satxoru

[satxoru]

You were always the quiet one in the friend group. You would try to make your voice heard, but your friends just didn't ever hear you nor believed in you or considered your feelings whenever they did anything.

You always tried to fit in with them in any way, maybe they'll start noticing you right? it even came to the point where you change your opinion so you could be just like your friends.

but they never really noticed you, never considered your feelings in anything, even if it's about an important situation or not.

one day your friends brought universities up in a conversation, which is great because you've been thinking about universities for a while so you took it as a chance to voice out your thoughts.

You have always loved drawing and photography. You were thinking about taking either arts & design or photography in college, but you weren't sure which one to choose. You were leaning more towards photography because you loved taking pictures of nature and you felt like it was something you really had a passion for.

but you weren't sure if you should pursue this or not. You wanted some advice on what to do, and you made the mistake of asking your friends for advice, because they did everything other than advice or encourage you.

"i was thinking either arts & design college or photography college."

one of your friends scoffed "are you even good at either of them to consider these universities?" your friend said.

"oh, i never knew you were thinking of going to college considering you'd most likely fail the admission test" another friend added which had the rest of the friend group hollering in laughter.

as if the first comment didn't already hurt you enough, your friends just had to bring up the fact that they thought you'd fail the admission test, which was something you were always scared of.

You felt completely humiliated and your confidence started to crumble even further as they kept laughing and mocking you.

You tried to laugh off the hurt that you felt when your friends mocked you, but it was clear to everyone that you were upset. one of your friends noticed this and said, "don't be so dramatic, we're just joking around." this only made you feel more hurt and embarrassed, and you quickly tried to hide your tears.

You slowly started to doubt yourself and your abilities. Your friends' behavior towards you started to take a toll on you and you started falling into a depressive episode.

later that night, you were having a hard time falling asleep. You were overthinking everything that happened at school, doubting yourself and your abilities, and you kept thinking about why everyone else seemed better than you and why you couldn't do anything right. You kept beating yourself up about it and it was too much for you to handle, you broke down in tears and cried yourself to sleep that night.

It was the same cycle again the next day in school. Your friends kept making fun of you, but you weren't aware that a specific person with blue eyes was watching you for the past two weeks, dying to go protect you from your cruel friends.

later after school, you and your friends went to the park even though you were very heavy-hearted that day and didn't have the energy to socialise with them, you didn't give up on trying to fit in with your friends.

they ended up coming across a dog. everyone was squealing about how cute the dog was, but you kept your distance because you were scared of dogs since one had bitten you before. you tried to tell your friends this, but they dismissed your feelings and told you that you're just being dramatic, which hurt you even more.

"god why are you so dramatic, its just a dog it won't bite." a friend snarled at you.

"i literally told you guys before that I've been bitten by a dog before, that's why im scared of them and you know it!" you complained.

"how were we supposed to know when you never told us." another friend added.

"i did tell you guys but you never listened to me." you sighed out, having no energy to argue back.

the next day at school, Satoru noticed how exhausted and down you were. he was concerned for you and wanted to help.

he started a conversation with you to distract you from sitting with your friends and give you some time to yourself.

"hey, can i sit next to you?" Satoru asked which he got a slight hum of approval in response. You and Satoru knew each other, but you didn't know each other to the point where you would start a conversation which confused you a little, but you didn't complain, you love company as long as no one is making fun of you.

You were doodling in your notebook midway through class when Satoru noticed and took it as a chance to start another conversation.

"..i've noticed how hard you've been working on your drawings in art class and I think they're really cool" he complimented.

"really? you mean that?"

"yeah, I really do, you have a lot of talent and I think it's amazing how you're always challenging yourself."

his words made you smile, "thanks, Gojo. That means a lot to me."

Satoru could tell that he had put a smile on her face and he was glad he had.“Satoru.” He corrected you to which you tilted your head in confusion. he smiled at your expression.

“call me Satoru.”

two months have gone by and You and Satoru have grown very close, you're basically attached at the hip now and you have gotten so close to each other that Satoru is the best friend you have always asked for; he is always standing up for you and encouraging you, and slowly you've gotten the strength to believe in yourself and are becoming better and better in what you do.

he even helps you by being your photography companion, posing for you and doing silly faces to make you laugh and giggle, which leads you to have lot of pictures of Satoru in your gallery. and as his friendship with you grew, you became more distant from your friends, even though they never really asked about you, nothing really changed in your absence, so things were still the same as usual.

but, there was this weird feeling that you weren't quite sure of, you didn't want to think too much about it in case you ended up convincing yourself of it

You liked Satoru, but weren't sure of your feelings and kept denying it by saying it was because he was your first guy friend or the first person who ever believed in you, but you sometimes share some moments together that would leave you blushing, and you weren't sure if he shared the same feelings as you, or if he was just being friendly.

like that one time you were at the park walking together when suddenly Satoru randomly blurted out "you know, I just realized how nice it is to walk with you, being around you is just so peaceful."

You blushed slightly and couldn't help but smile. You were starting to realize how comfortable you felt around him and you couldn't stop thinking about that interaction for the rest of the day.

or that one time when you were in the school hallways heading to class, and bumped into Satoru. you both said apologies at the same time and laughed it off. but it was then that you realized how close to you Satoru was and how strong his cologne smelled, you blushed a bit and couldn't help but notice how handsome he was.You both continued on your way, but the interaction had left you blushing.

and today in class you were talking to each other when suddenly Satoru leaned in close to your ear and whispered "you know, you're so cute when you talk about what you love." You blushed and ducked your head low, giggling.

You couldn't help but blush from the compliment and you were starting to realize that you might have feelings for Satoru.

a few weeks later and you finally mustered up the courage to confess to Satoru, at the thought of him you got a text from him telling you to meet him in the park because he has a surprise for you, as you were reading the message you got your hopes up maybe he'll confess.

As you arrived, you spotted Satoru sitting with another girl, and your heart sank but didn't want to jump to conclusions.

"hey Satoru" you said as you were approaching them, he looked up at you and smiled, although it was clear that he was quite comfortable with the other girl, you didn't forget to give a slight smile to the pretty girl although jealousy was all you felt.

"who's this?" you asked politely, and as Satoru introduces his girlfriend. Your heart sank.

seeing him introduce his girlfriend with a big grin made you glad he was happy but you can't deny the pain you're feeling right now, though you tried your best to hide your feelings, That's what you've been doing all along. You started a conversation with his new girlfriend.

"omg I'm so happy for you two, congratulations!" You say in a happy tone hoping Satoru won't notice your change of mood, but as he knows you too well, he definitely noticed. He decided to act clueless for now but he would talk about it later.

a while goes by with them and you had to make up an excuse to go home because the pain in your chest was unbearable. Later at night you got a text from Satoru reading "hey, are you okay?" followed by another message "i noticed how upset you were today with us— did something happen?"

"yeah I'm okay, i just needed to go home cuz i remember something important to do"

You sent the text hoping to change the subject.

"im not stupid"

"be honest with me, what happened"

you both went back and forth, with Satoru asking if you were sure you wanted to tell him what was bothering you, and you finally building up the courage to ask him to come over.

"But promise me nothing will change between us when I tell you," you added.

Satoru agreed to your condition, and came over to your house.

when you opened the door for satoru, you couldn't help but get a little teary eyed. Satoru noticed the worry written all over your face, and he didn't hesitate to hug you when he saw tears in your eyes.

he closed the door behind him and held you tightly and comforted you. letting you on his shoulder, he took you to sit on the couch and get more comfortable. you were overwhelmed with emotions, but you were appreciative of how Satoru was taking care of you in this moment. you felt safe in his arms.

"you wanna tell me what happened?" he slowly asked. your voice cracked as you tried to talk to him which gave him a signal that you weren't calm enough to talk right now. "hey its okay, take your time, im not pressuring you." he whispered in your ear while trying his best to calm you down.

he held you closer, not letting go and continuing to hold you close; he didn't want you to feel unsafe or uncared for, he wanted you to take your time and be ready to share what was bothering you when you were ready to do so.

You tried to stay calm, but you could feel your heart racing and your emotions overwhelming you.Satoru was looking at you curiously, and you knew that you had to tell him what was bothering you.

after a deep breath, you went on "I have to be honest with you, I've liked you for a while now, but when I arrived at the park today, you were with another girl and I realized that you had a girlfriend. It was hard for me to hide my disappointment and heartbreak." You said all in one breath which left Satoru silent for a while trying to understand what you just said.

the silence scared you, it was eating you alive and you couldn't help but start to overthink, "does he hate me now?" "is he disgusted of me?" "is he gonna leave me?" "i dont want him to cut me off."

all those thoughts came rushing all at once, you were gonna let go of the hug but he pulled you closer to himself and started talking.

"you know, i used to like you back then." his sudden statement confused you, you needed more clarification.

"no, i used to love you, but i realized you weren't in the right state to be in a relationship, and you weren't looking for a relationship and i didn't wanna get it into your head"

"i didn't wanna pressure you into anything but at the same time I've been waiting for too long. it was hurting me so bad"

"i was glad and upset that i was starting to move on from you, and now that you told me, im disappointed." Satoru isn't sure what he's disappointed by, but the thought of them nearly becoming something ached the both of them.

maybe Satoru should've waited a while longer? maybe you were just late trying to figure out your feelings? either way time was up and there was no going back, and of course Satoru won't leave his new girlfriend, he loves her still.

but he knew deep in his heart that he could never love someone else the way he loved you.

"but.. in the future if im able to fall in love again, i hope its you." he added

"in the future, if you ever find yourself in the position to love again, fall in love with me." you could barely form a sentence.

"i wish you well for you and your girlfriend, but if anything happened that separates the two of you, just know that ill always be waiting for you Satoru."

"you cant waste your life waiting for me" he caressed your hair.

"i know but i love you too much to let you go.”

[satxoru]

. . . XIA ?! She/her ⁠๑ ! 9teen ! ♡