scaredandconfusedler

[scaredandconfusedler]

After People magazine. I don’t want to be late. [He leads Chem up the stairs and to one of the spare bedrooms.] I don’t know if you’ve ever been in here, but it’s very... [He opens the door, but the room is devoid of people and medical equipment. Nothing is amiss.] ... somber.

[Theodore leans out of the room and glances up and down the hall. No, this is the right room...]

[He turns to Chem.]

Did my mother die already? Cantankerous witch couldn’t even say goodbye?

scaredandconfusedler‌:

andrew–sunderland replied to your post: Mmm, let’s just say I have a uh, high standing in…

I mean. You have pink on your outfit. So you can’t really talk.

Not that atrocious shade.

Say what you want, I think it looks cool. 

[Another pause.] 

So uh, who are you exactly? I get that you are, uh, royalty, but I need to know how to address you…sire?

[scaredandconfusedler]

Theodore look out, the guillotine is coming. Oh my god he can't hear us, he's got his head too far up his ass, oh my god

I never liked you.

[scaredandconfusedler]

Ah, yes. Of course. [He says it offhand, like he’s not really paying attention.] After that, we’ve got some TV appearances, some interviews... Rolling Stone is doing a feature on me. Exciting stuff.

scaredandconfusedler‌:

andrew–sunderland replied to your post: Mmm, let’s just say I have a uh, high standing in…

I mean. You have pink on your outfit. So you can’t really talk.

Not that atrocious shade.

Say what you want, I think it looks cool. 

[Another pause.] 

So uh, who are you exactly? I get that you are, uh, royalty, but I need to know how to address you…sire?

[scaredandconfusedler]

[Finally, this little bastard is falling in line.]

Let’s. Walk with me. [And they walk. Theodore shrugs off his cape and dumps it in Chem’s arms like a coat rack.] We’ll be visiting mother later today. Her ailing health is a great source of distress throughout the kingdom, as you probably don’t know, and it’s only a matter of time before she passes.

scaredandconfusedler‌:

andrew–sunderland replied to your post: Mmm, let’s just say I have a uh, high standing in…

I mean. You have pink on your outfit. So you can’t really talk.

Not that atrocious shade.

Say what you want, I think it looks cool. 

[Another pause.] 

So uh, who are you exactly? I get that you are, uh, royalty, but I need to know how to address you…sire?

[scaredandconfusedler]

yes a bitch, do you know what a bitch is, fancy pants?

Not a word I would use to describe royalty.

[scaredandconfusedler]

I know. You’re obviously an American. Remind me later to call the butler and tell him to stop hiring Americans. I don’t know how much I trust your kind working with another country’s royal family.

scaredandconfusedler‌:

andrew–sunderland replied to your post: Mmm, let’s just say I have a uh, high standing in…

I mean. You have pink on your outfit. So you can’t really talk.

Not that atrocious shade.

Say what you want, I think it looks cool. 

[Another pause.] 

So uh, who are you exactly? I get that you are, uh, royalty, but I need to know how to address you…sire?

[scaredandconfusedler]

god ur such a bitch i love you

A... A bitch?

[scaredandconfusedler]

It hurts how stupid you are. You really don’t know anything about hereditary monarchies, do you? Or respect for your superiors.

scaredandconfusedler‌:

andrew–sunderland replied to your post: Mmm, let’s just say I have a uh, high standing in…

I mean. You have pink on your outfit. So you can’t really talk.

Not that atrocious shade.

Say what you want, I think it looks cool. 

[Another pause.] 

So uh, who are you exactly? I get that you are, uh, royalty, but I need to know how to address you…sire?

[scaredandconfusedler]

His Royal Highness, Prince Theodore of Cemrois. You’ll address me as your royal highness.

scaredandconfusedler‌:

andrew–sunderland replied to your post: Mmm, let’s just say I have a uh, high standing in…

I mean. You have pink on your outfit. So you can’t really talk.

Not that atrocious shade.

Say what you want, I think it looks cool. 

[Another pause.] 

So uh, who are you exactly? I get that you are, uh, royalty, but I need to know how to address you…sire?

[scaredandconfusedler]

andrew--sunderland replied to your post: Mmm, let's just say I have a uh, high standing in...

I mean. You have pink on your outfit. So you can’t really talk.

Not that atrocious shade.

[scaredandconfusedler]

Mmm, let's just say I have a uh, high standing in your kingdom.

Hmm. [tugs on a lock of chem’s hair] I guess you could have picked a worse color to sear my eyes.

[scaredandconfusedler]

[a beat.] [checks phone] Ah. Okay. I see. Well, I meant that I have never seen such an inspiring outfit. When I said gaudy I meant it in a good way.

Sure.

Are you my new assistant? We’re going to have to do something about... the way you present yourself.

[scaredandconfusedler]

Yes? Uh, where did you get the new outfit? It's gaudier than usual.

I wasn’t aware that my formal regalia was “gaudier” than your tacky neon hair.

[scaredandconfusedler]

how much do you enjoy the color pink?

Pink and green are the colors of the Cemrois flag, you know.

[scaredandconfusedler]

all hail prince theodore, ruler of the known world

[scaredandconfusedler]

Hey babe, are we still going grocery shopping later? I need to pick up my prescriptions.

Are you talking to me?

[scaredandconfusedler]

are you a king or a dictator

I’ll be ruling with an iron yet noble fist.