schwarzenadler-blog

[schwarzenadler-blog]

biegenalsbrechen‌:

      Her expression soured as he spoke and she drew her hand away from his. She stared at the window, palming her knuckles restlessly, skin shifting over bone. What she heard was the guilt that had gnawed at her for decades, for over half a century. Endurance. That’s what knowing her had been to Margherita. She had suspected it all along, after their tentative rebuilding of burnt bridges. It was, and always had been, the only conclusion that made any sense    —-    no matter the amount of times she had tried to fool herself otherwise.

        He called it patience and trust. Liese thought it sounded more like cruelty. She wondered what Gitta thought of it as. Expelling a heavy breath through her nose, she bowed her head and raked her fingers through her hair, hands linking behind her neck.    “    Of course I’m going to apologize.    ”     Liese had known as much from the moment she had returned her friend’s affection. She knew she had to face her again, if only to correct her wrongs and then leave her be. What it was exactly that had moved her to confess her sins to her brother before she set out to complete that task, though, she couldn’t pinpoint.

        Remaining statuesque, she whistled a contrastively chirpy two-note melody. Soon after an excited pitter-patter could be heard on the wooden floor of the hallway, and a relatively small curly-haired dog came trotting in. Frieda sniffed at Gilbert’s legs and flopped down between the two of them, nose nudging Liese’s ankle. Liese’s gaze softened as she looked at the dog, but stayed silent. 

       The words didn’t seem to comfort her much, and Gilbert wasn’t overly surprised by that. Frieda’s presence was probably more welcome than his own right now, but he didn’t care. “It sounds more cynical to you, I’m guessing,” he mused, shifting the hand Liese had dropped to gently ruffle Frieda’s fur, soft and warm. “But we don’t get to make the same choices as regular people, you know that. We can’t just cut someone out of our lives, just because we think they deserve better than us.” 

       Keeping his eyes fixed on Frieda, he continued, though part of him almost didn’t want to. “... And I think that’s a good thing, for a few reasons. For starters, it means we have no choice but to deal with our shit, in the end. Some people keep making mistakes they don’t learn from, messing up people’s lives and then dying without ever apologizing. It’s rotten. We generally don’t have that luxury.” He drew a long breath, sitting perfectly still. “We can’t just decide to never have anything to do with someone again, as long as that someone is one of us. And even if we could... I think it would be cowardly. It’s the easy way out when you don’t want to change into someone they do deserve to keep in their lives. If you want to make them an enemy instead, that’s fine and all, but they’re gonna keep existing alongside you whether you like it or not. Might as well make it clear what you want to be to them, before they decide something you don’t like first.” 

[schwarzenadler-blog]

biegenalsbrechen‌:

      His tenderness rooted up something she’d have rather kept buried, but she knew needed to see the light of day. or else she wouldn’t have spoken to begin with. Even so, she grimaced, grouching somewhat    —-     though her hand remained in his. She leant forward, weight heavy on her elbows as she rested them on her knees.    “    I think    …     ”     She couldn’t bring herself to state it certainly, as fact. A part of her still couldn’t quite buy into it, that she deserved that kind of    —-     but maybe it was time she stopped listening to herself. Clearly she knew nothing. 

       “     I think I’ve hurt someone who     —-     who cared for me. For a long time.     ”     The words were painful to get around, and yet they were only substituted, watered down versions of what really ached, what she still couldn’t bring herself to say. Her grip on his hand tightened and she fell silent for a while.    “    I didn’t trust her. I took her for granted. And I let her down one too many times because of it.    ”     She looked out across the living room, watching the dust settle in the sunlight. When she tried to go for a sardonic smile, only a muscle under her eye twitched.    “     I don’t think an apology is going to cut it this time.    ”

       His lips pressed into a thin line as she spoke, and when she squeezed his hand, he returned the gesture immediately. Whatever she’d done, her description so far was painfully familiar to him - the feeling of having disappointed someone without meaning to, perhaps even without realizing it until it was too late, was one Gilbert was well acquainted with by now. And whoever she was talking about... well, he could venture a guess or two, but there was no doubt it was someone important to her. Someone too good to lose to a misunderstanding - and it had to be one, because he had rarely known his sister to rightfully bring this kind of heartache upon herself. 

       “You know, usually when someone cares enough about you to stick around after the first couple of times you let them down, it’s ‘cause they want to reach the point where it stops happening. That kind of patience and trust-- even if an apology isn’t gonna be enough, don’t you think you owe it to them to give them one anyway?” He leaned his head back against the couch’s seat cushions, angling a smile at her from below. “You ask me, anyone willing to get hurt by you a few times and still stick around deserves that amount of effort from you too. Maybe an apology isn’t gonna do it, who knows. Maybe it’ll take ten. But you’re gonna feel a lot worse than this if you don’t even make one.” 

[schwarzenadler-blog]

back by unpopular demand: me

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       As he entered, Gilbert shrugged his light jacket off, head instinctively turning towards Liese’s unusually flat voice. Worry only creased his brow further as he entered the living room and saw her looking at him in that way that reminded him so very much of their real difference in age. When had she last looked at him like that, like a child who’d broken something and didn’t know where to hide? 

       “Hey, hey, I’m here,” he murmured, kneeling down by the couch and sitting down on the floor, lifting an arm to take her hand, rubbing it with his thumb. “What’s up? What happened?” 

closed starter for @schwarzenadler

      “     Gilbert,     ”     the name was uttered once she heard the front door close, but she made no further initiative to welcome him in. Instead she remained sunken low on the couch, nearly sliding off the cushion.    “    I’ve done something terrible,     ”     she stated dully to the ceiling, at which she had been staring for the past fifteen minutes. Hearing him approach, Liese turned her head to look at him, and the apathy gave way to something much more vulnerable.    

                                                                             “    …    And I don’t know how to fix it.    ”

[schwarzenadler-blog]

“You’re the one who brought the bad weather with you as usual. It was fine until you got here.” Alright, so it had been cloudy, but at the very least it had been dry. Two could play the blame game. Gilbert hoisted his own jacket over his head, too, as the rain intensified. “Ah, fuck. Still wanna go to the Mauerpark or do you wanna do something indoors instead? ‘Cause I think the flea market might just rain away.” 

@schwarzenadler

Caught in the rain brought down his mood which was in such great spirits a few moments ago. A visit to Germany was always nice yet he was more equipped for the snows many harsh outcomes from overexposure to its frosty kiss. Rain? That was simply a mild irritation he couldn’t do much for but slip off his jacket and hang it over his head.

“I wanted sunshine and heat, not this. Thanks for ruining the day, Prussia.”

[schwarzenadler-blog]

“ no, no. i’m the problem. “

       “Don’t--” 

       Gilbert inhales sharply; a meager attempt to buy his brain another second to complete the sentence. He pinches the bridge of his nose, slowly exhaling. “Don’t you ever say that, Liese. You’re not the problem. You’re the solution, exactly what you were meant to be. It’s just... the world doesn’t always catch up to us as quickly as we wish they would.” And God, does he wish it would hurry up. 

       Soon enough, he knows, she’ll outgrow him. She’ll always be his little sister, but the day he falls, it won’t be without Liese to carry on his legacy, the way he’s taught her to. And for as long as he gets to be the one taking care of her, he’ll teach her as much as he can; her potential is limitless, and he has more than enough to pass on. 

       He just hopes he’ll have enough time. 

       Liese still looks crestfallen, and Gilbert kneels down in front of her, looking her square in the eye as he takes her hands in his own; her still small, his calloused and worn. “Listen to me. Some things take time, and this is no small matter. We have to be patient.” He squeezes her hands tightly, and give her a determined smile. “And we can be patient, can’t we?” 

[schwarzenadler-blog]

[ y’all i promise i’m gonna pick up activity here in a bit ok stay tuned ✌️ ]

[schwarzenadler-blog]

       there’s a difference between being a bottom and giving off bottom energy, though, I’m not saying you couldn’t break a bed if you wanted-- 

You're the definition of bottom energy and you know it. :'|

﹡ . °  call  roderich  out  /  @schwarzenadler  /   accepting .

❛      &  yet  i  still  left you  in  the  dirt  at  kunersdorf .      ❜

[schwarzenadler-blog]

[schwarzenadler-blog]

biegenalsbrechen replied to your post: I don't see how this is so important that you need...

im gonna cry stop

[ no ] 

[schwarzenadler-blog]

I don't see how this is so important that you need to film it, Gilbert...

“Don’t worry about it, okay? You’ll understand later.” 

He’s been pretty vague about his reasons for documenting their daily lives, but for good reason. The last thing he wants is for Liese to spend time worrying about her older brother, after all - that’s the opposite of what he wants with his little project. Gilbert points his video camera at the stove again, watching through the side screen. “Hey, tell me what you’re making.” 

[schwarzenadler-blog]

* .  ♡  sentence  starters  ft.  netflix’s:  the  society  1x02.

“  you  can’t  cry  forever.  “  

“  you  have  to  have  hope,  don’t  you  ?  “

“  maybe  the  buses  will  come  back  to  take  us  all  home.  “

“  there’s  a  game  of  fugitive  tonight.  it’s  going  to  be  the  biggest  one  yet.  you  in  ?  “

“  i’d  like  to  find  a  way  to  feel  better.  “

“  the  place  is  empty,  it’s  nobody’s  house.  “

“  this  place  is  yours  as  much  as  it  is  ours.  “

“  maybe  we  should  be  more  low-key.  some  people  could  freak  out.  “

“  there’s  no  reason  to  freak  out,  we’re  just  doing  inventory.  “

“  no,  no.  i’m  the  problem.  “

“  this  can’t  look  like  it  has  anything  to  do  with  me.  “

“  i  need  to  lay  low  for  a  while.  “

“  where  were  you  ?  you  were  already  gone  when  i  got  up  this  morning.  “

“  it’s  okay.  it’s  not  your  fault.  you  know  that.  “

“  who  care’s  if  it’s  not  my  fault  ?  “

“  i  watched  her  die  and  i  can’t  stop  thinking  about  it.  “

“  people  need  answers,  they  need  comfort.  we  have  to  know  where  to  look.  “

“  you  should  stay  over  tonight.  “

“  who  said  i’m  coming  to  your  party  ?  “

“  well,  it  can’t  be  that  great  spending  the  night  alone  in  your  own  house.  “

“  i’m  sorry  you’re  afraid  of  being  alone.  “

“  yeah,  well,  there’s  time  to  waste.  “

“  i  just  want  some  company,  i  guess.  “

“  i  know  how  to  be  invisible.  “

“  we’re  guessing  in  the  dark  here.  “

“  we  don’t  know  when  things  are  going  to  go  back  to  normal.  “

“  i  don’t  have  an  answer  to  those  questions.  “

“  the  only  thing  i  know  for  sure  we  can  control  is  ourselves.  “

“  i  think  people  are  doing  pretty  well,  under  the  circumstances,  don’t  you  ?  “

“  who  has  all  the  power  ?  “

“  are  you  really  going  to  eat  all  of  that  right  now  ?  “

“  it’s  a  nice  town,  but  it  can  get  old  pretty  fast.  “

“  you  can  be  my  partner,  if  you  want.  “

“  we’re  in  the  same  boat.  why  not  the  same  car  ?  “

“  you  say  too  many  things  you  don’t  mean.  “

“  you  don’t  need  to  do  this  for  me.  you  know  ?  “

“  maybe  you  shouldn’t  spend  all  of  your  time  worrying  about  me.  “

“  you  want  us  to  be  blamed  for  this  ?  “

“  i’m  not  really  in  the  mood  for  games.  “

“  you  can’t  do  that  without  asking.  “

“  i  can’t  take  responsibility  for  anything  i  did  when  i  was  eight.  “

“  i  just  didn’t  know  you.  “

“  why  do  you  keep  picking  me  ?  you  don’t  know  me.  “

“  i  think  that  we’re  kind  of  the  same,  don’t  you  ?  “

“  neither  one  of  us  has  many  friends.  “

“  rain  still  falls  down  instead  of  up.  that’s  comfort,  huh  ?  “

[schwarzenadler-blog]

[ alright ALRIGHT alright ALRIGHT ]