selflessonelove

[selflessonelove]

There once was a guy...

There once was a guy…

“I once heard a sober alcoholic say that drinking never made him happy, but it made him feel like he was going to be happy in about fifteen minutes. That was exactly it, and I couldn’t understand why the happiness never came, couldn’t see the flaw in my thinking, couldn’t see that alcohol kept me trapped in a world of illusion, procrastination, paralysis. I lived always in the future, never in…

[selflessonelove]

Twisted differently....

Twisted differently….

“The more fucked up you are, the more I like you. As long as you’ve managed to hold onto your identity through all the shit, then it won’t matter how twisted you are. I will love you more for it.”- Ashley Lorenzana- – Khaki pants and a crisp button up shirt. The uniform of life after death. Not the physical, mind you, but too often the soul.- – How many of my friends and people I know that loved to…

[selflessonelove]

Free isolation...

Free isolation…

“Freedom is the possibility of isolation. You are free if you can withdraw from people, not having to seek them out for the sake of money, company, love, glory or curiosity, none of which can thrive in silence and solitude. If you can’t live alone, you were born a slave. You may have all the splendours of the mind and the soul, in which case you’re a noble slave, or an intelligent servant, but…

[selflessonelove]

What am I even doing?

What am I even doing?

So I haven’t been posting much and started to question if this worth it. Is my blog helping anyone? Am I wasting my time and effort? And then I remember, though my biggest goal IS to help others, this is for me. I’ve never kept a diary or journal of any kind. My thoughts I almost always just kept to myself and didn’t let anyone in. So I have to keep that in mind with this blog. This is for me to…

[selflessonelove]

Lost signal, no connection....

Lost signal, no connection….

In this day and age of screen time, it’s a wonder anyone knows how to still have a face to face conversation. I’ve been feeling more and more isolated from others. This isn’t just because of the current situation with the Corona Virus, but that people don’t talk much these days or speak as they would in texts, intermittently. I feel because of that I’ve lost connection with people and even past…

[selflessonelove]

So where do I fit in?

So where do I fit in?

Both a blessing and a curse, the ability to adapt to most any situation is not for everyone. On the blessing side of things, it gives me the ability to experience different people, cultures, or just personality types. On the cursed side because I fit in almost everywhere, I have conflicting messages that it puts out to some. For example, I was a bit of a jock as a teenager and would be perfectly…

[selflessonelove]

Trust yourself...

Trust yourself…

So, here I am on my last weeks of unemployment due to the pandemic. Though I’m very lucky to even have a job to return to, the amount of business is in question. And with a resurgence of the Covid- 19 virus, they could even close again! I’m praying the government has something to help, just in case. My salary is not guaranteed. I rely on gratuities. No customers, no money.

But as I am…

[selflessonelove]

What's to celebrate...

What’s to celebrate…

As tomorrow is the 4th of July, our countries independence day, I realize how lack luster this country has become. But it’s not just about the country, it’s more about the people and the prevailing attitudes. I can point fingers easily and say who I think is most at fault, but the fact of the matter, in years past, we just would not see the type of behavior we’ve been witnessing as of late.

[selflessonelove]

Unexpected expectations...

Unexpected expectations…

I’m constantly reminding myself and others to lower or erase expectations. They’re just so volatile and a set up for disappointments. Plus, it’s just not always fair to those whom your putting your expectations on, even if they’re completely reasonable. I know I don’t want my friends EXPECTING me to be a certain way or do certain things. I know I’m considerate without needing the expectation.…

[selflessonelove]

And now what...

And now what…

Today I’m really thinking of acceptance and how to go about it. Historically, I was very bad at accepting certain things. Things such as a betrayal of a friend, a breakup with a girl, or other things that I did not have control over.

I remember the first time I felt truly betrayed. Ryan, who I thought was my best friend turned out to be anything but. The long version is not really important…

[selflessonelove]

My thoughts are my best friend and my worst enemy...

My thoughts are my best friend and my worst enemy…

You ever start something then regret it because you don’t know what you’re doing? Yeah, that’s me over here, right now! What the hell I’m going to write about eludes me, though I write daily for my Instagram page. So what’s the big deal? Oh, this is global outside of the reigns of Instagram.

So as the title of this first attempt at writing suggests, oh so subtly, I want to share my thoughts…

[selflessonelove]

Too good for the bad ones...

Too good for the bad ones…

…Too bad for the good ones. I feel like this is the closest descriptor of how my love life usually is. Or should I say isnt’t. That’s at least how I feel I am. It would make sense as I crave balance in almost everything! Yay me! Now I don’t know what a woman sees when I comes to that. Especially the negative, as I like to grow as a person, I would like to know what I cannot see. And I consider…

[selflessonelove]

But it's only one day, you say?

But it’s only one day, you say?

So today…was well…interesting. Yes, I’ll go with that descriptor. I woke up after 4 hours of sleep. One of the best nights sleep I’ve had in about a week. The insomnia, I’m sure, a bi-product of being unemployed and, therefore, not expending nearly enough energy. Though now I’m back at the gym so that should help. OK, back to the story….I woke up feeling good, refreshed and ready for the day, and…