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𝐈𝐍 & 𝐎𝐔𝐓  𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒     —     a collection of one - liners taken from the 1997 film , in & out.   slightly edited for clarity.   change pronouns as necessary.   happy pride! 🏳️‍🌈

was he really cute?

he was an iguana.

nice try, you moron. you loser, get out of here.

you look exquisite.

isn't she a knockout?

it's going to be the happiest day of my life.

we spent the whole year reciting romeo and juliet to each other.

he looks like a troll doll.

basically, to me, awards are meaningless.

(i love you.) wait. do you love me as a friend, or in another way?

i mean, he killed people.

— and he's gay.

i'm not gay!

i am outraged! i may sue!

you're my son, and i'll always love you.

we're getting married!

do you have a boyfriend?

shall i compare thee to a summer's gay?

did you wanna stick a grenade in your mouth?

you're kinda prissy.

of course he thinks you're gay!

he likes dick, [ name ] !

no more interviews.

leave me alone, you smut peddler!

i'll kill you.

you are pure television.

lay some adult video on me.

i thought you were a stud. i guess i thought wrong.

it's all ancient history.

do i look like a homosexual?

friends don't threaten.

i have a friend who's catholic, and he's busy.

who's gay now, huh?

i'm under a lot of pressure.

i'm very fragile!

i'm not okay. i've never been so not okay in my entire life.

i want my life back!

i haven't changed! one little word, and everybody changes. i'm still the same person. why doesn't anyone believe me?

i am not a sound byte!

why am i talking to you?

[name], i'm gay.

i'm gay. i came out.

one day, i just snapped. i got tired of switching pronouns, and lowering my voice.

i couldn't take lying to the people that i love.

but you're so tall.

everyone surprised me, once i let them.

sometimes the worst thing you think can happen turns out to be the best thing.

you kissed me!

(you kissed me!) you noticed!

people don't kiss here?

this is my ... [ name ] . my friend, [ name ] .

i hope you come to the wedding!

excuse me, are we a little teapot?

you hate this, don't you?

"dance", the demon whispers.

everyone else is dancing.

you're everything i've ever dreamed of.

do you have an attorney?

my mom says it won't last.

i'm gay.

i'm horrible, and you have every right to hate me.

you should hate me. i want you to.

i'm scum, i'm garbage, i'm vermin.

thank god my parents are dead, this would've killed them!

are you really gay?

i loved you, and believed you ...

i thought you were the most wonderful man who ever lived.

i'm so proud of you. congratulations!

i just destroyed [ name ] 's life!

i'll give you your headline.

i hated the bridges of madison county.

are you still gay?

you're that guy. what are you doing here?

i had a bad day ... a very, very bad day.

i hate men.

i love you. you're nice.

will you sleep with me?

you married? seeing someone? i don't care!

is everybody gay?!

hi, will you marry me?

i need a heterosexual, code red!

i swore i'd become someone else!

you were so beautiful. you still are. you always were.

[ name ] is lucky to have you.

excuse me, i'm gay!

exactly my point, a young life corrupted.

oh my god, i'm gay!

i'm gay. i'm a homo. i like guys.

i still do it with chicks every chance i get, and i'm totally good at it ... but i hate it, and i'm gay.

uh oh, i must be gay!

i'm ... i'm a lesbian!

[ name ] has perfect taste. so do i, so ... i'm gay!

it's a wedding. i want everything to be perfect.

i'm not filming this.

there are some things more important than show biz.

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JOHN KREESE & TERRY SILVER

COBRA KAI 4x08.  “Going back to our roots, right here…when it was just you and me.”

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cozy bathtub Cobra Husbands I did for my friend @profdrlachfinger 💖🌿

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in sleep he dreams of the past, and wakes with an anger in his chest so heavy he can’t understand how his heart still beats. but if there’s one thing he knows, it’s survival. BRUMATION. THE SNAKE BURIES ITSELF IN A HOLE IN THE GROUND… HOW HE HATES THAT HOLE! once, for a few months many years ago, he was happy. now it is as though there is a glass wall, half a mile thick, separating him from any further chance at it. happiness is for other people. not soldiers.

johnny, our life was perfect until you decided to ruin it.

the look john gives him is doleful, the ice in his eyes melted away, turned wet. ‘ruin it? johnny, you misunderstand. i never wanted to ruin your life. i just wanted to be in it.’ defeat is bitter, and more bitter still is truth he must swallow: that @offenseonly’s life is better without him in it. it’s a truth that comes to him in his darkest moments, to lay its hand on his shoulder and whisper that everyone’s life is better without him in it. everyone he ever cared about is better off without him. johnny, and tory, and terry of course, and even his own mother. ( if he were ever to make a case for god, and that that god is merciful, it would be that betsy never lived to see the mess he’s made of himself. ) were he a more noble man, he would bow out gracefully, but he has spent his life scrabbling for everything he has with his fingernails, clenched it all tight in his fist. SO HE HAS A CHOICE: be the strangling vine, the serpent coiled so tight around the thing he loves it cannot breathe, or be kind. and where does that leave him? alone. i feel like a broken man, he’d told johnny once, in a moment of vulnerability he’s not sure they’ll ever reach again. ‘i…’ there are thorns in his throat. ‘i don’t know what to do.’

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Cobra Husbands nicknames + terms of endearment

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‘well, i teach my kids to handle disputes face to face, like men.’ FACE TO FACE, AND FIST TO FIST. ‘no need for cops to get involved.’ ( the very slightest scornful weight rests for a moment on cops. ) but that’s not stopping over-anxious mothers worrying about the fate of little sammy or timmy. he’ll have to have a quiet word in their ear. THEY DIDN’T SIGN THEIR KIDS UP TO PLAY PATTY CAKE IN THE SCHOOLYARD, THAT’S FOR SURE. ‘what a shame you had to go to all this trouble, officer. don’t worry. i got it under control.’ and there’s a touch of charm, the kind that he uses to get on the good side of women and anyone who thinks they outrank him. it’s never failed him yet.

john kreese , you gotta laugh at the stupidity

' understatement, isn't it? ' a soft laugh to compliment the roll of his eyes. he doesn't like john kreese. not really, really isn't a fan of all the karate business. far as he's concerned, he's just encouraging these kids to fight more and more — which means even more work for him. but the man's got a point ; and for what it's worth, he keeps a pretty good handle on his kids. can't take that away from him. ' kids are kids. they get into fights. shouldn't have to call us for every scuffle. 'least yours know how to handle it. '

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well, he wants her and the waft of miyagi-do she brings with her gone, but not enough to draw robby’s ire. he’s smart enough, he thinks, not to break their bond apart with brute force. tell a teenager no, they’ll start spitting in your face and cursing your name. robby just needs to be reminded what to focus on. and this girl … he sniffs, tilts his head back to fully meet her eyes. THE ICE IN HIS GLARE DOES NOT THAW. she’s hardly some delicate flower, but kreese has made a career of finding people’s weaknesses, of causing even the most vicious flytraps to wilt. i’m not tryin’ to make trouble, she says, and his eyes narrow, sliding from her to the cutout — as if it’s got something to say to him — then back to her. ‘of course not. you were just making friendly conversation.’ though his tone is fair and even, underneath is the threat of mockery, and the sour sting of a sarcastic old snake.

he pulls away the cut - out, and all maddy can think of is when her baby sister tries to play "keep away". ( she has a tiny bit of self - preservation, she doesn't voice the fact that she thinks he's a little bit like a baby himself. ) she's waiting, backpack slung over her shoulder, hair tied up and sweaty from class. the cobra kai dojo scares her. unsettles her, deeply, in a way she doesn't quite know how to articulate. she's here for robby, ready to head home for the day ... but she's happier to be here, talking to sensei kreese, than she is to the other one. ( it's so rare to find anyone taller than her. anyone to make her feel small. ) a frown plays on her lips, something not unlike a pout. ' i don't wanna be here any longer than i need to be. i'm not tryin' to make trouble. '

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happy pride! kreese would rather die than have a pride icon but you know.

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little miss larusso , it’s a fucking circle!

he can’t say @amreality is wrong. war goes on and on. snake, head, tail, head, tail. sam and tory circling each other like sharks. this is his legacy … but his fight isn’t theirs. maybe his battle was lost long ago, but the fighting goes on. he can’t say he wants it to end — he’s never done well with peace — but maybe he’s done kicking a dead horse. or maybe he’s just done getting these kids to do it for him. never did he see himself here, but a lot’s changed since johnny opened up those dojo doors. slowly, and violently: an old wheel beginning to turn once more with squealing metal and shedding rust — but things have changed. KREESE RESISTS IT LIKE A DOG ON A CHAIN, FROTHING AND SNARLING AND IN THE END CHOKING HIMSELF. ( NO ONE REACHES OUT THEIR HAND TO A FERAL DOG! ) samantha is not his, not in the way tory is, or robby — not in the way johnny was. if it weren’t for johnny, he wouldn’t look twice at her. ( there’s a lot of things that wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for johnny. ) he’s silent a few heartbeats, toys with the idea of extending an olive branch. tosses it aside snapped in two with a bitter smirk. ‘well, you know, complaining never solved shit.’

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until now, @defenseonly hasn’t crossed his mind in years. THE BOY THAT WAS HAS FADED TO LESS THAN A MEMORY — TO AN ECHO, TO ONE SCAR AMONG A DOZEN OTHERS. when kreese thinks back to 1984, it’s johnny he thinks of. and the anger. and— ( you got a light?, a passing bum asks; john realises, sat under this bridge unshaven and clutching a half-drunk bottle of whisky, he thinks he’s just like him. shit, maybe he is. ) but there’s time. there’s still time: time to make amends, time to call old friends. there’s still time to get back on top. there’s still time. until there’s not.

larusso , you got old.

the boy that was has gone, wide teddy-bear eyes turned dark and suspicious. kreese sees new lines on his face and the awkward bend of his knee. ( that’s a pain he understands now, too: he can barely kick when there’s a chill in the air. he used to be so strong. now on bad days opening jars is agony. ) LARUSSO LOOKS UNCOMFORTABLE IN AN ILL-FITTING SUIT, A BOY PLAYING AT BEING A MAN — A MAN PLAYING AT BEING A CHAMPION. kreese’s lip curls like there’s an unpleasant smell about, and he shrugs, guarding the new wound. ‘it happens.’

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for clarity: although he is a tidy man, he is a messy bitch.

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NEGATIVE TRAITS.

bold: always / italics: sometimes / crossed out: never

aggressive | annoying | arrogant | authoritarian | bitter | brutal | callous | cannibal | careless | cold / cold-hearted | compulsive | controlling | corrects others constantly | cowardly | critical | cruel | delusional | demanding | disillusioned | domineering | envious | emotionally stunted | greedy | grim | guarded | hard | harsh | hypocritical | impatient | impolite | intimidating | irritable | kidnapper | lazy | liar | lustful | materialistic | mean | merciless | messy | mistrusting | murderer | narrow-minded | obsessive | opinionated | over-bearing | over-critical | over-emotional | over-thinking | patronizing | proud | remote | repressed | rigid | rules with an iron fist | ruthless | sarcastic | self-critical | self-righteous | self-patronizing | serial killer | stubborn | taciturn | torturer | touchy | traitorous | unsympathetic | unpredictable | uptight | vain | vengeful

tagged by @amreality kiss tagging the thieves in the crowd

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i’m looking for a man in waste disposal. trust fund. 6’5. blue eyes.

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🦔

This is Charles. He wants to go on a journey around tumblr. could you show him around?

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girl , this is you. this is your badness level. it’s unusually high for someone your size. we have to fix that.

LIKE AN ANIMAL IN THE WILD, HIS GAZE SNAPS TO FIX UPON @amreality. a cold undercurrent rages beneath the ice. john kreese is a good solider, until his emotions interfere — and he cannot pretend he isn’t angry. ( but he can’t pretend it’s not funny, either. THE GIRL’S GOT BALLS. ) BUT THIS IS HIS TERRITORY. he marks it with stony silence and pursed lips, one hand on the cardboard prop at which she’s gesturing. he pulls him closer to him, puts himself between them. FUN’S OVER, KID. what’s a miyagi student doing here, anyway? what’s a little girl doing here?, he thinks, but no one in their right mind would call her little, and neither would he. he marks her as the enemy, but this not as a confrontation. A MISSTEP. LEARN FROM IT — OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES. his voice is quiet, slow — warning. there will not be another warning. ‘i think it would be a good idea if you left, sweetheart.’

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pain in my ass , you have everything and you still want more.

larusso has always thought of himself as the good guy — miyagi taught him that, and the “right” way to do karate. kreese is no fool. he knows karate is for @defenseonly. EMPTY HAND / THE WAY OF THE FIST. but he knows too that the best defense is to strike the enemy down before they have a chance to attack. THAT YOU DON’T WIN BY NOT FIGHTING. larusso’s world is one of peaceful meditations and happy families; it is not a world kreese knows or ever knew. five kids and counting. ( i want a boy first — john — then a little girl, then a bunch more. ) you have everything, larusso says, and kreese resists the urge to laugh, to strike, to wipe the stupid look off his face, to break his fucking nose. WHAT A LITTLE SHIT! he wants to say you took everything from me. he wants to say nothing at all, and turn instead on his heel and march away. ( he wants so badly to be the bigger man, but something dark and searing claws at him from the inside and won’t let him rest. ) instead he stares, shark-eyed and seething. eyes narrow, shoulders roll. he tilts his chin up, lips pressed tight together, draws in a breath. ‘you’re stupider than you look, larusso.’

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sorry i didn't reply to your message i died