schizophrenicforrestnymph

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

Probably going to be a longer post so my apologies, feel free to skip it.

That being said life has been rather miserable for a rather long time now and I guess I’m just trying to get my thoughts out. I have fallen for the wrong people and pushed the wrong people away when I shouldn’t have and it left me in such a bad spot I’m still trying to figure out. And then there’s the people I’ve cared for secretly or not so secretly, that I try to keep to myself because I don’t feel worthy of affection of any sort and it’s still incredibly hard to wrap my head around.

I’ve grown more quiet, and reserved again because I just feel like a problem to everyone in my life and no matter how much therapy I do it just never subsides. I’m still working to better myself, but it’s just very exhausting. I wish I could just let myself enjoy good things but I’m always finding ways to ruin it.

I need to let myself accept the good things and stop pushing it away. I deeply regret hurting people because I’m this way out of fear and it never stopped me from caring I just don’t know how to show it. I didn’t really grow up with many examples of love and affection, friendly, family or romantic.

Life has been especially hard for a few years now, last year ending with the loss of some of my pets and the beginning of this year losing even more. It’s stealing the little sanity I have left and I’m not really coping with it very well.

There has also been good things, last year I got to go to 3 wonderful concerts and got to finally meet my long distance best friends. And this year I have another concert planned and going to Disney world/ universal with my mom, aunt, cousin, and best friends. The only part I hate is that my closest friends live across the country from me.

These small good things have been the only things keeping me going and I’m so grateful for them. It’s also kept me pushing to be better but I have such a long way to go and a lot of trauma to heal from. Also health I desperately need to get under control

I am insanely exhausted and I have felt like I’m just drowning constantly and it just doesn’t seem to get better. I’m on the edge of a huge burn out and I don’t know what to do anymore. I just need it to stop.

I’m fighting so hard to survive and most of the time I just don’t want to anymore. I’m sorry to the people I love that I’ve hurt because of my situation.

Thanks for reading, or not. Sorry it’s so long.

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

you could not be more wrong. trust me.

I’m not even sure who this could be so a bit hard to trust in that

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

he never blamed you, and he was never mad at you.

and he never stopped loving you.

No one would ever feel this way about me. I’ve never been enough for anyone

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

Goodnight 💤

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

Sorry bout it 🍒🌸

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

Why does it keep getting worse?

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

🌸Sunsets in the spring🌸

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

𝗑, 𝗑, 𝗑, 𝗑

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

After the thunder came the hail, and after the hail; the fog

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

[schizophrenicforrestnymph]

Misty mountains