sarapis

[sarapis]

I am not free.

[sarapis]

[sarapis]

When I become Regional Prosecutor. 

[sarapis]

So here I am again, the insatiable me, the ambitious me. I know I’ve lots of things to be thankful about, but I just can’t help but want more. The longing for something greater gets me impatient. I want more and more and more. Maybe I expect too much of myself. And why not? What is wrong with wanting and longing for greater things? The haste dwells in me, like I have not much of a time to fulfill that which is unknown. To consume the world in no time, that, that, is me, my happiness.

[sarapis]

I came here to serve but I find myself saying “I’m doing my job.” Now I know there’s a line... between public service which is ideal, and government service which is not. What a difference a cell can make to a full grown hungry monster. I see my fate is extinction. 

[sarapis]

Faithlessness.

When you try to keep your mouth shut from all the confidences that you hear from here and there...... 

When you try to put down the fire from the mouths of wingless dragons that thrive in the frozen, below cold fog of molds under loam of leeches you get.....

[sarapis]

Asshole

"The worst kind of person. You cannot fully construct a meaning that fully encompasses what this vicious insult means. If you're an asshole, you are disgusting, loathesome, vile, distasteful, wrathful, belligerent, agoraphobic, and more. Assholes are human fecal matter. They are the lowest of the low. They transcend all forms of immorality. It is the very worst of insults; to be called an asshole is to have your very soul ripped apart and shat on. I say that the word "asshole" is the worst cussword of the english language, worst than fuck, shit, and cunt combined."

(http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=asshole)

[sarapis]

No amount of insult or offense to the pride could have justified the cheating the lies To have gambled on emotions i fear half-conscious nights.

[sarapis]

@

"What do you care?"

[sarapis]

Poison Oak

The end of paralysis I was a statuette Now I'm drunk as hell on a piano bench And when I press the keys It all gets reversed The sound of loneliness makes me happier

[sarapis]

x

I think of your chin and I die. I think of your lips and I die. I think of your breath and I die. I think of your tongue and I die. I think of your mouth that I kiss die. 

I think of your neck and I die. I think of your throat and I die. I think of your scent and I die. I think of the marks which I make on your skin and I die. 

I think of your ears and I die. I think of your nape and I die. I think of the words which I whisper in the dark and I die. 

I think of your voice and I die. I think of your haste and I die. I think of the baseless things you say and I die. 

I think of your back, the rash, and I die.

I think of your back, the scratches, and I die.

I think of your back, the bye, and I die.

I think of the words, the fragments, the phrases, 

Your eyes, your haste, your back . . .

 I DIE.

[sarapis]

GOD-ING

God a thing, god a doctrine. But never god a person. A person "that" gods is a thing. it is a doctrine - of slavery. And as such it can be god-ed. As a thing. As a doctrine. When you god, do you love? When you love, do you god? When you god, you devolve, turn yourself into itself. You don’t love, you admire "FROM A FAR" A thing that CAN NEVER be had. When you love, you don’t god. You give yourself, you don’t lose yourself. Perhaps you admire. Perhaps "FROM A DISTANCE" A thing that perhaps ... CAN NOT be had. SO DON'T SAY I LOVE. SAY I GOD.

[sarapis]

24/7

This is North Korea. This is South Korea. 

This is Deceit Diva This is Sham Trivia.

This is Centipede Slayer. This is Bug Catcher. 

This is Blush Wiper. This is Makeout Master.

This is Convenience Keeper,

Open Twenty Four Seven.

[sarapis]

Love Hate

Dear Love, 

I hate you.

Do you know how much, Love? I love you.

Dear Hate, 

I hate you.

Do you know how much, Hate? I love you.

  Dear Love,

why do I hate you?

Dear Hate,

why do I love, hate you?  

  Why, Love, Am I

Hating love, hating loving hate love? I hate you, Love. I hate you, Hate.  I love you, Love Hate.

  Dear Love, I hate.

I can’t love love without hate, Hate. Hate,

I love love hate. I hate hate hate, Hate.

  Dear Hate, I love.

I can’t hate hate without love, Hate. Love,

I hate hate love. I love love love, Hate.

Love, Hate.

Hate, Love hate.

  Can you leave my love alone, Hate?

Can you leave my hate alone, Love hate?

  Love,

Hate. Hate,

 Love.

[sarapis]

raw truth

Today, as she looked in the mirror, all she saw was the person she hates the most. She saw failure, mistake, tragedy. The reflection was nothing but an artifact of shameful design and flawed finishing. She saw ugly in its purest form. She saw a joke, an unending tale of mockery. The image was so horrifying she got terrified. There was chill, an electrifying sensation of disgust, of spite, and of extreme dislike. The hate was so great that it approximated love for oneself, a feeling so difficult to overcome. So there was love somewhere there, at the background, at the periphery. Today, as she looked in the mirror, all she wanted was to smash it to pieces. But she lacked the courage to do it. So she thought ... if only the mirror was in a vacuum, then smashing it would be easy. Painful, silent, and easy. 

[sarapis]

The Cheapest

I HAVE TO WRITE THIS OTHERWISE I’LL DIE. AND I DON'T WANT TO DIE AN EMPTY DEATH. EVERY TIME I SEE THAT, I WONDER, AND I WONDER TO NO AVAIL. WHY AND HOW AND WHAT. I AM. AMAZED, PUZZLED. SHOCKED. BAFFLED. IT SEEMS THAT I WAS BLINDED, DISILLUSIONED. FOOLISH. DENSE. UNWISE. WHY. HOW. WHAT. I LOOKED. SEARCHED. SAW. FOUND. NOTHING. THERE WAS NOTHING. NOT A THING. IT WAS PURE. EMPTINESS. SO I WONDER. TO NO AVAIL. WHY. HOW. WHAT. THE HELL. THE CONCLUSION FROM THAT. IS THAT. I WAS. A. POOR. JUDGE. A POOR JUDGE. OF CHARACTER.

[sarapis]

Re-ad d-ear

Call me Bitch, call me Cheater. Curse me, hate me all you want. But one thing will not change – You owe me, as I did you a favor – I made you hate me. And by that fact alone, you are benefited. So malign me, disgust me, and then at the end of the day, thank me.