sebastianthinktwice-blog

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[Sebastian, on the contrary, seems to deflate. He's utterly relieved.]

Yes. Yes, that sounds perfect. I won't be able to go until he does.

[And, as much as he hates to think it, he won't want to be around afterwards.]

So that's reasonable.

Hey.

Which is to say if I attempted to take you back, he would intervene again.

[Ryoji does not get angry. He does not puff up, does not hiss like the monstrous Shadow he pretends not to be. He simply readjusts his cuffs, smiles his most winning, most human smile, and compromises, hating every moment of it.]

…When Jim comes to his end, I will take you again, and he will not have a reason to subvert me. That will be your new fated death. Does this end please you?

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I don't know how to contact him.

[It's a lie - but Sebastian isn't about to lift a finger to bring himself anywhere near Crowley.]

But he's the King of Hell. He said I had to come back for - 

[Come on. Don't lie, we all know your tongue works. It hurts, but that's no excuse.]

for Jim.

Hey.

I want to speak to this creature.

[That isn’t anger. Not yet. He likes ‘Bas. He’s nearly glad for the man to be alive, somewhere in the budding set of human emotions he’s nurturing. But there are consequences for stealing, and not even Crowley should have to dodge them.]

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Well. Shit.

I s'pose we'll find out eventually, eh?

[A humourless chuckle, a pained grimace in place of a smile. His skin still feels strange when he moves.]

Hey.

So can I ever die again?

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So can I ever die again?

Hey.

Less than a day. Christ.

…Izanami? Right. You know, I have a feeling it was someone else. Ever heard of Crowley? He’s the one who brought me back, I’m starting to think he may have just marshaled the entire process.

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Less than a day. Christ.

...Izanami? Right. You know, I have a feeling it was someone else. Ever heard of Crowley? He's the one who brought me back, I'm starting to think he may have just marshaled the entire process.

Hey.

Of course I know that. I am the one who ferried you across, aren’t I?

Not long. Less than one of your days- I had not been paying entirely too much attention. I could not tell you how, though. None can cross the river without assistance, and I am not the one who assisted you. Perhaps it was Izanami. She is known for giving humans great gifts as part of Her plans. 

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A little. I mean, you know I was dead, right? And... well, I don't suppose you could tell me how long?

Hey.

Yeah, I’m… pretty fucking aware of how strange it is.

But I’m really alive? Really and properly, everything working, alive alive?

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Yeah, I'm... pretty fucking aware of how strange it is.

But I'm really alive? Really and properly, everything working, alive alive?

Hey.

You can’t tell?

Well, you are very much alive! Which I will admit, is strange, but that is simply my own sense of how things should be. You are perfectly alive.

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Not exactly. 

I need you to tell me which side I'm on.

Hey.

No, no. I guess you’d be able to in any case.

Listen.

You can see both sides of the gate, right?

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No, no. I guess you'd be able to in any case.

Listen.

You can see both sides of the gate, right?

Hey.

Can you see me?

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Hey.

Can you see me?

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no real damage done to my left eye

most trauma to the white, none to iris or pupil, thank god

my main worry now is that the eyelid will scar up heavy

...we have magic to fix that

We.

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my face is healing slowly

honestly compared to most tiger attacks I got off pretty clean

fucker barely grazed me, just one long gash from my hairline to my cheekbone on the left side

runs through my eyebrow, doesn't quite bisect it

I don't know what will happen to the vision in my left eye.

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[unsent] I miss you 

[unsent] Why do I miss you the whole POINT is NOT TO MISS YOU

[unsent] I'm trying to let go

[unsent] Just enough for things to go back to the way they were

[unsent] But I CAN'T don't you understand that I CAN'T

[unsent] News of your fires is making it all the way to Mumbai. Same old Monkey.

[unsent] i love you i lvoe you i love you stops top please make it stpo

[unsent] fix it make it stop

[unsent] I can't rely on you anymore and I'm learning I'm trying I'm learning

[unsent] I wonder if you've learned not to rely on me

[unsent] I wonder if you miss me

[unsent] I wonder if you remember me

[unsent] When it's too hot I can't help but remember how cold your skin was

[unsent] How do you keep warm now?

[unsent] When was the last time you slept?

[unsent] What did you have for breakfast?

[unsent] Go to sleep, my love.

[unsent] I love you.

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I think too much.

I think far, far too much.

But it's dangerous to stop.