secretsofsoup

[secretsofsoup]

And to those of you who post fake slideshow tiktoks to make me look dumb, know that I am out there, watching, waiting.

[secretsofsoup]

[secretsofsoup]

Good evening ladies, gentlemen, and amorphous blobs of vague geometric shapes, I an Soup. In this blog it is my pleasure, just as my forefathers before me, to rank the TF2 mercenaries. This will be based on one factor: Can They Get a Piece of This?

Coming in 9th place:

As we all know, Scout is Comedically bad with romantic partners, I fear he couldn't get into my pants if he was a professional tailor, so it's a no for me.

Next up at #8:

While soldier is of course your average rugged military man, he is also very very filled with lead, and while physically he could certainly get it, his mental capacity makes this a hard no.

On to #7:

The existence of Jarate is reason enough for him to be placed so low.

Easing into 6th we now reach some real contenders, starting with:

While spy is known as the most romantic of the group, the smell of cigarettes and France would simply be too much to bear, he would try, I would try, and we would fail.

Coming in 5th:

Personally I am somewhat biased, as I hold a sweet spot in my heart for the Scottish accent. He would woo me with his half drunken words and in turn we would drink throughout a night of passion. Thank you DemoManTF2

Moving up to 4th:

While he's not exactly my type, I know those arms were meant for holding, and with the love and care he puts into his gun, I know I would feel safe with him.

#3:

I like a man in a mask, need I say more?

It was a tough decision to figure out who would take first and who would play second fiddle, but ultimately I feel this is for the best:

Dear **god** he could saw my leg off and I would thank him, however, he would saw my leg off, and I really just have too much on my plate for that, so he will take #2

If you haven't guessed already, Engineer is my choice for #1:

This was the clearly correct choice, with more PhD's than I have fingers, a soft spoken southern accent, and smooth guitar skills. I would choose him whether I am sober or disgustingly drunk. This is the ideal man, whether you like it or not.