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I’m still sad about john macarthur passing but I read one comment say “do you think he has gotten up from bowing down at Jesus’ feet?” and it SENT ME 😭😭😭😭😭

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maybe it’s just a mix of hormones and exhaustion but hearing that john macarthur has passed absolutely broke my heart

I’m so happy and relieved he is with the Lord, but I’m brought back to 2017 listening to audio sermons because my heart is heavy and the preaching at church focused on self or money and I’d come home so so so heartbroken and hungry for the gospel. it felt lonely being in such a church (even one where I grew up in and where my parents were holding bible studies) that I had to leave because I was finally seeing the prosperity gospel in its preachings, scripture being taken out of context, and hundreds of people coming to the altar but not because they want Jesus—because they want His blessings.

I remember sitting on my bedroom floor with john macarthur sermons blaring from my iPad crying to God about the heaviness in my heart, not knowing wha to do, where to start.

it was a spiritually tough time, but his was one of the many voices that brought me the gospel, and it honestly felt like finding fresh water in the middle of a drought

I am so so so thankful for that. while I was searching a faithful church, the Lord provided me online resources to listen to His word being preached. and John MacArthur was one of the men who unashamedly preached the Gospel.

please pray for his family. it’s so bittersweet. I like to imagine him and rc sproul playing golf in heaven 🥺

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forgive me father for I have sinned (ate two hotdogs)

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today has been hard. I know the Lord’s Day is a day of rest but it usually feels exhausting for me. constantly, it feels, trying to keep my toddler occupied, quiet, or at least not so disruptive during service. sometimes he listens, most of the time he puts up a fight and by the end of it I am just so drained. it felt especially difficult this Sunday, and I’m not putting the blame on a tiny human just trying to navigate this world, just stating the fact that…it can be hard. parenting is rewarding and beautiful and fills up your heart with incredible love that is beyond explanation, and yet is, simultaneously in a mysterious way, one of the hardest damned things you can do in the world. maybe this is a mix of many things, like tackling a few milestones, sleep issues, trying to wean, dealing with picky eating and worrying about his nutrition. a bunch of things, I guess. when it gets hard like this I get scared of being pregnant again because how would you deal with two? how do people deal with two? what does that say about me that I think like this? am I really letting myself be driven by fear based on the what-if’s? (but seriously, how do people handle a newborn and a toddler at the same time?) I just feel a lot of pressure and overwhelm, nearly to the brink of tears. maybe it’s also because last week was also very, very difficult dealing with illness in the house. (when the toddler is sick, I get anxiety because I pretty much get very little sleep, and very little freedom to do what needs to get done since he would only nap when held. and he’d be so uncomfortable that he’d be whining or crying 90% of the time. genuinely thought I mightve needed some ear plugs to keep my ears from ringing from all the shrieking). anyway thank God that’s over with now, but maybe today he was just overtired. I might be too—hence all this. sorry & thanks for reading. 🥲

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maybe a first time mom thing but I feel like my toddler’s memory is so good ??! I tell him one thing and he remembers it the next day (songs will stick to him FOREVER). husband bought him a small playground set for the yard and while he was playing a jet was flying overhead. husband jokingly said “that’s superman!” next day I brought him backyard to play again and he looks up and goes “Superman?” I’m just like yo your brain works like that now? you really remember stuff we say? 😭

in other words, we have to be extra careful of what we say and what’s on tv 😆

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2 weeks later: he's starting to ACTUALLY sing. on his own. when i was in the kitchen i heard him singing twinkle twinkle little star (of course he pronounces it as "twinkuh twinkuh littuh stah") 🥺

feels like my toddler has a sudden language explosion. he’s still babbling tons, but he is starting to communicate his wants or needs more which helps a lot. like tonight he was eating spaghetti then when he was almost done he went, “mommy. nomnom (eat). apple.” we didn’t have apples but he had some grapes earlier and figured he wanted some fruit. when I cut up the grapes and showed him he said “yeah yeah yeah”. then when he finished his grapes he looked at me and went “grapes” so I gave him a little more 🥹

he also can fill in the blanks when I’m singing his favorite nursery songs, and even the doxology 😂

babies are so much smarter than we think for real.

also, where did the time go? 😭

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I forget how kind of a community tumblr is sometimes, thanks all for your comments and prayers! it’s helping my first time mom anxiety 😆

my poor bub got little rashes on him that spread so quickly, I called the nurse hotline and they said it might be molluscum 🥲 which is basically contagious rashes looking thing, not really itchy, but can last super long, like months

he doesn’t seem uncomfortable or anything, but I’m still so anxious about it 🥲 I’d really appreciate your prayers (that the rashes stop spreading, and it starts healing 🙏🏼)

thanks yall 🫶🏼

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feels like my toddler has a sudden language explosion. he’s still babbling tons, but he is starting to communicate his wants or needs more which helps a lot. like tonight he was eating spaghetti then when he was almost done he went, “mommy. nomnom (eat). apple.” we didn’t have apples but he had some grapes earlier and figured he wanted some fruit. when I cut up the grapes and showed him he said “yeah yeah yeah”. then when he finished his grapes he looked at me and went “grapes” so I gave him a little more 🥹

he also can fill in the blanks when I’m singing his favorite nursery songs, and even the doxology 😂

babies are so much smarter than we think for real.

also, where did the time go? 😭

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I am not immune to overpriced beverages

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my poor bub got little rashes on him that spread so quickly, I called the nurse hotline and they said it might be molluscum 🥲 which is basically contagious rashes looking thing, not really itchy, but can last super long, like months

he doesn’t seem uncomfortable or anything, but I’m still so anxious about it 🥲 I’d really appreciate your prayers (that the rashes stop spreading, and it starts healing 🙏🏼)

thanks yall 🫶🏼

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I'm officially a US citizen!

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tumblr is not social media. idk how to explain but its so calm here. like this is the field and the valleys. over there is the town and people. but here we are little sheep in our pastures eating our grass and laying in the sun <3

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That one mutual who likes all your personal posts

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