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scottwbuchnoff · 17 days ago

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Why Is Forgiveness Taking a Backseat in Christianity?

After many years away from church, I began attending again about a year ago. I quickly realized that little had changed—most congregations still avoid focusing on the core teachings of Jesus. From a cultural and organizational standpoint, Christianity tends to associate Jesus almost exclusively with the concept of forgiveness, even though this teaching is central in other faiths like Buddhism and Hinduism. Ironically, despite forgiveness being one of his most transformative and recognizable messages, many ministers, pastors, and priests spend little to no time actually teaching how to practice it.

In fact, other spiritual traditions now seem to emphasize forgiveness more than Christianity does. From my observations over the years, the oversimplified Christian message, accurately nicknamed 'easy believism' is reduced to formulaic declarations: Accept Jesus as your Savior, believe he died for your sins, and proclaim your love for him. That's it. These slogans—though well-meaning—are not what Jesus ever instructed his followers to do to attain the 'Kingdom of Heaven' within. A quick look at Christian social media reinforces this: countless Christian memes proclaim things like “To defeat Satan, say you love Jesus!” which has no basis in Jesus’ actual teachings.

A major misunderstanding also persists around the idea of “believing in” Jesus. For many, it means simply professing faith in him. In reality, to believe him means to follow his example—to embody his actions and values. Without this deeper understanding, most Christians never experience the transcendent awakening that comes from shedding the ego, which Jesus continually pointed toward as the way to enter the Kingdom of Heaven—the vast, universal reality already within us.

Unfortunately, mainstream Christianity largely teaches that Heaven is a place or destination reached only after death. Ask almost any minister or churchgoer when Heaven is experienced, and they’ll say it’s “in the afterlife.” Yet Jesus never described it as a posthumous reward. Instead, he presented it as a living reality—accessible here and now—through spiritual transformation, ego dissolution, and oneness with the universe. “Heaven” and “the Kingdom of God” are not gated celestial communities; they are descriptions of the universal state of unity we awaken to when we transcend the ego.

This persistent misinformation within mainstream Christianity has caused immense harm to the original message of Jesus. Countless believers miss the very experience he promised could be lived during one’s lifetime. Above all, the practice of forgiveness—which Jesus modeled as an essential spiritual discipline—must be elevated far beyond mere verbal declarations of belief. Enlightenment and Heaven within are not triggered by statements of faith alone, but by embodying the life, compassion, and consciousness that Jesus lived and taught.

Why is forgiveness is so effective towards the goal of enlightenment/oneness with the universe?

Jesus outlined specific lifestyle principles for accessing the oneness with the universe that exists within each of us. His strong emphasis on forgiveness was intentional—because forgiving others delivers a powerful blow to the ego, ultimately helping to transcend it. True spiritual awakening depends on this process. Forgiveness is not a single act but a practice that must be approached in several distinct ways, each increasing in depth and importance, as outlined below.

Whenever anyone does something that offends you, irks your ego, offends/mocks/insults you or something you identify with, immediately forgive them and declare that you do not take it personal. By actively not taking anything personal, you become much better at not letting anything aggravate or trigger your ego. Nothing should be able to scathe your feelings the better you get at this, as well as actively letting go of identifying with anything that triggers you when it gets criticized insulted. This can be political beliefs, religious beliefs, personal tastes, etc.

Forgive anyone who triggers your ego boiling your blood or taking offense or being bothered by whatever was said, and explicitly state in your consciousness that you do not take it personal and you choose to no longer identify with whatever they criticized, so that your ego/identity continues to atrophy over time.

The most difficult act of forgiveness is also the one that brings the greatest reward on the path to transcendence and awakening to the oneness within you—a oneness that has always been there, waiting to be activated. When someone has betrayed you, hurt you, insulted you, or committed any act that left you holding a grudge or resentment, these are precisely the moments that call for the deepest forgiveness. Jesus emphasized this practice because it delivers a devastating blow to the ego, which feeds on grudges, victim stories, and pity for its sense of identity. By letting these go, you remove one of the ego’s strongest grips on your life, allowing your true higher self to rise above it. The most powerful form of this forgiveness is not just thinking it privately, writing it in a journal, or meditating on it—it’s setting aside your pride and reaching out directly to the person to offer your forgiveness, explicitly and sincerely. Even if they never had the humility or courage to ask for it, offering forgiveness unprompted is exponentially transformative. It can trigger the very state of enlightenment Jesus called “Heaven” or “the Kingdom of God” within—a state meant to be experienced now, while alive, not after death. To put this into practice, make a list of those who have hurt you most and toward whom you still harbor resentment. Then, make a genuine effort to reach out to each person to offer peace and reconciliation. For former romantic relationships, this does not mean imply getting back together, it means restoring harmony within yourself and realigning with the universe as your higher self transcends the ego.

This is the essence of Jesus’ words, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” The natural state of the universe is one of peace and love, and when you choose to make peace, you actively help restore that balance. In doing so, you not only contribute to universal harmony but also experience a personal restoration—peace within yourself, unity with others, and the euphoria of oneness with the universe. This state of being brings a joy and bliss unlike anything else. Why let pride stand in the way of such profound happiness? The price for this kind of bliss is small compared to the reward. This is the “cost” Jesus spoke of—not demanding to be worshiped or simply declaring belief in him, but choosing to live in a way that restores love and peace in the world.

With that in mind, it becomes clear why this is both a tragedy and, in many ways, an even greater blow to the message of Jesus than the crucifixion itself. Mainstream Christianity spends little to no time teaching or emphasizing forgiveness—the most iconic and essential teaching of Jesus. To make matters worse, it often plants seeds of egotistical superiority over other faiths and spiritual practices, even though many of them teach the very same truths Jesus taught. No religion holds exclusive rights to these teachings or the universal laws that lead to enlightenment. They overlap for a reason—because they are objective spiritual truths that belong to no one faith. If belonging to a specific religious group were truly the deciding factor, then no spiritual seeker from outside that group could ever experience enlightenment—yet history and present reality show that people from many traditions do. Sadly, in today’s religious landscape, Christians are among those most guilty of bypassing the very teachings of Jesus that actually lead to enlightenment and the “Heaven within.”

Even more troubling is the tendency among many Christians to claim superiority not just over other religions, but even over other Christian denominations. This directly violates one of Jesus’ most fundamental teachings: Do not judge others. When you judge another group as inferior or wrong, you elevate your own tribe above them, creating a mental hierarchy within humanity. This stands in direct opposition to Jesus’ vision of seeing every person—regardless of belief—as an equal brother, sister, or neighbor. The moment you treat someone as “less than” purely because of a label or affiliation, you have already broken the core of his teachings.

Over the centuries, the twisting, distortion, and contamination of Jesus’ message may have done more to undermine it than the crucifixion ever could. The collective human ego wasted no time in corrupting his words, hijacking his name and image to build organized religious systems that systematically diverted followers away from the very transformation he sought to bring. As a result, countless people have been led away from the lived experience of the Kingdom of God within—an awakening that was meant to be available to everyone, here and now.

Forgiveness in Buddhism is seen less as absolving another person’s sin and more as a way to free oneself from anger, resentment, and attachment)

Forgiveness in Hindusim is considered a divine quality (daivi sampat), listed alongside truthfulness, compassion, and self-control in sacred texts like the Bhagavad Gita.

Amazing Examples of People Transcending Misery by Simply Forgiving Regardless of Religious Affiliations Below:

Many people have described experiencing ego transcendence after truly forgiving someone they thought they could never forgive.

Here’s why that happens:

Ego thrives on grievances – Holding onto a grudge reinforces the ego’s identity as “the wronged one.” Letting go of that grievance dissolves a big chunk of the ego’s self-story.

Forgiveness interrupts the “I vs. them” mindset – Reconciliation breaks down the separation the ego loves to maintain, allowing for a sense of unity and compassion.

Emotional release opens inner space – When resentment leaves, the energy once used to sustain it becomes available for peace, empathy, and connection—qualities aligned with non-egoic states.

Perspective shifts – Forgiving someone often brings a wider view of life’s complexity, softening judgment and deepening humility—both of which weaken ego’s grip.

Many people in spiritual, therapeutic, and even secular contexts report that forgiving someone they vowed never to forgive felt like being freed from a cage they didn’t realize they were in. Some describe a sensation of lightness, warmth, or expanded awareness afterward, hallmarks of a temporary ego dissolution.

When someone’s ego has been humiliated, the resistance to forgiveness is usually about protecting pride and self-image rather than the actual hurt.

Forgiveness is about reclaiming your peace, not excusing what happened. You can forgive what happened without having to agree with it or forget it. Do you want that awful moment in our lives to define you, or to rise above it? Understand all the benefits of forgiveness, better sleep, less stress, physical health benefits, and total bliss.

People share experiences of going through deep emotional lows in life, only to eventually rise above their ego after reaching a place of forgiveness.

They live long, painful emotional valleys that only lift after they finally forgive. Across memoirs, therapy accounts, and spiritual testimonies, you see a recurring arc:

The Wound & Valley – A deep betrayal, humiliation, or injustice leads to years (sometimes decades) of anger, resentment, or grief. Life feels stagnant or joyless because the hurt becomes part of the person’s identity.

The Breaking Point – They eventually realize the resentment is exhausting them, affecting health, relationships, and self-worth. Often they feel like they’ve “tried everything else” and nothing changes.

The Forgiveness Shift – They reach a point—through spiritual awakening, therapy, or sheer exhaustion—where they forgive. This doesn’t mean forgetting, but consciously releasing the need to keep the wound alive.

Ego Transcendence – Many describe feeling lighter, freer, or even reborn. Some say it felt like “part of me died, but in a good way”—meaning the ego’s story of being wronged no longer defines them.

Examples:

Desmond Tutu wrote in The Book of Forgiving about survivors of apartheid who lived in bitterness for years, only finding inner peace when they forgave—even their torturers.

Holocaust survivor Eva Mozes Kor forgave Nazi doctors decades later, describing it as “the best healing I could give myself” and a moment when she felt “untouchable” by hate.

Countless anonymous accounts online describe people finally forgiving an abusive parent, ex-partner, or betraying friend, and feeling a permanent shift in self-identity—like a layer of ego had peeled away.

Forgiveness isn’t about condoning harm—it’s about dropping the ego’s need to be the victim. That’s why it can lead to an experience of ego transcendence: the self-image built around “what they did to me” dissolves, and with it, much of the pain.

Common signs associated with true/genuine forgiveness.

Emotional neutrality – The memory no longer spikes their heart rate or stirs up tension.

No revenge fantasy – They’ve lost the urge to see the other person “pay” or “understand what they did.”

Freedom from the story – They no longer need to retell the grievance to themselves or others for validation.

Compassion is possible – They may even feel empathy for the other person’s humanity, without condoning the behavior.

Inner closure without outer resolution – Even if there’s no apology, they feel complete.

“I had to go through hell to get to heaven” comes up often in people’s forgiveness and ego-transcendence stories.

Here’s why:

The “hell” is the emotional valley—years of resentment, grief, humiliation, or bitterness. For some, it’s a dark period where their identity is wrapped entirely around the wound.

The “heaven” is the release—when forgiveness finally dissolves the ego’s grip, and they feel light, free, and at peace. It’s not about literal heaven, but an inner state of joy and openness they hadn’t felt in years.

Examples:

Survivors of family estrangement often describe the years before forgiveness as “hell on earth” because of the emotional heaviness and constant mental replaying of the offense.

Some addiction recovery stories frame the resentment-holding period as a “living hell,” with forgiveness being the turning point toward emotional “heaven.”

Spiritual teachers like Richard Rohr and Iyanla Vanzant have used that same phrase to explain that surrender and humility often require a breakdown before a breakthrough.

In many of these accounts, the hell wasn’t caused just by the original harm—it was the ego’s ongoing need to protect pride, keep score, and refuse reconciliation that kept the pain alive. Once that was released, the shift felt so profound they could only describe it as a move from hell into heaven.

In closing,

Mainstream Christianity is in urgent need of a radical shift—one that elevates the teaching and practice of forgiveness above the hollow repetition of declarations of love or belief in Jesus, and instead centers on the very ideals for which he was killed trying to teach. Jesus offered clear, practical instructions for awakening to enlightenment, yet these have been overshadowed by rituals and slogans that miss the heart of his message.

Furthermore, imagine if the celebration of Jesus’ birth had, from the beginning, been observed as a worldwide day of forgiveness—an annual moment when each person chooses at least one relationship in need of peace, reaches out, and reconciles. Such a practice would honor him far more than any pageantry, for it would embody the very transformation he urged humanity to pursue.

Instead, the day has been overrun by the promotion of materialism, an irony of staggering proportions when one considers that Jesus openly warned against attachment to wealth and possessions. To turn his birthday into a celebration of consumerism is, in truth, one of the most disrespectful ways to honor his life and mission. Let us reserve the glorification of material gain for other occasions—perhaps the Fourth of July can serve as our unofficial “National Capitalism Day”—and return the birth of Jesus to what it was always meant to inspire: the restoration of peace, love, and forgiveness in the human heart.

Source: Why Is Forgiveness Taking a Backseat in Christianity?

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