screamatthewind - Tumblr blog

[screamatthewind]

looking back

confident, only in hindsight. 

[screamatthewind]

the red book

does anyone else write their diaries in past tense like they’re talking from the dead to someone who is alive and reading it? or am i just weird and dramatic and have been since I was 14? 

will anyone ever meet my ghost through these pages?

[screamatthewind]

k

will i ever look back at these words and cringe or still relate

[screamatthewind]

pages

went and looked at my old diary, half still empty.

There are so many words, more than I can remember ever thinking of. 

I filled so many pages just for the sake of leaving something behind, literature for anyone who would ever mourn me, if, if anyone will ever morn me. 

22 is so close and I hope its my last. 

its getting so much worse, I cant stop the thoughts without sleeping through the entire day. 

[screamatthewind]

Hey

Idk why im posting again, but of anyone finds this after Ive passed away, this is hey, from the space between giving up and the concrete.

[screamatthewind]

Glen Hansard, Marketa Irglova - Falling Slowly (Official Video)

5 years ago my heart broke for what felt like the first time and I would collapse at the cords of this song, imagining the lyrics were words he would tell me, words he never said, words I waited far too patiently for. At the time I thought my heart was broken and I would never recover but now its a silly little memory, a milestone that showed me I was so much stronger than the naïve 17 year old the world, myself included, thought I was. 

I completely forgot that this song existed, mostly because I never listened to it after everything was over. Falling Slowly is a gem and a masterpiece and it didnt deserve that. I found it again playing as background music in the corniest of shows, and all of a sudden, just for a moment, I was a confused 17 year old again who’s world was falling apart. 

Its so strange how songs act like little time capsules, they hold our memories, emotions and ultimately an old version of ourselves we forget or deny ever existed. senses are so strange that way, you can forget all the thoughts you had, dry your tears but hear one line from an old song or get a wiff of an old perfume and for a moment you get sucked all the way back. 

Im glad that ive grown enough that its just old memories and I feel nothing at all, except for that one brief moment, but in a way I wish my problems now were just as simple as moving on. 

[screamatthewind]

its getting worse

i think ive been depressed for the past 5 years. Its getting so much worse with college and losing a loved one. Idk how to bring it up in a serious matter with anyone. I need help. I dont think anyone would actually care though. Everyones so busy with their own lives and I dont blame them, they all have their own battles. I just wish someone would check up with me like I do on them. I cnt do this anymore it gets worse with every year I constantly think about death and leaving

[screamatthewind]

midlifecrisis?

my do I feel like im having that midlife crisis at 21, mosly because i do not think i will live past 40

[screamatthewind]

why

i cant do this anymore

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Finals Week

trying to finish an assignment before that 4 am depression cry hits like why does this always happen to me i hate it. the fact that i really cant even allow myself to feel anything anymore for the sake of being productive and then feeling like shit becaus ei wasnt and its a whole cycle icantbreathanymoreplease jsust end me

[screamatthewind]

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

why cant i listen to music anymore without crying.