satanizedsys

[satanizedsys]

Me omw to post about my mental issues to tumblr for the billionth time

[satanizedsys]

bro how do normal ppl cope. Like… you don’t excessively drink, sh, starve urself, smoke

What do u even DO

[satanizedsys]

”I must be faking for attention” I say in complete isolation.

[satanizedsys]

I just want to crash out, to go absolutely insane, but I’m too lazy to even do that

[satanizedsys]

i thought i was at my lowest but holy shit it gets lower

[satanizedsys]

sorry for showing symptoms of the disorder i told you multiple times I have. Do you want me to kill myself?

[satanizedsys]

"It's fine." I tell myself while having the worst crash out of my life.

[satanizedsys]

it’s so heartbreaking to realize that i’m not getting better.. it’s just phases of good, then bad, then repeat.. no matter how good i think i’m doing, it always seems to get bad again..

[satanizedsys]

“your trauma doesn’t define you” no actually it does. it dictates every aspect of my shitty life.

[satanizedsys]

mfs be like "I can handle your disorders" until your disorders disorder disorderly

[satanizedsys]

im sorry for being mentally ill lately

[satanizedsys]

"fatherless behavior" nah i act like this because of my mom

[satanizedsys]

Why does unmasking feels like im some edgy teenager

[satanizedsys]

If you're upset with me, but you won't tell me what you think I did or what you want me to do about it, I should be legally allowed to stab you in the throat. It's not like you wanted to communicate anyway, so I'm sure you wouldn't mind, right?

[satanizedsys]

Just because I let you talk doesn't mean we're close. Just because I listen well doesn't mean I care. I only sit through your trauma dumping session out of politeness because shutting you down makes me the asshole, and I'm trying real hard not to be one.

[satanizedsys]

BPD culture is seeing somebody you've known for years as a close trusted friend, only for them to post about how they don't see most of their acquaintances and people they call friends as "friends" and just, realizing that probably applies to you to.

Like, I understand. They're on the aplatonic spectrum, so it's natural that they just don't feel the same. But at the same time it hurts, because they know so many things about me that only close friends would know. Idk, it's really just a me problem and my stupid BPD.

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[satanizedsys]

Bpd culture is distancing yourself from your fp so that they can't ruin your fantasy of them by getting all quiet over the phone and making you anxious

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