saytaina

[saytaina]

A second illness: Aplastic Anemia

A second illness: Aplastic Anemia

One day, I will write about something mundane, like budgeting but today is not that day.

Good news: We are out of the hospital and have been for a week! It is so good to have him home and he has settled in as if he hasn’t spent an entire month in the hospital getting blood transfusions every day.

Bad news: He still needs those blood transfusions.

Last week he went through a bone marrow…

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Hemolysis

It’s been two weeks since I last wrote about anything. I wish it was because I was busy getting this guy comfortable at home. Unfortunately, he is still in the hospital. I might as well be commuting again with the amount of money I’m spending going back and forth to visit.

I’m not complaining though! I am beyond grateful that I get to see him.

The doctors have now decided that he has hemol…

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Having the TALK

We finally had the conversation that I’ve been dreading since we first learned that my partner had cancer. The, “if you fall into a coma, what do you want me to do?” conversation.

If you become unconscious, do you want them to perform CPR?

If you become unconscious and stop breathing, do you want them to intubate?

Asking those questions meant admitting that he might not grow old with…

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Fragile moments

An hour ago I was excited to come on here and write about how much better my boyfriend was doing. He was given solids for breakfast, scrambled eggs and toast. He was allowed to walk around for a little bit, from the window to his hospital room wall and then up and down a flight of stairs.

He was feeling a little better. Perhaps he could come home soon.

That was an hour ago.

An hour ago,…

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Tonight is a lonely one

Tonight is a lonely one

Being unable to be with my zebra will he is in the hospital has been difficult. I am very much a caregiver, always have been. When he was first diagnosed and admitted into the hospital two years ago, I spent every available moment by his side. It was exhausting and stressful and my body and mind definitely took a hit. But it was how I felt I was contributing to him getting healthy.

Remember,…

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Diagnosis

High grade, poorly differentiated neuroendocrine carcinoma with unknown primary origin. According to cancer.net:

A neuroendocrine tumor (NET) begins in the specialized cells of the body’s neuroendocrine system. These cells have traits of both hormone-producing endocrine cells and nerve cells. They are found throughout the body’s organs and help control many of the body’s functions. Hormones…

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A beginning... of sorts

A beginning… of sorts

It’s 10pm here and I’ve spent all afternoon thinking of things I want to write about. It’s been 2 years. That’s how much is pent up inside of me. Two years worth of thoughts and feelings and emotions.

I met a man who was kind and funny and sweet but was also still figuring shit out, carrying a lot of baggage, and not at all who I thought I was looking for. But he made me laugh and he listened…

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He's in the hospital again

He’s in the hospital again

It’s hard to start in the middle, although some professionals will tell you to always start in the middle of a story. Only, this isn’t a story. It’s my life. And I flip flop on whether I chose it or just found myself here.

He’s in the hospital again. Second time in as many weeks. He has neuroendocrine carcinoma, high grade, poorly differentiated. Sounded like gibberish to me too when I first…

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Trigger warning

I want to start off by saying that my partner is a loving and supportive guy and he’s given me full permission to use this space.

I am a caregiver.

I was given some advice to journal my – our experience during this time and honestly, I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it myself. This blog has been dormant for a few years now and I’ve decided to re-purpose it. I suppose the old things are…

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at The Lion King - Musical

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Kiss me I'm flawless! #actuallyiediteditalot #stillcutethough #kindareallylikemyhair #latergram (at Bertucci's)

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@williamp0044 looking all studious at the sneaker exhibit! (at Brooklyn Museum)

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Look who came to spend the day with me! #mysister #shejustputeggs #inmyhair #itshouldbeillegal #stillloveherthough

[saytaina]

"Do you…well…I mean…I could give you a massage?" Drabble

“Why are we here?” Spas were so not his thing.

“We’re on vacation. Besides, it was mom’s day to pick.” Lucas slapped him on the back before walking away.

Grumbling, Benji walked over to the massage tables. Was he just supposed to lie down and wait?

“Hey.”

He turned around to find a girl smiling at him. “Finally. I’ve been waiting.”

“Oh. Do you… well… I mean… I could give you a massage?”

Rolling…

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"Please, don’t leave." Drabble

Kaitlynn’s hands were shaking as she dialed his number.

“Kate?”

“Hey. Are you – can you talk?”

“It’s two in the morning, Kate. What’s wrong?”

“I just needed to talk to someone. But you’re right. I shouldn’t have – “

“Don’t be silly. What’s up?”

“Can you come outside? I’m outside.”

“Of my house?”

“…yeah.”

He sighed. “Gimme a few minutes. Let me put on some clothes.”

Ten minutes later, Lance opened…

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"Have You Lost Your Damn Mind!?” Drabble

“Have you lost your damn mind!?” Sarah slammed the car door as she stepped out. The dent was bigger than she’d feared.

“Listen lady, you crashed into me.”

“Why would you stop in the middle of the road? Only an idiot would do something like that!”

“Fair enough. How about I buy you a coffee and we can swap insurance info?”

“Are you – trying to pick me up?”

“When opportunity knocks, right?” He…