(They/She) Writer. shh, no one knows i'm here.
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Taking a break
On Saturday, July 26th, I was filmed for approximately 15 minutes being sexually harassed, verbally assaulted, and threatened while in a train car full of people who just watched. I didn’t see their faces. I haven’t seen the footage. I didn’t turn around. I do not want to talk about it. I don’t need advice. I am not going to write about it.
I was harassed for 2+ years online because I made a video about the alt-right in TTRPGs so you’d think I’d be accustomed to this. But I guess I’m not. It’s a little scarier when they are right behind you.
I’m not okay, and I am taking a break.
I will still run my store and answer emails. I will wrap up/continue any obligations I currently have, including: Armour Astir Fulfillment, .dungeon fulfillment, and so on. I will reach out to the people I’ve spoken too about work before and talk to them personally about that. But for now I can’t take on anymore.
If you want to support me during this break, it is appreciated, but I don’t expect it. I have released a lot of games over the years and I have put them into a bundle/sale. It will be up as a way to support me for the foreseeable future. I do not have another income besides these games, both physical and digital. I have also written a lot of essays on youtube and my blog here which have links to patreon or whatever else. You can also always buy stuff from nerves.store as I will continue maintaining it.
Songbirds is still open for pre-orders. If there is any update on that front I will let you all know. Right now it is looking like a slow process, which was the plan to begin with.
I think that covers everything.
Thank you all for enjoying my work. I hope to be back in the future.
Take care,
Snow
Sale Link: https://itch.io/s/157795/snows-games-for-sale
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@snowttrpg
Store: nerves.store
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Songbirds is a game for queers to kill and get killed and enjoy every moment of it. It's a dungeon crawler for those adventurers who enjoy being cut a little too deep and for those of us who would rather be doing anything else. It's a game about the grind, it's a game about being trans, it's a game about sex and violence.
It's free too. Go download it now.












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nerves.store
Songbirds is a game for queers to kill and get killed and enjoy every moment of it. It's a dungeon crawler for those adventurers who enjoy being cut a little too deep and for those of us who would rather be doing anything else. It's a game about the grind, it's a game about being trans, it's a game about sex and violence.
It's free too. Go download it now.












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Soul Cemetery is my solo, horror TTRPG about how media changes us and how we change media. It's packages like an old Gamecube game!



Pictured here with my blahaj~
If you want to get your hands on this, go to nerves(dot)store <3
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The Solo Sci-fi RPG that Embodies Capitalist-Horror
Thursday is my friend. I met her because she was talking loudly and passionately about Songbirds. She did a read-along thread on Bluesky. We’ve talked a lot since then. About games and other things. When she made Hardcase, I was immediately smitten with it and knew I would write something about it. I say all of this to say that this is not a review. I am bias. No, this is a love letter.
Dear Hardcase,
I wouldn’t be playing Citizen Sleeper right now, if it weren’t for you. Which is a massive compliment. So often it’s the other way around, right? You play a video game, get inspired by some use of mechanics, and go to find a TTRPG that suits that vibes. Or you create one yourself, citing it as inspiration. You are a game that is in direct response to Citizen Sleeper, so I should have started there and then found you, but instead I found you, and now I want to go backwards and see what I missed from my initial brush with Citizen Sleeper.
This isn’t even to say that you are reduced purely to your inspiration—we are all standing on the shoulders of giants, and the giants you’re standing on are sporadic and wonderful. You are a book that is in love with other tabletop books. You are a book that wants to share that love with others, much in the way that Citizen Sleeper is in love with Blades in the Dark. That energy of sharing and wanting to be shared is found on the first pages, when you say you are modular, that you should be taken apart and pieced back together, as if you yourself are a spaceship and I can take you apart to make you faster, or add a gun on the nose if I feel violent, or add more places to sit and stare out into space if I’m feeling homesick and melancholic.
When reading you and playing you, I started remembering my time with Signalis, which is so funny to me because you aren’t from there, so to speak. But, in much the same way that Signalis is a love letter to survival horror and is a game pieced together from the media that inspired it, and wears that media proudly, and yet is able to transcend those inspirations and homages and allusions to become something that is whole, with a unique identity to itself, you too have accomplished that impossible task.
I can point to the modular bits and see the timeline of the mechanic: clocks from Blades, stress from me(?), basic move from Apocalypse World, and on and on and on. But even though I can point to those and say “this is where they come from,” it doesn’t lessen you one bit. It makes me even more enamored that these pieces have created something new. Something infused with a very 1980’s fascination and fear of space capitalism. A world that is at once recognizable in its mundanity (I am transported back to the warehouse job from my early 20’s, only now I’m in orbit of Saturn) and so spectacular in its specificity.
You really come alive in that specificity. Every NPC begs me to role-play them. Every locale desires me to haunt it. I want to roll the slots until I get every outcome. I wanna waste my money on cigarettes and snacks. I wanna do drugs and get psychic powers. Roll tables, my god; your use of roll tables is intoxicating—each entry isn’t just a possibility, but a truth that exists in the world. Reading each of them in order creates mood, vibe, atmosphere. It clears the fog of war that pollutes any new setting, worming its way into my brain ridges. Even in the work, the bounties and the salvage, everything makes me feel like I’m present. I’m living it. I’m working paycheck to paycheck and wasting spare cash on whatever I can just to feel something. To feel alive? No. To feel the itch of starvation again.
You understand the trap of capitalism. It’s ultimate goal of distraction and obfuscation. You understand that the systems in place aren’t there for me to be able to change them. That they all exist in opposition with change. I think it’s poetically terrible that the only way for me to escape that life in Hardcase is not death, but “fates worse than death” (your words, not mine). And those fates are jobs: cigarette quality control smoker, retail worker, biological crash test dummy. There’s no retiring. No revolt or revolution. What system is truly built to enable those? The system is built to keep me here, keep me docile, and keep me glued to my screen as I waste my nights playing “Conqueror,” the game-within-your-game that provides me a way to continue my daily grind, only in a digital space this time (much, much better).
You are part of the Capitalist Horror genre, which I think Cyberpunk was born from and is nestled inside. Sci-fi greats like Neuromancer, Alien, and Blade Runner are trendsetters in this genre. Literary greats like The Great Gatsby and American Psycho delve into the horrors inside a person ingrained and in-love with the trappings of the genre. Jacob Geller found it in video games like A Night in the Woods and Tacoma for his essay “Capitalist Present, Collective Future.” And I find it horribly biting and painfully real, here in Hardcase.
Thank you,
Snow
You can find Hardcase on itch.io.
And you can find Thursday on Bluesky.
To support writing like this, there’s my patreon or my substack (where you’re reading this). I’m on bluesky as well, for less-words and more-posts.
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Wow, I feel really honored to be included on a list that features some of my biggest inspirations in the space, both as trans women and as game designers.
I don't think I can overstate the depth of impact trans women have had on indie ttrpgs.
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Songbirds is a game for queers to kill and get killed and enjoy every moment of it. It's a dungeon crawler for those adventurers who enjoy being cut a little too deep and for those of us who would rather be doing anything else. It's a game about the grind, it's a game about being trans, it's a game about sex and violence.
It's free too. Go download it now.












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Songbirds Reprint and it's my Birthday

I'm reprinting songbirds and running a songbirds sale and having a (non) songbirds birthday <3333
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If you like this, you should consider my book that's up for preorder rn: https://nerves.store/products/songbirds-3e-preorder
Building a Time Machine to Review Lancer
This article begins with Snow completing a time machine and traveling back to the year 2006. Snow appears in her childhood bedroom with her Fourteen-Year-Old Self [from now referenced as 14].
Snow: I’ve come from the future to ask you some questions. I’m struggling to review this book.
14: I become a girl?
Snow: We don’t have time for that. I’m only here for the book.
Snow holds up Lancer, the 2020 Mecha TTRPG from Massif Press. Funded on kickstarter in 2019 to the tune of $432,029 on the back of a long beta-phase, facilitated by the Lancer subreddit, and the vibrant illustrations of Tom Parkinson Morgan, creator of Kill Six Billion Demons, the wildly successful web comic.
Snow doesn’t tell this to 14 because it would take too long to explain that, in the future, people could have a job like that and make that kind of money. And if 14 knew, then the entire trajectory of her life would change.
14: Makes sense. It’s really big. What’s a Lancer?
Snow: Like 500 pages, but It’s not important. It’s like a Gundam.
14: Like Gundam SD? Zaku Zaku hour?
Snow: No.
14: Like G Gundam? With the horse guy?
Snow: No. I thought you were cooler than this.
14: Shrugs. So it’s just a mecha thing? Mechs are cool. That art’s really sick. Can I be that guy on the front?
Snow: Ideally. It’s like 4th Edition. Has that come out yet? Never mind, you’ll like it. Here. Hands 14 the book. I want you to read through it and tell me what you think.
14 opens the book, flipping a few pages, then cuts the book in half, flipping quickly through the front and middle.
Snow: What’s that? What’re you doing?
14: I never read the front stuff. I tried with D20 Modern, but it’s all just kinda boring. I wanna make a mech. In the Naruto game we played, making your ninja was the best part.
Snow and 14 sit on the floor with some paper and make their mechs.
Snow: It says here that all new players start with the same basic frame, the Everest.
14 flips to the Everest.
14: There’s no picture for it.
Snow: Well, my guess is that they let you make it look however you want since everyone starts with it.
14: The others have pictures though, and look how cool they are. The Blackbeard, the Drake, the Nelson. I wanna be the Nelson. Look at the cape!
Snow: Can you make sense of the stats and stuff?
14: I mean, it mostly makes sense. I don’t know what Repair Cap is. Or Heat or anything like that. But the traits are cool. Boost is probably an action. Immobilized or Slowed make sense as conditions. And the Skirmisher ability is so cool. I’m like, gliding through the battlefield with a spear, cutting down mechs and backflipping away.
Snow: Okay so…
Snow bookmarks page 140 with a finger and flips back to page 30. She does this several times before reading through to page 36.
14, bored, tries to draw a mech.
Snow: Um, ah, I see. So these things are your stats, like in Star Wars or Pathfinder.
14: What’s Hull?
Snow: That’s like your strength. It says “Roll Hull when smashing through or pulverizing obstacles.” But you won’t know what your Hull bonus is until you make your pilot. They get mech skill points to put into your mech stats. We need more bookmarks if we’re gonna do this..
14: Mom’s got the printer. A lot of books are big and confusing, so I just print off the important pages. You really only need like 20 of them to figure out the game I bet.
Snow: Speed is movement, Evasion is kind of like Armor Class, Sensor is your range to detect enemies and use hacking things on them, and E-Defense is Armor Class for hacking, but Heat is like HP for hacking, and then Stress is like Structure but for hacking, so, like, Structure and Stress are, like, if you drop to 0HP, you lose a Structure and regain all HP and kinda do it all over again, so it’s like extra lives, except you might get a scar or something, same for Stress–
14: Mom’s got the printer.
14 sits at a buzzing Dell computer on the enclosed front porch while the bulky printer spits out some pages in jagged black and white ink.
Snow reads about combat.
Snow: Do you still have the old gundam figurines? I think we put them in the basement. I don’t remember when.
14: I’m not sure, why?
Snow: First of all, don’t let mom throw them away. She’s gonna throw away a lot of your stuff and you’ll wish you still had when you get to where I am. Secondly, we can use them for combat. It’s grid-based, so we’ll have to figure that out. Get a map or something.
14: I hate grids.
Snow ignores 14 and continues to read.
14: Figure all that out yet?
Snow: Yeah, I think so. I think it’s actually really simple, just that everything’s spread out. You’re just rolling a D20-plus-stuff against the static numbers to see if you hit. Then your attachments can raise the static numbers. Accuracy and Difficulty are like additional modifiers that can happen with cover or if you’re affected by a status. It’s just like D&D. But with mechs.
14: It does just kinda give you a buncha numbers.
Snow: We also just flipped to the mechs though, so–
14: But that’s why we’re here though, right? I don’t want to read about all this random stuff. I want to take the mechs and play the game in as little time as possible. If I have to sit and explain all this to the guys, they’re gonna be so bored. They’d rather play Star Wars or something.
Snow: You think it would be better if you opened the book and it was just mechs right up front?
14: It sounds kinda silly when you say it like that. It’s more that, it being a big book you already know it’s going to be boring, right? They always are. I feel like the good version of such a big, mecha book is that it would be filled with mechs. It should be filled with pre-built pilots and just, like, the rules for making your own if you want to. The art is so cool, why would you want to start by building your own mech when you could pick this cool gunslinger one? If I opened this book and it was just like “pick a pilot and pick your mech, here’s a grid so you can fight and here’s the one page with all the basic rules on it,” then I could play it right now and we wouldn’t be sitting here waiting for these pages to print.
The printer stutters.
Snow: Would it make you feel any different if I told you this was made by just two people?
14: What? Really? Why?
Snow: Well, not only two people. Miguel Lopez and Tom Parkinson Morgan wrote and designed the whole thing. Tom and a bunch of others did the art. It was edited by Melody Watson and the layout was done by Minerva McJanda.
14: I don’t know who any of those people are.
Snow: It was a small team, is what I’m trying to say.
The printer whirs to a stop.
14: But look, I just put together the important parts so that we can actually play. And I’m fourteen.
14 and Snow continue talking, sitting at the dining room table.
Snow: What about the GM section? Won’t you need it to run the game?
14: No. I’ve seen Gundam Seed and Patlabor and Appleseed. I’ll just do that but with, like, a Death Star or something.
Snow: Just take a look. I want your opinion on it.
14 skims the section.
14: GM Principles. Facilitate fun, no duh. Renounce control? That’s a no brainer. Just last week the group killed the big bad in the Star Wars campaign in the first session. Funniest shit that’s ever happened.
Snow: Haha, I remember that.
14: Consider your players… I’m sorry, but what is this? Is this book trying to teach me how to be a good friend to my friends?
Snow: Well, maybe you’re not playing with friends?
14: Why would I do that? And why would playing with strangers make me act like a jerk all of a sudden?
Snow: Shrugs. Remember that game at the card shop when that new worker ran a game and was killing everyone’s characters for fun?
14: Yeah…that sucked. But that guy was just a jerk. He got fired for stealing Magic cards or something, I think.
Snow: Well, maybe the idea is that if this is in the book, stuff like that won’t happen or can be stopped. Y’know, like a kid reading this might feel comfortable enough to speak up.
14: The only reason we didn’t speak up was because he was an adult. We knew he was a jerk the whole time, we just wanted it to be over so we could go do something else. Maybe if adults weren’t assholes things would be better.
Snow: I understand.
Beat.
Snow: I kinda like the questions here under Eliciting Responses. Those are actionable and could be nice for awkward pauses.
14: Yeah, those are alright.
14 and Snow sit at the table having just finished making pilots.
Snow: How’d you like that?
14: That was kinda fun. The pilot portraits are really cool. There’s a lot of cool art in here that makes me really want to be those people. The backgrounds remind me of D20 Modern, but they’re actually useful here. I like the Triggers and I want to make a bunch of them. I can’t wait to see what the group ends up making.
Snow: My favorite part is that all skill checks are just trying to beat a 10. I’ve stolen that for some of my own games.
14: Wait, you make games?
Snow: Yeah. It’s sort of why I’m doing this interview with you.
14: Oh, so this is your job?
Snow: Thinks for a moment. No, this is just sort of a compulsion. But my job is making games. I’ve made a few.
14: That’s really cool. I didn’t even know that could be a job.
Snow: You’re gonna like it. It’ll be a while before it happens though. You’ve gotta go through some things first.
14: Ignores her. But yeah, I really like the pilot stuff. I could honestly see us using that for its own game. I don’t know, my mind has like six different ideas for a campaign right now. You could use this as like pilots for fighter planes, or race cars, or like even some kind of Code Lyoko situation.
Snow: Is that important to you? Being able to reuse ideas or think of new ways to use what’s in the book?
14: Well…I think it’s more that the book showed me an easy way to make ideas I already had into a reality. Like, we always wanted to run a zombie game, but with D&D it didn’t feel right. After we read D20 Apocalypse though, it felt more natural.
Snow: That’s a good thought. What about Section 2: Missions and Downtime?
14: I probably won’t use any of it.
Snow: Why not?
14: I don’t know. Like I said before, I’ve seen Gundam. I already know the stories I want to have. I think that’s the easiest part.
Snow: What’s the hard part then?
14: Um, maps, enemies. Cool rival pilots. Things that give me more ideas. I don’t really need it to tell me how to do a mission or whatever. I’ve watched Saving Private Ryan and I’ve played Medal of Honor, so… the only thing missing is the inspiration. Stuff I couldn’t think about by just sitting and watching T.V.
Snow: And what about the downtime actions?
14: I don’t know.
Snow: No opinions?
14: Shrugs. Same answer, I guess.
Snow: Do you think the rest of the book is used well?
14: I don’t really know what you mean by “used well.” But it’s a lot of information to parse. They can’t expect I’ll read this all at once, or even read it all before I play the game. There’s so many templates and different types of NPCs. Tons of symbols for weapons and attacks. It’s just a lot of information that my brain can’t really make sense of right now.
Snow: Do you wish it were simplified?
14: I think we both agree that the game is rather simple, the actual rules are easy to learn, but the way it’s presented makes it hard to grasp.
Snow: Yeah, I agree. But when I actually stop to read any of it, the ideas are pretty good and usable. Like, reading the Sniper NPC gives me an idea for an encounter. But you’re right, it is A LOT. But I don’t think it’s any more or less than, say, what the Monster Manual has, for instance.
14: Yeah, but there’s so many optional things. The Monster Manual really just gives you one instance of a thing, so you can take out, like, a dragon, and just use it right then. You don’t have to build it or be selective about it. I don’t really know if one way of doing it is better, I just know that I feel overwhelmed by the book right now and will probably just make a lot of stuff up on the fly as we play.
Snow: I understand.
Beat.
Snow: I wish mom would take you to the doctor.
14: Huh? Why?
Snow: It’s nothing. There’s so many things I wish I could tell you–so many things you’ll learn between now and when you become me–
14: A girl?
Snow: Unphased. And you’ll wish that maybe someone paid more attention. So many things that would help you make sense of who you are and how your brain works.
14: Wait, are you crying?
Snow: No, no.
14 and Snow run a few rounds of combat, just the two of them. 14 pilots the Nelson, decked out with a Custom Paint Job, Expanded Compartment, and Manipulators. The last of 14’s SP is spent to get the Type-1 Flight System. So now the Nelson counts as flying while it boosts towards enemies, War Pike at the ready. Sides strapped with two pistols and a shotgun in case things get hairy.
Snow builds out Horus’s Pegasus model but doesn’t use it for the combat. Instead, they control a few squads of infantry and an Archer NPC with the Flier Ship Template.
Snow sets the scene: 14 is sent behind enemy lines to take out a ship that holds a nuclear armament. It’s set to leave the atmosphere this evening and must be grounded.
The fight is slow and methodical. They listen to the Halo 2 Movement Suite the entire time.
Snow: That was fun.
14: Yeah, that was epic. I don’t normally like grids, but it kinda makes sense with mechs. It’d be really fun to, like, be the pilot and do Gundam Wing stuff before getting into this big conflict that’s, like, really intense.
Snow: I bet it might get a little monotonous with all the guys here.
14: Naw. They love it when combat takes forever. I think it’ll be even better with more people. You can use strategy and talk to each other about where you’re gonna go and who you’re gonna attack. Coordinate stuff. I’m sure there’s a limit to how many people you can add before it’s too much, but that’s true of everything.
Snow: Good point.
14: I can’t wait to play some more tonight.
14 and Snow sit quietly for a moment.
Snow: Well I should really get back. Do you think I should leave the book with you or take it back with me?
14: If you need it, you can keep it.
Snow: It’s your choice, kid. I came here for you.
14: I’ll definitely keep it then.
Snow hands over the book to 14. They don’t hug or anything. They just stand there as awkward reflections of each other.
Snow: So…you like it after all?
14: Yeah. It’s really cool. I’ll probably read it all some day. Or not. I’ll probably just make up the stuff that makes my brain all fuzzy.
Snow: Good plan.
Snow says goodbye to 14 and steps back through into the present.
When they return, on their desk is a beat-up copy of Lancer. The pages are torn, some removed completely. Spine bent. Water damaged. Notes written in the margins. Black marker crosses out enough to make it look like poetry.
And atop it, a solitary Gundam figurine sits waiting.

You can find lancer on itch.io.
If you enjoy writing like this, consider supporting my patreon and following my substack, where this and many more articles have been available already~
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game designer but make her hot~
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Songbirds Reprint and it's my Birthday

I'm reprinting songbirds and running a songbirds sale and having a (non) songbirds birthday <3333
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im built like this btw

The Bather
Tried for a twist on the classic art history trope of the bather :)
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