saumya-jain-blog

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To my mother, I wish I could take back every hurtful word I ever said to you. I wish I could remove every scar of yours, physical and emotional, that were inflicted by me and because of me. I wish I could bring back the smile that used to grace your features in the days before I let the demons take over my soul. I wish I could replace the dead and dying stars in your eyes, forever burnt out by the toxic poison expelled in my breath. I wish that you didn’t feel like a failure when you look at me; you say you are proud of me, but it’s written on your face: “Try harder.” I wish I could easily apologize for all the times I spoke at you with disdain in my tone, for all the times I walked away leaving you in pain. I wish I could hug you tightly and glue together every little piece of your broken heart that I hold in my own. I wish I could go back in time and open the door to my soul for you. Mum, I wish I could go back to when I was 10 and hurting so bad, and not close myself off for the next thirteen years. If only I had dealt with my pain, I could have saved yours. To my mother, I’m sorry I may not have been the courteous, loving child you wanted. I’m sorry I broke your heart as many times as I’ve broken my own. I’m sorry that I couldn’t love you while I didn’t love myself. But I did love you. I do love you. And I’m learning to love myself.

chari0ts-of-fire, happy mother’s day (via wnq-writers)

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I can feel it

'A Poem On Love' by Armaan Malik

Once in a while someone comes along. Someone who makes it all right when it was all wrong.

They Make you feel all loved again The way you should have felt all this while.. all along.

From unknown cities where we were all alone Back To cities we are familiar with, But no one familiar enough to call our own.

These days and nights, kept passing by And Before we realised it’s already US from You and I.

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Everything you can imagine is real.

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Armaan Malik gave someone life....

AM UNSPOKEN STORY OF A GIRL WHOES LIFE WAS HEALED BY MUSIC !!.

FANGIRL ! If you’ve taken that word infront of me 3 years before I would have laughed on your face saying - “ Go get a life girl…you know like there’s no use of wasting time on someone who doesn’t even know about your existence ” That would have been a case that time & surely I can’t stop laughing now when I think about it… Because let’s say I’m not exactly the BEST fangirl but yes totally crazy enough Fangirl Now ☺ & Let me tell you too Proud to be one :) Because now I understand how someone can literally change your life !!!

So…3 years before something happened which turned my world upside down…& to make it easy you can know about the situation if you just pick the worst moments of your life ,put them together & what you get out of it was my situation at that time! I was suffering from anxiety & chronic depression,my family got into financial crises ,many of besties left me & to make it super worst when I went for a checkup for my anxiety thing ,the doctor told me that I had Cancer…..but luckily I came to know that it was 1st stage ! Still some hopes alive…..but not for me ! I myself was so hopeless at the time ,so broken to be true that I decided to end it all for me & for everyone who loved me…. And basically I was always a very passionate person ,who loved music & novels & there was this thing that I did like I searched for new singers & new songs & that was my favorite hobby….still is . So I made a suicide plan & decided to spend the last days doing things I loved & obviously that was listening to music…so I was just searching for new songs on YouTube & accidentally I came on to one track I will never forget & that was - “ le Ja Zakhm Tere ” I don’t know why but there was a strange connection like when I first heard the song ,I just felt like listening to it forever ,specifically listening to that voice forever… But as hopeless person I was I continued with my plan & I decided to jump off from my building & you can’t do that in the first go literally NOT EASY…so when I was about to jump ,my inner self was on a mission for giving me as many hopes as possible to live & I rejected all with a good reason but there was one thing that convinced me totally & maybe you’ll find it funny but it was “ ki yaar ek baar na woh kal wali awaaz sunni hai ” & that’s how I dropped the idea of jumping & stuff

So later I googled more about the song & came to know that it was sung by “ Armaan Malik ” & I listened to his whole album & you won’t believe me if I tell you this but his voice holds such positivity & he inspired me so much that I actually started valuing my life more & actually that was the moment when I realized that all that stuff going on was temperory & things get better & if not I’m gonna make it better ! So that’s how I became an armaanian :) Later after sometime things actually got better ,my family came out of the crises ,the moment I started listening to Armaan…my depression level actually got low & just like 2 years before I was fully treated so no cancer thing now .

And yep for the Idol part not only Armaan’s music inspire me but the kind of person he is, does too…..because I know how hard his life was & how much effort he has put to be where he is today :“) & he’s working so hard day by day & I’m literally proud being his fan….so main Jo jee rahi hoon uski wajah ARMAAN hai 😁😁 & just one thing more to share that Life truly is a blessing & it’s too precious to waste….don’t give in to the pressure & bad times ! smile ,stay fit & stay happy & yeah there will be many challenges you will have to face but just remember to trust & believe in yourself & remember to always live in the moment….these are the only things that will help you go far :)

"Aspire to be someone & Inspire someone to be you ”

[ She is very happy now , enjoying life to fullest , listining her Idols’s Music. Her life is full of positive vibes now. Guys howsoever the situation is never lose hope. God has best plans for you. You will find them at right time. Just be positive and enjoy life. Beacouse it’s not worth worrying about stuffs. Try to find positive side in small little thing and that will make you happy.

Enjoy beacouse life is a blessing ! Smile at it and thank for what you have. ]

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MY MOTHER

My mother is beautiful. But to stop at beautiful would be a mistake. Because yes, she is beautiful but she is also

Most soothing piece of aloe vera, that grew through drought,pain and dryness only to produce healing and comfort.

She is a mountain,unmoved by unbelief, steadfast in a storm.

She is a rainbow, all the colour of world in one person.

She is moon, reflecting the sun, changing the tides of the world.

She is a lovable dog, even though I yell at her many times but she loves me without regard of the pain that I caused.

She is a mirror that I look into and hope that someday in the future I might br half the woman she is.

My mother is intelligent, light hearted, soft, untamable, unshakable, how dare I ever stop at beautiful?

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Learning about what it means to live a little wilder, love a little deeper, speak a little louder, hope little stronger, rap a little faster, hug a little tighter, move a little slower, see a little more, & laugh a little longer