selkies-song

[selkies-song]

[selkies-song]

Not to get super deep on main but it's officially been over a year since I started taking anti depressants that actually work for me, and I was just reflecting on that during a long bicycle ride this afternoon

I have struggled on and off with depression and suicidal thoughts as far back as I can remember. And right around 2021, it started to get as bad as it'd ever been. I don't know what triggered it. Maybe COVID. Maybe the end of my second round of college. Maybe a few huge life changes--starting a new career, moving into my first house, getting a dog--It was a lot of change, really fast. In 2023 it became a near daily argument with myself not to go into the garage, start the car, and lay in the back seat. It was like an impulse at the back of my mind that I was constantly resisting--and just like the impulse to grab a few more cookies out of the package, or go on a shopping spree, I was getting legitimately scared that I would eventually give into it. Then a week of vacation came and went spent with my found family--and the guilt just spiraled. I wasn't myself. I knew I wasn't myself. I could tell I wasn't hiding it well. And at the end of it, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably on my kitchen floor, alone, convinced that everyone would be better off if I just disappeared for good. It was a full fledged breakdown. Ugly. Violent. I started therapy for a while following that night. Uncovered some stuff over the following few months--a weird sense of survival's guilt over a sibling I'd never even gotten a chance to meet. Trauma responses that were no longer necessary after growing up with an unhealed parent. Etc. Etc. But it was still a daily struggle. And then I finally decided to try anti depressants, again, because I was increasingly worried I wouldn't be able to keep fighting the urge to go through with the plan that had been floating around in the back of my head.

Now, I'd tried bupropion a couple years earlier. It really didn't do anything for me. So this time, I agreed to try Fluoxetine--AKA Prozac. And as reserved as my hopes were...it was like a switch flipped in my brain. Those thoughts are basically GONE, and have been since about a week into it.

Maybe once or twice in over a year, when it used to be every. Single. Day.

It almost makes me angry, to think I honestly believed what I was feeling was NORMAL.

It has been an adjustment in some ways--as described by a close friend of mine, the border collie in my brain got shut off too. I find it a lot harder to focus on stuff. I am more impulsive in my spending (and eating). I've had a lot more aches and pains than I did before. I find myself having to put a far more concentrated effort into taking care of myself physically. But it's been so worth it.

Not sure what the point of posting this is, other than I was feeling reflective about it today and I hope maybe if someone sees this who is going through what I was, it gives you some hope. Keep trying. Something will help, but you have to keep trying. You're loved and you matter and please do not give up.

[selkies-song]

[selkies-song]

In the early 2000s I set off an English teacher's full-fledged transphobic outburst in the middle of a class all because I volunteered to read a male character's lines while we were doing the annual Shakespeare unit. At the time I was mortified because her freak out came out of NOWHERE and this had never been an issue in any of my previous years and I was still very sensitive about being seen as "bad" by any adult ever at the time, but now I think back on it and kind of roll my eyes. Shakespeare plays used to be performed by an all-male cast. Peter Pan is often played by women. Playing roles of characters that don't necessarily match your assigned gender is basically TRADITIONAL. Gender is not relevant in the act of creating or participating in art. In fact, gender is rarely *actually* relevant to anything ever.

every time i see those teenage girls on tiktok make videos that are like ‘dream theatre roles i’d love to play ! (and why i can never play them)’ the list is alwayss big campy male villains with solo numbers about how hot and great they are and the reason theyll never play them is ‘im a girl’ ‘im a girl’ ‘im a girl’ it makes me so sad. girl you should play the dentist from little shop or shakespeare from something rotten or the evil jocks from heathers or gaston from beauty and the beast. dont settle for eponine when you want to be punching ensemble members in the face that wont satisfy you

[selkies-song]

The fear of abandonment isn’t just about people leaving, it’s the gut-wrenching belief that you aren’t worth staying for.

[selkies-song]

Alolan Vulpix — TCG Pocket Celestial Guardians #162

Illustrated by: tono

[selkies-song]

Vaporeon — S&V Prismatic Evolutions #149

Illustrated by: Narano

[selkies-song]

[selkies-song]

Alolan Marowak — TCG Pocket Celestial Guardians #160

Illustrated by: Gemi

[selkies-song]

They may be professionals but they'll always be those 10 year olds fighting over who's taller

[selkies-song]

Ethan’s Adventure — S&V Destined Rivals #236

Illustrated by: Kariya

[selkies-song]

this is a comic about living with hyperfixations and how they tie into those happy feelings that are just gone after they end, that is until the cycle starts again, however far away in the future that might be, like something u can borrow but you can never really make it stay

I settled on having it look like a relationship bc the similarities kinda haunt me, this has been on my mind a lot since I've had no fixations for 6 months and I'm now trying to adjust to living without, so I wanted to put it in art form :')

[selkies-song]

SKYRIM LOCATIONS ✦ THE BEE AND BARB If it's a bed you need, talk to Keerava at The Bee and Barb. She'll set you right.

[selkies-song]

[selkies-song]

happy pride month it's time to queer all your characters into oblivion

[selkies-song]

Noibat — S&V Journey Together #169

Illustrated by: sowsow

[selkies-song]

Eevee — S&V Prismatic Evolutions #167

Illustrated by: tono