cigarette in his hand, and lets it fall to the ground. “It’s an easy escape, this thing.” 

And for a moment, those words of his brought me out of the little bubble I created for myself. I remembered all of the awful things I would say to myself in the mirror, the constant doubt…

We were the same, I realized. He had friends and felt so surrounded to the point where he was alone. No one understood him. They liked his exterior, whatever he put on for other people. And I was so alone that, 

I was so alone, that my thoughts scared me. 

“Do you like juice?” I asked him. I looked to the street, across from us was a 7/11. He followed my line of sight, then back to me. 

“Orange juice would be nice.” 

Five minutes later, I bring back one of those small bottles, one for him, one for me kind of deal. 

“Let’s make a toast.”

“To?”

“I don’t know.” I hesitate, looking down at my bottle. “To life. Trying to stay in it longer…I guess.” He’s quiet for a while, where it made me question whether my action was overdoing it, overstepping a line. But then he looks up at me from the curb. His shoelaces are untied. Taehyung lifts his bottle to touch mine.

“I can toast to that.” 

I continued to follow him, like how a planet revolves around the Sun. He was always there, and never faded from sight, no matter how low the probability was that I would ever say anything to him about the matter of my heart. I had bigger issues to deal with by then, that being my senior year. 

My friends were nice, but they didn’t understand what was happening to me. To put it quite frankly, I hated myself. To the point where my fridge was usually empty, with the exception of a box of cherry plums. I hardly looked at my mirror, and my apartment was mostly dark. The windows were usually closed, I didn’t like the light. And my bed was never made, mostly because I stayed in bed all the time. It was a struggle to wake up to go to class, and even more so to do my work and keep up with whatever social life I had. 

Again, they didn’t understand, but they gave me more peace than I could’ve imagined. They didn’t understand, but they never forced me to be way out of my normal just for their sake. To this day, even as I think about this, I couldn’t have been more blessed to have such a group of friends who didn’t pressure me for ghosting them on days on end, forgetting to respond to their texts because I was locked away in my own darkness. They only encouraged me to do the bare minimum, remember to take a shower, make sure there’s some food in my fridge. 

The time I did go out to meet them, it was at Taehyung’s apartment. His place smelled woody, like a grown up, which I realized we were at this point. Most of them had plans for the future laid out. I still felt like I was the train wreck from freshman year, which was yet another one of my problems which I didn’t want to address. 

There were about ten of us in the room, and it was a warm May night, which made the apartment heat up. I hated that I wore long sleeves especially for this, even though it’s all I ever wore. Most of them were extremely drunk by the time I arrived. The reason I stayed as long as I did because Taehyung’s eyes brightened when he opened the door to my face. It was nice that his face still had the same effect on me as it did all those other times. One thing remained unchanged. As soon as I stepped inside, he handed me a cup filled with orange juice. 

“I was hoping you would show.” 

“Me too.” I told him. It made me wonder in awe how he was able to keep up with this life so effortlessly. For me, it was immensely difficult, everything felt like a chore. The only things that didn’t feel like a chore was laying in bed. Or talking to him. 

I stayed there, listening to everyone talk until people began to head out one by one. I stayed until no one remained, where it was just him and I. This was different from the parking lot, but it felt the same. Just many, many months apart. 

“We hardly see you anymore.”

“It’s hard.” I told him, which is what he probably expected me to say. “I don’t think anyone sees me anymore. Not even my professors.” That caused his lips to rise a little, and he took a sip from his cup. 

I asked him where his bathroom is, and he pointed to the left. Excusing myself, I locked myself inside. Even the bathroom smelled like him, there was a shelf filled with his bathroom materials. There was no mirror in there, the bathroom was small so there wasn’t any room for a sink. My head tingled like I was dizzy. It was either the orange juice, or the fact that the orange juice is the only thing I had at all that day. I assumed it was the latter, and opened the door. This time, Taehyung greeted me by the mirror, staring at his own reflection. He was adjusting his hair. It still looked nice. 

I rolled up my sleeves to wash my hands. The silence was comforting with him, his dark eyes watching me pretty blatantly. Then he leaned against the wall. I realized he was staring at my hands. I quickly dried my hands. 

“It was a cat.” I said to him. “Scratched me.” 

He nodded, then looked at me again. “Your cat?” 

“Yeah.” Nodding, I glanced down at my sleeves. “I forgot to cut her claws.” 

“That must’ve hurt, then.”

I was silent. Because I realized he doesn’t believe my lies. And I hated how nice he continued to be despite that, I hated how much of a good person he can still be despite of everything he deals with. Him and I are the same yet he’s so put together and I am an absolute mess. 

“It did.” I whispered. “It hurt a lot.”

“Does she scratch you often?”

“Not often.” I stared at the sink bowl. “But sometimes.” 

He took a calculated step forward. “Do you know why?”

“I guess I make her angry, sometimes.”

“About?” 

By now, I couldn’t look him in the eye, or even myself in the mirror, so I stare at the sink, feeling the tears pool on my cheeks. “Everything. Just everything.” 

Taehyung watched me cry silently. We didn’t exchange many words after that, and just stood there in each other’s presence. That was the tipping point for me. I realized how I was feeling wasn’t normal, and that I should see someone to talk about my feelings. And that’s when I met Yoongi, my therapist. 

Taehyung was mentioned a lot in our sessions. My feelings for him, everything we used to talk about. Yoongi helped me work through my trauma and hatred for myself. Made me realize why I was so insecure. Taught me how to be nicer to myself. Taught me how to love myself. I started leaning away from the cat excuse. He was amazing and he saved my life. He’s still my therapist to this day. I’m not as messed as I used to be, but sometimes the thoughts still linger. 

There was a point in my recovery where the flowers began to bloom again. The Sun shone brighter for me, and I began to see colors again. A couple years after my graduation, which was when I met Jungkook. 

He was a breath of fresh air. I used to be so scared of being unlovable, but it was like those thoughts disappeared when he showed up. Unlike anything I had ever read or experienced in my life, he managed to sweep me off of my feet. He was sweet, considerate, and his smile was contagious. He was younger than me by a year, but somehow his entire presence made me feel like I aged back years. That was just his effect. He seemed to shine inside and out. 

Perhaps it was that I learned how to love myself, that I was able to show this love now for other people. Jungkook received it well, and returned it back to me like a boomerang. He soon became my first everything. And soon to be my last everything. 

I didn’t think about Taehyung much once Jungkook became one of the closest people to me in my life. I didn't have to anymore, because he used to be my Sun. Now I had finally learned how to be my own center, so the darker days started to drift away as I became happier. And Jungkook was a huge reason to that happiness, so I had no reason to. He made my heart full. 

But like all things that are pushed away, like my unresolved feelings that I shut off for many years, he returned many years later, on a warm summer evening. He was there with Jungkook and I at a fancy hall down in the city. Not just him, but many of my other friends, who were eager to see me. Jungkook was preoccupied with a couple of his old friends from college, so I was left alone for a moment. That was when we met again. 

“Y/N.” 

The first thing I noticed was his curly hair. It felt bittersweet, how some things refused to change. He was dressed in a dark blue suit, and a baby blue tie that matched the color code of the event. I felt a smile spread across my lips, it was both of surprise, but also of pain. Seeing him again…reminded me of a lot of things. 

“What a lovely surprise!” 

He smiles at me, then wraps an arm around me for a quick embrace. “It is an important occasion.” He glances over at Jungkook who is several feet away. Jungkook seems to catch my gaze, for he glances over and gives me one of his familiar grins. “Which by the way,” Taehyung adds. “Congratulations again.” 

“Thank you.” I’m still watching him socialize with his old friends, then I look back to Taehyung. “It’s been a long time since we last spoke.”

If I’m not mistaken, my response causes some pain in his eyes. His smile doesn’t betray it, and he glances away once to the champagne table to try and disguise it. “I would think that we are very different people now, right?” I hate that I understand what he’s really trying to ask underneath that. I nod once, letting the smile fade. He reminds me too much of my painful days. The longer I continue to stand in his cinnamon cologne, the harder it gets for me to breathe. Jungkook saves me at that moment, and he smiles at Taehyung. 

“Y/N, there’s someone I want you to meet.” I let him usher me off without a farewell to Taehyung. Not like I could’ve mustered much anyways. I felt like I was choking on flowers. The kind that smelt like him. It felt nice seeing him again after so long, but it also pained me. I didn’t like that it pained me, I felt guilty, Taehyung had never hurt me in any way. I still hoped I wouldn’t run into him alone that evening. My prayers were left unanswered, later that night, Jungkook fell asleep on me in the hotel, while my eyelids were struggling to close. It was the night before everything changed, it’s a big deal. I really wondered how he could sleep like a rock. All of the socializing must have worn him out. I found myself entering the lobby of the hotel for a change of scenery. 

I recognized the fluffy mop of curly hair outside of the hotel lobby, with a trail of smoke following him. It probably wasn’t in my best interests to go out there, but I did. 

“I didn’t realize you were at the hotel too.” 

“Well, most of us are.” Taehyung comments, then looks up at me from the bench. “You booked this place for everyone.”

“Right.” I nod. “Some of the details the planner takes care of, so I guess it flew over my head.” 

“He seems like a great guy.” Taehyung tells me. “You never gave much details to any of us.” He mentions our friend circle but I realize he’s just talking about himself mostly. I sit down next to him.

“I started going to therapy towards the end of college. My therapist — he’s great. He, he helped through so many of my problems. I didn’t realize how much I needed it after our conversation in your apartment, actually.” Taehyung smiles, it seems that he remembered. “After working on myself a lot, I finally learned how to love other people, and receive it in return. That’s how I found Jungkook. I like that our relationship is relatively private. I still get insecure from time to time, despite working on it…so I just choose to keep the most precious things to me private. I don’t want to know what other people think of him and of us.” 

Taehyung stays quiet for a while, and during that time I watch the way the smoke from his cigarette dissipates into the air. 

“Does he know?”

“Yeah.” I let out a small breath. It pains me that I know what he means of immediately. “He told me he wished he had known me back then.” I smiled to myself. “It’s not like he could have done anything. The me back then was very un-receiving to help.” 

Taehyung nods to this, like he agrees. “I was like him.” 

I still at this, waiting for him to continue. The silence that follows already explains a lot, but I need him to speak to confirm what I think he’s saying. 

“As a friend, there was only so much we could do for you, Y/N. Making sure you took a shower, that you ate. We always felt like we were overstepping boundaries if we got too involved in your life.” He hesitates when he says the next part. “But part of me…part of me thought that if I,” 

I can see that he is struggling to say the words. I know why he is — he’s treading so close to the line that we used to be at for years, but now he threatens to actually cross it, to break it. 

“If you?”

“If I had been more than a friend,” He continues. “Maybe things would have been different for you. Easier for you.” 

“I never realized you felt that way.” I said to him, it surprised me how easy the words came out. “For most of college, being friends with you was the only thing keeping me going.” 

“It’s nice to know that even despite that, you still found your way.” Taehyung says, and smiles at me. He’s smiling, but I can see the clear pain in his eyes. He doesn’t really try to hide it either, which makes it worse.

The words he said after made it hard for me to breathe, so much so that I spent the rest of my night holding back the tears in my chest. Not just for myself or him, but just everything. My friends noticed that something was off with me the following morning, but didn’t ask - knowing well I wouldn’t tell them the real reason. 

I couldn’t stop thinking about his words, and it made me feel so guilty walking down the aisle, and staring at the man that I vowed to spend my life with. I recited them word for word, but my head was elsewhere, still stuck on what Taehyung had said to me. 

“Do you ever wonder?” He had asked me.

The way Jungkook smiles at me usually gives me butterflies. But right now, I feel so guilty that I want to hurl. 

“I used to wonder all the time.” I told him. “I always wondered what could have happened if I had said something.” 

“I just wonder,” He stares up at the sky. “I wonder if I had said something, whether that would still be the same man who had given you that ring.” 

When the ceremony closes, Jungkook’s lips meet mine. I’m so in love with this man, so it revolts me how a mere conversation can shake me up so terribly. I’m so incredibly stunned with my own emotions and how they’ve swayed me incredibly. I know if Jungkook were to ever know how I was feeling right now, it would break his heart. He would be devastated. Because I am in myself right now. 

My eyes meet Taehyung’s one last time in the crowd. He wears a gentle smile, like how he always used to whenever he saw. It makes me sick to the stomach how much his short words impacted me. I hate how sick I feel. Because I know deep down that he was right. Had he said anything, had I said anything…there would have been someone completely different standing on that aisle. 

“So yeah,” Taehyung had looked at me wistfully. “That’s what I used to think about.” He got up. “I should probably get some sleep. Early day tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.” I had told him, eyes planted to the floor. I couldn’t move. He neared the door, about to open it, when he paused.

“And Y/N?”

“Mm?” I forced myself to look away from the concrete. 

“Sorry I didn’t say something sooner.” 

[sannflwrr]

I CANT STOP LAUGHINT AT THIS

wait gonna post my favourite funny ncity tweets

[sannflwrr]

i don't have a tumblr account yet, but a jisung oneshot??? he is my ult bias i xvsvxvsvdhsvdbshs

NCT??? bb don’t you WORRY, I have something in the works 😊😊😊😊😊😊