satanbutwithswag

[satanbutwithswag]

I’m gunna kill myself

But before u call 911 ask ur self is this even ur business for one and for two who are u to tell a stranger not to kill them selves. Like what?

Now family and friends will never be okay with it but I’m definitely figuring out a way currently it’ll be like a disappearance MIA gone but still there

Cops?

Doctors?

Strangers?

Loved ones?

Everyone? …

Everyone has tried to convince me to not kill myself. No one understands the fatigue I feel in my soul, the level of damage, the peace death actually brings.

Ive died.

I’ve been in and out.

I have brain damage.

But no matter what I’m not wrong for wanting to kill myself especially if I can’t use drugs or act crazy. And in a lot of ways every one is wrong for denying my suicide let alone stop me and force treatment. And one day a someone gunna see that too.

I can’t afford romance or responsibilities over a individual!

I can create some amazing pieces

And that is what will be left rather that children

[satanbutwithswag]

Stay tuned my identity maybe realized soon on this platform

#porn

[satanbutwithswag]

Hi I’m back with a personal update about my decision in living or dying and here’s what I’ve come to

I’m sure I’d be able to convince majority of the American society that suicide should be more acceptable. Loosing people, family, friends, etc hurts but it happens no matter what… and if they want to do that cause that genuinely would make them happy who are u to stop them when almost everything else is excused.

U want me happy? Whatever it takes? Okay well drugs for sure. Crime probably I don’t really know how to describe my wild personality legitimately but either way pretty much everything that people say I shouldn’t do is the only things that make me happy. It hurts when they don’t agree with this general idea of my beliefs about my situation in life: that my special abilities got dismissed as a side effect of my brain damage. And I wanna die. No matter what… checking out my next possible life sounds better than any other possible life here on earth.

I don’t hate myself I’m not running from my body

Im running from u

Humans

[satanbutwithswag]

I’m aware that this page doesn’t get much attention let alone my posts. And that truly not the point. When I get high, think about getting high, think about suicide, or have no comfort in sharing my ideas with anyone. I post here. So in summary about my last post. U can’t really blame ur friends family or even cops or doctors or anyone in u community for ur problems cause honestly like brutally honest.. it’s most likely ur fault. I get ignorance and lack of life experience can be to blame too. But both of those things are options. In less cases. Extreme kinda situations like orphans or people who suffer in poverty like literally have to walk miles to obtain dirty water just to boil it and hopefully clean it let alone stuggle to get food that day. That that my friend is poverty. If u have a smart phone or tablet whatever u eat at least one meal a day. And have clean water. Ur pretty fucking lucky. Especially if u were born with it. So yeah ignorance and lack of life experience is by far a choice in american society. And sometimes it’s honestly what’s on our tvs phones computer video games TECHNOLOGY at times their helpful as far as making work and living easier but only the essential actions needed to maintain a home and food but anything that is fun that we use technology like viral videos video games social media and even the news is at more time toxic than helpful. We get addicted and brainwashed. And barley anyone will acknowledge that let alone change their lives to fix the problem or at least help. And as far as doctors go in my last post u can’t blame them for trying to help u correctly if u used for it. But u also can’t blame everything for what u feel are extreme problems. My overall conclusion is society has made crimes, drugs, and mental instabilities a glorifying thing. And I truly feel victim to it. And after realizing my faults I’m going to slowly start making big changes in my life. Starting tonight.

[satanbutwithswag]

I’ve been sober for only 3 months & nine days. Tbh I don’t know what sobriety really is anymore. They explain because of my mental illness I need to take meds. Okay. But isn’t that the same as me taking drugs? They reply no because it’s controlled. Okay fair enough. However, just because it’s controlled and monitored to whatever extent someone’s situation may call for.. it’s still messing with the chemical balance in your brain. And they explain that they have the knowledge and experience (sometimes) to know what and what not to prescribe and how much. Well I don’t necessarily agree on that point because I may not know the best chemicals to enhance and improve my brain chemistry however.. they’re experience and book learned knowledge or even degree doesn’t not qualify them to know my body better than me let alone know what works best for me. The only thing that I agree with that a psych doctor or therapist has to say about my mental health is street drugs are extremely dangerous. Any of them. Pills, prescription proof or not anybody can buy extremely illegal things off the dark web including pill pressing machines where u can put any kinda powered substance and when it comes out u have what looks like a pharmaceutical pill. And not to mention how easy it is to not only obtain capsules and put whatever u want in them. And then as far as the hard shit goes.. there is no regulation on them. U actually absolutely have no idea what u are ingesting even if u have had the real deal stuff before cause tbh with all the drugs that are out their nowadays everything is similar in feeling especially during the first use. It takes tolerance and experimenting to find a good base line for your mentality. Which bring me to another point that I can’t necessarily remember if I wrote yet or not in this but anyways the doctor does not and has no way at all of understanding what we are legitimately experiencing and if it’s not the right thing by all means how would we even know if we can even describe the change in how we feel. Let alone know ourselves what we are feeling. Which brings me to a question I haven’t asked an official yet.. what if I don’t notice a change.. what if I feel the same on everything u give me? Which a lot of the time is actually what I felt. Sugar pills? Nope I wondered that collected almost every med I had been prescribed in my life ALMOST and tbh most has a pharm kinda taste and some definitely did taste like sugar. Anyways my point is. Don’t let doctors or therapists convince u that they know better than u. But also don’t lie to get what u think works best. It may take years months whatever but they sometimes try their best but it won’t work if u don’t put self benefiting energy in it. Not self satisfying. And also therapy isn’t for everyone who experiences depression. Or anxiety. Sometimes even learning disabilities don’t need medication sometimes they just need a different way of learning. Special Ed is considered “uncool” almost embarrassing.. right? Well then why tf y’all think jail and mental hospitals are something to brag about? If that’s relatable to u. U bragging about ur institution time. Then u are indeed not sick. U might be a little insecure about ur normal life and feel like ur not entertaining. But this lifestyle of drugs, crimes, mental illness etc is not cool it’s entertaining for sure. But not in a positive way. And I don’t know how long I’ve been needing to hear this but I’m glad I realized it. At this point I am sick. But starting off I had the potential to be successful at an early age and not struggle so hard with my mental and now physical health. But because of my decision and perceptions at an early age on life due to media and news and what my parents hid from me (I don’t blame them tho) I wouldn’t be where I am at. What I truly blame is my mindset and the fact that people who report in the media wether it’s news or highly admired celebrities updates and opinions I would have viewed what was “cool” and “interesting differently. View next post for the rest of my summary.

[satanbutwithswag]

Butt sex

[satanbutwithswag]

Please don’t resuscitate... no tattoo to prove this one other than my scars if I wake up in the same body one day I’ll know exactly what to do... OFC OD cause that’s all I know

[satanbutwithswag]

I literally hate myself bye Felicia my Timon bye Pumba

[satanbutwithswag]

Actually this one goes to the father of my babies leave me alone and never talk to me again I’m gunna try to kill myself tonight so if I die just leave me where I lay.

Now the cops will know where to find me.

[satanbutwithswag]

2 hhoommannss I don’t like the most u maybe are asking yourself?

Ginger

Corrine

In that order 🤮😂

Btw I’m pregnant with twins ☺️

[satanbutwithswag]

Feeling better

Definitely worst of all time over here at least I have a reason to not wake up tomorrow..

[satanbutwithswag]

*the cut has healed by now*

Don’t remember when it all started but I’m ready for it all to die...

Coming from the big guy

I hate myself that much

That I don’t even want to cum

So I’ll leave 4 alone and leave it up to too

Eminem said it first “just the 2 of us”

[satanbutwithswag]

Don’t remember when it all started but I’m ready for it all to die...

Coming from the big guy

I hate myself that much

That I don’t even want to cum

So I’ll leave 4 alone and leave it up to too

Eminem said it first “just the 2 of us”

[satanbutwithswag]

Definitely worst of all time over here at least I have a reason to not wake up tomorrow..

[satanbutwithswag]

Mental health?

Who cares..

Literally no one cause people push me to the point of breaking and don’t care.

They know I’m suicidal and don’t care.

So when i threaten my life.. yeah it’s a cry for help.

I also want people to know I’m hurting too tho cause of what they said, how they said it.. and the fact they didn’t think to go back and think how everything and every way they said it.. broke my heart

But I’m wasting my time typing this cause I know no one will take it seriously

Just another thing to ignore because I’m being negative.

I literally hate my life.

This is me begging for assisted suicide.

[satanbutwithswag]

Love is like chess and I’ll be your queen 😘 but plz remember.. the king.. can’t.. do.. shit.. 🖤

[satanbutwithswag]

My trauma is my trauma until I ask the people who caused specific trauma to talk to me about that traumaic experience but it’s too tramatic for them to talk about it.. like okay lol bye this is #23ofwhyidontworkonmymentalhealthwithpeople