“You have to die a few times before you can really live.” - Charle Bukowski Working on : - Sugar & Spices · abuse - Eclipse · trauma-bonding - Ripples · dissociation - Forget-Me-Naut · feeling - Shooting Stars · moving on - Clementine · living - Sea Salt · healing
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I'm gorged with a summertime sun that tastes like the 5-dollar lemonade you'd buy from the nearest convenience store at the corner of your street
At the beginning, it was a nice sugary drink to have while you were drinking Mountain Dew, but then, it got a little more complicated,
it got a little more on the iced coffee side of things, a little bitter, a little sour: homemade drinks are always a bit more real than the dreams at the corner of the countryside, but, you bought some and then decided "Fuck this, I'll drink whatever I want!"
and you said I was a bad friend for drinking what I wanted with you, and I said you were a hypocrite for drinking what you wanted with me, and I guess, what I'm trying to say is, sometimes, I still miss the 5-dollar lemonade, when summer tasted so cheap & simple, and it was okay just to be two idiots in the middle of nowhere.
- A bittersweet souvenir
M.S., from Eclipse: Between Blue Blood & Farewells
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It seems that I've been sending letters to the dead, and to keep one's sanity, we must humanize the graveyards and saturate the memories -
I'll send paper airplanes to the bird-hearted children to tell them, "Beware of the foxgloves rooting themself in the mud and the flesh,
please, let them rest in peace, and please, do carry on."
- A psalm to the sun-filled beating hearts
M.S., from Eclipse: Between Blue Blood & Farewells
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I've fantasized many times about a world where I'd reject your lies and make you see the truth, but I often forget that you can't face it at all.
- A confession of selfishness, II
M.S., from Eclipse: Between Blue Blood & Farewells
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I've fantasized many times about a world where you'd come back and apologize for the things you've done, but I often forget that you're not like me at all.
- A confession of selfishness, I
M.S., from Eclipse: Between Blue Blood & Farewells
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May your name never roll off my tongue again.
At the time, you're merely the concept of an idea of a person.
Is it too dehumanizing? To be reduced to a concept?
There are so many of us. What we had wasn't special.
So here it is. The glass I'm raising to you, without telling your name.
Soft-spoken lips told me to make writers fall in love with them, so they'd live forever.
And so, I must live with a trauma in the shape of a person. Congratulations.
Your presence sickens me and shakes me to my very core.
And yes, I shall write about you, miss I-stand-in-the-ashes-of-what-I-used-to-be. My decaying hippocampus. My trope of a final girl gone wrong.
May people know about what we've done. Your feline cruelty. My bittersweet indifference. My absynthe kind of love.
May our names be erased from history, so it won't be repeated again.
- My pledge of allegiance
M.S., from Eclipse: Between Blue Blood & Farewells
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Alexandria would never forgive what you've burned. Poets would writhe reading the souls you stole. Artists would weep at what you claim is yours.
You're not one of us. & I doubt you'll ever be.
- The ashes of what you used to be
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I've seen your walls plastered with un-quoted pages and books you never wrote.
What a strange thing this is, a biography made of the pieces of everyone but you.
- Ghost Writer, II
M.S., from Eclipse: Between Blue Blood & Farewells
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I've heard you married the guy who played you for a fool and broke us apart.
I once dreaded that day, and yet, a wave of delicious relief washes over me once I've heard the news.
Honey, my ash-colored dove, You really both deserve each other.
- The happy-ever-after I've dodged
M.S., from Eclipse: Between Blue Blood & Farewells
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A memory - me, in your shower, cleaning myself up. you, at the door, knocking, almost barging in.
You told me how to shower when I was 14 years old. You told me to scrub my flesh clean, You told me to dilute myself in your perfume, You told me that my hair was a mess, that I was always, always a mess.
Yet, somehow, you never told me why You were so obsessed with me in the first place.
- Not your doll. Not anymore.
M.S., from Eclipse: Between Blue Blood & Farewells
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I know how it goes, butterfly-hearted girl.
A larvae for 8 months, A cocoon for 1 month, And flapping your wings for 3 months.
It is the same story year after year, and yet somehow, you never distinguish the bloom from your impending doom, taking us all down with you.
- The bird-hearted girl longing for the sky
M.S., from Eclipse: Between Blue Blood & Farewells
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When you saw the dreams pouring out my fingertips, you tore them away from my soul and called them yours -
and now that I'm gone, your ghastly hands have gone incredibly cold.
- Ghost Writer, I
M.S., from Eclipse: Between Blue Blood & Farewells
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Today, I learned that forget-me-nots can't be contained in a pot; they were made to be wild and free and ever-growing.
- A reminder of us
M.S., from Eclipse: Between Blue Blood & Farewells
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A love as big as a bathtub filled with insomnia-induced tears & bodily salt & years of never-ending nightmares & a very small body & bloody nails bit to the skin & bones gnawed to the marrow & white-streaked red hairs & how can such a little thing get so full of your love?
- Artificial rain, cleanse me from this dream. I'll stay wide awake. I cannot fathom the weight of this thing you call love.
M.S., from Eclipse: Between Blue Blood & Farewells
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And so, you only remember how much of a hassle it is to peel oranges. How the skin sticks to the flesh, how the juice covers the counter, how you beat the fruit to a pulp, and how you always somehow make a mess out of things. So you stop eating oranges, and you get some clementines, because maybe it's about the smaller things, and not how good you are at them.
So, you eat clementines. And maybe someday, you'll have the patience and strength necessary to eat oranges again.
M.S., from Clementine
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soft drinks didn't make you soft, babe even sweetness wore out its taste and your nectar-filled lips are nothing short of the most bitter dew I've ever tasted
- Not like pressed flowers. You tore it from my flesh. I'll never get the taste out of my mouth.
M.S., from Eclipse: Between Blue Blood & Farewells
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I'll never beg you for your remembrance of our warmth, our voice, our souls
I'll be blessed and cursed with the memories you left behind.
- My Memento
M.S., from Eclipse: Between Blue Blood & Farewells
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May your gelid tone free your hands from my throat
May I speak with the same softness you killed me with
May I plant the seeds of truth with my words, not to kill, but to sprout and live, live, live
- They'll take root where there is warmth. You'll never take out the sun in me. You'll never snuff out a star, even a dying one.
M.S., from Eclipse: Between Blue Blood & Farewells
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