senjutsunade

[senjutsunade]

....why you do this? No rainbow storm clouds? xDDD Our shared trauma list is ridiculously long at this point!

[senjutsunade]

Her eyes narrowed.

She was tempted to rely on a very elementary move and pull his hair.

Alas, the menace was keeping his distance or she would have given into said temptations.

"Bold words coming from from someone whose idea of subtlety is brooding in high places like a Victorian gargoyle." That was basically all Uchiha's really and a line she'd made prior use of against Fugaku (and her beloved godfather whose response was he'd invented the style) but she did feel it was brilliant enough to be recycled.

"Now get me out of here before the media (thus her grandmother) find out or your father returns!"

She was never forgiving Shizune for being out of town and leaving her at Itachi's mercy.

"And for the last time, where the fuck is Kakashi?"

Him? She was stomping on his plants in revenge.

@uchihaa-itachi || @konohagakurekakashi

*RATTLES HARDER AND LOUDER*

@uchihaa-itachi

[senjutsunade]

@valtiels-darkness

comic inspired by this panel 

[senjutsunade]

Her eye twitches.

The irony of the situation wasn't lost her. The father had thrown her in jail and she was dependent on the son to bail her out.

Just her fucking luck.

If only Shizune wasn't out of town.

Now of course there was the option of calling her grandfather. But that meant her grandmother knowing what was happening.

Senju Tsunade would gladly spend the night in jail if it meant escaping Uzumaki Mito's disappointed look.

"Treason? Please. It was called tactical information acquisition." She hissed at the annoying Uchiha.

She was tempted to kick at the damn bars again but her already throbbing foot was not a fan of that plan.

Now THAT was treachery.

"And where the hell is Hatake?"

@uchihaa-itachi || @konohagakurekakashi

*RATTLES HARDER AND LOUDER*

@uchihaa-itachi

[senjutsunade]

....and years later, you continue to disappoint me, still.

Choose between: Cigarettes OR alcohol Or Caffeine

you can only keep one :)

@whotookmysenbon

“That’s just cruel… didn’t you learn from last time I had to detox?”

How could he choose from the three main things that kept him functional?

[senjutsunade]

Slouches against the wall, one eye twitching, and rattles the bars again before kicking them. Immediately regrets it. Sulks harder.

"Still my agency..."

Which only mattered when the board threatened to withhold funding so the claim was actually of no worth at all.

Besides, Kakazu dropping dead of a heart attack would upset no one. Apart from Naruto. So was the least of her concerns.

@uchihaa-itachi || @konohagakurekakashi

*RATTLES HARDER AND LOUDER*

@uchihaa-itachi

[senjutsunade]

naruto's first impression of tsunade

[senjutsunade]

The scowl she throws his way promises a painful death.

"Still the one signing off your paychecks...."

Even if said paycheck mostly went towards keeping her alive - still leverage right?

@uchihaa-itachi || @konohagakurekakashi

*RATTLES HARDER AND LOUDER*

@uchihaa-itachi

[senjutsunade]

I stumbled across this and cackled. You need to stop being a pebble and write again! @minaa-munch

Blue hues regarded the growing fringe shadowing his forehead with disdain before sliding towards her corn colored locks; slightly curious. Ryusui obaa had told him all about her adventures as an undercover spy, as well as the measures most of them had to resort to - the Senju already looked like a forest spirit in her yukata, and a part of him couldn't help but ask. "Ano...Tsunade ane, did you dye your hair for Inoichi's Genpuku?"

Her eye twitched.

Was this karma for all the mischief she had supposedly gotten up to in her toddler days, that she was now cursed to attract such curiosities?

Her mind briefly flashed to a particularly loud and obnoxious red-headed Uzumaki cousin she had the 'pleasure' of encountering last year on her trip to Uzushiogakure—who had looked at the Senju's hair with a disturbing amount of awe before declaring that it looked just like ramen noodles and then proceeding to ask if she was the ramen goddess?

Her hair was natural, and no, it was NOT ramen.

Anyhow, if one Uzumaki Kushina was a headache, Namikaze Minato was a migraine. Her personal brand at that.

"Yare yare…" Tsunade crouched down to the same level as the annoying little gremlin and narrowed her eyes at him in a threatening manner before flicking his forehead—just hard enough to make him stumble back a few steps. How very kind-hearted of her, ne?

"What goes on in that weird head of yours, kid? Why'd I ever do that?"

____

[If only she had known the headache and the migraine will get together and produce the reason her eye is twitching half the time - @minaa-munch. xD

[senjutsunade]

"Hmm....no!"

@shikaku-the-nara || @whotookmysenbon || @haganekotetsu

“Can someone come and get these cats out of my office!?”

@haganekotetsu

@whotookmysenbon

@senjutsunade

[senjutsunade]

If you don't want that to keep happening, STOP STEALING MY SNACKS!

@idreamofdango

[senjutsunade]

What about Asuma?

“Who installed a smoke detector in the jōnin lounge?”

Apparently someone who finally realized jōnin can’t be trusted around open flame or to have common sense.

[senjutsunade]

I'd choose the cat's comfort over yours any day. Why do you keep expecting me to favor you?

“Who installed a smoke detector in the jōnin lounge?”

Apparently someone who finally realized jōnin can’t be trusted around open flame or to have common sense.

[senjutsunade]

So I should kick you and pull your hair?

“Genma says you act like a toddler”

And he acts like a grandmother but you don't hear me complaining.

[senjutsunade]

“Who installed a smoke detector in the jōnin lounge?���

Apparently someone who finally realized jōnin can’t be trusted around open flame or to have common sense.

[senjutsunade]

“Genma says you act like a toddler”

And he acts like a grandmother but you don't hear me complaining.

[senjutsunade]

The Art of NOT Calling it a Date (part 3)

Note: Part I || Part 2 || I was sick of fiddling with this. Has to be good enough. My brain hurts now. Blame @minaa-munch for the idea.

Dan raised a brow, slow and deliberate, amusement sparking behind the lazy slant of his smile. “Friends of yours?”

Tsunade exhaled hard, pinched the bridge of her nose like she could physically crush the migraine forming behind her eyes. “Unfortunately,” she muttered, firing a glare toward the bushes where two chakra signatures buzzed like drunk hornets in a paper sack.

Dan’s grin sharpened—soft on the outside, pure chaos just under the skin. “Can I convince you to playing along?” he asked, far too casual for someone still technically on early-date footing.

“My idiot cousins think you’re suspicious.” she deadpanned, lamenting her choice to come out tonight instead of spending the evening curled up in her bed with her research.

Dan dramatically leaned back, hand to chest like she’d stabbed him. “Suspicious? I’m wounded.”

“You will be if you keep smiling like that,” Tsunade muttered, rubbing her temples like she regretted every life decision that had led to agreeing to this so-called ‘date.’ Another sharp flick of her attention toward the bush. That high-pitched chakra buzz was pure panic now.

Fine. Screw it. A little trauma built character.

Before rationality could intervene, she looped her arm through his—movements smooth, reckless, full co-conspirator energy. Dan leaned in immediately, the heat of him pressing close, smug bastard that he was.

And somewhere behind the foliage came a stage-whispered shriek: “MINATO, HE’S KIDNAPPING HER!”

Tsunade’s eye developed a rather violent twitch.

Dan’s chuckle ghosted by her ear. “They’re biting,” he murmured, entirely too pleased. Before Tsunade could get a chance to retort—Dan leaned in lower, hair brushing her cheek with intentional provocation. “Let me play suspicious. Make it look good. Come on, Tsunade, you know you want to.”

Did she now? She gave him a side-eye sharp enough to peel paint off walls. “I want to throw you into the river.”

“And yet,” Dan said cheerfully, “here you are.” Still glaring, for some ridiculous reason, she let him pull her closer. His arm slid around her waist—just a bit too possessive, just calculated enough to trigger adolescent paranoia. Sure enough—

“MINATO, HE’S CASTIN’ SOME KINDA LOVE HEX OR CURSE OR GHOST JUTSU ON HER! WE GOTTA SAVE HER, ‘TTEBANE!”

Tsunade inhaled. Deeply. Every inch of her screamed homicide.

Dan beamed. “Perfect,” he whispered, giving her side a little squeeze. “Let’s take a stroll, shall we? A change of setting should make this more fun. Make it look sinister.”

Tsunade mused why she was going along with this as she stood up. “If they live through this,” she muttered, “it’s going in their evaluations.”

“Important stuff, ” he said solemnly.

Their plan led them away from the crowded streets. Tsunade kept throwing not-so-subtle narrow eyed glares at Dan as if she'd not willingly participated in this plan. They walked through the woods, radiating slow-burn criminal intimacy. Every few steps, they made sure to rustle a bush or let a branch snap like suspicious activity was happening.

Behind them—chaos.

“WHAT IF HE ATE HALF HER SOUL ALREADY, MINATO?! WE GOTTA MOVE—!”

“Kushina, please whisper—”

“I AM WHISPERIN’!”

Dan leaned in again, gleeful menace in his voice. “Let’s see how much trauma they can take before they scream.” How many other kunoichi had this man enamored with this mischievous charm? Tsunade sighed. Long-suffering. Maybe just a little entertained. “You’re lucky you’re pretty.”

Dan winked. “I know.” Kami-sama, the man was insufferable.

They kept walking. The trees thickened, shadows bleeding across bark like ink. Dan murmured nonsense about “dramatic impact” and “optimal staging,” fingers sketching silent Genjutsu in the air like sleight of hand.

Tsunade rolled her eyes. Shoved a pulse of chakra into the dirt. Left a few tripwires of her own. She never was one to do things halfway. Besides, why should he get to have all the fun? She'd warned the two gremlins to not follow her tonight. They deserved this.

Behind them—panic ensured.

“GETTING CLOSER, MINATO—HE’S GONNA DEVOUR HER CHAKRA…HE’S A GHOST-ONI—”

“I don’t like this,” Minato hissed back at her. “They must know we follo—”

Then the Genjutsu hit.

The world shifted. Air turned syrupy and thick. Trees stretched, sky bruised purple. Whispers rose from nowhere—their names, over and over.

Something massive slithered through the trees—slug-like, wearing a red and white haori.

Minato froze. A memory surfaced: the Yamanaka festival. Tsunade—elegant, golden, terrifying. Two hours she had chased him and Nawaki halfway through Nara forest for calling her “oni.” Now the forest screamed with shadows, and a beast wearing Tsunade’s haori smiled down at them. “It’s happening again…”

“WE FIGHT TO THE DEATH, ‘TTEBANE!”

Fifty feet away, hidden just beyond the illusion, Tsunade and Dan now sat on a fallen log, observing the unfolding chaos like retirees at a fireworks show.

“You’re a menace,” she said flatly.

“You love it,” Dan grinned.

Tsunade scoffed. She didn’t deny it though.

The tripwire snapped. A chakra-slick trap flared—then silence. A scream. Two tangled bodies dangled upside-down from a branch, swaying.

The Senju raised an unimpressed brow. Dan looked delighted. “They’re not getting out unless one of them uses their brain.”

“So…days?”

“Possibly.”

Tsunade snorted. So maybe this whole 'date' thing hadn't been an absolute disaster. Maybe.

Above them: screaming. Loud and shrill. Courtesy of one Uzumaki Kushina.

“YOU DAMNED GHOST BASTARD—LET US DOWN—‘TTEBANE!”

Tsunade groaned, rubbing her temples. Those shrieks were painful.

“They’re your cousins,” Dan offered. Sheepish.

“Don’t remind me.”

Took them a while (maybe Kushina's shrill screaming had paralyzed even the Namikaze's famed intellect), but eventually, Minato wrestled through the seal. The two of them crashed to the ground, groaning. A pile of red and yellow. Of leaves, shame and twigs.

“Resilient little morons,” Tsunade muttered.

“They’ll bounce back.”

“Like emotionally-stunted gremlins.”

“Character-building,” Dan said.

“They don’t have character.”

“Oh, they will.” Maybe? Hopefully?

Dan smiled lazily, watching as the two Genin coughed and cursed and struggled upright, still half-tangled in leaves and embarrassment.

"See?" he said to Tsunade, voice low, warm. "A little trauma builds character."

She side-eyed him, unimpressed. "You're lucky you're pretty," she muttered again — but this time there was the ghost of a smile tugging at her mouth.

And behind them, Minato quietly reevaluated every single life choice that had ever led him to the Senju family.

The clearing stank of bruised leaves, scorched chakra, and wounded pride.

Kushina rose first. Wild-eyed. Hair full of leaves. Fury incarnate.

“EXPLAIN YOURSELVES.”

Tsunade inspected her nails with exaggerated focus, not even sparing the younger kunoichi a glance. “Trauma builds character.”

“BUILD CHARACTER?! You’re under a jutsu, aren’t you?” Kushina accused, eyes gleaming. “This ain’t you—you’re weird and smiling and—and letting him TOUCH YOU—!”

Tsunade sighed and then gave her a look so dry it could start brushfires. “Do you want to check for possession seals?” The nerve of this idiot…

Minato paused his pathetic attempt at getting leaves out of his hair and blinked, “You think she’s possessed?” Why did he let Kushina drag him into this?

“She might be!” Kushina snapped. “He’s all…GHOSTLY!”

Dan - to his credit - just raised his hand, utterly unoffended. "That's fair. I do have a bit of a… reputation."

Tsunade stood slowly, brushed herself off with the menace of a sleep-deprived demigod, and stepped into the redheads space. "If he was leading me out here to drain my soul,” she said mildly, “you think you two morons could stop it?”

Blink. Blink. The Uzumaki finally used her brain and paled. “Nope!” Kushina squeaked. “Nope nope nope—”

Dan bit his lip to keep from laughing. He failed spectacularly, his soft snicker threading through the stunned silence.

Tsunade shook her head with a theatrical sigh. “Idiots.”

“Your idiots,” Dan corrected, now coming to stand beside her, nudging her lightly with his elbow. She grumbled something that might’ve been agreement.

Minato, meanwhile, was still staring at her. Unblinking. His eyes full of betrayal. “She’s still an oni," he grumbled under his breath. Kushina only nodded along.

Dan looked entirely too pleased with himself. Tsunade rolled her eyes and turned back toward the forest trail, tossing a careless, imperious gesture over her shoulder. "You two coming, or do you want to sit there crying about this all day?" Kushina immediately sprinted after her.

Minato needed a full five seconds to shake himself loose from his existential crisis spiral over falling for such an obvious trap before scrambling upright and following. He really needed to work on saying no to Kushina and her crazy ideas.

Dan lingered a moment, watching the two gremlins stumble after Tsunade like ducklings behind a far more terrifying mother hen. He smiled to himself, light and easy and a little too satisfied. Everything was going according to plan.

After all — a little chaos built character.

And he was very, very good at his job.