sarahnelson41-blog - Tumblr blog

[sarahnelson41-blog]

some feelings will never go away

[sarahnelson41-blog]

[sarahnelson41-blog]

you’ll forever be my favorite people, thank you for the endless memories

[sarahnelson41-blog]

-homeboy-

i will always be grateful for you. for the love we shared. even though it didn’t last forever as we planned it so long ago.

for the memories we made, our stupid rap battles, roasting the hell out of each other, going on drives on a monday afternoon to make the day more interesting, the first kiss resulting in electricity flowing through my veins.

for the way my heart races when you’re around, for those beep brown eyes and that dazzling smile, for the way your hand fit in mine and the way you made the world stop spinning by looking into my eyes.

for the songs i wrote for you when you broke my heart, the person i became because of you and the lessons i’ve learned along the way, for the hope i developed for true love, for the most genuine happiness i’ve felt in my life.

there’s a piece of me that will always love you, so whether this is the end of us for good or just for now, whether we find each other again in the future, just know that i appreciate every moment we spent together.

i love you

[sarahnelson41-blog]

-homeboy-

why are you with another girl, yet i’m somehow still getting mixed signals? there should be no signals for me to pick up on at all. i should be over this or hate you or just not care anymore but there’s still something there between us that keeps me here. something wanting you more than anything else. and i pray that one day it’s us. that it’s you and me in the end... or that i’m happy with someone else. wholeheartedly and genuinely in love with someone, anyone who isn’t you.

[sarahnelson41-blog]

-homeboy-

i still get mixed signals from you. you do shit that makes me think you still want me too...but yet even after i told you how i still feel, you don’t reach out. you didn’t say anything. not one word. i’m so broken at this point, i don’t care about anything. i have no feelings for anyone or anything. i’m numb, yet all i can do is love you. i love you from afar bc i can’t really have you, and i never will. that doesn’t stop me from having these feelings for you and i don’t know why. all i want to do is get over you. walk away and be happy, look at you and not care, not feel anything for you. but nothing is changing and it hasn’t after this long...i’m not sure it ever will.

[sarahnelson41-blog]

-homeboy-

know you probably won’t leave her, but i have to at least tell you how i still feel just to see if there’s any chance that we could be something. i’m not counting on it because i’ve been shot down by you so many times before and now you’re in a fr relationship. idk how this will go or if it will even be worth it in the end, but i have to at least try or this was all for nothing. if there’s one thing i’ve learned this year, it’s to go balls to the wall in whatever i do. don’t give a fuck what people might think about it bc the opinions don’t matter and you won’t really get anywhere if you don’t try. so i’m going to shoot my damn shot and if it fails...then we really aren’t meant to be. but if it works and i trust my gut, this could actually happen.

[sarahnelson41-blog]

-homeboy-

i did it. i finally told my boyfriend what’s going on and how i feel. i broke up with him because it’s not a fair situation for him to think i love him the way he loves me when in reality, you’re the one on my mind when i go to bed at night and wake up in the morning, you’re the one i hope to see when i walk down the hallway, you’re the one i want to bump into at the grocery store. the fleeting glances, the quick butterflies, the spark of energy, you’re what i crave and i couldn’t keep pretending that i see that in him when you’re all i want.

[sarahnelson41-blog]

-homeboy-

in the car today i was showing my boyfriend some of my favorite sad music and then you pulled up right next to my car. i couldn’t help but zone out and stare at you. he noticed and i think he could see how sad i still am, idk what he thinks but i don’t know how much longer i can keep up the act. the problem is, even if i leave him for you, it’s not like you’ll leave your girlfriend for me. i’m in a situation that i desperately wish i could leave.

[sarahnelson41-blog]

-homeboy-

it’s raining. i love the rain because it makes me feel like i’m not the only one going through things like this. even the sky is sad so i’ll be okay. it’s been a couple months and i really started to be okay without you...until today that is. idk what it is but i miss you a little extra today. i cried over you again, an unfortunate phase that i thought i was over. i told my best friend everything, he’s knows i still love you, but i don’t have the heart to tell my boyfriend.

[sarahnelson41-blog]

-homeboy-

thank you. for breaking my heart. thank you for the memories. thank you for being my first. my first love, my first time, my first heartbreak. i learned so much about myself and how i need to be treated. i learned how it feels to genuinely fall in love even though it hurt every step of the way.

[sarahnelson41-blog]

-homeboy-

all i want to do is talk to you. i miss telling you everything and having you as my best friend. i wish you’d send me one last meme, make fun of me one last time, stare at me, kiss me, touch me...talk to me just one more time.

[sarahnelson41-blog]

-homeboy-

i think you still think about me too. i think you realize that i treated you better, cared for you more, made you happier than she ever will. when i’m with someone else you always look at us, then you look away and pretend like you don’t care but sneak another glance anyways. every time you see my car, you always look through the window to see if i’m there and see if i’ll look back at you. i think you know what you lost, i just wish you never left me.

[sarahnelson41-blog]

-homeboy-

i thought i’d be fine. i thought once i left you and found someone to take your place that i’d finally be happy. turns out even though you broke my heart the whole time we were...whatever we were, i was still so happy to have you in my life. i’ve found someone who is sweet, funny, loyal, honest, caring, someone who wants me and only me, yet... all i want is you. i still love you and i think i always will. it shatters every piece of my heart knowing that i’m something you’ll never love in return.

[sarahnelson41-blog]

-homeboy-

it’s been months since we’ve talked. months since i’ve heard your laugh, months since i’ve seen your smile with those dimples i love so much, months since i lost my best friend. you chose her over me and of all the stupid fucked up things you could’ve done...that one hurts most. i don’t understand what you see in her that you didn’t see in me. and it breaks everything inside me to see you walk with her, hold her hand, tell her you love her. my hearts still aches when i see you, when i hear your name, or see your car. i think of all the memories i have with you all the time. everything reminds me of you and what we used to be.

[sarahnelson41-blog]

-homeboy-

i can’t wait for the day that i wake up and don’t think about you all day. i can’t wait until i realize that i’m better than this. i can’t wait to see myself walk away. i’ll be so much better because of it. i’ll be so happy, and i won’t be so hurt all the time. i’ll be truly happy. you on the other hand, well you’re fucked the day i leave. you’re going to realize that i was nothing but amazing for you. i was that best thing to ever happen to you and you fucked it up. you really don’t now what you have until it’s gone and boy you’re going to miss me, but it’s going to be too late...

[sarahnelson41-blog]

-homeboy-

i’m in love with you. you’re the first person i’ve genuinely fell for. like head over heels. i’ve liked other people and whatnot but you’re on a totally different level. you have my whole heart and i’m hopelessly into you. i hope you know that you’re always gonna be the one that got away. you’re always going to be my “what if” you’re going to be the one that’s always there in the back of my head. the one that i’ll always have feelings for. the one who’s memories i’ll look fondly back on, but i’ll also have learned lessons from. you’re the only one i want and i just wish you felt the same way.