sbwthhybl

[sbwthhybl]

What am I doing here? Why do I keep trying everyday for something that I know I can’t handle anymore?

I could say I’m disappointed in myself, but how can I be disappointed if I never believed in myself? I confuse myself a lot sometimes, because why do I keep telling myself I have to hold on and just keep living, when I don’t even know how to? Or when I don’t even have the strength to go on?

I never thought I would get past the age of eighteen, I never imagined my future, I never had hope, no ambition, no motivation, but I’m still here everyday lying to myself, lying to everyone, smiling sometimes even.

I will never forget the 28th of April of this year, I lost my friend, and my life took a huge fucking turning point, but one moment that is gonna be stuck with me forever is getting the call with the news, and after the initial confusion/shock, my first emotion was pure jealousy, and how fucked up is that shit? For a moment I even managed to feel happy for her, cause I know how relaxing it must be to go in peace, without having to kill yourself, you just go, no guilt, no remorse, no judgement from others, and yes although I would be dead and gone, I still take into account guilt, remorse and getting judged by other people for the simple act of killing myself.

I always find myself wondering why I haven’t done it, why I keep trying, what do I gain, because I feel like I have been in this deep dark hole my whole life and I never have been out of it. Yes, sometimes I climb it a little and I see some light, but I always end up falling deeper and deeper, and I feel myself losing the strength to climb.

I’m so fucking tired of everything, of my life, of myself.

I actually reached a point in my life where I could look in the mirror, and not be completely destroyed, not cry, and specially not breaking the fucking thing. But that is lost and gone, now I just force myself for a very short limited time, the necessary to just check my reflection and see if I’m not the complete physical disaster, that feel I am.

I miss therapy, I miss being fully honest about everything I’m feeling, I don’t lie to people I love anymore, I just don’t say everything that’s in my mind, I don’t wanna worry people, and also deep down I think nobody actually cares, because why the fuck would they care? And I think I don’t wanna be proven right about this.

[sbwthhybl]

My hobbies include making myself suffer intentionally and unintentionally

[sbwthhybl]

i feel disconnected from literally everyone and everything.

[sbwthhybl]

stay safe out there guys!

[sbwthhybl]

me: *says the vaguest most incoherent shit ever*

me: you know what i mean :/

[sbwthhybl]

how do i uninstall anxiety

[sbwthhybl]

do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot

[sbwthhybl]

ADHD is so funny it's like I diagnose you with lazy inconsiderate fuckup disease. And it's incurable. Here's meth

[sbwthhybl]

the worst thing about losing weight is you can’t really.. do much. you just gotta restrict, exercise(or not lol), and... wait... a day.. a week.. a month.. waiting fucking sucks

[sbwthhybl]

Sometimes I just agree with people so they can stop talking

[sbwthhybl]

fun fact. it literally doesn’t matter if your trauma “wasn’t THAT bad” compared to other peoples. its still trauma and it will affect you the same way. it doesn’t matter how “bad” it was, its something you went through and are continuing to live with the aftermath of, and, no matter what, everything you feel is completely justified.

[sbwthhybl]

hoodies are one of the most powerful and underappreciated articles of clothing. cold? put on a hoodie. raining? put on a hoodie. no bra? put on a hoodie. nothing to wear? hoodie. cripplingly low self esteem? you already know. so versatile! so multifaceted!

[sbwthhybl]

i do not ghost purposely i just have no idea what to say ever

[sbwthhybl]

reblog if you hate your thighs

[sbwthhybl]

[sbwthhybl]

Adhd moods:

No thoughts head empty

MANY THOUGHTS HEAD FULL

I want to do EVERYTHING

I want to do NOTHING

I want to do SOMETHING but can't pinpoint what

Hunnngggggrrrrryyyyyyy

No eat...only hyperfocus

No pee...only hyperfocus

Bounce Off Wall

Cannot Stop Talking (Where Is Their Off Button)

No talk. Only space out.

No focus...only distraction

No distraction...only focus

I am going to clean my entire house in one go

I am never going to pick up my clothes

I am never going to put away the 2663683 random objects that are right next to me

Space out again

Ramble for paragraphs and paragraphs and expect everyone to follow what is being said

See paragraphs and paragraphs and not process a single word despite reading it overrr and overrr

Doodle or no focus. No in between

LEG BOUNCE LEG BOUNCE!!!

Typo city

Snzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

NO SLEEP ONLY INTERNET

NO SLEEP ONLY HYPERFOCUS

I am so obsessed w this I don't think I'll ever get tired of it

*gets tired of it and has the same feeling about new thing*

[sbwthhybl]

questions i cant answer