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selfcareparker · 2 years

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three is one too many [p.p]

summary: After spending all day with your godson you realise you and Peter have completely different visions of your future together.

warnings: talk about (not) wanting kids and marriage, all that (peter wants babies but the reader doesn‘t, also reader doesn't want to marry), angst (me 🤝 happy ending tho, you know me), miscommunication (tore my team apart, now i‘m the big dog i make the whole arena bark—), maybe not the best way to go about the situation, baby negativity? shgduaj i highlighted the bad sides of having a baby here okay, some internalised misogyny///patriarchal views on women who don’t want children, there's smut but just for like two seconds, peter being horny in unfitting moments

thank you Lauren for helping me out with this ily <3

word count: 4.2k

When your friend Mia first asked you to be her son’s godmother you were honoured. And while you love Jack and enjoy being his godmother, it’s also helped you figure out something that you’ve been thinking about since you were young:

You don’t want children.

It’s the first time Peter’s meeting their little family today and you’re sure he’s made a new friend for life seeing as he and Mia’s husband Brian have been talking for hours, leaving you all alone with the baby.

Well, Mia is there too, but you can hardly complain to her about how badly you want to leave because of her child. It’s been hours of drool, tears or changing nappies - sometimes all at the same time.

You give Mia endless amounts of credit for it because you wouldn’t want to put up with this for longer than a day.

Peter and Brian come and join you in the living room after half an eternity. Brian was going to show the latest work on his car to Peter, and that was when you first arrived. It’s now dark outside and you’re glad it’s Jack’s bedtime soon which means you’ll have to leave.

For the last few minutes of catching up with your friends, Peter keeps glancing at you. It’s a smile directed at the toddler perched on your lap but you interpret it as a look of sympathy and assurance towards you. Don’t worry, we’ll be gone soon.

Although - now that Jack is quiet and peaceful, fumbling with your necklace - it’s quite cute. Still not enough to convince you to have one of your own though, and that’s more than fine by you.

Peter seems to read your mind, sitting down next to you and lifting Jack onto his lap instead so you can finally relax. It’s not that you don’t love Jack, he’s your godson. But you’re definitely looking forward to when he’s a little older and he won’t have to be taken care of every minute of the day; and most importantly you won’t have to take care of him when you’re here.

Mia and Brian are great parents though - they love taking care of their son, even the unpleasant things. Seeing how happy they are makes you happy too. You watch them as they look over to their son playing with Peter, admiring the result of their love.

Your head snaps towards your boyfriend too once you hear the high-pitched cries. Peter passes Jack over to Brian with an apologetic smile.

“Don’t worry, he always gets like this when he’s tired.”

You try not to make a face at the thought of having to deal with this every night. You’re more than happy to leave as Mia walks you and Peter to your car, and it takes everything in you not to turn on your car already. Even from outside you can hear Jack throwing a tantrum and you can only imagine how bad it is for Peter and his enhanced hearing.

The relief that comes as you drive away from them lasts a while. You don’t just feel a sudden relaxation, you’re excited that it’s finally just you and Peter again.

By the time you’re home it’s night already, but you’re way too giddy to go to sleep. Luckily, Peter sleeps in your apartment more often than not, and he’s here tonight too. You’ve been wanting to talk to him about moving in together for a few weeks, but currently you have other things occupying your mind.

You start kissing him as soon as you’ve shut the door and he’s quick to kiss you back. He pulls you into your bedroom without breaking the kiss, and the bed bounces when you both land on it.

He pushes his leg between your thighs for you to grind yourself against it, and you can already feel how wet you are.

With a bright smile on his face, he shortly pulls away from the kiss to ask, “Are you as turned on as I am?”

You nod eagerly and pout when his lips spend a few more seconds away from yours, but it’s only so he can take off his shirt which quickly makes up for it. He goes in for a peck before taking off some of your clothes, but your hands find his face to keep him with you for a few more seconds.

He unbuttons your jeans while he’s still kissing you, but you manage to interrupt the kiss so he can take them off quicker.

Just as he reaches the last button of your trousers, ready to slide them down your legs, he looks at you again, his grin never leaving his face. “Seeing you take care of their baby so well really made me want to put a baby in you too, baby.”

“Hold on,” you sit up. He lets go of your jeans but simply looks at you, still smiling.

“You know I‘m all for trying out new kinks, but we usually talk about them before,” you reason.

“I- I thought we were on the same page. I saw you being all motherly and it turned me on.”

“You want to put a baby in me? That was literally the unsexiest thing you could ever say to me,” you wince as you replay his words in your head.

Peter sits up too this time, “Wait. What made you so turned on then? Not that you need a reason but..”

“Honestly, finally being away from that drooling baby made me so relieved. I just got a rush of energy and I‘m always turned on when I‘m around you. And also it‘s late so I thought why not combine those two to tire me out?”

“You were relieved? I thought you enjoyed the time with Jack,” Peter frowns.

“Of course I did, I‘m his godmother. But it was a long day. And did you see how he started crying and screaming just before we left? I‘m getting chills just thinking about it,” you lift your arm to show him your goosebumps, but Peter ignores you.

“I always thought you wanted kids too.”

“Too?” You ask, feeling a pit form in your stomach, “Do you.. do you want kids?”

“I mean.... yeah.”

“Oh,” is all you say. You thought he was just talking about a kink, but when you realise he really means it, it’s like your body forgets to function for a few moments.

You want to tell him that you never said you wanted kids, you never lied to him about it. But back when you two met you were too young to think about anything like that. You loved each other and that was all that mattered.

You want to blame him or yourself, just blame anyone, but neither of you have ever brought up the baby conversation. While it’s no one’s fault, you still wish you‘d talked about this earlier.

You silently do up the buttons of your trousers and Peter reaches for his shirt but puts it back on the bed a few seconds later. He lies down on his belly and crosses his arms in front of him to rest his head on them. “Umm…” he mumbles against his skin.

No matter how much you try to calm yourself down, a painful sob from your throat takes you by surprise and hot tears sting at your eyes. You don’t want to cry, but you feel your face muscles cramp as you try to keep your tears at bay.

“Hey, hey it‘s okay,” Peter immediately wraps his arms around you, “It‘s okay. We can talk about this.” He takes your hand but he’s upset too, a deep frown lining his face.

“How come we never talked about this? What - I thought we were a good couple. I thought we knew how to communicate and, and- talk about the future. I mean there isn‘t much to talk about- I don‘t want children and you do,” you panic.

“Shh, shh come here,” Peter guides your head against his chest but you push back, “No, I can‘t be silent right now. Peter, do you know what this means for us? We‘re at an age where multiple of our friends are having children- and, and getting married and we haven‘t even talked about it? I haven‘t even managed to ask you about moving in with me and we have never noticed that we have completely different visions of our future together. This is not a small problem that we can solve like we always do.”

“Okay. It‘s okay, baby,” he says and you don’t know how he can be so calm right now.

“Don‘t call me baby right now, Peter.”

“Okay. But, see. All of our friends are a few years older, it‘s okay if we‘re not ready yet. And yes maybe we should have talked about these things before but we love each other and it‘s not too late to work this out—”

“You don‘t get it. There is nothing to work out. I do not want children but you do. And I‘m not going to change my mind in a few years. I never wanted children. I have never, not once in my life, felt the desire to be a mother and that will not change. And as much as I love you, I‘m not just going to have a child because you want to. It‘s a life long decision and responsibility and honestly the thought of being a parent appals me and, I... I…” your whole body is shaking from your tears and your frustration now.

An uncomfortable silence settles among you; a tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.

“Peter?” You whisper after a few minutes of both of you just sitting there, not knowing what to do.

“I... don‘t know what to say. It‘s late. I can‘t really think straight.”

You don’t want to go to sleep like this, but you also know it’s not an issue you can easily resolve, there’s no point in staying up and trying to settle it right now.

You separately get ready to go to sleep in the bathroom and lie in bed turned away from each other. You’re not mad at him, and he isn’t mad at you, but you can’t just cuddle as if everything is fine.

After the nauseating conversation and your crying, you get a headache to top it all off and don’t even close your eyes to attempt getting any sleep.

Half an hour later, which feels like infinity, Peter turns towards you and whispers your name, “Is it okay if I go home? I need to think. Alone.”

“Yeah,” you whisper back and lean over for a goodbye kiss out of habit, but he’s already turned away from you.

“Will you be okay?” He asks you before he leaves.

You let out whatever noise your body will allow you to. The true answer is no, you won’t be okay for the rest of the night, but you suppose Peter isn’t the person who can comfort you right now.

“I‘ll call you tomorrow,” he presses a kiss to your shoulder but his lips feel cold.

Neither of you sleep well that night.

You arrange to meet at Peter and Ned’s place the next day.

“Hi,” he sounds tired.

“Hi,” you’re tired too.

“Um come in, come in.”

He walks you to the living room where you both sit down across from each other at the table.

Peter stretches his arms across the table, hoping that you‘ll take his hands. You take his hand and intertwine your pinky finger with his.

“I think... I need more time to think. By myself. Unless you‘ve already... made a decision,” Peter says and you’ve never felt so distanced from him in all the years you’ve known each other.

You don’t even want to talk about anyone making some kind of decision. You don’t want to even think about the end of your relationship, even though you both know it is a possibility if you can’t reach a common denominator.

You’re not going to leave Peter because of this. But he could leave you. It’s you who doesn’t want to do something, you who can’t fulfil one of his wishes, you who doesn’t agree with the traditional thing to do.

“I haven‘t. You‘re the one who has to do the thinking. I know I want to be with you but if you can’t imagine not having children.. then you need to make a decision.”

He looks down, “Um. I was thinking a week, maybe a few days of no contact. I won‘t be able to think about my own true feelings if you‘re around me and possibly influencing me, even if you don‘t mean to.”

You nod, “I understand that. So... No texting either?”

He hesitates, searching for eye contact, “Nothing. I‘m still here if you need me for something important, of course.”

You nod again, and you’re about to stand up when Peter grabs both of your hands, “I love you,” he says.

“I love you,” you lean over to press a kiss to his lips but your anxiety overpowers the warm feeling you usually have when kissing your boyfriend.

The next days are pure torture.

You’ve never gone this long without talking to Peter. It’s worse because you know he’s not just busy, he’s thinking about your future together… or not together.

Of course you have a say in it too, you could break up with him just as well as he could break up with you, but that doesn’t mean you will or want to. Peter doesn’t want to break up either, but he has to rethink his future.

Again you wish you’d had this conversation earlier and you wouldn’t have to spend time apart like this to figure some things out, but it’s too late for that.

You check your phone every hour even though you know he won’t message you. Yet.

After four days, someone rings your doorbell and when you open the door to see Peter, you immediately pull him into your arms.

You know you’re potentially going to break up in a few seconds, but you’re still happy to see him.

“I would have texted you to say I’m coming over, but Ned took my phone because I kept wanting to call you in the last few days.”

“That’s okay,” you say, simply happy to see him.

In the time that you walk from your door to the sofa, the air turns so thick with tension that you can barely breathe.

Although you can see something positive through his serious expression, you don’t allow yourself to be too hopeful.

You shiver in suspense as you get him some water and sit down next to him.

Peter takes your hand and he starts talking.

“I always saw having children as this huge milestone in life. A milestone in a relationship. It‘s just something you do and it shows that your relationship, or your marriage, is successful… And sure it is a huge milestone, but I realised it’s not a necessary one. I mean, I remember how our relationship started out, and I was thinking about how when we first met-” You must look exactly as fearful as you are because when Peter looks into your eyes he interrupts his own speech to get straight to the point.

“I can imagine a life without having kids. But I can‘t imagine a life without you. You‘re the love of my life and if you don‘t want children, I don‘t want them either. I want us to be happy together. And I‘m happy with you. I don‘t need children to verify or amplify that our relationship is happy and loving or successful, whatever that even means. I want to be with you. With or without kids. I‘m not with you so we can have kids. I‘m with you to be with you, as obvious as it sounds.”

As sure as he seems and as much relief as you feel, it’s an important issue that you can’t just forget after a few words, so you want to be certain.

“And you‘re sure? Because if you‘re hoping that I‘ll change my mind in a few years, when we‘re older and you‘re just saying this, then that‘s not okay. You can‘t hurt me like that, you can‘t hurt us like that. If you can‘t imagine never having children, not now, not in a few years, then you have to tell me.”

He takes both of your hands in his, and you realise how much you missed the warmth of them.

“I meant everything I just said. I‘m happy. I‘m happy with you, happy that I get to be with you. You’re more than enough. You’re my everything. And if you say you don‘t want children, then I believe you and I know you‘re not going to change your mind. But I‘ve made my mind up too and it‘s not going to change. Spending the rest of my life with you is more important to me than having children. A million times more important.”

You feel your heartbeat slow down to a normal rate again, and tears cloud your vision as Peter cups your face, “I mean it.”

“Okay,” you kiss him, “Okay.”

You don’t realise you fall asleep, exhausted from the last week away from your love, until you wake up again with Peter’s hand running up and down your back, your face against his chest.

“Hi,” you say, looking up at him.

“Hi, my love. You fell asleep for a bit.”

“Sorry,” you bury your face back in his hoodie, your cheeks heating up.

“Don’t apologise. The last week was hard for me too. But still, I wanted to apologise. I didn’t mean to make you feel like the villain or the bad guy for not wanting children. I’m sorry if i didn’t handle this the best way, but every time I look at you, or even just think about you, nothing else in the world matters. I don’t give a fuck if I have children or not as long as I get to be with you. So I just had to make sure I feel the same way when I’m not around you.”

You giggle at the way he says it and you nudge him, “Thanks for saying that, I do feel villainised by... society for not wanting children as a woman, but not by you. I get that you needed time to think and I know you couldn’t think about me or our future together if I was with you the whole time. I already made the decision not to have kids, you were the one who had to make a decision. Without me.”

“From the first day it came up last week, I thought it’s okay if I don’t have children. But the rational part of my brain was telling me to think about it more, but in the end the decision wasn’t hard.”

He pulls you into his side from where you share a lingering kiss, and then you start catching up on what you did last week - not much, you were both missing each other and worrying - and then Peter smirks as he seems to remember something, “Last week you might have mentioned something…. about moving in together.”

Heat dusts your cheeks, “I thought you didn‘t hear that,” you admit.

“Of course I did. But the baby topic just seemed a little more important at that moment.”

“It was. Well. I still want us to move in together. If you want that too.”

He grins widely and kisses you, “Of course I want that too.”

“I don’t know if this apartment will be too small for both of us. We could also look for a new place together.”

“I don‘t mind where we live as long as I can hold you in my arms,” he kisses your forehead as he pulls you into his lap.

“So you like the idea?”

“Fucking love it. Just like I love you,” you recognise the look in his eyes and the tone in his voice.

“Does the idea of moving in together make you horny, Mr Parker?”

His hand goes to grab your ass, “Imagine how many times we can fuck. Twenty four seven. Can eat your gorgeous pussy ten times a day, Mrs Parker,” he teases.

Then you realise how calling him Mr Parker might have seemed to him; like you want to have the same last name, but really you just said it because you’d add his name next to yours by the doorbell.

“Yeah um... another thing,” you start. Peter directs his full attention to you when he realises you’re serious again.

“I don‘t want to marry either. I don‘t like the history and the concept of marriage. Don‘t really understand the fuss about it either.”

You worry that this is too early after the last bomb you dropped and it will be too much for your relationship or for Peter to handle. But he just shrugs, “That‘s okay. I don‘t need some institution to verify or approve of our love. All I need is you with me.”

“I love you, Peter. More than I ever have or ever will love anyone.”

“I feel the same. You‘re the love of my life.”

“And you‘re not sad that you‘re not going to have children?”

“No. I‘m just happy that I get to spend my life with you.”

You share a passionate yet tender kiss. You bury your hands in his hair and he pulls you into his lap, as close as you can get.

“I missed you. So so much,” he says between kisses that are getting needier.

“Missed you too. So fucking much.”

A few days without seeing or touching each other isn’t a big deal. But you weren’t sure if you were still going to see a future with Peter after those few days, and now you’re simply happy that you’re staying together.

“Did… did she miss me?”

You giggle as Peter’s hand slides between your legs.

“Yeah. Wouldn‘t have had to spend a week apart if I‘d talked to you sooner though. I‘m sorry.”

“It‘s not your fault. I could have brought it up too. The important thing is that we‘ve talked now and we know what our future holds. At least the aspects we can plan.”

You nod, smiling because you’ve never felt more comfortable with anyone.

He grins at you and he’s nearly too beautiful for you to even close your eyes to kiss him. But after a few moments, the desire to feel his lips on yours wins and you wrap your legs around his waist to feel him even closer.

He only interrupts the kiss for a brief moment. “Did you come at all last week?”

You shake your head at his question.

“So you‘re gonna be all nice and wet for me already, huh?”

“How about you feel for yourself?” You look into his eyes as you guide his hand down your pants, and you both gasp when he touches you there.

“Fuck,” he grunts as he carries you to your bedroom to make love for hours.

You’re lying in bed afterwards, both still naked. “You know, I… I might not want to marry but I think rings would still be quite nice.”

“Yeah? I definitely wouldn’t mind that either,” he grins, draping his arm across your waist.

“What if… what if I told you that I got some rings already?”

You didn’t think his grin could get any wider, but it does. “Then I’d tell you I would love to see them. And wear mine as soon as possible.”

He lifts his arm off you as you get up to get the rings from the dresser that you also keep some of your sex toys in.

“Wait.. you do mean rings for your finger? Not a cock ring or anything?” You hear from behind you.

You sit back on the bed, giggling, with your hands behind your back, “I mean jewelry ones, Pete. But we can get you a cock ring if that’s what you want.”

You see his mind running wild for a few seconds, but he manages to snap himself out of his thoughts when you clear your throat.

“Do you have the rings?” He asks shyly.

“Here. I measured your finger while you were asleep so it should fit,” you confess with a laugh, but Peter takes your ring from you, “Ladies first.”

He studies it for a few seconds and his eyes light up, “It’s beautiful. Just like you,” he observes.

Peter giggles when he slides the ring onto your finger, “Wow, this is really exciting.”

“It is,” you beam at him when he takes your hand and kisses the jewellery adorning your ring finger.

You take the other ring and guide Peter’s finger through it. You look each other deep in the eyes and you feel truly at home.

“Till death do us part, baby.”

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