selfsabotaqe

[selfsabotaqe]

“ who? ”   he made a show of turning around in his seat, and whipping his head back to scan the area for the culprit in question. he turned back to face ethan with his signature grin instead, as his shoulders moved into a shrug.   “ no offense to you, but i would put my money on the big guy over there. ”

open to all ( m/f/nb ) !

“ i swear, if he keeps looking at you like that i'm only two seconds away from throwing a punch. ”

[selfsabotaqe]

“ if you’re feeling up to it. ”   there is a lump in his throat as he speaks those words, one he plans to pass off as morning voice in favour of keeping the casual tone.   “ you’ll notice she gets restless after spending the entire morning inside. so i figured i could take a detour past the off leash section of the park, so she can let out some of her energy. she’d be thrilled about another person to play catch with. ”   there would almost be a sense of normality to it all, were it not for the surprise and suspicion that glossed over noah’s face at the sudden shift in their morning routine. one might figure it was the start of a new normal for them, but part of emre still refuses to go along with that narrative for the time being. with one last string holding him back from freefalling in complete love with the man opposite him. and a complete and total lack of ideas as to how to start that conversation.   “ i’ll be the judge of that, ”   he then jests, head cocked to the side in a mixture of endearment and challenge before he leans down to press a kiss to his temple as he continues to speak.   “ surprise me. milk and eggs are in the fridge, everything else should be in the cupboard down there. ”

it should feel strange to be making himself so comfortable in emre's kitchen given how little time he's actually spent in it. their experiences together have never been particularly domestic and yet the fact that everything about the space reminds him of emre makes it feel surprisingly warm. “ trying to make myself at home, the machine isn't making it easy. ” he corrects cheerily, any complaints on the complexity of the other male's appliances silenced before they've even reached his lips when he has emre to focus on instead. “ good morning. ” the greeting hums softly back, hands moving instinctively to the other's sides as the kiss pulls a gentle smile to his own features. it's different to their past mornings together, as if something has shifted between them just enough for emre to finally start letting him in. “ i — would it be alright if i came with you? ” the suggestion takes him by surprise, his own move to grab the mugs halted mid step for brown eyes to rest firmly on the other male. it feels almost like a test, though noah isn't entirely sure how. there's a momentary flash of concern that somehow in saying yes he'll fail, that he'll prove he's gotten too attached in his willingness to do something so trivial together. that it'll be the end of whatever this arrangement has been. although he quickly decides not to dwell on that. “ thankfully i'm a much better chef than i am a barista — i can make some pretty badass pancakes, are you more a sweet or savory kind of guy? ”

[selfsabotaqe]

besties. i've finished most of my work. also i'll be starting a phd in september (screaming crying throwing up etc). life is treating me kindly. and i'm also hoping, now work is almost done, to get back to writing? if we've got ships or (new) threads planned, and you would be down to continue them, please let me know because i would love to continue 🥹👉👈 i'll tag those i plan to reply to below. if you're not tagged but would like to start writing (again) just like this and i'll come find you! also if you wanna come chat today or tomorrow, please feel free to pop into my discord or here because i would loooove to catch up.

@invcntions @scbrvght @slumpcd

[selfsabotaqe]

the  cost  of  the  expensive  whiskey  that  hit  her  tongue  must  have  exceeded  even  her  own  payroll.  she  considered  it  frivolous  luxuries  on  the  team’s  part,  but  she  had  to  admit  it  worked  its  magic.  the  tension  tied  up  in  her  shoulders  loosened  with  each  sip,  even  within  the  company  of  the  culprit  of  the  initial  agitation.  company  that  admittedly  wasn’t  as  unwanted  as  she  might  have  proclaimed.  she  was  off  the  clock,  after  all,  time  spent  with  the  driver  that  you  might  even  call  voluntary.    “  what  are  they  up  to  this  time?  ”    head  cocked  in  his  direction,  to  allow  her  eagle  eyes  to  scrutinize  and  study  that  glint  of  trouble  in  his.    “  or  is  this  supposed  to  be  some  sort  of  distraction  tactic?  ”    there  was  a  reason  she  knew  how  to  hold  onto  this  job,  and  that  was  because  she  was  warned  a  million  times  over  about  his  streaks  of  rebellion.  and  she  knew  from  her  own  experience,  that  benji  ashford  loved  to  play  games.  unluckily  for  him  she  was  not  about  to  let  him  win.  she  sat  upwards  in  her  seat  as  she  scoured  every  inch  of  the  place,  until  brown  hues  landed  on  a  petite blonde  she  had  never  seen  before  sporting  a  ferrari  team  jacket.    “  is  that  the  one  you’ve  got  your  eyes  on  tonight?  she  looks  like  your  type.  ”    there’s  a  tone  to  her  voice,  that  one  could  call  bitter  but  would  be  passed  off  as  tired  in  her  current  state.  she  then  raised  the  glass  back  to  her  lips,  and  tipped  back  the  remainder  of  her  drink  in  one  gulp.

the now free hand he had raised up in surrender at her accusation. " don't put words in my mouth, I'm well aware you know how to handle your own. " the male followed suit with a sip of his own drink. when he ordered, he made the conscious decision to not get a double himself though -- not one you typically saw from him. figured she had spent enough time worrying about his uninhabited self. giving her a night off after the long weekend of events was the least he could do for the brunette. " fair enough, just saying -- I would. " the driver got it, he wasn't exactly the easiest guy on the grid to deal with whether you were pr or otherwise. a handful had quit or been fired before noor managed to hold onto it. maybe part of that was him taking it easy on her, like now. the femme hovered over him like a hawk -- rightfully so. originally there was an annoyance that came with it but now that was almost entirely replaced by amusement. one thing you could always count on from him was to make almost a little game out of anything, and for now that thing was his attempts to get on her good side. there was no manipulation tactic out of it, just a sense of actually wanting her approval. " max and lachlan might need more eyes on them but if you want to spend time with me I'll take the attention. "

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sundays  went  by  in  a  haze.  the  moment  the  visor  of  his  helmet  went  down,  it  was  as  if  his  body  functioned  on  auto  pilot.  his  eyes  were  on  the  prize,  his  foot  on  the  gas  pedal.  he  would  be  woken  up  again  by  the  champagne  showers  on  the  steps  of  the  podium.  and  this  time,  one  look  down  served  as  an  immediate  reminder  of  what  would  be  waiting  for  him  afterwards.  or  so  he  had  hoped,  only  to  be  confirmed  as  soon  as  he  strolled  back  into  the  garage  after  the  post  race  interviews.    “  so  you’ve  figured  out  my  secret,  ”    were  the  first  words  he  spoke  in  return,  his  words  laced  with  an  air  of  innocence  and  a  half  smile  as  fingers  began  to  comb  through  locks  of  hair  damp  with  sweat  and  champagne.  now,  he  was  not  quite  sure  how  to  interpret  the  cross  of  her  arms  or  the  immediate  confrontation.  but  even  through  her  frown,  facts  were  that  she  waited.  for  him.    “  can  you  really  blame  me?  ”    it  was  not  a  regular  occurrence  to  allow  himself  the  joy  of  anonimity,  even  less  so  in  the  place  where  his  face  and  name  were  plastered  across  massive  screens  and  garage  walls.    “  you  made  it  so  tempting.  ”

— for @selfsabotaqe.

she  was  leaning  against  the  wall  of  the  halls  lachlan  had  shown  her  through  earlier,  trying  to  look  as natural  as  possible  as  people  walked  by,  seemingly  very  busy  despite  the  game  having  been  over  for  quite  some  time  now.  either  he  had  told  them  she  was  alright  to  be  here  or  they  were  simply  assuming  so,  due  to  the  jacket  she  was  wearing  but  nobody  told  her  to  get  her  ass  out  of  there.  she  got  some  curious  glances  but  that  was  mild,  considering  what  she  was  usually  used  to.  she  was  about  to  start  feeling  a  bit  stupid  for  waiting  around  when  she  finally  spotted  him  coming  in.  "  hello  there,  famous  driver lachlan  armstrong.  "  she  said,  one  eyebrow  quirked  and  arms  crossed  in  front  of  her  chest.  "  that  was  certainly  an  interesting  race.  especially  when  i  figured  out  you  were  playing  with  me  earlier.  "

[selfsabotaqe]

i've been wanting to pick writing back up but i've got no idea where to start. it has been so long i barely even know how to anymore? but i might take some time to clean up this blog, foreground a handful of primary muses with a couple of secondaries and try my hand at it. if there's any of my old mutuals still around, please do reach out if you'd still like to write together. i am so open to continuing writing any of our existing pairings, but also down to start something new. i will say i'll likely focus on heavily plotted ships, and have a slight preference to write on tumblr and talk and potentially write on discord simultaneously. just a place for us to gush, write short things, share headcanons and get back into the swing of things. let me know if any of you are down <3

[selfsabotaqe]

hope u all had happy holidays my loves <3 i'll be around a little bit more again over the next few days, while i also do some work. if anyone wants to chat, headcanon, talk, write, keep me from crying over work, come find me in dms or on discord! ily all

[selfsabotaqe]

the image of him with another left a bitter taste in her mouth. maybe she didn’t know what their name was, or even remotely what they looked like. but she remembered what he looked like when he was in love, and to imagine there was someone else on the receiving end of it made her feel ill. maybe in part because she had grown indulgent of his affection, his presence. of having someone to care for her after always she always took care of anyone else. now being reliant on herself only, it made her feel more alone again than their split should’ve.   “ not so much jealousy. ”   now those words were lies, pure and utter lies.   “ you didn’t tell me you were going out. and you don’t owe me that. but you know i worry. ”

      it was an unorthodox situation — if you could even call it that. callum could easily shovel the blame of their arrangement, pinning it on the ever-plummeting economy or his less-than-glamorous livelihood, but he would never admit that leo's presence offered him some comfort. the inevitable disruption to normalcy that came with a long-term breakup might have hurt him more than the split itself, but he was instead unhealthily dulling the pain via couch surfing with friends. i mean, it was better than other ways to cope, right ? " i didn't have a date, thank you very much. and if i did, you sounded very jealous about it. "

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“ maybe i hoped you would’ve offered one, anyway. ”   still teeth bit down on her tongue, maybe a little too harsh. she had never been good at wearing her heart on her sleeve, felt vulnerable with the realization that their split hit her harder than it had him. that he still haunted her mind, while she was nothing more than a faint memory in his.   “ but it doesn’t matter. i’m sorry for bringing it up. ”

couldn't confidently say he had moved on . he tried his best to be or at least make it seem like it . wasn't much for admitting his own mistakes but he found it rather hard not to with her standing right there . " yet you sound like you expect an explanation . "

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waking up to an empty bed wasn’t out of the ordinary for emre. what made it different was the mess of the sheets on the opposite side of him, and the quiet noises coming from the kitchen down the hall. fingers fished a clean shirt and pair of underwear from his closet before he wandered down the hallway, coming to a halt in the doorway where he caught sight of a familiar face staring at the display of his coffee machine with brows knit into a frown. on instinct, smile bloomed onto his features as one of his hands reached to rub the sleep from his eyes.   “ making yourself at home? ”   he jested in a gentle tone of voice, coming to the conclusion he rather liked waking up to this sight. even when those conclusions shook him to the bone. feet carried him closer as the other moved out of the way, but the coffee machine was left unattended as he instead crowded the other against the kitchen counters, both hands placed on either side of him as he leaned down to kiss him.   “ good morning, ”   another peck to his lips followed, for good measure, because he could allow himself for now. it took more strength than just physical to peel himself away from the other again, but the intense need for caffeine was motivation to move back towards the coffee machine again. black coffee, he remembered from last time.   “ you have until i’ve got to take bean out for a walk. unless you’re joining us. ”   words were enveloped in an air of nonchalance, but that didn’t quite reflect the way his heart began to thump in his chest.   “ are you any better at making breakfast than you are at making coffee? ”

a little next morning time skip —

there were only so many times a person could swear softly at a coffee machine before accepting defeat, flashing red display presumably attempting to tell him something was missing from the process — yet for the life of him noah couldn't work out what it was or where it was meant to go. he'd settled on simply pleading with it when the sound of footsteps came to a halt a little behind him, brown-eyed gaze eventually pulling over his shoulder to where emre stood. “ i wanted to make you a coffee. ” he sighed, straightening up to turn and face the other male. “ but it's going rather poorly and now you're awake, so — ” lips tugged up to a faint smile as he stepped to the side, a silent indicator that emre was welcome to come take over and put them both out their misery. “ good morning, by the way. ” he added with a grin, back resting gently against the counter as brown eyes followed the other male. “ how long do i have today? two hours, half an hour, three whole minutes? ” there was a strangely absent sense of urgency, both welcome and yet a little unnerving compared to their casual mornings together.

[selfsabotaqe]

little life update to say i still aim to return (somewhat) soon to the dash, and hopefully pick up replies again. actually hoping to do some today. but also i'll remain on semi hiatus for a while. i've been working on phd proposals and am currently in the middle of a very intense application process (which is both exciting and makes me wanna cry) so i'll be spending a bunch of time on that as well in the coming months. anyway ily all, if you ever wanna talk more or headcanon more, i'll be around on discord more regularly. feel free to ask for my user anytime <3

[selfsabotaqe]

paying good $$$ for someone to let me play courtney eaton, davika hoorne, nicholas galitzine, jessica alexander, logan lerman, xavier serrano, greta onieogou, ayca aysin turan, kim doyeon, chase sui wonders, maia cotton, drew starkey, taylor zakhar perez, gracie abrams, lola tung & apo nattawin in a plot on discord. open to anything in terms of pairings and any slice of life plots, but there's some specific ideas down below 🥹

any generic mumu. looking to generally start with a maximum of four muses each, but i would love mumus with ships with intertwined plots. the floor of an apartment building? college friends? high school friend group getting together for a reunion? band on tour? travelers staying in the same hostel room? sports team with wags? go wild. specifically for mumus, i would prefer writing a variety of pairings including same sex couples, and writing (against) a mix of men, women and non binary muses. so i ask partners are open to writing a variety of muses in terms of gender and sexuality themselves. i'll always be down for m/f plots as well, but i am not interested in just doubling up for the sake of it.

any sports plots. rival athletes to lovers? teammates who hook up constantly (no homo) but are in denial about feeling more? athlete and the no nonsense journalist who makes their life hell, but they are kinda into it? athlete and their celebrity significant other, who could be a real couple or fake dating? athlete and assistant coach, or team medic, or pr manager? mumu with multiple plots within the same sports league or team? especially looking for soccer, formula one or hockey (because i know most about those) but open to other options.

enemies to lovers based on jake and amy from brooklyn nine nine. two coworkers stuck in a work performance rivalry that's slowly turning more and more romantic. lawyers trying to win cases? servers or bartenders trying to make the most tips?

any cliche hallmark holiday movie plots but add more to it. pretend to be my significant other for the holidays? i've been stuck in a snowstorm in this town/city away from home? i'm visiting my family far away from where i live and oh shit, there's a really hot local? i'm visiting my family in my home town for the holidays, and my childhood best friend is giving me butterflies? just give me cliches, give me one trying to teach the other how to ice skate, give me hot cocoa in front of the fire, give me hooking up in their childhood bedroom and trying to keep the noise down for the family downstairs.

give me any (modern) royalty au. heirs from rival countries being forced into marriage to form a political alliance? prince secretly hooking up with one of his guards? unknowing american traveling to this small european country where they by chance meet one of the royals?

enemies with benefits plots in any capacity. sports setting? academic rivals? neighbours who drive each other mad playing loud music too late at night? just these vibes.

potentially something based off this, but maybe combined with a "muse a thinks they're enemies while muse b has been flirting all along" plot. very open to make this m/m or f/f as well.

very legal (don't make it weird!!!!!) age gap plots where maybe for once they do think it's difficult. maybe they're at different places in their life? maybe one of them wants kids and the other doesn't? maybe they just moved in together and they're having a ton of fights? maybe they want something different out of their relationships? could also be combined with any of the above tbh.

[selfsabotaqe]

there was a knowing look cast over jonas’ features as the other admitted to his complete and total regard for personal space. it appears even subconsciously so, he had gotten to know the other man better than he had intended over their time spent together.   “ i’m afraid i’ll have to pass on those offers. actually, not so much afraid. please just don’t touch anything you don’t have to. and i would prefer the peace and quiet if you manage to muster any, ”   the blonde murmured in a tone that was matter of fact, before setting down the now half empty coffee cup onto his kitchen counter and instead reaching for the napkin with the pastry on top. he couldn’t help that his stomach had finally recognized the lack of breakfast and bribery looked rather delicious. teeth sank into the crispy layers of puff pastry, tongue darting out to catch the crumbs on his lips.   “ and that’s a dealbreaker? you’ve got no interest in being the new daddy to fluffy and whiskers? ”   there was a hint of amusement in his voice, at the rather unsurprising revelation that susan had tried such a thing. perhaps she considered having the man as a son in law was the second best thing to marrying him herself. the words of thanks that followed had jonas returning a faint nod in return. one that soon turned to a rather unamused roll of the eyes as the other referred to the mess that was his blonde locks.   “ how generous of you. your kindness is truly unmatched, ”   he scoffed then, blue hues trained on the other in a hint of a glare but soon mellowing into something else again. something considerably softer.   “ not every single one of us can wake up like that, mister tall, dark and handsome. ”   mouth quickly shut at those last words, hoping the rather agitated tone of voice helped conceal how easily those words slipped from the tongue.

he'd expected an immediate scoff, or at least prepared himself for one. charlie was pretty sure the other male wouldn't outright tell him there was nothing worse he could imagine than having him stay, but he wasn't sure how much higher the odds were of jonas saying yes. although, amusement couldn't help tugging back over his features at the initial response. “ alright, so i might not be quiet and out the way, ” he agreed. “ however, i can cook rather well - and if you need any decorating, apparently i now do that too. ” if it meant that jonas would allow him to stay then charlie was pretty convinced he would learn anything. there were only a couple of hotels on the outskirts of town and even if he did want to splurge his savings on a long-term stay, most seemed to be booked up for the festive period already. “ susan's plan b. ” words joked softly. “ as much fun as it undoubtedly would be to insert myself into a marriage — if i stay with her she's going to try and set me up with her son. and he collects taxidermy cats. ” which charlie only knew because she had already put him on facetime with the guy. twice. and staying with jonas sounded more than a little preferable to that situation. “ a piece of crap mattress in the warm sounds far better than the piece of crap mattress i'm staying on at mine. ” he assured quickly, genuine smile turning to his lips as he offered the younger male a grateful nod. “ thank you. i appreciate it. enough so i'm not even going to comment on your hair. ” the words teased lightly, as if in truth it wasn't rather endearing to see jonas first thing in the morning.

[selfsabotaqe]

blue hues dropped down towards lap, where his fingertips nervously tapped against his thigh. he had never been much of a talker, and hadn’t exactly prepared himself for the way his heart ached by the minute and with each admission from theo.   “ that’s not—   fucking hell,  theo. you know i’m not going to do the same thing as your asshole father and brother. ”   at least he hoped theo knew him well enough to know that he cared more than that. he then nudged his leg closer to the other, their knees knocking together in faint touch. one that he maybe craved even more than the other did now.   “ alright, ”   he then said, voice lowered and attempted to keep calm for the sake of the both of them,   “ but it’s okay if you need to spill it. you can tell me what you need. ” 

theo tried swallowing down the lump in his throat but it wouldn't go away. he averted his gaze, shaking his head. it hurt to hear that max couldn't go on ... that was the worst part. " i'm trying ... " voice was shaky and uneven. theo never cried, it wasn't like him but he was feeling weak. " i know, i know ... my father said the same thing. he uh ... he can't take it anymore. he's ugh ... i think he's cutting me off. from now on. i tried calling my brother but ... he's not answering. " he turned away from the other, tears spilled over and he couldn't stop it. " fuck! i'm not ... i didn't come to spill my shit. "

[selfsabotaqe]

“ you don’t sound very convinced yourself, ”   blonde answered in a monotonous, matter of fact tone that was paired with a patronizing smile in feigned sympathy. even if there might have been a hint of genuine amusement that pulled at the edges of his mouth. his next words drew a rather faint scoff from pink lips as he sank further into the headboard of the bed he rested on. one of the pillows was then pulled to his chest, enclosed and held there by his arms, and further boxed in as he pulled his knees to his chest too.   “ you read me like an open book. i mean, don’t you think that stain on the wall just looks like a carbon copy of the state of texas? i’ve been wrecking my brain over it these past two hours, ”   sarcasm dripped from the tongue. reality was not far off, eyes having been trained on the wall but instead for the past ten minutes. he needed a breather, and his best friend tended to promise him the peace and quiet of his (very off limits) bedroom for that sake. he usually didn't get company.   “ as much as i don’t care to hear your rant, i get the impression that keeping you silent for more than a minute is going to be impossible. so tell me the story anyway. ”

        "  okay  ,  woah  ,  hey  !  it's  not  a  me  thing  ,  i  think  ...  we  just  weren't  ,  y'know  ,  meant  to  be  ,  and  that's  okay  !  "  arms  were  thrown  into  the  air  ,  his  tone  punctuated  with  melodramatic  hurt.  "  it's  a  small  town  ,  i've  come  to  realize.  everyone  seems  to  know  everyone  and  —  you  seem  like  you  don't  want  to  hear  my  rant  but  please  just  let  me  stay  here  for  a  few  minutes.  we  can  sit  here  in  silence  and  just  stare  at  the  wall.  that  seems  like  your  vibe  !  i  mean  ,  wasn't  that  what  you  were  doing  before  i  came  in  ?  "

[selfsabotaqe]

does anyone wanna headcanon on discord or do a really short (like few lines) back and forth? 🥹👉👈

[selfsabotaqe]

the taste of coffee danced on his tongue as charlie’s gaze burned on every inch of his skin. maybe the smile was not reciprocated but his own hazel hues did linger on him too. even if the look soon changed from curiosity into surprise.   “ okay, ”   jonas then answered in quiet voice, although he dragged out the word to signal for the other to continue talking. this was uncharted territory, from the serious tone charlie used and the way his signature smile faded into solemnity. but neither could jonas blame him. the temperatures had dropped rapidly over the past few days, fresh snow leaving the view from his bedroom window looking like a winter paradise but one that left him with his bedsheets drawn up to his nose at night. with a working boiler, that was.   “ you? quiet, and out of my way? now i don’t know whether i believe that, ”   he had bitten the tip of his tongue, but he still could not help the comment from escaping pink lips. after all their previous encounters were a constant refutation of that exact statement, his sudden appearance at his front door as the icing on the cake.   “ and you’re sure susan doesn’t have any space for you? that woman might be head over heels in love with you, i am sure she’d kick her own husband out of the bed to make room for you. ”   maybe it was his softened edges at the coffee and breakfast charlie brought, or maybe the early morning had caused him to not think straight. but he hadn’t minded the idea. or as he would tell charlie if he asked, he didn’t have the heart to tell him no.   “ there’s a spare room on the second floor. the mattress is an old piece of crap, but you should be fine until your boiler gets fixed. it’s yours if you want it, i guess. ”

perhaps he ought to be more fazed by the response, though having observed jonas willfully ignore other people the fact that he even gets a reply is enough for charlie to assume he has to be somewhere on the list of individuals he's willing to tolerate. features still scrunched for a moment in feigned offense, slipping easily back to their signature smile at watching jonas tuck in to the coffee. “ more of an observation. ” he shrugged cheerily, mind already several steps ahead to the request he had to make of the younger male. “ i need somewhere to stay for a while. ” admission fell with a soft sigh, edge of sincerity taking over his tone and expression. it was rare around jonas, their usual back and forth leaving little room for vulnerability to sneak through the cracks. “ the boiler at my place shut down last night and, well... you've seen it outside. ” head nodded in the direction of the nearest window, fresh layer of snow coating the solid ground. “ it wouldn't be for long, just until they can get it fixed. everyone else already has relatives staying for the holidays, and — suppose i hoped you might have a spare room? promise i'd be quiet and keep out the way. i'm a great house mate, you know, if you don't think it'd get in the way of your writing too much. ” it was a long shot, deep down charlie knew that. still, short of buying several dozen blankets and hoping to bury himself under them it was pretty much the only play he had.