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[secretlynestaarcheron]

Prythian University: Pitch it to me ch. 7

Nessian / Gwynriel

Tagged: @wishfulimaginings / @almosttenaciousmoon

Nesta 

“Then he said that he could be the instructor, we just have to- are you even listening to me?” Gwyn asks. Nesta glances at her through the mirror with an apologetic smile before turning towards her. “You look fine, why are you so worried?” 

Nesta glances down at the black dress she was wearing. “Maybe I should wear the red one?” she murmurs, ignoring Gwyn's question. She knew why she was nervous. There were a million things to be nervous about. The fact that she was going to see Tomas again. The fact that she would have to play presentable with her father over dinner. The fact that her father was trying to arrange a marriage for her. But she was most nervous about the fact that she was starting to have very real feelings for her very fake boyfriend.  “Or maybe a dress is too formal? I don’t want him to think I am trying too hard.”

“Who? Your dad?” Gwyn asks, sitting up on the bed and staring at Nesta intently. “Don’t you want him to think you're trying hard for Cassian so he doesn’t continue on with trying to auction you off to the highest bidder?” 

She should have been thinking about her dad, yet her mind was completely focused on Cassian. She hated it. She hated this feeling, she liked being by herself. She has only really been able to rely on herself. “You really like Cassian, huh?” Gwyn says slowly. Her eyes knowing. “I kind of thought you bribed him or something to be your fake boyfriend, but this is real.” 

Nesta pales, she felt queasy. “I don’t think it’ll last,” she replies. She was embarassed to tell her friend that she did bribe him, technically. She also did not want to tell her that she did have real feelings for her fake boyfriend. Her friend would push her to share them with him and she couldn’t, she had to finish her degree and had to get into law school. 

Her phone buzzes and Gwyn glances down at it. “Your prince charming is here,” she replies, sliding off the bed and handing the phone to Nesta. “You look beautiful, Nes. Try to enjoy the boujee dinner your attending.” 

Nesta smiles at her friend. “I’ll try and remember my leftovers,” she murmurs. 

Gwyn laughs, “I like surf and turf and very expensive steak, throw in some dessert and I might even switch your laundry while you're gone,” she replies. Nesta smiles at her friend, squeezing her hand before moving to exit her apartment. If she was able to let Gwyn and Emerie in, why couldn’t she let Cas?

She feels like she is moving slowly as she makes it to the entrance of her apartment. Cassian smiles at her when he sees her through the door and pushes himself off the car. He was wearing a navy suit, she didn’t even know that he owned a suit. Her heart hammered loudly in her chest and she tried to push the feeling away. 

“Hey,” he says, as he opens the passenger side door for her. “You look incredible, Nes.” 

Her stomach does somersaults when he says her name. It was becoming very overwhelming. She should have gone to dinner by herself, maybe she should even let her father set her up. “Nes,” Cassian says, pulling her attention up at him. He looked at her with a quizzical brow raised but there was worry clear in her mind. 

She smiles softly. “Sorry,” she forces out, giving him a soft smile as she sits in the car. He closes the door before moving around the car and hopping in the driver's side. “Did you get the address I sent you?” 

“Yeah,” Cassian replies, “Rhysand kept trying to steal my phone to get it. I think Feyre and him wanted to crash the party.” 

Nesta swallows the lump in her throat. She did not want either of her sisters there and she especially did not want Rhysand there. Her sisters did not know that her father was trying to marry her off and she did not want them to know. It was embarrassing. She didn’t even want Cassian to know. 

She fiddles with her fingers as she stares out the window. Cassian reaches over to turn off the radio and she can feel his eyes on her. He doesn’t say anything until they pull up in front of a very fancy restaurant.  “What’s going on?” he asks. “Are you just nervous about seeing your dad?”

She nods, she knew if she spoke her voice would betray her. He reaches forward and moves her chin lightly so she’s looking at him. He gives her a crooked smile and says, “I am going to be right by your side the whole time. All you gotta do is squeeze my hand and I’ll get us out of there, okay?” 

She nods once and he lets her go, he steps out of the car handing the keys to the valet before opening her door. As they walk in together, she grips his elbow and he follows her gaze to the corner where her father sat with Tomas. “He didn’t know I was bringing you,” Nesta finally says. “I knew he would pull some kind of trick if he knew. I want to apologize in advance for the shit show that is about to occur.” 

He chuckles, and only Cassian could chuckle at a time like this. She hated to admit that it made her feel better. “I am sure I can handle it,” Cassian replies, as he grabs her hand softly and begins to lead her over to the table. “Mr Archeron,” he says, as her father stands. His eyes narrowed at Cassian before moving to Nesta. Cassian lets go of Nesta’s hand to reach forward to her father. 

She hated how she missed his touch. To her surprise, her father accepts the handshake as Cassian introduces himself to both Mr Archeron and Tomas. “I am shocked to see someone with Nesta,” her dad says. “Four years and not one boyfriend.” 

Nesta bit her lip, she had dates but they never lasted. They all wanted her for one thing, sex or her fathers money. Its when she decided that she wasn’t going to let her father pay for her schooling anymore and took up five jobs to do it herself. “You haven’t called, so when was I supposed to tell you?” Nesta replies with ease as they take their seats. 

“We already ordered for you,” her father says, ignoring her quip. “Tomas recommended the cobb salad for you, Nesta. He says it's his mothers favorite. For you Cassian, we didn’t actually expect you to be real. Nesta has quite the imagination. Hopefully, you enjoy sirloin.” 

To his credit, Cassian keeps his cool. “I am very easy to please, a sirloin sounds delicious. I appreciate the thought,” he says, closing the menu he had picked up and sliding it over to the side. The dinner goes by slowly, Cassian making conversation and her father staring daggers at her. She knew that he was embarrassed. Tomas kept up with the conversation, throwing his money and title around as if that would pull her attention away from Cassian. 

Tomas was the first to see that this was going to go nowhere, he excused himself after the meal finished. “I’ll see you at the office, Byron,” Tomas says to her father before turning towards them. “Nesta, always a pleasure,” he smiles and it makes her want to gag. “Cassian.” he states before exiting the restaurant. 

“Well,” Nesta replies in the silence that follows his departure. “We should be leaving soon.”

Cassian squeezes her hand. “Do you want me to go tell the valet to pull up the car?” he says and she nods. He reaches forward to kiss her forehead before striding out of the restaurant. She wondered if he knew what he had done. She looks up to see her father staring at her disapprovingly. 

“You embarrassed me, Nesta,” he states. She frowns, her lips drawn tight as he continues, “I have never been so disappointed in you, I thought you were different than your mother, different than your sisters. I suppose I was wrong.” 

Nesta flinches at the mention of her mother. Her mother was cruel and held Nesta to a high standard, it was a weight off Nesta’s back when she passed but her cruel nature did not stop Nesta from feeling guilty for her relief. “I did some digging on your little boyfriend,” her father continues. “His mother was a druggy, a whore. His father is a deadbeat. Is that what you want, Nesta? A deadbeat husband? He is nowhere near your status.” 

Nesta swallows. She was used to him being cruel to her but to Cassian? Cassian who always had a lighthearted spirit. Cassian who constantly tried to make her smile. Cassian who went out of his way to help others. “He may not be rich. He may not have been handed a million dollar empire to run by his father, but he is above you and Tomas in everything else. He is more of a man than you will ever be.” 

Nesta sat up from the table quickly, grabbing her purse and the box that had a piece of chocolate cake for Gwyn before exiting the restaurant. Cassian’s smile dropped when he saw her expression. Before he could say anything she opened the passenger door. “Please don’t ask,” she murmurs and he gives her a quick nod. 

The drive back to her apartment is quiet, it's not until he turns on her street when he speaks. “Azriel told me about the project he and Gwyn are working on. About doing some self defense classes,” he says, as he pulls in front of her building. There he was giving again. “I’ll see you again, right?”

This afternoon broke her. She was broken and her father was just a reminder of it. Cassian did not deserve someone who was like her, who came from someone like him. She turns towards him. “There’s no reason too,” she murmurs, trying to keep her voice even. “You got your paper and I got my fake boyfriend. My father should stay away for a bit. His ego is bruised.” 

She reaches to open the door but Cassian grabs her elbow to stop her gently tugging her back towards him. “It doesn’t have to be just a deal,” Cassian replies. “I think we both know that this isn’t something we can just bounce back from. Something happened. Something was real.” 

She bites her tongue. His eyes were so hopeful. She gives him a half smile and jokes, “I don’t do dating,” she replies.

“But you don’t have-,” 

“God, Cassian. I don’t want to date you, okay?” she replies, turning away so she didn’t have to see his reaction. “I don’t need a boyfriend and I don’t need any more friends. Thank you for helping me get my dad off my back but that’s all I need.” 

There's a long stretch of silence and Nesta wants to take back everything she said. She wants to tell him that she’s falling for him and she's terrified because the only experience she has had with men has been awful. She wants to fall into his embrace and never let go but all she knows is herself. She turns towards him to tell him but before the words could leave her mouth, he reaches across her and she almost thinks he's read her mind and is going to kiss her but he clicks the door handle and shoves it open. 

“Thanks for looking at my paper,” he says. His voice no longer chirps. His smile no longer reaches his eyes. She steps out of the car before reaching back in to grab her things. He doesn’t look at her again, only drums his fingers on the steering wheel. She doesn’t know what else to say, there wasn’t anything else to say, so she shuts the door and watches him speed off before crumbling to the curb and beginning to sob. 

[secretlynestaarcheron]

Velaris University: Pitch it to Me ch.6

Gwynriel / Nessian fanfic

Tagged: @wishfulimaginings / @almosttenaciousmoon

TW: Talks of SA

Azriel 

Azriel had the feeling he had messed up with Gwyn, again. He knew for sure he fucked up when he stepped foot into Ritas and Gwyn smiling face turned stoic when it landed on him. Rhysand had settled into a booth with Cassian, who was currently trying to steal straws from Nesta’s apron everytime she passed. 

Azriel sat at the counter with Gwyn, who was mingling with a few regulars and brewing a fresh pot of coffee. “He looks like a love sick puppy.” Azriel looks away from where Cassian had stolen another straw and Nesta had rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything and over to Gwyn. 

“And she’s letting him get away with it,” Azriel comments. “I am glad they both finally decided to stop being stubborn about their feelings.” 

She hums in agreement as she wipes at a spot on the counter. “Were you going to order anything or just here to bother Cassian?” she asks with a mischievous smile. 

He glances down at the menu and back up at her. “Can I just get a decaf coffee and a piece of whatever cake you have on hand?” he asks. 

She chuckles, “Aren’t D1 athletes supposed to be all the veggies and carbs? No sugar?” she questions as she turns towards the display case and grabs a piece of chocolate cake and slides it towards him. “Want any cream or sugar?” she questions as she pours the brew into a mug in front of him. 

He shakes his head and she moves the mug towards him. She went to move away from him but he quickly says, “I was thinking about our project.” She lifts a curious eyebrow in his direction, beckoning him to continue. “In the improvement section, I was thinking we should recommend offering self defense classes.” 

Gwyn gives a soft smile and shakes her head, “Good thought, but Emerie, Nes, and I have already petitioned for classes and we have been denied every single time. Apparently the university can’t afford it.” 

“I thought about that,” he replies easily and she looks over at him in surprise. “We can rent out studio space at the gym for free.” 

“And instructors? I don’t think a liability sheet will take into consideration trying these on each other we saw on a youtube video,” she retorts. 

He smirks, “Well, that’s where I come in,” he responds before nodding his head over towards where Cassian was chatting with Nesta and Rhysand. “And Cassian, of course. I’ll probably need the help depending on the amount of people that sign up.” 

“I am not following,” she replies slowly, her brow furrowed in confusion. “Are you and Cassian going to watch videos to train us? I have a black belt in karate so I could help a little but the school would shut us down immediately if they heard.” 

Azriel bites back a smile. “You are full of surprises, Berdara,” he replies but he wasn’t shocked by it. “Cassian and I are certified kickboxing instructors. I am sure we could get certified in self defense at our gym, but it's a start.” 

She pauses, and Azriel can’t help but feel a sense of pride that he actually surprised her. “But there's still no funds to pay you two,” she finally says. 

He chuckles. “I would be volunteering my time and Cassian’s,” he retorts. “He’ll be happy to do it especially if Nesta is going. So, I am assuming you're good if I add it to the powerpoint?” 

“More than okay, ecstatic. Especially since there’s a plan to back it up,” she says, her eyes bright with the possibility. Azriel knew that he messed up the other two times they spoke, he still couldn’t place where he knew her. He knew if he was sober he would have remembered her, remembered her auburn hair and blue eyes. He could only assume that he was drunk when she encountered him and he hopes he didn’t embarrass himself too much. “When do you think we can start?” 

He smiles at her enthusiasm as Cassian and Rhysand appear behind him. Cassian claps his shoulders and nods towards the door, “We gotta get to team lift. We will be out in the car,” he says but before he can make it to the door. Nesta yells from behind the register. “Where are my straws, Cas?” 

He barks out a laugh. “And here I thought you didn’t notice,” he replies, sliding the stack of straws towards her and as she moves to grab them he kisses her forehead. Nesta’s face grows red, making him laugh harder. “I’ll see you at dinner, Nes.” 

Azriel turns back towards Gwyn as he begins to pull out his wallet. “I’ll chat with Cassian and see what time works for all of us,” he says as he pulls out a twenty. 

She shakes her head. “It’s on the house,” she smiles. “Text me next time you want to get together to go over the project.”

Later that night, Azriel sat at the kitchen table with a giant bowl of pasta and his computer out in front of him. His hands hover over the keyboard before he does when he told himself he wouldn’t do when he began the project with Gwyn. Read her file in the database. 

He types in her name slowly, clicking the file that pops up immediately. He slides the bowl away from him as he begins reading. Fuck. He was there the night she was assaulted. He was the one that fucking pulled him off of her before it could get anywhere. 

The witness statement he submitted indicated that he was intoxicated, but why wasn’t he called to testify? He slammed the computer closed, grabbing his keys, and making his way over to Gwyn and Nestas' apartment. He knocked on the door loudly. 

He knocks again, glancing at his watch. It was only 8 o ‘clock. Nesta was probably still at the family dinner thing with Cassian but Gwyn should be home and not asleep yet. He reaches a hand to knock again but the door swings open. 

Gwyn blinks up at him in surprise. Her hair was tied up in a bun and she was wearing a matching pajama set. “Azriel?” she questions a tone of confusion in her voice. “What are you doing here?” 

“I am so sorry,” he blurts out. She continues to stare at him in confusion. “I was there that night. I didn’t remember. I didn’t remember it was you. I am so fucking sorry Gwyn.” 

She opens the door wider allowing him to step into the foyer. She closes it behind him. “It’s not a big deal,” she retorts, crossing her arms as if cowering into herself. 

“It is a big deal. I remember that night happening, I was intoxicated out of my mind. I was an idiot sophomore who let his roommates talk him into taking shots after shots on an empty stomach. I put my name down when the police arrived, why wasn’t anything done?” He questions, trying to keep his voice soft and even. The last thing he wanted was to upset her or make her think she couldn’t trust him. 

She rolls her eyes, walking past him and into the kitchen. “He was a baseball player,” she responds, as she pulls out a container of ice cream and two spoons and sets it between them. “If we are going to talk about this I need chocolate.” 

He chuckles as he slips into a bar stool across from her but his face grows serious as he says, “Why wasn’t I ever called to testify?” 

She brings the spoon to her mouth, pausing before saying, “He was a baseball player. My step father was extremely lucky that he decided to sign with Velaris. If I went through with it-,” 

Azriel groans, he was beginning to feel enraged. Someone on his team did something like this? He couldn’t handle it. He wanted to walk into that locker room tomorrow morning and teach him a lesson. “Please tell me coach did not come to you saying not to go forth with reporting.” 

She stares down at the ice cream, she was digging for a brownie piece. “He didn’t tell me not to. Him and my mom just agreed that it would be better that I don’t pursue,” she replies softly. “So I didn’t, and two weeks later he assaulted my twin sister, Catrin.” 

Azriel can’t help the shock on his face. He did not even know that she had a sister. “If I had said something-,” she pauses, placing her head in her hands and sniffling. He stands up quickly and moves around the island. “If I had done something, he would have been out of the school or he would have been watching. It's my fault.”

“Can I hug you?” he asks softly. She nods and he immediately pulls her towards his chest. “It's not your fault. You were a freshman in college, you were innocently at a party. Your parents should have had your back. The coach should have pulled him off the team immediately. Is he still on the team?” 

She shakes her head, pulling away from him slightly and wiping the tears from her eyes. “He transferred last year. He plays for Spring court now,” she retorts. She begins sniffling again and another round of apologies slip from her mouth as he brings her closer to him his mind elsewhere. 

Azriel frowned. Eris Vanserra. Just another reason to kick Spring Courts ass in the scrimmage in a few days.

[secretlynestaarcheron]

Velaris University: Pitch it to Me Ch. 5

Nessian / Gwynriel Fanfic

Tagged: @almosttenaciousmoon

Cassian 

Cassian jogged over to where he saw Nesta had slipped in to watch their practice. His paper rolled up in his hand. “Good morning,” he says cheerfully. She simply reaches out her hand and he sets the paper in her grasp. “Did you sleep well?” 

She hums in response with a curt nod. She was mad that he kissed her last night. He knew he shouldn’t have gotten caught up in the moment but she did kiss him back, and it was a great kiss. It was hard for him to focus on the paper when he got home. His mind replayed how her hand grasped his shirt to pull him closer. 

Rhysand shouts for him to join the team again and he turns to see everyone already back in their positions. He jogs towards the mound. Rhysand stood with his arms crossed, a mischief smile as he taunts, “Trouble in paradise?” 

Cassian glances back to where Nesta had already begun marking his paper. “You’ve been dating a day, how did you already fuck it up?” Rhysand laughs, earning a glare from Cassian. 

“It’s Cassian, of course he already fucked it up. Now can we play some baseball or are we going to continue gossiping like we are in middle school?” Azriel chimes from where he was crouching behind home plate. Rhysand shoves Cassian lightly before jogging away. 

Cassian shakes his head, trying to shake the insults and the feeling of Nesta’s lips on his as he gets ready to pitch. 

They continue for another twenty minutes before Coach calls practice, wanting them to spend more time in the weight room later. As the rest of the team makes their way to the locker room, he moves back over towards Nesta who had a red pen between her lips and a furrowed brow. 

“I am sorry,” Cassian finally says, not able to handle the silence anymore. She peers up at him with her intense blue eyes. She cocks an eyebrow at him to continue. He groans, she was really going to make him work for it. “I got a little too caught up in the idea of being your fake boyfriend. I shouldn’t have kissed you.” 

She sighs, before sliding the papers back towards him. He glances down at the corrections and winces. “It's fine,” she retorts, playing with a strand of blonde hair that had fallen out of her braided updo. “I just wasn’t expecting to have to lie to my sisters. Feyre wouldn’t stop texting me asking me how we met, what our first date was, etc and Elain called me this morning screaming.” 

He chuckles, “They really want you to have a boyfriend, huh?” 

Nesta rolls her eyes as she hands him his paper. “No, they really wanted you to be my boyfriend,” she retorts as she stands up dusting her jeans. “And I guess you are now, so they are a little more than excited. They are probably going to try and weasel their way to dinner with my dad.” 

He takes the paper from her extended hand, before helping her down the stairs. He winces when he sees the red marks covering the front page. “It’s not bad,” she replies, squeezing his hand before letting it go. “It's just nitpicking stuff to make sure you get to play in the game. It was good, Cas. You could feel your interest in the subject through the writing.” 

He can’t help but smile at that. He didn’t think anyone had ever complimented him on his writing before. “Do you need a ride to the diner?” he asked. She blinked up at him. “I saw you hop off the bus this morning.” 

She nods thankfully. “Yeah, that’d be great,” she replies. “I’ll wait out front if you need to change.” 

He smiles grimly, he really did need to change. He smelled terrible. “I’ll make it quick,” he says, before moving into the locker room. 

Rhysand whistles as he walks in. “Is everything okay with the misses?” he asks, as runs a hand through his hair and glances at his appearance in the mirror. 

Cassian makes his way towards his locker and begins stripping off the sweaty clothes he was wearing. “If you must know, yes. We are actually engaged, the wedding is set for next week, and we plan to honeymoon to denial rainbow land,” he drawls, as he begins wiping his upper body. He didn’t want to keep Nesta waiting long. 

Azriel snorts from his locker across the alley. “What about you, Rhys? You did not come home from game night,” he taunts, slipping a clean shirt over his head and turning to face his friends. “Was the drive too long? Did you have to stop at a hotel? Or perhaps a certain someone's dorm?” 

Rhysand throws a used towel at Azriel who jumps out of the way quickly. “I was surprised,” Rhysand retorts. “I guess Feyre isn’t as serious with Tamlin as I thought.” He pauses for a moment before turning towards them. “We still need to kick his ass next week.” 

“I could ask Nesta, if you want,” Cassian says, as he pulls on his clean clothes and begins retying his shoes. “I am taking her to Ritas.” 

Rhysand and Azriel turn towards each other and Cassian immediately regrets his decision to bring it up. “Are you hungry, Az?” Rhysand says with a mischievous smile. 

Azriel returns his smile before turning towards Cassian. “Starving,” he retorts.

[secretlynestaarcheron]

Velaris University: Pitch it to Me Ch.4

Gwynriel / Nessian Fanfic

Gwyn 

Gwyn had been a nervous wreck as soon as she saw the text from Nesta that Cassian and his friends might be at movie night. She paced the kitchen of their small apartment making sure everything was in place, she had wiped the counters three times already. 

It's not that she was scared of Azriel, quite the opposite he was the only male that she felt 100% comfortable around in regards to trust. She did however feel like an awkward idiot whenever she was around him. The door slams open and Nesta walks in with two large paper bags covering her face. 

“Honey, I am home,” she sings as she drops the bags onto the counter. She smiles at Gwyn.  “Chinese take out, you’re favorite.” 

Gwyn shakes her head, despite the delicious smell of her favorite dishes she felt like she was going to throw up. “I am going to be sick,” she announces. 

Nesta pauses from where she was setting up the food. “Gwyneth Bardara, it's a stupid boy. Don’t let him get you this excited. We’re going to watch a movie or play games and eat food, like normal.” 

Gwyn nods, not trusting her voice. She wanted to hide in her room. She could fake a migraine. She could-, there’s a sharp knock on the door. “Oh no,” she groans, putting her head in her hands. “I have a black belt in karate, I take kickboxing classes, why is this making me so nervous?” 

Nesta laughs as she opens the door. Feyre stands in the doorway with two pints of icecream in her hands. A tall blonde stands behind her. “Hey,” Feyre says brightly as she lifts up the containers of ice cream. “I brought ice cream and my friend Mor.” 

Mor waves her hand in greeting but Gwyn can barely register. “What's wrong with you?” Feyre asks walking into the kitchen to put the ice cream in the freezer. Gwyn groans in response. 

“I invited Cassian and told him to bring his friends,” Nesta replies. Feyre turns towards her quickly. “She’s not nervous because they are male, she’s nervous because of Azriel.” 

Feyre scoffs, “Please, G, could kick their asses if they tried anything. I am not worried about that. I am worried that you possibly invited my ex-boyfriend to this get together,” she groans, leaning on the counter beside Gwyn. Nesta stared at the both of them and scowled. Gwyn could only imagine what the two of them looked like sulking next to one another.  

“Feyre, he was a fling that you fell in love with and freaked yourself out over so you decided to rebound with his enemy. You were stupid, either live with your choice or use tonight as an excuse to reingnit your love for one another,” Nesta says to her sister before turning towards Gwyn. “Gwyn, I love you. You’re one of my best friends and I want you to be happy. See what happens tonight. Maybe he will live up to the fairytale prince you’ve created in your brain or maybe he’ll disappoint.” 

Gwyn opens her mouth but another knock interrupts her. “I’ll get it,” Mor says from where she was still standing by the door. She opens it to show three tall males standing in the doorway. 

“Mor?” Cas asks curiously as she steps to the side to allow them to enter. “Feyre?” Rhysand says as he steps into the living area and spots her in the kitchen. 

Gwyn watches as Feyre smiles and gives him a small wave as she makes her way over towards him. If Feyre could ignore her reservations then so could Gwyn. She glances around the crowd as Nesta says something about eating, until she spots Azriel still standing in the doorway. His eyes intently watching her. 

She normally would have cowered if anyone else had been staring at her like that but there was something in his eyes that filled her with curiosity. “Hey,” she greets as he moves over towards the counter. She plays with the ribbon that tied her braid together at its base. “Sorry I didn’t reply to your text. I was going to but then Nes said you’d most likely be here tonight so I thought we could just chat here.” 

He gives her a curious look, he knew that wasn’t the whole reason she did not reply. Nesta thrust a plate into both of their hands as she ushers them forward towards the spread of food. Cassian and Mor wedge themself between them, separating them. 

Maybe that was a good thing. Part of her didn’t want to talk to him in front of all these people and part of her did not want to be alone with him. She just wished Elain had not suggested they switch partners. Should could deal with Lucien cockiness. 

After eating, Feyre and Nesta pulled out the pile of games they had and they all began a heated game of heads up. Gwyn couldn’t help but notice how close Nesta and Cassian were sitting next to each other. “Just tutoring,” Nesta had told her earlier. Gwyn rolled her eyes as she slipped out onto the small balcony they had. 

She stared off into the sky, watching the sunset turn into a starry night. “I was wondering where you sneaked off to,” a new voice says. She turns to see Azriel sliding the door shut behind him. She wondered if he was just that quiet or if she was so lost in her own thoughts she did not hear him open it. 

“I didn’t realize anyone would miss me,” she retorts, leaning against the railing as he moves to stand beside her. “It was getting a little loud in there.” 

He nods in understanding. He was probably the only one that could really understand her need for peace and quiet. How she felt safe in the silence. “I can leave-,” he begins to move to the door again but she puts a hand on his arm. He blinks down at it then back at her and she tries to ignore the warmth that is spreading from her neck to her cheeks. 

“You can stay,” she replies quickly before clearing her throat and adding, “if you want. I don’t want to keep you from the games.” 

He leans back against the railing. “I wanted to apologize for the other night,” he says softly. She raises a curious eyebrow. What exactly did he have to apologize for? “I didn’t realize who you were.” 

She pales slightly but she can’t say anything because he continues, “I didn’t realize you were coach hyberons daughter. I had never seen you at games before and you look nothing alike.”

Gwyn frowns slightly. He didn’t realize Coach Hyberon was her step dad? “I don’t go to games,” she responds. She didn’t go to games because her step father allowed players who sexually harassed not only her but other females to continue playing and she would not support. 

Azriel looked puzzled. “You seemed to think I would know you so I-,” he cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable with the situation. “I just figured I must have met you at a practice or after party.”

She turns away from and looks back up at the night sky. She could feel his gaze on her but she did not care. Perhaps Azriel wasn’t her knight and shining armor. Maybe he didn’t realize what he did was so important. “We did meet at an after party,” she replies, before turning and giving him a tight smile. “But obviously it was more impreishible to me than you. It’s not a big deal.”  

Before the conversation can continue. There's a loud squealing from inside. Azriel opens the door and Gwyn walks in behind him to see Cassian smiling sheepishly and Nesta scowling at the side of his head. He turns towards her and gives her a half smile, “I got excited,” he shrugs. “They would find out eventually.” 

“What happened?” Gwyn asks. 

“Cassian just kissed Nesta in front of us,” Feyre says, her mouth still open in shock as she looked between the two of them. Rhysand who had an arm slung around her shoulders looked just as shocked. 

Nesta shakes out of her scowling trace and turns towards everyone. “Surprise?” she says unsurly as Cassian grabs her hand and gives it a squeeze. “We’re dating?”

[secretlynestaarcheron]

Velaris University: Pitch it to me Ch. 3

Nessian / Gwynriel fanfic

Nesta

The bell above the diner door jingled as a couple walked in and made their way to a booth in the far corner. “Who are you looking for?” Gwyn asks from where she was making a fresh batch of coffee. 

“Yeah, you jump every time the door opens. Is it that psycho ex again?” Emerie asks from where she was peeking out from the kitchen. She holds up a spatula she had just been using that’s still covered in pancake mix. “Do we need to kill him? Egg his house?” 

Nesta laughs and looks back at the silverware she was rolling. It was 8 o’clock, she had told Cassian to stop by before 11. He was probably still asleep. “What were you going to do? Drown him with pancake batter?” Nesta chuckles. Emerie gets a twinkle in her eye and slightly shrugs. “I am just wondering if Azriel is going to pop out and surprise Gwyn.” 

A red blush floods Gwyn’s face as she turns away from them. Nesta and Emerie turn to each other and burst out laughing. “We’re joking, G,” Emerie calls. “I still can’t believe you are paired up with your knight in shining armor since freshman year. This is the universe telling you to make your move.” 

Gwyn shakes her head quickly. “Absolutely not, we are definitely just going to make awkward comment exchanges on the google doc until the project was over,” she says, as she pours the coffee into two mugs and walks down the aisle towards the couple in the back. 

She takes their order before moving back behind the counter to hand the slip to Emerie. “Then why did he text you wanting to meet?” Nesta questions with a raised brow. 

“I don’t know, he didn’t even remember me and if he did he was not happy about being paired with me,” Gwyn replies shortly. 

“That’s only because he had a crush on Elain,” Nesta retorts. Gwyn turns towards her quickly with wide eyes. “Gwyn, seriously? You were watching him all love struck this summer. You did not see him looking all love struck at Elain?” 

Emerie slides the two plates across the counter and Gwyn moves to grab them. “Elain and him would not be good together,” Nesta replies. “I wholeheartedly believe that she was just there. That’s the only reason he clung to her. If you let him see you. Gwyn. He’d be stupid to let you go. You should keep meeting with him in person” 

Gwyn bites her lip not saying anything as she takes the plates and makes her way to the back. Nesta hadn’t known Gwyn when she went through what she went through in freshman year, she didn’t even really know the whole story. Only that something happened and Azriel was there to help. 

She hasn’t gone on a date or even been near a guy since Nesta had met her. She barely left the library until she met Nesta. They had both worked there fall semester of sophomore year and Nesta got Gwyn out of her funk. They bonded over romantic novels, pasta, and their passions for being dependent and strong. Nesta even got Gwyn this job at the diner where they met Emerie. 

“I have to get to class,” Gwyn says, as she begins to untie the apron from behind her waist. She shoves it into her cubby and pulls out her backpack. “I’ll see you at home later?” 

Nesta nods. “I’ll text you when I am on my way and I can grab take out for us for movie night.” The door jingles again and Nesta’s heart skips a beat when she sees Cassian stroll through. The tight grey shirt he wore was wet from his hair, he must have showered before he came. Nesta scoulded herself for thinking his shirt was tight and for creating the image of him in the shower. 

His eyes scan the diner until they land on her and his smile brightens. Gwyn leans in next to Nesta and smirks, “Looks like I am not the only one who has a their eyes turned by a baseball player,” she snorts. 

“I am helping him with a paper,” Nesta replies quickly. Too quickly. Gwyn’s eyes dance with mischief. “You know, the other job I have?” 

Gwyn hums as she finishes grabbing her stuff. “You just happen to meet your tutoring peers outside of your tutoring hours?” she asks knowing that she stumped Nesta. Nesta shoves her lightly and says, “Don’t you have a class to get to? And a project to work on?” 

Gwyn’s laughter echos through the diner as she leaves. Cassian comes up to the counter with a sheepish grin. “I am sorry I am late, I had morning practice and had to shower quickly,” he says, gesturing up to his wet hair. “I didn’t think you’d appreciate having to smell sweat and dirt since your going out of your way to help me.” 

Nesta laughs as he sits up on one of the barstools and begins pulling out his laptop and notebook. “Technically, you are also going out of the way to help me,” she retorts talking about the fake boyfriend thing. “Are you still okay with that?” 

Cassian chuckles. “I am completely okay with being your arm candy for a night, Archeron,” he quips. 

For the next hour, they work together between customers. Nesta explains how to write a thesis statement, outlining, paragraph structuring, and anything else Cassian would need to tackle this assignment. She watched as he begun complining sources and working on making a makeshift outline. 

She moved throughout the diner refilling coffees and dropping checks before returning to where Cassian was staring intently at his notebook, his hand paused mid stroke. She raises an eyebrow and she glanced down at what he was trying to write. “I am not stupid,” Cassian interjects before she could make out the word. She opens her mouth to say that she didn’t think he was but he continues, “I am just not great at English. I am better at math or physics or even history.” 

“Why do you do that?” she interrupts. 

He lowers the pencil and looks up at her. “What do you mean?” he asks. 

“I didn’t say you were stupid. I don’t even think you are, but whenever I see you pause in the slightest you have to tell me you’re not,” she replies. “Has someone told you were?”

His gaze moves away from her. “No,” he says quickly. They both know that Nesta knows that he’s lying. “I guess I just feel stupid for needing help in my senior year for a subject that I use daily. I speak English for fucks sake.” 

An older couple at the table behind him gasps and he turns around to give a sheepish apology. “We all have subjects we aren’t good at, Cas,” Nesta replies easily. “I am not great at science, terrible at it actually. Anatomy? I can’t name a single muscle. Physics? All I remember is the word velocity but I don’t even know what it does. Don’t even get me started on chemistry. That was a nightmare.” 

He cracks a smile at her but Nesta notices how it doesn’t meet his eye. Before she can say anything else, Emerie shouts from the kitchen. “Nes, get out of here. You have class and I have a whole tip jar to myself for the next few hours.” 

Cassian lifts up his phone to see the time and his face falls in disappointment. “What are you doing for the rest of the day?” Nesta asks as she unties the apron from around her waist and grabs her book bag from her cubie. 

He begins putting away his own stuff. “I’ve got a group workout, English, and then I’ll be planting myself in front of this computer for the rest of the day. I really appreciate your help, Nes,” he says softly. “It actually makes sense when you explain it.” 

“I would hope so,” she replies as they begin to walk out the door of the diner. Nesta waves goodbye to Emerie as they exit into the chilly March air. “Gwyn and I are having a movie night at our apartment. Emerie will be there and sometimes Lucien, Elain, or Feyre will show up. You should come and bring your bat boys.” 

“Does Nesta Archeron want to see me again? And on the same day?” He chuckles. “I thought you would be sick of me by now.” 

She laughs. “I will say you are much more tolerable than you were last summer,” she retorts. “You can bring whatever you’ve completed and I’ll begin proofreading.” 

“You don’t need to bribe me to hang out. I’ll do it completely free,” he retorts. Nesta's heart jumps at that and she scolds herself for the reaction. In a few days, Cassian would be back to baseball being his true love and Nesta would be back to working three jobs and studying for the LSAT. “But only for you, my standard rate is pizza and foot rubs.” 

She rolls her eyes and shoves him as they stand in front of the car. “Good luck, I’ll see you tonight,” she says. He gives her a bright smile and a wave as he moves farther into the parking lot towards his own car. Nesta pulls out her phone and sends a text to Gwyn, hoping she wouldn’t be mad about the few extra guests she invited.

[secretlynestaarcheron]

Pitch it to Me: Ch 2

Gwynriel

Azriel

To say Azriel was nervous was an understatement. He glanced back at the table where two plates sat between the boxes of pizzas, it looked too prepared, he concluded as he snatches the plates up and sets them on the island in a stack. He shook his head at the stupidity of his situation. 

“What is going on here?” Rhysand questions from the doorway. He raised an eyebrow as he looked from the table to Azriel. “Got a hot date or something?” When Azriel does not say anything Rhysand lets out a bark of laughter. Before Azriel can say anything the doorbell to the townhouse they shared rang out. 

Azriel glares at Rhysand as he follows Azriel down the hall. Azriel swings the door open, hos mouth open in greeting but pauses when he sees more than one person on his doorstep. Elain Archeron smiles brightly at him, “Hey, I hope you don’t mind, I brought some people to help,” she says. 

Rhysand laughter grows louder. “I guess it’s the or something,” he murmurs, munching on a slice of pizza as he begins walking up the stairs. “Don’t have too much fun down here.” 

Elain gives a confused look between them before turning to her group. “Azriel this is Lucien and Nesta’s roommate-,” 

His eyes scan the group until they fall onto the redhead in the back who was looking anywhere but him. “Gwyn,” he supplies, earning a surprised look from Elain. 

Elain walks past him into the foyer. “Lucien and I were chatting after our bio class earlier and since we are both stem majors we wanted to take a twist on the assignment. I went to the professor and she was cool with it as long as our partners-,” she gestures to Gwyn and then to him. “Were okay with it.” 

Azriel stares at her, his eyes knitting in confusion. “So,” Elain says, as she rocks back on her heel leaning into Lucien slightly. Azriel's eyes shifted to where there was no longer a gap between them. He felt like an idiot. Sure they got along at the parties Rhysand dragged him to as he followed Feyre around like a love sick puppy but Elain didn’t seem to feel the connection he felt.  “Are you cool with it? You both are criminology majors, I think you two would work better together anyways.”

He shakes his head looking back up to Elain who was staring at him curiously. “I thought we could all start working tonight, together,” she continues. 

Azriel nods, turning to Gwyn who had been looking at him. “Of course,” he replies with a slight shrug as if it didn’t matter to him. “Let’s head into the kitchen. I grabbed pizza on my way home from practice for us.” 

He moves down the hall and hears them follow him. He casually moves to the cabinet and grabs two more plates setting the pile on the table. Lucien and Elain grab a few slices before sitting on the other end of the table and beginning to chat loudly about their project. 

“I didn’t realize you were her partner,” Gwyn says beside him. He looks over at her and raises an eyebrow. She continues to explain, “When she texted Nesta to ask me to switch. I didn’t realize it was you.” 

He scratches the back of his head, was there something he was missing? Did he do something to her? “It’s just an assignment, I don’t really mind who I am paired up with,” he replies but his stomach sinks when he sees her eyes harden before turning away from him and reaching for a slice. That was obviously not the right thing to say. 

Azriel stares at Gwyn from across their computer screens, her teal eyes and copper hair illuminated from the computer light as she scans the page she was reading. He couldn’t pinpoint where he knew her from but obviously they had met before. The only noise coming from the other side of the table as Lucien and Elain somehow find a way to flirt over how factories are polluting the air and killing us slowly. 

Gwyn eyes flicker up to meet him and a red blush appears on her cheeks. Maybe she had a crush on him and that's why she was being so weird. “Have you found a topic you're interested in yet?” she asks softly, her eyes darting back down to her computer. 

“Oh, uh- yeah a few,” he says looking at the blank document staring back at him. “I am honestly open to anything so if there’s one you are passionate about I am more than happy to accommodate.” 

Her eyes narrow as she blinks at her screen. Azriel reaches forward and shuts his own computer and leans forward. “Okay, come on tell me,” he says. “I know you got an idea you want to do.” 

“I know the class is public health but I was speaking with the TA after class and he said that I could do public safety as long as I brought health into it somehow,” she murmurs, chewing on her bottom lip. “I was thinking about doing public safety on college campuses.” 

Azriel nods in thought but he can tell she has more to say. “That seems broad. I am assuming you have more to say on the matter?” 

Her eyes flicker up to meet him and there's a new determination in them. “The student police department takes fifteen minutes on average to get to a bluelight and even longer when a crime is called in,” she says softly. “This delay has lead to robberies, hazing, student injuries, and sexual harassment.” 

There’s a fire in her eyes as she finishes her sentence. “This results in not only physical health traumas but mental,” she retorts. “Someone might not always be walking and have the courage to say something or fight what's wrong, the university website promises three minute response times. We should feel safe on our own campus.” 

Azriel isn’t stupid, he knows she was effected by this. He knows that they must have been delayed when she needed them and a new anger burns deep in his chest. “You’re going to start a revolution,” he says and she looks up at him with bright eyes. 

“We’re going to start a revolution,” she retorts. “As long as you're okay with it.” 

He smiles at that. Her passion was fueling her and in that moment all he wanted to do was help her set the world on fire if that would make her keep smiling. “Hell yeah I am okay with it. Let’s get some justice.” 

After Gwyn, Elain, and Lucien left Rhysand sat at the table. He had TA’s for a few of the criminology classes and was given access to the crime data center in order to pull cases for the classes. He scrolled through them, checking the time of when they were called in and when the security showed up to the scene. She was right. How did it take them so long? 

The door slams open and Cassian walks in, dropping his bag on the counter and flipping open the pizza boxes until he found one that still had some left. “What are you brooding about?” he asks with his mouth full of pizza. 

Azriel pulls his attention away from his computer. “Do you know Gwyn Berdara?” he asks. 

Cassian pauses midchew. “Do you mean coach's daughter Gwyneth Berdara?” Cassian says after swallowing his pizza. He takes a sip of his water before sitting across from Azriel. “Please tell me you don’t have a thing for the coach's daughter. He’s already pissy enough.” 

“Azriel has a thing for Coach Hyberons daughter?” Rhysand asks as he walks into the room as he grabs his own slice of pizza. “How'd the not date go?” 

Cassian chokes on his piece and they both turn towards him. Azriel rolls his eyes at the dramatics. “You had a not date with Coach Hyberons daughter?” 

Azriel groans as he closes her laptop. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to work on this anymore tonight. “No he had a date with Elain Archeron that turned into a not date when she showed up with her own date and Gwyn,” Rhysand supplies. “How’d you not know that that was Hyberons daughter?” 

Azriel stares up at him. “Maybe because his last name is Hyberon and her last name is Berdara? They look nothing alike? I’ve never heard him talk about her? Should I continue?” he draws on. “How did you two know?” 

Rhysand and Cassian glance at each other. “She’s his step-daughter,” Rhysand responds. “And we may have looked Hyberon up on facebook freshman year.” 

“Mrs. Berdara is way too hot for coach hyperion, he’s gotta be rich,” Cassian adds, taking another big bite of his pizza and chewing loudly. 

Rhysand reaches over and smacks the back of Cassian’s head. “Like you could get a MILF,” he retorts. 

“How does that make you feel that Azriel is hanging out with Elain Archeron, I was with Nesta Archeron and have plans to see her again, and your Archeron sister is dating your enemy?” Cassian asks leaning back in his chair to look over at Rhysand. 

Azriel shakes his head. He wondered if Cassian ever really thought before he spoke. Rhysand turns towards him slowly and gives him a sarcastic grin. “Fucking fantastic, thanks,” he deadpans. “But watch out Cas. The Archeron sisters are destined to break the hearts of the bat bros. Elain crushed Azriels tonight. Feyre crushed mine in the summer. It's your turn now.” 

Cassian lets out a bark of a laugh. “If anyone is breaking anyone's heart. I am breaking Nestas,” he responds. 

It is Azriel and Rhysands turn to laugh. “You aren’t even dating her and she’s got you wrapped around her finger. There’s no way she's leaving broken-hearted,” Rhysand cackles. Azriel drones them out trying to figure out how he knew Gwyn Berdara. 

He rubs his temples as he tries to think back on the last four years of college, cringing at the amount of partying he allowed Cassian and Rhysand drag him to over the years. Freshman year. His eyes widen as he remembers when he knows her from. “Fuck,” he mutters under his breath. 

Rhysand and Cassian stop bickering and turn towards him. “What’s wrong with you?” Rhysand asks. 

Azriel shakes his head. He pulls out his phone and sends a quick text to Gwyn since they had exchanged numbers before she left.  “I am an idiot,” he responds, grabbing his laptop and the few notebooks he had down there and going up to his room.

[secretlynestaarcheron]

Velaris University: Pitch it to Me

Cassian x Nesta love story

faint: Feysand and Gwynriel

A/N would you guys perfer multiple mini stories in this universe with each couple or all the couples intertwined into one major story?

Cassian

Cassian blinks up at the sun as he faintly listens to Rhysand yelling from his spot between second and third base. “Cassian, are you listening?” Rhysand yells, turning his attention towards where Cassian stood on the mound. 

“Unfortunately,” Cassian mutters before turning to his captain and friend. “We’ve been out here for three hours, practicing until we've died from exhaustion is not going to help us win against Spring court next week.” 

A dark shadow passes over Rhysand gaze at the mention of Spring Court. “I am not letting Tamlin win,” Rhysand retorts before turning towards everyone. “Which means everyone needs to get their head in the games starting now.” 

Rhysand jogs back to his spot and nods at Cassian to begin pitching again. As Cassian turns he catches Azriel's eye. Who shrugged and shook his head, Rhysand was normally extremely level headed except for when it came to Spring Court, especially since his summer “fling” started seriously dating Tamlin a few weeks ago. It was better to not fight him when he got like this. 

Azriel held up three fingers as a sophomore walked up to the plate, bat in hand. Cassian gave a curt nod before throwing the ball. It landed perfectly in Azriel's glove leaving the sophore, who didn’t even swing, dumbfounded. 

Cassian made a show of turning to Rhysand. “Is that more to your liking, Rhys?” he questions. 

Rhysand cracked a smile. “Keep the attitude in check, Monte. Or else I am making everyone do laps,” he calls out. Cassian rolls his eye and turns back to the plate where he continues pitching for another hour. Finally as the sun begins to set Rhysand calls them in for a group huddle. 

Azriel positions himself next to Cassian. “How's the shoulder?” he asks as Rhysand begins discussing the plan for the next week until they went up against Spring Court in a preseason scrimmage. If they kept up this grueling practice schedule, Cassian wasn’t even sure if he would have a shoulder to play with.

“Aches,” Cassian retorts, “I’ll grab some ice before I head home.” 

Azriel nods, “I am having some people over and grabbing pizza for everyone,” he says. “I’ll save you some.” Cassian raises an eyebrow to ask who Azriel was having over since Azriel didn’t really have any other friends besides Rhysand, Cassian, and their childhood friend Mor. Rhyand finishes his speech before Cassian can ask. 

“Monte,” Coach Hyberon yells and Cassian falls back from the group to head over towards him. “Hit the shower and then meet me in my office. We have something we need to go over.” 

Cassian nods, as he heads into the locker room. He would have rather just had the coach say what he wanted to say then stew in anxiety. “What was that about?” Rhysand questions as Cassian walks. 

“Coach just wanted to make sure I am up to par to beat the love of your lifes boyfriend,” Cassian retorts as he walks over to his cubby and peels off his shirt. He just wanted to head home and devour the pizza Azriel had promised. 

Rhysand leans over to shove Cassian’s shoulder, earning a grimace. His eyes narrowed in concern. “Don’t worry about it,” Cassian says before Rhysand can ask. He wasn’t being pulled out of the Spring Court game because of a shoulder injury, he was in his last year an injury was not going to take him out. 

After showing, Cassian walks down the long hall from the locker room to the coaches office. “You’re failing English,” his coach announces before Cassian even shuts the door. Amren, the team manager, chokes on a laugh as she looks over. He ignores her, he couldn’t wait for her insults once he left. 

Cassian frowns. He had a C in the class, which wasn’t great when compared to his engineering courses which he was acing but he wasn’t failing yet.

Coach Hyberon frowns as he slides a paper over towards Cassian. Cassian glances down at the paper. “Your English professor reached out to me to let me know you would be receiving a C- on your midterm,” Coach says. “Which drops your grade to a D. Which means-,” 

“Which means I am out for the Spring Court game next week,” Cassian fills in the blank. He hated Spring Court, but his captain and brother Rhysand hated them even more so it was a very important game. 

“Which means that I am going to have to put a freshman pitcher in if you don’t get your act together,” Coach Hyberon scowls. Cassian raises an eyebrow, so he wasn’t officially out yet? “The professor also hates Spring Court, so we have come to an agreement. You have another opportunity in the midterm.” 

Cassian stares up at the coach. “I can rewrite it with the corrections?” he asks, looking at all the red pen marks. He cringes at all the spelling errors. 

“No,” his coach says. Cassian blinks up at him. “You will have to pick a new topic and rewrite it by Thursday.” 

Cassian mouth drops. “Thursday? That's in four days,” he exclaims with his class and game schedule he wasn’t sure if he would be able to finish it in time but he couldn’t let the team down.

“At least I know you know the days of the week, I suggest you get started,” Coach says as he turns to face his computer dismissing Cassian. Cassian lets out a loud sigh as he grabs the paper from the desk and turns to leave. How the hell was he supposed to get this done in time? 

An hour later, Cassian finds himself climbing the stairs of the library ignoring the dull ache in his shoulder and the growling in his stomach as he moves towards the tutoring center. He hadn’t been here since freshman year when he had a senior question how he made it into college based on his reading level. At the time Cassian was embarrassed about his learning disability and wasn’t about to tell a senior who called him stupid that he was actually dyslexic and didn’t have the best support system growing up. He stopped coming all together to the library when a TA told him he only got in because of his ability to throw a ball. 

His footsteps slowed as he neared the entrance to the tutoring center. They stopped all together when he saw who was sitting behind the help desk. Nesta Archeron sat flipping through a thick novel which must be more than six pages long. Her hair was tied back but a few strains fell into her face as her eyes scanned the page intently. She glances up, her eyes narrowing as she spots Cassian. 

She closes her book and he glances down at the title. Prythian Law and Policies. He briefly remembers Rhysand summer “fling” turned love of his life Feyre Archeron mentions that her sister was a double major in English and Political Science who was currently applying to law programs. 

“Have you been here before?” Nesta asks. 

He swallows the lump in his throat. The last thing he needed was for Nesta Archeron to know that he was stupid. Especially since he spent the summer trying to woo her once Feyre introduced them in passing at a party. She cleared her throat intently and he realized he had been staring at her. “Uh, not since Freshman year,” he replies. 

She nods, flipping an ipad towards him. “We changed the system last year so you’ll have to make a new account. Just sign into your student profile,” she explains. He steps forward and his eyes scan the page. “Just to let you know we will be closing in ten minutes.” 

Cassian freezes. “Ten minutes?” He repeats slowly. How was he supposed to write his complete paper in ten minutes so he could have the next three days to review it? He still needed to figure out a new topic and he didn’t know when he would have time-

“Cassian,” Nesta says and he blinks at her. He didn’t realize she remembered his name. “Are you okay?” 

He shakes his head. “No-, well, I-,” the panic was setting in. The pressure he had been feeling since elementary school when he would say bog instead of dog in class or stumble over his words during read allowed time. By middle school he knew that he wouldn’t be able to get into college with his grades which is how he met Rhysand and Azriel who talked him into playing baseball. Now, his college and baseball career would be over because of a core English requirement. 

He hadn’t realized Nesta had moved to the other side of the desk until her hands were on her shoulders. “Take a deep breath, follow my lead,” she murmurs, her eyes soft as she looks up at him. She grabs his hand and places it on her chest. She takes a deep breath and slowly releases it. As she does it again he matches her. 

“Feeling better?” she questions after a few moments. He nods as he drops his hand, not trusting his voice, he wondered how she knew what to do.  As if she was able to hear his question she supplies, “I used to get panic attacks in highschool.”

“Thank you,” he says, fidgeting with the straps of his backpack. “I just got some bad news and I think it was all hitting me at once. I appreciate you helping me.” He glances down at his watch. He had spent the majority of their short time freaking out. “I don’t want to keep you.” 

He turns to go but she holds out a hand to stop him. “What did you need help with?” she questions. 

“A paper,” he replies. 

She laughs, “Okay,” she says slowly. “Editing? Helping with the topic? Presenting? Structure?” 

Cassian grimaces. “Is all of the above an option?” he asks and she laughs again. “I massively failed a paper and it’ll drop my grade down so I won’t be able to play in the scrimmage next week but my professor is allowing me to give it another go.” 

Nesta nods slowly. “When is it due?” she asks. 

“Thursday,” he replies, running a hand through his hair. “But it has to be a new topic.” 

Nesta’s eyes flicker to the clock on the wall. “I said I would babysit for a family friend,” Nesta says, and Cassian's heart drops. “But, I work at the diner downtown. Rita’s. No one is ever there since it's a work day so come by tomorrow between  6-12 and I’ll help you bounce around some topics.”

His eyes brighten. “Really?” he asks. 

“I am not writing the paper for you, but I don’t work again until Thursday and the other English tutor is more likely to complain to you about her boyfriend problems than actually help you with your assignments,” Nesta replies with a shrug. She looks away sheepishly. “I mean only if you want.” 

Cassian smiles brightly. “That would be incredible. I could pay you since you wouldn’t be on school hours. Whatever you want,” he replies. “Anything you want.” 

“Anything I want?” she hums in thought as she moves around the table and grabs her book bag and book off the table. “How about a favor?” 

Cassian quickly nods. “Yeah, of course. What do you need?” he asks. 

She bites her lip as she looks up at him. “My dad is trying to set me up with one of his old business partners' sons,” she says. Cassian raises an eyebrow suspiciously. “He’s known to be cruel and my dad has invited him over for dinner on Friday. I’d like you to come.” 

“You need me to beat him up?” Cassian asks. He could do it and he would do it if this guy touched Nesta but he wasn’t sure if starting a fight with someone based on a rumor would go over well with his coach. 

Nesta laughs and shakes her head, more of her hair falling from her braid and covering her piercing eyes. “I need you to be my fake boyfriend.” 

[secretlynestaarcheron]

Finally read ACOSF and let me tell ya I am mad for Gwynriel. Kind of want to rewrite cold as ice with them apart of it. 

[secretlynestaarcheron]

ANGSTMAS DAY 25 

Nessian AU // Wish I could be 

She stood outside the mall, pulling her sweater towards her as she looked around the cars, the snow had begun to fall harder and she was thinking of ditching her friend and beginning to Christmas shop on her own when she saw him walking up. 

He smiled brightly when he saw her and she couldn’t help but return it. He jogged the rest of the way, stopping short when he made it to her. “You look cold, why didn’t you wait inside?” he asks. 

She shrugs, “It was busy,” she retorts, a new flush to her cheeks that she knew wasn’t because of the cold. “Besides, I didn’t think it would take you three years to actually get here.” 

He laughs, as he slips off his varsity jacket, handing it to her. She takes it from him with a curious expression. “I run warm anyways,” he says with a slight shrug. “Shall we head in?” 

She nods, following closely behind him, savoring the warmth and the smell of him on the collar as he goes into a detail plan of attack to finish all their shopping with enough time to stop by his favorite pretzel joint. 

They had finished up three stores when she knew she had to tell him. She couldn’t not tell him, when all she did when he spoke to her was stare at his lips or how her heart fluttered when he told her up the gifts he thought of for her family. 

She was beginning to panic, was she really going to tell her best friend of five year that she didn’t just have a crush on him but that she thought she might be in love with him? 

“Nes?” Cassian asks. She looks over at him and he was holding up two sweater options for his mom, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Are you okay? You totally spaced.” 

She swallows the lump in her throat as she nods. “I think I am just going to run to the food court to use the restroom, I’ll be right back,” she retorts not bothering to wait for him to respond before running away. 

She stands in front of the sink, tugging at the her blonde hair that had paled in the winter months or her dull green eyes and her pale skin. She looked like a ghost. She pulls his jacket around her tightly. 

He was always there for her. He would drop everything to be with her. They had to be more than friends, he had to have seen it too. She splashes some cold water on her face, giving herself a small pep talk before stepping out of the bathroom. 

She moves towards the store when she falters. She sees him standing across the food court in all his glory, confidence oozing off of him as she makes her way towards him. When she gets closer she sees a girl from school standing close to him. 

Heather. She was a grade above them, class president and on the honor society not to mention a cheerleader. She was always kind to everyone. She said something that made him laugh. 

Nesta pauses in the middle of the food court, her mind blurring the crowd around her as she only saw Cassian and Heather. She hands him her phone and he chuckles as he puts in his number, handing it back to her. 

She smiles at him as her bright sky blue eyes twinkle at him. She puts a hand on his forearm and Nesta turned away. She wanted to hate her but Cassian wasn’t Nestas and he never would be. 

She sends a text to him on her way out that she had a family emergency. That she had to go home. She shoves her phone in the pocket of his varsity jacket as she pulls it tighter around her body as she steps out into the cold. 

The wind burning her cheeks as the tears slip down as she begins the walk home. 

She walks into school Monday with a new edge. She hated herself for how she was acting, she didn’t even know if Cassian was interested in her that way but all weekend all she could think about was how she wished Heather was dead. 

She saw Cassian at his locker, his back towards her, as she kept walking. She hoped he wouldn’t see her. She hoped she wouldn’t have to talk to him at all today. 

But as she got to her locker, she heard him calling out her name. “Nesta! Hey!” Cassian says as she turns to give him a forced smile. “How are you? You ran off last Friday and didn’t reply to any of my texts. I was worried.” 

“I am fine,” she retorts unable to keep the bitterness from her voice. “It wasn’t a big deal. I was just busy.” 

He nods, as he chews on his bottom lip, he was nervous. “So, I ran into Heather after you left,” he says. She raises an eyebrow faking surprise. “Yeah, weird, right?” 

She grabs the books she needs and turns to look up at him. He was staring across the hall. Nesta follows his gaze to see Heather standing the center of a small group. She was talking vividly a wide smile on her face. He was trapped under her spell, but Nesta couldn’t blame him. She was memorizing. 

Nesta knew she didn’t stand a chance when he could have Heather. 

“Its not weird at all,” Nesta replies, “Why wouldn’t she talk to you? You’re amazing.” 

He looks down at her and smiles. “Thanks, Nes,” he replies, as they begin to walk to their first class. “She invited me to a party tonight. I wanted to know if you wanted to go with me? It’s all upper classman and I don’t know if I would know anyone.” 

She frowns as she looks over at him. “Come on. Nes, please. For me?” he pleads. 

She stops in front of her first period classroom as she sighs. “Okay.” 

He cheers as he continues down the hall. “Thank you, Nesta!” he exclaims as he continues down the hall. She couldn’t help but laugh after him. He just had that affect on people. No wonder he caught Heathers eye. 

As soon as she stepped out of the car that night she knew she regretted being there. Heather immediately ran up and gave Cassian a hug, turning to give Nesta a welcoming smile before pulling them into the living room. It filled with regret, for being mad at Heather for just being born perfect. 

Cassian spoke with everyone. He could always talk to anyone about anything while Nesta struggled with social gatherings. Cassian turns to her in the dimly lit room and smiles. “I know you would prefer to be home and reading, but I am glad you came,” he states. 

She gives him a small smile in return as they are ushered into a room while a senior yells something about spin the bottle. Nesta cringes as Cassian sits her next to him on the floor. She shakes her head, moving to leave, but Cassian turns towards her brightly. “I thought they only did this in movies,” he laughs. 

His excitement makes her want to stay even as her hands begin to sweat as her eyes watch the bottle, she holds her breath whenever it gets near her. Thankfully it doesn’t land on her once for the first few rounds, but then its Heathers turn. 

She’s sat across from them and shoots Cassian a wink as she spins the bottle. Now Nesta is dreading it coming anywhere close to her and Cassian. It spins and spins, Nestas eyes blurring with the movements as it stops beside her. 

She blinks up at Cassian who’s staring at Heather a confident smirk on his lips as they meet halfway and share a kiss. Nesta swallows as she looks down at the bottle that ruined her night. 

Cassian spins it but his eyes are still on Heathers. He liked her. He probably looked at Heather how Nesta finds herself looking at Cassian. Cassian turns to her and Nesta blinks down at the bottle to see it had landed on her. 

She swallows as she looks back up at him. “One kiss won’t hurt,” he says, as he’s closing the distance between them. She doesn’t have time to react as his lips meet hers. It’s not how she imagined their first kiss, but she craved more, she moved towards him as he pulled away. He gives her a lopsided smile. “Not bad, Archer-,” 

“I think I am in love with you,” she interrupts. 

The game continues around them, no one hearing Nesta’s confession. His smile falls and his eyes soften. “Oh Nes-,” he begins and she knows its not going how she wants it to go. She knows he doesn’t feel the same. 

She knows he likes her better. 

She nods, “Its okay,” she says just below a whisper. She’s not even sure any sound came out as stands up and dusts off her knees and exits the house. She waits a few minutes to see if he will follow her but as she peeks in the window she can see him sitting beside Heather on the couch. His arm wrapped around her shoulders. 

She sniffles as she pulls out her phone to call Elain to come pick her up. Elain doesn’t say anything about why Nesta needed a ride or even about the tears running down Nesta cheek that didn’t stop for days. 

She drops off his varsity jacket the next morning. She doesn’t bother to knock as she drops it on his doorstep and runs back to her car. She doesn’t even mind when she sees Heather wearing it four days later. 

It was just polyester, she told herself. He liked her better and she would always wish that she was Heather. 

THE END 

Thank you to all the kind messages. This was probably the best Angstmas so far! You all were so supportive and kind! 

[secretlynestaarcheron]

ANGSTMAS DAY 24 

Nessian AU // The End of the World 

Merry Christmas Eve if you celebrate! If you don’t, Happy Thursday! 

Nesta was standing in the cafe her hands holding her mug of coffee when the TV blared with the preparation of an announcement. 

She froze, just as everyone around her had, as they all looked around each other wondering if anyone knew anything about a mass announcement being made. The cafe was quiet as the screen changed to one of an office. Their governor stood behind the desk with a sorrow filled expression. 

“It brings me no joy to announce that specialist have just discovered a meteor that is set to hit the east coast,” she announces. “We don’t know how bad it will be or if the destruction will make it to the west coast, but-,” 

She pauses, lifting a hand to wipe a tear. “I encourage you all to be with family, as soon as I finish this announcement I will be holding my children close to me for the next two hours. I suggest you do the same. The outcome does not look good for anyone.” 

Nesta stands frozen as the TV shuts off and the customers and workers move wildly, running out to their cars and home to their families. She pulls her attention back to the world when her phone buzzes in her hand. 

She lifts it to her ear. “Nes?” she sighs in relief as she hears Cassian's voice on the other end. “I just heard. Where are you?” 

She looks around, she knew where she was, but the people running down the street and shoving their belongs into their car and rushing out into traffic. “I am at the bakery. Everyone-,” she steps out onto the side walk almost be shoved into by a women carrying a small child. “Everyone's panicking.” 

“I know,” Cassian says, “Theres tons of news reports right now. You just need to get to your car and get home, okay?” 

She appreciates how he’s trying to ground her. “You were supposed to come back next week. You’ve been deployed for so long-, we were supposed to finally see each other again.” 

She hears him sigh in distress. “I know, Nesta. I’ve craved your touch for six months, but its not safe out in the open. You need to get home and go to the basement.” 

She unlocks her car and falls into the front seat. “I am not okay, Cassian. This isn’t real. This can’t be real.” He talks her down as she drives the short distances back to her house. 

It was empty, it was always empty and lonely while Cassian was away. She had thought about going with him wherever he was stationed but her career seemed too important to abandon. How dumb that seemed now. 

“Okay, I am in the basement,” she says, sitting the center of the room. There was a window across from her that looked over their backyard. The backyard was a selling point for the house for them, they thought about years to come when it would be filled with kids and dogs, family barbeques, and outdoor movie nights. 

All those dreams crumbling around her as the air was stiff with uncertainty and despair. “Cassian,” she whispers, pulling her knees to her chest and putting the phone in the crook of her ear and neck. “I am scared.” 

There’s a pause on the other end. “I know,” he says. She knew that he was feeling on edge, he couldn’t be there with her. They couldn’t hold each other for the last moments of their death. 

She puts him on speaker phone as she looks down at her phone. She types messages to her friends and sisters, even sending one to her dead who was probably so intoxicated he didn’t know what was happening in the world.

She looks at the time. Ten minutes. 

“We don’t have much time together,” she whispers. 

He was breaking in and out, the connection being broken. She wanted to let out a sob, she wanted to cry and curse at the world. The world that was killing so many people and letting faulty connect get in-between their goodbyes. 

She moves to the window, letting her hand rest on the cool glass as she looked up at the dark sky that was getting them ready for their doom. 

“Nes, can you hear me?” his voices come back crystal clear. 

She lets out a sob she hadn’t realize was in her. “Yes, I am here,” she crys out in relief. “It’s almost time. I love you so much, Cas. I wish we would have had more time together.” 

“In the next life,” he says as if it was a promise. “In the next life, we will find each other, and we won’t waste the time we have like in this life. I’ll find you in every life.” 

She nods, as a glowing light forms in the sky. It was coming. Part of her hoped that it was all a joke, a prank gone too far. She squints away from the window, looking away from the window as the glow lights the basement, letting her know that it would be soon. 

“In the next life,” she repeats holding onto it for dear life as the world around her becomes nothing. 

[secretlynestaarcheron]

ANGSTMAS DAY 23 

Nessian AU // Bruises 

“Why would you agree to have lunch with your ex?” Cassian asks from across the room. Nesta turns away from Elain and stares at him, he doesn’t flinch against her stare but he does see Feyre wide eyes. He had promised her days earlier that he would slow down on the pursuing of Nesta since she had started threatening not to come to family dinners if he was there to “harass” her. 

She scoffs and shakes her head as she turns back to Elain and talks in hushed whispers. He shrugs it off, she would do whatever she wanted too despite the fact that he verbally  abused her. He didn’t take Nesta as being dumb, she was probably the most intelligent person he had ever met, but she was stupid to meet with Tomas. 

He found out two days later from Feyre that she was meeting him at a cafe near her apartment in the middle of the day. Feyre didn’t know why she was choosing to meet with him or why he wanted to speak with her in the first place but he found himself curious and overprotective, making his way to the cafe and grabbing a table in the back. 

He sits there an hour, his muffin and coffee long gone, when she finally saunters in. She did her hair and makeup, wore nice enough clothes that she looked presentable but not like she was overdoing it. She stands in line, looking at her watch and up at the door whenever the little bell above it announced an incoming customer. 

She paid for her food, standing at the end of the counter as they prepared her order. It was most likely her usual, a latte and strawberry macaroon. He had been with her multiple times when she ordered it. 

He watched as she perked up when her name was called and she grabbed the food and went to sit at a table near the door. She scrolled through her phone, as she sipped on her drink, no longer interested in the bell above the door. 

Perhaps he would stand her up. Then she would see that he wasn’t worth another minute of her time without her having to get seriously hurt again. Cassian looks at his watch to see another forty-five minutes had gone by with no sign of Tomas. 

He wants to stand up and go over to her. She was distracted enough with her phone that maybe she wouldn’t notice him coming from back of the room. Would she be relieved to see him? She would probably be angry, she would know that he had come to spy on her and would get mad at Feyre as well. 

He gets up to throw away his trash and leave when he sees Tomas walk by the window that was beside Cassian. He enters the cafe, looking around it before spotting Nesta near the door. “Hey Nessie!” 

Cassian inwardly groans at the nickname. She barely tolerate being called Nes. He watched as she smiles up at him and greets him. He sighs in relief when Tomas goes in for the hug and she sits back down cutting him off. 

He watches her for awhile. As they talk, Nesta even laughs occasionally. He could tell by her face when the conversation took a turn towards bad. How she would shift away from him and her eyes would dart around the room. 

She went to grab her stuff, as if to leave, but he reaches over and grabs her wrist. She looks down then back at him, sitting back down and putting her stuff back down on the table. Cassian moves to stand up but Tomas releases her wrist and sits up, muttering an excuse of an apology that Cassian didn’t buy from where he sat. 

They chat for a few more minutes as Cassian leans on his elbow, staring at the situation, sitting with the anger that was raging in his chest. Tomas stands up and joins the line and Nesta reaches for her phone and types wildly, her eyebrows furrowed. 

He had seen the signs in his mom. He had never seen his dad lay a finger on his mom but when he would raise his voice or get animated with his arms, she would flinch. Her eyes would dart around the room always looking for the exits. She would always do as he said to not anger him. Cassian didn’t realize when he was younger but as he grew, he knew what his mother had gone through. 

Nesta looks to see him ordering, grabbing her stuff and shoving it into her purse, and turning towards the exit just as Tomas gripped her elbow. She turned towards him her eyes wide. That was enough for Cassian. He stood up abruptly, making his way across the room and standing behind them. 

“Nesta?” he fakes naïve. 

Tomas and her both turn towards him. Nesta eyes showing relief as Tomas snarls up at him. “Who are you?” Tomas snaps, pulling Nesta into this side as if to declare dominance. If Cassian wasn’t filled with rage it probably would have made him laugh seeing how Tomas was almost a foot shorter than him. 

“This is my friend, Cassian,” Nesta replies, her voice small, something he never thought was possible to the strong will stubborn girl he was used too. She winces as his grip on her arm tightens. 

Cassian looks down at Tomas hand on her before looking back up at Nesta. “Is he bothering you?” he asks, looking only at her. 

“Why would I be bothering her? She’s my girlfriend,” Tomas retorts, tugging on her elbow and pulling her towards the door. “I am taking her home now.” 

Cassian follows them outside, Nesta using her other hand to rip her elbow from his grip as she stumbles back. Cassian lifts a hand to help steady her but she flinches away from him. 

He looks down at her, she had flinched away from him? Did she not trust him?

“It doesn’t look like she wants to be anywhere near you,” Cassian replies. “And as someone that works in law enforcement, I won’t mind booking you for unwarranted harassment.” 

Tomas snarls and looks over at Nesta. “Are you serious right now? Tell him your fine. I told you I changed,” he retorts. Nesta stays silent. Tomas chuckles, as he turns back to Cassian. “Good luck with her, she is quiet the whore. You’ll have to teach her a lesson once in a while.” 

Cassian only sees red as he watches Tomas turn on his heel and disappear down the street. He wouldn’t to go after him and show him who really deserved the lesson. 

“Cassian,” Nesta says, pulling his attention back towards her, he looks down at her. She had her arms crossed as if she was trying to crumple into herself. “Thank you.” 

He nods. “Anyone would have done it if they noticed,” he retorts, as he steps away from her. He couldn’t help but think about how she flinched away from him. Her eyes wide and frightened. 

“But you did, so thank you,” she responds. “I was dumb to have even come, I just was with him so long, I thought perhaps-,” 

“Are you scared of me?” he asks. “Do you not feel safe with me?” 

She blinks up at him. “I am not following,” she replies. 

“You stumbled, I went to steady you and you flinched away,” he replies. “I just want to know if I’ve done something to make you not feel safe around me. My mom-,” he pauses and he can see that she was paying close attention to what he was saying.  “My mom was physically abused, I know the signs, that’s why I stepped in but she never flinched away from me. So I just want to know if me being around you-,” 

“No,” she says quickly reaching forward to grab his hand reassurance. “I probably feel the safest with you. You’ve never done anything to show me I shouldn’t trust you, in fact you have gone above and beyond to show me I can.” 

He feels relieved. “Good,” he replies awkwardly, as he looks down at their intertwined fingers. “Are you okay?” 

She shrugs. “Just a little shaken up.” 

He gives her a lopsided grin. “I know a great ice cream place just around the corner. Ice cream always helps with nerves,” he suggests. 

She smiles up at him and squeeze's his hand, not letting go. “Lead the way.” 

[secretlynestaarcheron]

ANGSTMAS DAY 22 

Nessian AU // Black and White 

He knew it was Nesta, had known for three months. He had heard stories of Rhysand’s girlfriend, Feyre, sister. Horrid stories that were told over beers on Friday nights. 

They saw an angry messed up girl, but he saw someone that was broken and fighting to put themselves back together. He saw someone struggling with hope in the stories they shared. 

He had stopped by Feyres house to drop off something for Rhysand when he saw her get into her car. The world around him changing as she held tight to the package in his arms. He had read about the colors. Rhysand and Feyre had tried to describe them to those unlucky in love but now, he was seeing them for himself. 

He was seeing the blue sky, the green grass, the red flowers Elain had tried to describe to him planted in front of the house. He could see it all. 

He sees her close the car door and pull out of the driveway, disappearing down the road before he could tell her. Before she could see him and see the world in the way he could now. 

He didn’t see her for a few weeks. Then one night she showed up for dinner. She stared straight at him without a second glance, without the wide eye curiosity he must have had when he saw the colors before. 

Feyre told him the disappointing news the next day. She was still seeing in black and white while he was aching for her. 

He was content with being distant, he only saw her a few times a month. When she would stop by for dinner or they would cross paths at the local bar, The Night Court. 

He wasn’t ready to wake up one morning everything back to black and white. He wasn’t ready to not see the color of the flowers lining the street or the leaves that had just begun to change colors. 

He felt numb as he looked around his room. Everything dim as he reaches for his phone. He had three missed calls from Feyre and ten from Rhysand. His hands shook as he dials his friends number. “Rhy?” he says when he hears his friend pick up. “She’s gone, isn’t she?” 

There's a long pause. “A car accident, this morning. She was on her way to work at 6 and was hit by someone running a red light,” Rhysand explains. “It’s gone, right?” 

“Everything is back to black and white,” he responds. The world crushing around him as he realizes the love of his life was gone and he didn’t even try to give them a chance. 

a/n: sorry it was short. I had a roughhhhh day. 

[secretlynestaarcheron]

ANGSTMAS DAY 21 

Nessian AU // Please, For me. 

TW: eating disorder, I’ve struggled as well so if you think you might be triggered please just skip over this one. I wish I had more time to really portray what it’s like but perhaps I’ll come back to this subject another day. 

Nesta knew it would be mentally challenging to be an actresses, long hours and the constant shifting between a wide range of personalities. She prepared for that, she wasn’t prepared for the mental struggles that would come along with the comment sections on Instagram posts or photographers. 

She shouldn’t take it to heart, but as she stared at herself in the reflection all she could think about were the comments made by the photographer this morning. She shouldn’t twist to the right because it stuck out her stomach and made her look pregnant. She couldn’t get the right angle laying down, she had a double chin in every picture. 

She pulled at the skin on her stomach and then up to her face. The spin classes weren’t cutting it anymore, she should call her trainer and schedule more appointments. 

She went out with Mor last night, had a pasta dish and one too many drinks. That’s why she was bloated this morning. It would be her fault if the pictures didn’t turn out well. 

She turns away from her reflection. Her dark eyes that were too dark compared to her pale skin and her straw like hair a monster of her own minds creation. She couldn’t stare at it anymore without picking her apart. 

She reached for her phone, sending her sister Feyre a text about going to the gym tonight. Feyre had been begging her to workout with her recently, did her sister notice her weight gain? Was she trying to get Nesta in the gym without hurting her feelings? 

Her sister responds quickly and enthusiastically, which just shoves the knife of Nesta’s insecurities deeper. 

She moves downstairs, opening up her refrigerators and cabinets. Her stomach growling as she picked up each box and looked at the nutritional values, her eyes looking at the portion sizes and the calories. 

She hears her door open as she shoves the box of crackers back onto the shelf. “Nesta?” her boyfriend calls out as he makes his way into the kitchen. He smiles when he sees her and lifts up a paper bag. “I brought Chinese, your favorite. I also stopped by that bakery you like and picked up some macaroons.” 

Her mouth watered at the smell as he passed by her, kissing her forehead, before placing the food on the counter and pulling out the containers. “What’s all this for?” she asks, stepping away from the food, away from him. 

He looks up at her in surprise. “You finished your movie, I finished my movie. We are celebrity having a few weeks off before tours begin to ourselves,” he retorts. 

She looks down at her watch. “I am sorry, I didn’t realize-, I already ate,” she lied as her stomach growls. He looks down at her stomach and then back up at her, chuckling. 

“Really? I think your stomach says otherwise,” he replies, moving past her to grab some plates and forks. “I’ll even watch a cheesy romcom with you. Come eat with me, I can’t finish this all myself.” 

She shakes her head. “Sorry, Cas. I am heading to the gym with Feyre. You know how she’s been begging me to join her in the gym,” she replies, reaching up to kiss his cheek as she passes him to head back upstairs to change. 

“Didn’t you do a spin class this morning?” he calls after her. “Skip the gym! Eat with me!” 

She shakes her head as she walks up the stairs, ignoring every mirror in her room as she pulls on some leggings and a large sweatshirt. She heads back down to see Cassian standing in the doorway. 

“Cancel, it won’t be the first time,” he replies with a crooked smirk. “Stay in with me. I bought macaroons, do you know how many weird looks I got standing in the tea shop?” 

She chuckles at that. The first genuine laugh she’s had in awhile but then his words haunt her. It’s not the first time that she has canceled on Feyre, perhaps that’s why the comments are coming more frequently. 

“No can do, I have to workout especially with all the press things coming up,” she retorts, going to side step him, but he steps in front of her. He places a hand under her chin and pulls her attention up to his face. 

She could see his eyes softening as he looks at her. “Nesta, this has happened before,” he states. “What triggered it?” 

She shoves him off of her as she moves to the kitchen to grab her keys and water bottle. “Nothing triggered anything,” she replies. “I just want to look good for the press, for the photos.” 

He turns her towards him. “I can’t stop you, I can’t make you eat or make sure you don’t over exercise but I can tell you that your worth is more important then a number on the scale or comments made my faceless people on the internet.” 

She moves to turn away from him, she didn’t want him to see her cry. She didn’t want him to see how upset a few comments could make her feel. How a few comments could make her throw away her life. She hated how she responded like this. 

“Please, look at me,” he says, and she does as she blinks away the tears that were threatening to fall. “You don’t get jobs because of your looks, although your incredibly beautiful. You don’t have fans because of your weight. You get jobs and you have fans because of your intelligence.” 

She blinks up at him as he continues. “They follow along on your journey because of how you are able to take each character and portray it as your own. Do you know the talent you have to have because of that? They follow you because of how you have twenty different awards but are still modest, that your still true to yourself.” 

“I am not asking you to eat for them or even eat for yourself, I know how difficult it is for you to even think about eating. I was there the first time around. I saw firsthand how it tortured you. I don’t want to see you disappear again.” 

She looks up at his glassy eyes, as he stared down at her. “Get help before it escalates. Please, for me.” 

[secretlynestaarcheron]

ANGSTMAS DAY 20

Nessian AU // Bleeding 

“You’re bleeding on my carpet,” Nesta says, standing in the kitchen as she takes a bite of her granola bar, she looks him up and down taking in the blood seeping from his side and leg. 

He looks down, chuckling as he steps forward onto the tile of her kitchen. “Better?” he asks, as he gives her a charming smile. “You think you could patch me up, med student Nesta?” 

She takes a deep breath. “When you decided to do this whole vigilante thing with your friends, we broke up because I didn’t want to have to deal with this,” she retorts, taking another bite of her granola bar, as she waves her hands towards him. “You bleeding on my carpet was apart of that.” 

He chuckles again but winces and doubles over to hold his side. “I know, but it got messy, it’s a bullet wound. It’s through and through, but if I go to the hospital they’ll call it in,” he retorts. “I can’t have them calling the police on this.” 

She rubs her eyes. “Get on the table,” she says, ignoring the exhaustion clear in her voice. She had just gotten off a 48 hour shift, she only had eight hours before she had to go back in for 32 more hours. 

He mutters a thank you as she disappears down the hall towards her bathroom and grabs the first aid she kept there. She finds him laying on the table, his shirt off, and his hand holding his side. 

“It doesn’t look good,” she retorts, pressing on the area around the wound, watching as he winces at the pain. “Why are you doing this to yourself, Cas?” 

He had stumbled his way into her apartment only a few times since the breakup, every injury worse then the last. He had stopped coming a few weeks ago and she had wondered if he finally got himself killed or if he threw in the towel. 

“Rhysand needs the help,” he retorts, as she pours some alcohol on a cotton swab and dabs it on the wound. He winces, and groaning in pain as she finishes cleaning the wound. 

She shakes her head and she threads a needle and turns back towards him. “I don’t have anything to numb you,” she retorts. He nods, putting his hand over his eyes and gesturing for her to continue. She begins stitching him up and once she finishes he flips over to his stomach so she can do the back. 

“I am sorry,” he says. 

She looks up at the back of his head. “For what?” she asks, finishing up the final stitch and setting down the supplies. He pushes himself back up into a sitting position and looking over at her. 

“I am sorry for letting you go. I am sorry for showing up at your doorstep whenever I am bleeding. I am sorry for not picking you,” he says, looking down at the floor. 

She hums, pulling off the gloves and turning her back towards him. “Are you still working with Rhysand?” she questions turning back towards him. He stares at her. “Then stay off your feet for a bit, come back in a week and I’ll take the stitches out or have Az do it. You can show yourself out.” 

She moves down the hall towards her room, wondering which would come first, him not knocking on her door every time he needed stitching or her not hurting so much every time she had to look at his face or hear his voice. 

[secretlynestaarcheron]

ANGSTMAS DAY 18

Nessian AU // Objections 

He stood at the bottom of the chapel's stairs, staring up at the large wooden doors that would lead him to the nicely decorated church that was everything that Nesta wouldn’t want. She wanted to elope, to head to a chapel one morning or book a trip to Jamaica. She told him she didn’t want the chapel wedding. 

But here she is, giving up what she wanted for another guy. 

“You okay?” Rhysand asks standing next to him as they look up the stairs together. Cassian turns to his friend and nods. “I know it’ll be hard, but I’ll be here with you the whole time.” Rhysand starts up the stairs and Cassian follows quickly behind. 

He was right, the chapel was covered in white tull and roses. It looked like a cupcake shop threw up all over the place. He paused watching Rhysand make his way to the front pew and giving Feyre a kiss on the cheek before picking up their son. 

He couldn’t watch the love of his life marry someone else while sitting with his best friend and his perfect little family. He slipped in the back pew hidden behind a pillar as he looked around the crowded chapel. They must be his friends and family, since Nesta’s group barely took up one pew. 

She always said she wanted to keep it small.

The music begins and the doors open revealing Nesta who was staring straight ahead towards her groom. Her gown poofing out to the side and a long veil trailing behind her. Lace and gems covering the bodice. She had always said she wanted to keep it simple. Simple and Elegant. 

She walks the long aisle to the groom, he takes her hands and holds them tight. 

The wedding is a blur of music and vows. His world stops once he hears the officiant ask for objections. His hands shake as he sees himself stand up. The rest of the church turned to face him in surprise. Nesta turning his way, her eyes bright with surprise, her face confused as she takes him in. 

“Nesta.” he whispers, as he steps into the aisle, he sees his friends and family turn to him in surprise. They were probably wondering why he chose now of all times to interject. “Nesta.” 

She let her arms fall to her side as she turned to look at him, gripping the full skirt. “Cassian, what are you doing,” she whispers, her voice full of hope, as she eyes him suspiciously. She couldn’t let herself completely go in case there was no one there to catch her. 

“I am here, Nesta,” he says, ignoring the glares from the groom's side of the family and the disapproval he would receive from his friends and family. “I didn’t want to ruin your happiness but Nesta, this isn’t you, this isn’t what you wanted. I’ve been there every step of the way as you planned this. This isn’t your dream wedding. This isn’t your dream life.” 

She shakes her head. He could see her mind running. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” she asks. 

He shoves his hands in his pockets. “I was scared that you wouldn’t feel the same, that you wouldn’t want me like I want you,” he replies. 

She looks up at the ceiling before turning back to the groom. “I am sorry,” she says and then she's moving towards him. She’s running towards him. He smiles brightly as she throws her arms around his neck and then they’re running, they’re leaving the church. 

He sits in the pew, his hand bracing the pew in front of him, and sees the future that he could have with Nesta Archeron if he stands up but we wait too long and not interjected. They’ve moved on to the vows and then the officiant is proclaiming them husband and wife. 

He blindly claps as they kiss and run down the aisle. He wonders what it would be like to have her look that way at him.

[secretlynestaarcheron]

ANGSTMAS DAY 17 

Nessian AU // Hold on

Based on the song Hold On by Chord Overstreet requested by anonymous 

TW: suicide 

Y'all really out here trying to help me get better at interpreting songs. 

Loving and fighting, accusing, denying, I can't imagine a world with you gone, The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of, I'd be so lost if you left me alone

They had had another one of their fights that ended up in a screaming match. Cassian kept leaving his mug in the sink making Nesta have to deal with it every day when she got off at work. She had been holding it in until it finally escalated to something bigger than it needed to be. 

She stormed up stairs, slamming the door and yelling for him to give her space. He supplied, pacing the kitchen until he decided he had to get out of the house. He was frustrated, he was tired of all fighting and having to walk around the edge wondering when she would snap. Wondering what would make him snap. 

You locked yourself in the bathroom, Lying on the floor when I break through, I pull you in to feel your heartbeat, Can you hear me screaming? Please don't leave me

He pushed open the door to a quiet and dark house. 

Something felt off. Usually when they had one of these fights and he stormed away she would be waiting in the kitchen or living room for him. They would talk it out and then go to bed together. Not today. 

She wasn’t downstairs. He made his way up the stairs, their bedroom still closed, he pushed open the door and looked around the room. He makes his way to the bathroom knocking on the door as he yells out her name. He waits a minute. Takes a breath then yells her name again only to be met with silence. 

He pushes the doorknob but it's locked. He shoves his shoulder into the door until it opens falling to his knees once he sees Nesta on the ground. Her skin pale and her eyes closed. “Nes,” he calls out, pulling her to his chest and putting two fingers to her neck. “Come on Nes.” 

He scrambles, pulling his phone out of his back pocket, dialing 911. Please don’t leave me, he whispers in her hair holding her tight to his chest. 

Hold on, I still want you, Come back, I still need you, Let me take your hand, I'll make it right, I swear to love you all my life, Hold on, I still need you

He scoops her up in his arms as he hears the sirens coming up the street, he moves down the stairs and meets the EMTS at the driveway. He places her on the gurney. “She took these,” he says, handing the pill bottle to the EMT. “I don’t know what happened-, Is she-,” he runs a hand through his hair. “Is she going to be okay?” 

Long endless highway, you're silent beside me, Driving a nightmare I can't escape from, Helplessly praying, the light isn't fading, Hiding the shock and the chill in my bones

He sits in the ambulance beside him, his eyes on Nesta’s still face as the EMTs begin to perform CPR. He couldn’t see a world that didn’t have Nesta Archeron. She was the sun to him on a rainy day. Her smile brightens when he surprises her with flowers or coffee. The spark in her eye was she was sending a jab his way. 

He knew she was struggling. He had seen the signs of her depression coming back for weeks. He was preoccupied with work, a new project coming up that held his attention. He should have been there for her. He puts his head in his hands praying to whatever god that’s out there to bring her back to him. 

They took you away on a table, I pace back and forth as you lay still, They pull you in to feel your heartbeat, Can you hear me screaming? Please don't leave me

He follows them down the long hallway, following the EMTs as they push her towards the ER. A nurse steps in front of him pressing a hand to his chest. “No family beyond this part,” she says. 

He swallows, watching her disappear behind the double doors, he couldn’t leave her now. He needed her. “She's allergic to amoxicillin, they need to know that, what if they give her amoxicillin? And benadryl. She can’t have benadryl,” he explains, running both hands through his hair as he paces in front of the door. 

The nurse nods, “I’ll let them know and I’ll be out with some paperwork. Is there anyone I can call for you?” she asks. He shakes his head and she disappears beyond the doors. The doors that kept him from Nesta. Kept him from the love of his life. From his soulmate. She was it for him and she might be taken away. 

Could she hear him screaming please don’t leave me? 

Hold on, I still want you, Come back, I still need you, Let me take your hand, I'll make it right, I swear to love you all my life, Hold on, I still need you

It was hours before they told him that she was stable. That if she woke up in a few hours that she would be in the clear. That she would be okay. 

He sat by her side, holding her cold hand in his, watching her for any sign of movement. He couldn’t stop blaming himself. He knew she was slipping. He knew that she was calling out for help. He should have been there for him like she had been for him all those times he fell back in drinking or into boxing. 

He brings her hand to his lips. As he whispers against her skin, “Hold on, I still want you. Come back, I still need you”