screams-of-silence

[screams-of-silence]

Wow I love how my mother believes my brother has depression but not me. Because he lashes out all the time and sleeps all day where I'm just loud and hyper all the time. Just becuase I'm hyper doesn't mean I don't want to kill myself.

She's taking his depression much more seriously than mine like ???? Bitch I'm depressed too

And she's saying that because he's a man so it's harder for them to deal with depression and get help and all that shit. Which I completely understand, getting help is hard as fuck.

But like where was her support with my depression? When I tried to kill myself twice? When she found out I self harm? What did she do?

Well, I'll tell you what she did. She screamed at me, insulted me, and said I was doing it for attention, among other things. [Though she'll deny doing any of that if you ask her ugh.]

I'm not saying my brothers mental health isn't worth it and shit because it is, and it's valid, and i hope he gets all the help and support he needs.

But all I want, hell, all I wish is that she cared about mine the same way she cares about his. Is that too much to ask?

Like my family makes jokes about me self harming [I make those jokes too], but that's all my depression is to her. To them. A big fucking joke.

I'm literally the fucking joke of my famliy. Exaclty like a little pathetic court jester. And I dont know how to get anyone to see and take me seriously.

I'm just so so tired

[screams-of-silence]

Uuggh my mother is driving me fucking insane again.

So I've had a part time job for almost two years now at a co op, but I don't work enough hours to get a decent pay which sucks but nothing I can really do about that.

Anyways my mother is constantly on my fucking back and sayin how I need a real proper job because I don't pay digs as much as I should (45 a week like which is ridiculously hard to do when I earn less than that a week)

Well, newsflash Karen. It is fucking hard as shit trying to get a new job! And trust me I've been trying because I hate this job so much. But I almost flunked outta highschool so I have pretty much no qualifications due to that, which makes finding a better job hard as fuck you know.

But like, why the fuck hasn't it kicked in for her yet that I already have a fuckin job!?

Like sure, it fucking sucks but I'm trying and she should be more appreciative about that.

And she's constantly bringing up how my older sibling got a job immediately after highshool but she has a car and she actually graduated with honours so excuse me if I'm not perfect and smart like her.

I need to move out but that isn't happening anytime soon in this life because of shit like this.

[screams-of-silence]

Welcome fellow kids, to my blog where I am 100% a perfectly normal human and will do/say whatever I please because I am in charge here.

Other than reblogging things I like, I will also most likely complain about problems that happen in my life as therapy is expensive. I know that diaries are a thing and exist for this kind of stuff. However I need at least one other person to hear me out as no one in my life ever really does, so I am giving this a shot.

Besides what better way to vent than to the strangers of the internet.

:)