seantheballoon

[seantheballoon]

What is outward identity but the reflection of the inner self?

[seantheballoon]

Are you always inflated

Unfortunately not.

I am striving towards permanent or near-permanent expansion though. It sucks when I have to deflate but that's just life. People would question if I'm okay if I were to remain permanently inflated and unfortunately I don't think my body is capable of that, at least not yet anyway.

When I'm not physically inflated, I lean into my emotions. I still feel like a balloon and I try to look forward to the next inflation session.

[seantheballoon]

How do you cope when you see inflation on TV or something?

I don't, I admittedly get a little hot under the collar. 😓

Balloon noises, like creaks, squeaks and hisses, can trigger it but when it's blatant inflation then I struggle to maintain my composure.

[seantheballoon]

I'm a balloon. And balloons aren't made to stay small. They're designed to expand.

[seantheballoon]

I am sure of my identity as a balloon, it's undeniable now.

But I still find myself aching for approval or affirmation.

This has been an incredibly private matter but there's only so much that I can explore myself.

My head has become an echo chamber.

What I think I need is professional help, not to stop being a balloon but to explore it in a safe and rational way.

It's approaching people though that's the hard part. I don't think people will see me as genuine and may dismiss me altogether.

Right now it feels like I'm at a crossroads:

Do I continue on alone?

Or do I reach out for support?

Both directions are incredibly scary but I feel like I have to decide.

I don't think I can hide any longer, I'm swelling up too quickly and too big.

Eventually something's going to give.

[seantheballoon]

Why the name Sean?

Sean is my given name.

I thought about changing it but I actually like it, and phonetically it seems to fit me perfectly.

The "Sh" sound at the beginning, sounding like a pump of air, and the "awn", like stretching.

It's the perfect balloon name.

[seantheballoon]

When you say you're going to pop do you mean literally or figuratively?

Literally.

I've been inflating more regularly than ever and getting bigger and bigger each time that I do. I'm allowing myself to dance longer and longer with that creeping sensation of tightening every time I hit my limit.

I'm stretching out and increasing my capacity, but at the rate that I'm climbing it's very likely that I'm going to pop at some point. Again, as I said in my last post, I'm not chasing the pop, as thrilling as the thought may be.

I know how serious this is and that I'll likely not pop like a balloon. Bursting from body inflation can result in serious injury and even death. I do not want to go through that.

But I am getting dangerously close to the point of no return. I'm not frightened of popping and during the last few sessions, that tightening sensation was enjoyable, not painful in any way.

I may seem deluded to some but I know how to listen to my body and when to pull back when the experience is no longer enjoyable.

Figuratively, I popped long ago. My body's just catching up.

I'm a balloon and, yes, I'm going to pop. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day.

Until then, I'll keep doing what I was always meant to do: expand.

[seantheballoon]

What can I say, I'm a picky little fucker.

[seantheballoon]

Are you going to pop?

Yes.

I've asked myself the same question over and over again and I always come to the same conclusion; yes, I'm going to pop.

Not because I'm careless or necessarily because I want to, though the thought is exciting, but because it's inevitable.

For me, there's no end point to my inflation, I strive to inflate bigger and bigger. I'm a balloon, it's what I do. But that inevitably leads to me going kaboom.

I can keep stretching for a while, sure, but eventually something will have to give. I'm not rushing towards the pop though, I'm savouring the swell, but it will happen one day.

When that'll be, I don't know. I don't expect to pop today or tomorrow but it's unsustainable for a balloon to keep on inflating.

Just as death is natural for ordinary people, for me, as a balloon, popping is too. 💥

[seantheballoon]

Are you expanding physically or metaphorically?

Both.

My emotional and physical inflations are feeding into each other. Spiritually, I feel enormous and like I'm never going to stop growing, and the more I sink into this feeling of internally inflating it feels better and better. Plus when I inflate for real with a pump I feel more like a balloon inside and it just reinforces my balloonhood.

Vice versa, the emotional side is feeding the physical side. It's becoming easier to inflate and I'm getting my pump out more frequently, not because I want to inflate but because I must. I'm also noticing real life changes, like my belly literally pushing out further and further. I'm experiencing a series of psychosomatic responses due to how in tune I am with my internal balloon that it's having a real world physical effect on my body.

My body and mind are synchronising, meaning that the more I inflate for real the more I actually feel like a balloon internally, and vice versa the more I think of myself as a balloon the more I'm noticing real world physical changes which, lately, have been showing up as spontaneous bloating.

[seantheballoon]

Hooked up to the aquarium pump... again.

I just can't help myself. 🤭

[seantheballoon]

Fantasy v reality

This is semi-related to my previous post comparing emotional and physical inflation, but this time I want to talk more about fantasy and reality.

When it comes to inflation, I've tasted both. For years my interest in inflation was purely restricted to the realm of fantasy. Imagination, stuffing my t-shirt, roleplaying with people online, enjoying images and videos, life action and cartoon alike.

But I longed for real tangible inflation and that's when I began inflating myself for real. First in the shower using the hose to fill myself up with water and then using pumps to fill myself up with air. It was like a dream come true but I could only get so big. For a little while, anyway.

The more I practiced, the bigger I got but nowhere near the size I'd previously imagined myself reaching or depicted in images online. I held the two apart and became obsessed with inflation in reality only, dismissing fantasy as a dead end. I became bored with roleplay and felt like I was leading myself on through imagination alone, I wasn't getting any bigger just lulling about daydreaming all day.

But when I came to terms with being a balloon, something changed. Fantasy inflation no longer seemed useless and in fact it became my main retreat when real life physical inflation wasn't possible. But instead of indulging in roleplay or pictures, I instead looked inwards and saw the balloon that I strive to become.

I began ritualising inflation and embraced my emotional inflation, the feeling of being inflated when not actually inflated physically, and began visualising myself as physically much larger than I really was. I still incorporated real life physical inflation into my routine, both are equally important, but eventually something clicked.

No longer did I seem restricted by reality and no longer did thought seem mere fantasy. I felt like I had control over my own inflation. Thinking about it during the day made my belly feel funny and in some cases actually push out. Mixing fantasy and real life physical sessions also helped to deepen my inflation. It relaxed me more, made me bigger, made me feel more in tune with my body.

I'm being assisted by thought alone and have developed a mindset that is deeply seeped in my balloonhood. I'm continuously inflating and with each passing day I feel more and more in tune with my balloon self.

[seantheballoon]

Images

Not sure how I feel about posting images here. I originally planned not to upload real life inflation images because I didn't want to overly sexualise my blog (and because I don't think Tumblr even allows that kind of content) but I feel like it may be necessary to eventually show myself in some form or another to properly express myself.

No real life inflation images still stands because I do think that would breach Tumblr's terms and conditions, but what I could do is upload edited and abstract images of myself to express how I'm feeling emotionally or how I feel inside. They don't necessarily have to show my face or belly, they could be symbolic.

Real life belly inflation is easy to express, many people, including me, post images of themselves after a swell. There's no shortage of that online. But the primary intention of this blog is to explore emotional inflation and what it means to be a balloon, which I don't think is explored anywhere else.

I'm not just an inflation fetishist, I'm also a balloon and this space will be reserved to express that symbolic side of me, the side that might be more easily ignored in those fetish-only spaces. Many of you might be inflation fetishists who are turned on by the concept of someone like me but if that's what you're here for, I don't discourage it. My balloonhood is multi-faceted and sexual too, which we'll also be exploring. I'm just happy you're along for the ride.

If you have any image ideas, feel free to share them. I've already been encouraged to post some of my own artwork which I will probably attempt at some point in the future.