sapphicnoel

[sapphicnoel]

i love writing fanfiction that has a stupid fanfictionass plotline like yesss that’s exactly where it belongs

[sapphicnoel]

[sapphicnoel]

flea markets and second hand stores have become todd's enemy in these past years - it's true what they say in fashion, everything comes back. he can't bear that feeling: looking at a shirt he's certain neil's worn, unsure, always unsure, of if it's actually the same exact shirt, if maybe, neil's scent and sweat still linger in the faded fabric.

there are stains on the hem (knox trying to hide his giggles under the stern stare of mr o'connell, and knocking into neil, who promptly drops his pen, ink bleeding into his shirt?), scrapes on the buttons (the cave walls, rough and always more narrow than they think, drunk on torch light?).

he doesn't know what his parents did with neil's things. he doesn't know if he wants to.

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wdym ill never be a nerdy teenage boy in a boarding school in the 50s that reads poetry in a cave and has a secret romance with my roomate????????

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— “suddenly it’s december”, margaux paul

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DEAD POETS SOCIETY ON TUMBLR TOP 100 MOVIES?????/

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i see a lot of people talking about how they think neil decided/knew what he'd do in this scene here

but in all honesty i think he knew as early as this scene, and any moments prior to what we're shown in the film

regardless of what media may portray, from personal experience (though i cant speak for everyone), decisions such as neil's circumstances are not thought of lightly, and take an extended era of mentally depleting decision making to even seriously consider

look at him here, the tired look in his eyes as his father praises him only when he's finally compliant with mr. perry's persistent demands

only when his father leaves do we see him alleviate that drained look—however, he does so with this off putting smile, visibly not one with genuine comfortable intent,, its dissociative, uneasy; he's thinking of his dad ('s office)

and then he sits back and really thinks about it, sort of coming back to reality with the overall atmosphere of this scene itself … he's reconsidering (as one does), maybe not taking it as seriously since he's had these thoughts for so long

and so charlie and knox and meeks all step out, confronting him about it, and of course neil talks back about talking back and such, evidently a little jealous that they're comfortable in what their parents have laid out for them—what they're able to accomplish

he's envious because, to him, their free,, free in their choices, their future, and he wants that; yet the only way in his mind to obtain that, is through death

and here, in this part, when charlie mentions the annual, neil still replies in his harsh tone about how he "doesn't give a damn about any of it," which provokes this estranged, slightly confused look amongst the boys, deeming this as something out of character for neil

withdrawal from interests and goals is a very important sign if someone is experiencing ideation, and this is exactly what neil is doing—maybe this could percieved as simply brainwashed under his father's ideals but neil being neil (the neil who specifically went against his father's wishes for his acting passions) most likely would do this,, he himself is disconnecting.

in this final part, we see that smile again, the rest of my theorized context to it shown in the background with the expressions on each of the boys faces—this isnt like neil, and therefore they're worried

lastly, before it clips away, neil switches the subject in the height of its tension, an attempt to drag away his friends' attention from his unusual behavior

he doesn't want them to know—perhaps he himself doesn't want to know, but they all do, even if only on surface level

thank you for coming to my ted talk

[sapphicnoel]

something that i find so haunting about dps is that in every scene neil is so jumpy, he just can’t keep still — he’s either constantly jittering about, tapping his foot/moving his leg, and not keeping eye contact too long — and by the end, as he walks to his fathers office and then sits there, he’s completely still, completely resigned to his fate. it’s so clear that neil isn’t there anymore, we’re just watching a shell of a person who’s long gone.

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They’re like two dwarf hamsters at a pet store who had to be separated because they kept trying to eat each other

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dead poets society (1989) / looking for alaska - john green

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[sapphicnoel]

no one cares.

he's not in the deleted scene, for no reason, when he hasn't done anything (yet), and no one cares.

and it's such a big moment for todd - he's finally getting his voice, and while neil can't be there for obvious reasons, theres no reason for cameron to be gone.

but he is.

and no one cares.

no one thinks it's weird he isnt there - even though he always has been before.

i wonder if he ever thought he didn't belong.

i wonder what he was doing that night.

i wonder why he wasnt there.

i wonder if he realized everyone went on ahead without him.

[sapphicnoel]

[sapphicnoel]

Trans Neil Perry. breathe if correct.

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I am a “Todd wears leather jackets” TRUTHER and nobody can change my mind

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i think its really neat how neil broke the tradition of the dead poets society to include todd.

[sapphicnoel]

boys love older anderperry